Aunt Agony II 210506

Originally posted by ElvYanE:
Poly has started..

I known this gal from my class about 5 weeks after sch re-opens. I got her number, her msn on the first week. So, we started as friend, we chatted with each others, in msn, sms, or on phone until late night. We even play online games together, went out for movie, and wake up earlier for breakfast in school.

On the second week, thursday.
I begin to fell in love with her? so i asked her to be my gf. She agrees to it, she seems happy. On the next day, friday, during lesson break we went out together, holding hands, laughing. But when night falls, when we are back home. She begins to be depressed over somethings, so i asked her why.. She say she can't forget her ex-bf. She say it's not fair to me because she still loves her ex-bf. and can't forget about him. So, i was shocked, i have no chioce but to give up. I can't do much, i find it's not fair to me too. So, she tell me about her story with her ex. Telling me the happy time they spend together, that her bf always make her laugh when she was moody, her bf buy her things, her bf send her home, etc.. Conclusion, she asked me to give her some time to forget her ex.. (The reason they break, her bf is unreasonable person, ask her to do things she don't like, ask her to leave her friends, ask her don't talk to other guys, ask her to stay at home, he has bad temper and quarrelled many many times with her, slapped her.. )

It's ok.. the next 2 days is weekend, she is working.. Our relationship no more. But she still calls me up, and talk to me. I volunteer myself to meet her on that saturday night for dinner, i buy her medicine and a tatty bear keychain because she got margain. It was really bad i supposed, the medecine she wants is only prescrible by doctor, so i actually went here and there to find a medicine that has same ingredients but lesser contents. I meet her up at her work place. I volunteer myself to send her home, but she refuses. I asked her a couple of times, until she answered me that her ex is sending her home. Well, Her ex is riding a bike, so people has personal transport but i don't. I can't do much..

On Sunday, she works again. I came look after her after my dinner on mother's day evening. She said she needs another battery for her N70, so i bring her the battery. Given it to her, and then i went off again. I don't mind traveling, taking train and buses but to meet her. I asked her to give me a chance again. Again she agreed, but she asked me to wait and give her some time to accept me again. So, i was cheered up, at least i get to be with her even it takes time.

I didn't give up after waiting a week, I succeed this time. Monday Morning, 15th May 2006 1am, after telling her to be with me and maybe being with me can helps her forget about her ex. She accepted me again.. I was happy..

Wednesday 17th of May, we went out to shopping after school. When she broaded her bus back to her home, i followed in. She was angry with me because I lived at pasir ris and she lives at bishan. It was a distance alway, and she doesn't wants me to go home so late alone. I managed to get to her house with an excuse of doing project. Well, nothing else, we did the project in about 1 hour time. She send me off with a goodbye kiss on my lips.

Thursday 18th of May, I went to her house again.. I send her home taking bus, a long long journey.. Because she was sick, some sore throat and flu. I was so glad that today is the best day throughtout our relationship. We spend quality time with each others, even watching some comedy videos from youtube, I am being satisfied. More passion on today, more kisses. despire her flu can be trasmitted by kissing. I tell her, we sick together, share burden.

Friday 19 th of mAy, It was the most terrible day throughtout our relationship. It was hell, her ex-bf called her during our lesson break at some shopping centers. she became very moody eversince, she shouted at me for nothing. No matter how much I concerned for her she still very extremely moody and angry for nothing. From today, I know her temper is the worst almong everyone i have known. He kept quiet throughtout the whole day, and when she speaks, she shouted at me. I send her home again, because she is moody. I wanted to accompany her. She rejected me, but i insisted to send her home. On the journey back, she tell me that her ex-bf always make her happy when she was moody. I dunno wat i can do to make her happy when she was moody, anyone can englighten me? I make jokes and tried my best to cheer her up, but she is still moody and worst. I keep quiet and let her cool down, but in the end she is angry with me because i never talk to her. When we reaches her home, her ex-bf called, they quarrelled again. She cried, and I can see she is in pain. I took a cab and reached home after midnight today.. She seems ok after i comfront her.

Satuday 20th of May, She shows no interest in having this relationship. She thinks of her ex-bf more than thinking of me. She shouted at me on phone for nothing again. She keep quiet in converstations, i was doing all the talking. we chatted about 5hours+ a day, but everytime we chatted she was doing other things like msn, watching tv, or playing games. Imagine, I am doing all the talking for 5hours.. I dunno what she wants.. I tell her to patch up with her ex-bf, but she say her ex-bf is not the same person she knew anymore and she dun want to patch with him. What can I do? she is 10 times worst than a normal gal having PMS..

Tell me what to do? How to make her happy or cheer her up when she was moody? Tell me how to make her devoted to me? we are together for 1 week alreay.. But she is treating me so coldly, showing no interest, and get so angry and moody most of the time.. I have did almost every good thing a good bf will do for his gf. I can't see her getting hurt from his ex again, but she just can't forget her ex... even how bad her ex treated her. No matter how good i treat her..



Vampire Mode: On

I don't know if you are oblivion to the fact that you are just a mere substitute for her ex. In her world, you represent no unique character as a lover, apart from acting as a double for her ex when situations get fiery between them. Actually I think you do, remotely, thought about that possibility, but somehow it didn't really register inside you.

Every scenario you have posted has something to do with her ex; doesn't it reinforce the fact about this substitute thingy being a reality? All those 'good thingy' you have tried so hard to appease her... basically are the 'standards' her ex-boyfriend would have been, if he was in your shoes. You are living according to HIS STANDARD and not the real you. In fact, I would not be surprised if she were to look at you and the image of her ex appeared at the back of her head.

Why would you want to live in someone else’s shadow and stand forever beneath him?

Cheer her up when she is angry? Even if she is irrational? What kind of fcuk is this? And you actually thought that the problem is you not being humorous enough when she is moody?

Just in case you still didn't know what I wanted to convey; all along, this has been a two player game and your addition is extraneous. This melancholy drama taking place between the woman and her ex has no place for your existence in the first place. You may have fallen in love with her, but apparently the feelings may not be mutual.

If you are telling me that the arguments between them is because her ex refuse to let her move on in life, then by all means go and fcuk her ex or educate her to ignore him for life. But chances are, when you were to confront her ex for making her miserable, you will probably be deemed as the 'trouble-maker' and she screaming the hell of out you as she goes into his embrace and apologising to her ex.

I don't understand why would you prefer to play somebody's role other than yourself in this game of love.

I think if this is not enough to wake you up, than continue to allow her to leech you emotionally. When she had enough, you will be thrown away, like anything else in life. Maybe then you would understand the essence of this post.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 210506

Originally posted by missy_blurry:
Hi people! i stumbled upon this forum and it looks great! So i decided to make a great big confession which i can't tell anybody out there as rumours are flying around! so pls help me out so i can walk out this circle as soon as possible!

Scenerio:
i had a guy (A) together with me for 3 years plus until something terrible happened; the big quarrel. Everyday we would be quarrelling and this really sour the relationship. So as time went on, my feelings for him decrease bit by bit and even till the point i didn't even wish to see him. So somehow i managed to pluck up my courage and initiate a breakup. By then, i had enter a new class of friends. Although i still like my guy alot, somehow there is this new guy treated me very well and i am attracted by him (B). Months later, A asked for a patch and claimed he was willing to change everything for me. i rejected him because i was tired of the relationship. So after few months later B asked me to be his gal and i agreed on the spot.

Problem:
even though i am together with B, i still couldn't give up thinking of A as i like him about 7years. All along, i am still close with A but recently he fell in love with a gal and looks like he was drifting further away from me. i am so jealous and envious of the gal. and now i really wonder have i make a wrong choice. i should have given A a chance to amend but i did not and just jump into another relationship. i feel so selfish and confused. Now A even go around telling that i am "1 leg step 2 boats" (translate literally in chinese) i feel so hurt. i can't deny the fact that my heart consists of both guys; A and B. i feel so guilt-ridden that i nearly broke up with B. should i move on my current relationship or should i stop at this point? have any people encounter same problem with me? pls share!



You are unstable; your relationship is full of arguments that are emotionally draining. You are tired of a life that is littered with quarrelling that makes no meaning for a relationship to be there in the first place. Guy B is an opportunist and because he is, he is willing to carry the risk of a rebounded target in exchange for a possible relationship with you.

In the end, his risk probably killed him - he failed to instigate you to move on and you realize that his role is definitely that of a substitute.

What happened here is probably the temporal emotional retreat you needed... the essential recess from your intense relationship. You did break up with him, maintain that way for a couple of months before pursuing a new relationship.

The question is: why are you turning your shoulders over and looking back, since you have already made your decision and his as well? The rule of thumb is that if you can't handle the implication of 'being-friends-after-a-relationship', then avoid putting yourself into such plight.

Do you think that a break up with your B would change anything? Maybe that would, if A already has that hidden agenda to use that scenario to stir your deep-seated jealousy.

I would leave two questions in your head to ponder:

(I) How would you rate the compatibility factor with A? You must understand that Love is Love, but compatibility is another consideration altogether. You may Love someone very much, but the truth may be that putting you two together could conjure such intense relationship that it may be a wiser choice NOT to be together.

II) If your relationship is devoid of Love for B, then by all means, cease the relationship. If there is remotely some love and affection for B, learn to release yourself off your past and stand by the decision you have made since you are his girlfriend and this is probably what a girlfriend would do to secure her own relationship's stability. As mentioned above: if you can't handle the implication of 'being-friends-after-a-relationship', then avoid putting yourself into such plight.

In simple, avoid complication that could leave you stranded and lost.

Cheers

Aunt Agony III 200506

Originally posted by sweetevil:
I'm falling into a long distance relationship soon :(

My boyfriend will be going to Australia, most probably UNSW for his degree(3yrs) & honours(1yr) for 4 years.

We've been together for 5 1/2 years if you're curious. Although we've been through rain and storms, we're still very much loving together.

Yes.. We're both very sad but NOT going to let both our emotions obstruct his opportunity to further his studies for the good of our future and for that I'm pretty understanding about it.

Any tips & advices to sustain a long distance relationship? I would also like to hear from anyone who has been in, or currently are in, a long distance relationship. I was wondering if you could comment on how difficult has it been and what you do to keep the relationship going?

Thx a million ;)


I am going to be truthful here:

To pursue a LDR for an estimated four years is a dangerous feat for any relationship. It is high risk and represents an unstable model, unless you two are mentally and emotionally tuned to accept those challenges. And I mean real tuning.

Here's a sad truth: MOST LDR fails.

Not to overly douse you with cold water; the reason why LDR fail is largely because people are using conventional relationship methods to handle LDR (and yours begin from a conventional relationship). They perceive similar standards, needs, methods, wants, desire, etc of a conventional relationship and applied them into LDR.

Obviously when you are not feeling too good emotionally, your bf can't be there for you. Obviously when someone is chasing you, your bf cannot be there to deny his competitor with his presence and the list goes on. People engaging in LDR gradually give in to such vulnerability and in turn, reconsider their relationship, which is why most LDR fails. If you want to accept LDR, you got to truly give and expect nothing in return.

Somewhat like God? You pray to him, but God don't appear to you directly (maybe in your dreams perhaps). You lived on blind faith and believe in him until circumstances make you lose track of that vision.

If you want to accept LDR (especially those more than 1.5 years), you got to have a drastic change of mindset and also a change of lifestyle. All the lovely thingy that is granted to you this 5 1/2 years, will likely, NOT happen meanwhile. When I talk about those lovely thingy, it's all those insignificant thingy, which you never knew it mattered, but when he's gone, you will gradually come to an understanding that it actually matters and make a difference in your relationship.

All those insignificant thingy: e.g. like your bf used to wake you up for work through a telephone call, so as to ensure that you go to work on time. After he's gone, you find yourself being late for work because the phone never rings.

Your bf used to peel those oranges, so that you could eat them. After he's gone, you never touch those oranges because nobody peels them for you.

Know what I mean? People become vulnerable because they long for the 'previous' sort of lifestyle they are so familiar with and this creates instability. They are using the old ways of expectation and methods of doing things to a 'new' sort of relationship.

You will probably need:

I) Lots of blind faith.

II) Lots of drastic changes.

III) Lots of giving and zero receiving.

And lastly, probably no sex (if you have been leading a sexually active life).

P.S: Better to understand how challenging this route is and not delude ourselves, thinking that we-have-been-through-many-thingy-and-we-will-also-surmount-this-difficulty sort of mindset, so that you can better prepare yourself emotionally and psychologically and not succumb to circumstances while leading a LDR. It is difficult and even when you succeeded in maintaining LDR for four years, it is not exactly fulfilling as well. You will probably feel relieve, more than fulfilment in fact.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 200506

Originally posted by Ray87:

i chance upon some psychology article which talks about the motivations in life.
In the article, i learnt that humans have various needs to fulfil and in order to satisfy these needs, human do certain things and behave in a certain way. I was interested to find out more because the content may help me explain a question which has been bothering me. I wanted to know why am i fickle-minded at times though i'm a person who hates people who are fickle-minded.

After reading the article, i understand that sometimes i was motivated to get into a relationship because i feel lonely and wanted companionship. But as soon as i found another direction in life and felt less lonely, i will start to lose interest in dating the gal i like. And so i realised that many times i was motivated to get into a relationship to satisfy my own need, which i think was selfish, because as soon as the need is gone, i lost interest. I'm glad that i have yet hurt any gal deeply because i haven gone into a relationship.

I dun want to feel guilty hurting someone because of my selfish motivation to overcome loneliness(which is transitory), therefore i concluded that getting into a relationship is quite meaningless. I know that there are many fallacies in my argument. So i posted this question and hope that someone can point it out explicitly.


That's why... Love is Mutual and it has to be mutual before it can be fulfilling.

Yes, crudely put, you are into a relationship because of certain needs, but trust me: Love is beyond mere companion. When you are beginning to understand Love, you will see that it is beyond companionship or simply 'someone' to be there (and if you looked closely, that definition sounded more like a good friend, than a BGR). You need to have two separate person with needs and compatibility that complement each other like North and South pole of a magnet, then the relationship makes sense to you.

It has to be mutual... a contact that is willing, by two parties, to be bounded by the webs of love.

You are putting too much 'mental' energy into thinking what Love is, without learning and experiencing what Love means to you. I always say this: there is only so much you can think about Love, the rest is through experience. And experience is gain from bad judgement.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 200506

Originally posted by skyliner_:
I am the silent, strong and independent type. Have anyone like my type feel that their emotion being short-circuited? Sometime i feel so dis-oriented with my own feelings that my head ache... perhaps my brain was trying to block away all my bad past experiences with life and trying to tell myself everythings is all right but nothing is alright at all. i am actually very weak and soft within.

The more i Try to push those thoughts and images away.. the more my head feel like in a bottleneck pressure.. all the 'pushing' in the mind has become automatics cos i have doing it for almost 10years.

I am sad cos i am not affectionate. Too cold, aloof, detached and most people thought i am stuck-up. I am trying to protect myself and themselves. Cos i hurt people unknowingly... my past pains that i can't get over with and has became a part of my own psyche.

i don't feel loved easily or emit simple human warmth or feel there warmth from people. Some behave the way u behave to them accordingly.It like a vicious cycle. i am longing for there human warmth , trying to remember there human warmth feeling.

It is just very hard for me to step out of there zone. To share joy and happiness with others. Sometime it is all about me cos i keep thinking about my problems... i just want to get to knw people @ a deeper basis and people to know me a deeper basis and stop being serious all the time.



Very vehement Saturn-influence in your life.

You are taking everything too personal, which probably fuel your seriousness to the maximum scale. Learn to release yourself from this tight incarcerated emotional jail and relax your soul. You can only allow spring to breeze through your life ONLY if you allow the bitter winter to conclude. It is a trade off - with your constant refusal to grow, move on and to brood on the unnecessary setbacks in life, what sort of 'you' can you envision yourself to be?

Cranky old woman that imprisoned herself to her past?

This is the root of problem - your inability to understand the circumstances of the past that enables you to pursue a better future. Instead, you use circumstances of the past to degenerate your future.

So what if you have hurt someone in the past? Have it occurs to you that it must have happen so that the person you hurt will grow from his injury and you grow from your action? If you do not see life as perpetual learning, you will grow to fear learning. To fear learning is fear to attempt and when you fear to attempt, your mind create 'reasons' to avoid attempting.

In this way, you have failed to extract the exact lesson/s your karmic relationship wants you to comprehend and stagnation follows shortly.

It is OK to explore your soul and view all those unwanted past memories etched into our subconscious. You got to nurse whatever wounds you had previously and not packed them, like boxes, into the back of your mind and pretended that they never exist, for this idealism will shatter when realism slipped into your mind.

Open this 'skeleton in the cupboard' and face your nightmare directly. Challenge them psychologically and reflect upon the things you feared. Your mind may scream a warning as you attempt to retrieve those memories, but seriously, it isn't as bad as you think it would be. Be honest with yourself, with your past and be accepting on what that has happen.

You will come and understand that Love wants to teach you something; tap on higher wisdom to know what is it. Embrace the cosmic lesson and you could liberate yourself from being aloof when you discover new courage to steer you away from negativity and reborn into a better being.

Restore yourself; like Narnia, this winter is too lengthy. Seek to end your torment today.

Cheers

Falling Sick

I am falling sick.

Inevitable with the harsh weather.

Man, health is so screwed up.

How I wish I have better constitution to resist the influenza virus.

People are wishing that they can fall ill, seriously... what are they thinking man...

/me swallow some tabs

Hope I can be well enough for Pat's class tomorrow...



Cheers

Aunt Agony 160506

Originally posted by qy_von:
Hi all,

I’ve been with my bf for a year plus and we love each other deeply. Problem is we have nothing in common and I am really bored in the relationship itself.

He doesn’t like to go out on the streets, and if we do hang out, it’d be with his group of friends and their girlfriends, sitting around talking. When I am over his home, he’ll be either on the com or watching repeated shows on SCV.

I have talked to him about this, but to him, it seems like staying home with me is consider spending time together already. But it’s boring me. I don’t mind staying home, but quality time to me includes heart to heart talk, and not just watching some shows on TV all the time.

Sex is an issue too. He comes in less than 15 secs and I am always left unsatisfied and incomplete. I tried to suggest buying vibrator to play around but he said he doesn’t like sex toys. Fingering doesn’t do me much… And even if go second round, by the time he erects again, I have already lost the mood.

He is a very nice guy, and I feel bad for having so many complaints about him. But I don’t know why I am feeling so bored and frustrated in our relationship… I don’t want to cheat, I don’t want to break off…

What can I do?



There are some major compatibility glitches in your relationship - you mentioned that there wasn't anything common to share and enjoy between the two of you: it will gradually brew into some huge squall that is capable of wrecking turmoil into your relationship, for the 'cost' of maintaining this relationship cannot even cover the emotional and physical needs of yours.

When needs are not satisfied, it grows into frustration.

It also seemed to me that your boyfriend has degenerate into a mode, known to CloUdiSm as Overgrown Baby Syndrome. Your boyfriend has conveniently slipped into the role of a boyfriend and expecting the relationship to fly on auto-pilot, without sparing that extra effort to understand you, your underlying needs and this barren relationship. It also seemed to him that as long as you still love him, that's enough. There isn't a pressing need to change any status quo and he sit there like an overgrown toddler, waiting for this relationship to bring 'fruition' and 'result'.

This sort of relationship is more likely in a case when there is adverse difference in lifestyle and where the only common factor is chilling out at home. Spending quiet moments at home is great, but it shouldn't overshadow all activities in a relationship.

As for sex, your man is truly one self absorbed guy. It seemed to me that he is displaying a nonchalant attitude towards you and an abject disdain about anything outside 'his world'. We-can-make-love-but-once-I-am-done-with-mine-this-game-is-finished sort of mindset is extremely anti-seductive. If one is sexually frustrated, infidelity is likely to happen when planetary transit is unfavourable and karma strikes.

I don't think he understands the severity of this issue that could potentially undo this relationship. Love is Love, but compatibility and freewill is outside the boundary of Love. Love can accept, but love cannot deny it from affecting you. And when you are affected beyond redemption, even love cannot save your relationship from sinking into oblivion.

And it becomes 'I love you, but there is no way we could be together...'

It must strike a chord in him that if this continues, it would be the end eventually. Request empathy and understanding as you justify it tactfully, for you don't want to ignite an irrevocable argument. Speak in peace, but maintain your firmness. Remember that a relationship is a game of two; you can't be the one trying to do something, while he sleeps in the courtyard. He must know and you must make him, if not, it's truly good game mate.

Cheers

Label Siao

Interestingly, I perpetually wonder what would I want for my wardrobe? (In view of the advent HongKong trip)

Priority listing queue

I) Bape Multi-camo Short Sleeve Shirt (My budget is only $270 SGD)



II) Bape Multi-camo Parka (My budget is below $600 SGD)



III) Black/Indigo or Black Jeans (An example is NBH Crack Savage, but of course, I doubt I have the cash to purchase such pricy thingy. Don't mind going for no brand sort, but it has to fit what I have in mind)



IV) Baby Milo Black Long Sleeve (Not this colour, I am looking for the Autumn/Winter Season last year when they release the black version of this. Budget is about $200 SGD)



V) White Camo Bling, Short Sleeve (If possible, I don't want sweat)



As for shoes, I have recently consumed the drive of 'shoe-buying' into Adi-colour green camo, therefore the urge to get a Bapesta isn't that critical. I don't mind a couple of nice tees in additional to the family of my wardrobe, but I must also consider getting some decent, formal clothings before I ORD, since I have decided to work and own the world (as if... hiak!).

Cheers

Aunt Agony 110506

Originally posted by lingster:
first time posting..

i have been with my girl for almost 8 months already. i love her lots, and i believe she does too.

there are some problems in our relationship which i have been trying hard to address but with little success. i'm getting so frustrated and i dunnoe what to do.

my gf is 2 years my junior (i'm 20). before our relationship, she had some problems with her then bf and started flirting around with other guys. because of this, she constantly believes that there will be "retribution", and that i will do the same to her. this is despite me telling her that i will never do such a thing due to my love for her, as well as my personal beliefs.

i try my best not to make her feel worried, by not talking to other girls (even close friends), not going out with them and all that. but her jealous streak always seems to appear even when i do nothing wrong! when i suggested that we go on a double date with her best friend (and bf), she accused me several times of liking her best friend.

when at my friend's bdae chalet, a close female friend of mine sat next to me on the bench and talked to me, she also flare up and insisted that she was trying to flirt with me and all.

she will always get angry for no rhyme or reason, and give me silent treatments. she constantly accuses me of liking this girl that girl, when i haven even been in contact with them. her theology is that there is always a possibility, and she's just protectign herself. she has also mention break up several times but we always make up after that when i pacify her. everything that happens is directed towards me whether its my fault or not.

we meet up very occasionally whenever possible, as she is studying and im in the army. however, due to some outfield crap, im on long mc and we were able to spend more time tgt. she insists on being on the phone all the time when we are not tgt physically. i told her before i dont enjoy being on the phone for too long and i believe she understands why. but yesterday she called me so often that i started to feel suffocated as i was unable to do any personal things. when i told her i wanted to watch tv, she flared up and hanged up. i smsed her saying that all i wanted was to watch some tv, and that i should have some personal time to do this kinda things right? she ended up making a big issue out of it and saying many irrelvant things. she even said she doesnt know how to continue the relationship anymore. i told her lets have a cool off period.

i love my gf lots and she does treat me very well when she is not in her "mood". but we are having too many quarrels and im afraid this is going nowhere. i'm so tired of having to pacify her even for things which i didnt do. its happening so often such as once every 2-3 days. what should i do? i tried telling her many times not to get angry or jealous so easily and she always agrees. but it seems that promises are always meant to be broken (actual quote from her).


sorry for such a long post.


She has reinforced her belief so formidably that it creates a self fulfilling prophesy, that's for you to eventually dump her. This 'retribution' is an implanted fear mechanism that is coaxing her to keep an emotional distance away from you. Probably because of her existing love for you – every time when she finds herself becoming emotionally intimate/close to you, this fear is triggered and immediately, some false contexts are taken from reality and justify her self-induced melodrama.

These are illusions spawn to entertain her twisted emotional mindset.

It's beyond logics - it's an emotional defect.

You can probably throw what you got at her and pacify her soul momentarily, but give her few days; she would probably revert back to that original mindset because Venus is afflicted. The beauty of Love has been warped to a form of physical possession and bondage.

MC suggested accepting it - my take is that, you are just suppressing yourself until implosion occurs. And it will definitely occur if things continue along this direction. I am pretty sure that she would probably remain the same, until the advent of some drastic event/s. It's MORE than just changing; it’s about shaping a mindset.... and to alter someone's mindset is an incredibly daunting feat.

If you want to influence someone's mindset, you got to enter her spirit and nurse whatever injury that is fuelling that negativity. Although I hate to say it, but sometimes, aberrant mind games coupled with rhetoric can do wonders for people like her. Because she has made herself a protagonist of a tearful tale, you can go along that 'plot'... then subconsciously seize that position of a 'director' and control that flow of scenarios, thoughts and feelings that is incorporated into her belief.

Her self-made prophesy is as powerful as an impervious fortress. Years of depressing, sick and negative thoughts has conjured millions of ' undead warriors' that would take years to decimate and breach through. Some people remain this way for eternity, because nobody could lead a successful siege and win. And when they failed... they add more ranks to the 'undead warriors', making it even HARDER for the next foolhardy adventurer to attempt.

Forget about surface pacifying - go inside, explore what's wrong and heal them.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 070506

Originally posted by Patrik:
Happy waiting.
This is my 6th year waiting.


Hate to say this but the years-waiter are usually those waiting because there isn't any alternative ship in sight for them to pursue, thus they simply wait for the sake of waiting.

In fact, they ain't waiting.

It seemed that 'not actively pursuing another partner' has become the definition of wait.

The more years you 'wait', than more 'devoted' you seemed.

Rubbish.

What is the end result you desire?

To be with that particular someone you desire despite the length of time?

If he/she were to accept you, he/she would probably accepted you LONG AGO.

Why is there a need for a lengthy wait? (Calculated wait is NOT aimlessly, lengthy and meaningless wait)

I know of this man who began chasing my friend's mum before she was married, in marriage and after divorce... and still chasing. Finally after eight freaking years, she finally accepted him.

She accepted NOT because of Love.

But because she didn't have much of a choice - she married to security.

P.S: Pursue a relationship that truly meant to be yours and in turn, yours to be proud of.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 060506

Originally posted by hypercurry:
Recently i had a couple of friends who are interested in girls who are already attached to bfs for like 2 years or so... Some times it's the girl who make the initiative to know my friend.
Im just wondering what are the chances of them succeeding in winning the girls over. Does a rocky, insecure relationship result in a easier target for third parties? Anybody with any similar experiences care to share? I presume there are more people who failed than those who succeed... Please share your experiences. Girls, please shed some light for us guys as well. Thanks :)


Actually most of the time, the relationship is unstable itself and not the introduction of a third party.

Then if a third party occurs and shaken the relationship, despite being a strong relationship, it has to be the man/woman who is shaken to allow the relationship to be shaken isn't it?

In the end, it is either the man or the woman who GAVE the relationship up to pursue a different relationship that causes the relationship to fail through freewill.

They chose it that way.

Who is to be blame?

Third party or person who is shaken?

Catalysis by itself has no power to command. Like always: a perfectly satisfied woman cannot be seduced. An unstable relationship is from within: fix what is needed to repair and you don't have to fear.

P.S: When a man/woman desired to break free from their relationship through freewill, they would - with or without a third party.

Because they chose it.

Cheers

An open secret?

Wow... the person who wrote this is incredible (political tune). Reminded me of Ray after he has ORDed and 'certain' reputable big company actually low balled him on his salary.

So what if you have gotten your COS? And after your hand shake and word of thanks for your service from CO?

You are on your own to feud for yourself dude... fighting at a 2 years disadvantage with FT and people trying to cut throat on your salary.

Somehow, it seemed better to being a foreigner-coming-here. Afterall, my studies are almost equally subsidize.

I don't believe in monopolizing of power. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Please vote with your eyes open - you can't really trust the media with the truth here.

Disclaimer: I do not belong to any political affliation, so ISD... please forget about checking on me and yes, I have no money, so can forget about court cases. I am just a normal citizen - not elites btw. And this blog is mainly for Aunt Agony, therefore I don't have to register.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 010506 (Continue from AA 29/30-0406)

Originally posted by I-like-flings(m):
huh?? then how? what is the solution??? :cry:



Are you even enlightened to understand that having multiple partners doesn't equate to fulfilment?

If you do understand and desire to cease such relationships, are you even able to upkeep it that way?

Having fark buddies contribute to a playing unevolved mindset - are you even prepare to give them up?

Are you able to see a woman beyond sex? Are you able to date a woman because you are truly in Love and able to separate Love from Lust?

Are you able to gauge a woman based on her compatibility with you and are you able to date a 'right' woman that suits you? (Right as in available woman that doesn't introduce obvious complication).

Are you able to see that having a proper relationship will eventually lead to marriage? You don't have to marry every woman you date, but ultimately are you even afraid of settling down in a monogamy relationship?

Are you prepared for the sai kang in a proper relationship? Will you be running away from problems and return back to your original mode where it is much easier to handle, since there isn't much commitment involved? Are you willing to pay the price that comes with commitment, which you will pay less as your relationship stabilize?

P.S: Get your fundamentals right - all will gradually fall into place.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 300406

Originally posted by Starletz:
Hi Peepz.... never knew I'll need someone to talk to. Now here goes... Recently, I'm in a new relationship. A total different from the rest relationships..... I used to be victimised... or end up being the upset and totally hurt one. Now with this new guy, I'm happy. Things are just day by day and we laughed together at the silliest things... With him, I did things that I used to dream about and I didn't even need to tell him. It just happened. Honeymoon period still... of course but it seem like ages we've been together for. My sister told me that I should take things as they come and not think so much but I am scared.... I am scared that all these happiness will juz come and go so quickly. I'm a little haunted by my old relationships of coz. Badly that I got scared. with him.. there wasn't a break. I just ended my relatonship with this other guy when my heart died and my current bf was just there for me. sigh... I also dunno why but I feel scared... everyday. Is it normal for me to think that it's ok to be happy and blissful? Are all relationships like this? Can someone share with me how you feel when you are in a normal relationship? Coz I really dunno what it is like to be in a normal one.



You got to realise that every relationship is unique.

And because they are different, they all have different ending (positive or negative) and therefore, different experience.

Being haunted by old relationship is a sign which signify a lack of self understanding why your previous relationship is abominable. You are haunted because you fear such scenario would recreate themselves into your present Love - but have you learn those lessons, this fear wouldn't even brought forth into your relationship because understanding would have made you stronger and grown up.

And because you are so afraid, you will unconsciously behave in such a way that it REPEATS what has happen into the present and in turn, create a reiterated future. It is like you using the same key to make the same trigger - your behaviour is the key and the trigger is a self-fulfilling prophesy that comes true based on the SAME key you used in the past.

Those enigma that we hid in our subconscious, do not be afraid to tackle them head-on. These past issues must be handled properly and appeased the tension from within, so that you can enjoy the fruit of your relationship and NOT having to worries incessantly while leading a new relationship during its honeymoon period.

Apply what you thought you have learn from your previous relationship to avoid costly mistake. But at the same time, give yourself a break. Don't take everything too personal and serious that it hinders your progression in your relationship. Until when you hit something, just sit back and revel in the ride.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 300406 (Continue from AA 290406)

Originally posted by I-like-flings(m):

huh?? bo lah.. my case is not i dun dare to trust... it's no one wan mi lah..my flings is for the physically needs lah..i dun mind to have a perm one.. but just no gal wan to marry mi now lor


No one want you?

I think it's a psychological stand which you have constantly inbuilt into your system that cause your mind to delude the fact that it is NOT that nobody wants you, rather you don't allow the condition for people to have a fulfilling relationship with yourself and making yourself a GOOD condition for people to have a fulfilling relationship with you.

And because you kept feeding yourself with this ideology, it 'appear' like everything wasn't part of the cause-and-effect plan, but in fact, it is.

I encounter many cases like yours; people who tell themselves who are doomed to be alone/unmarriagable, when in fact, they are attractive people with personality that could draw. One good example is my Pisces best friend: she has a HORDE of suitor craving for her affection and she could tell me like what you did: nobody-wants-me sort of reply.

And interestingly, the guys she chose are people who are:

I) Jerks

II) Unavailable (Married/attached/etc)

III) Practice certain form of abuse/neglect.

What kind of result can we derive from here?

A forlorn flirt? An oxymoron.

It's usually the mindset that determine how well you will fare in relationship and nor circumstances that you fall into. Your mindset SHAPES your circumstances and if it became the other way round, you could probably see a degenerative path towards Love and Relationship.

The very fact that you are involved in several relationships already means that you are not Saturn-centered isolation issue (Astrology). The reason you gave yourself is pretty much insubstantial, if you actually do some reflection and look along my direction.

I think I have spoken enough. Maybe until you are ready to mature emotionally, if not, my post still stands.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 290406

Originally posted by I-like-flings(m):
why har??? never really happy recently...even when my colleague is throwing mi party after party... but i go there like an empty shell.. my mind is totally not there.. just go there to pay the bill nia.. sighz.. why why why?? it is possible coz increment is about 10% plus only.. or just still havent recover from my 3mth business trip in italy?.... anyone feel the same as mi b4???? or dun tell mi is mid life crisis already?? or instinct telling mi to settle down and start a family to share all this with?..

got 1 lover, 1 sex partner and 1 dunno how to define one....still not enough meh? what i am short of now?? sighz....why i am unhappy?


I think that is the problem.

You are empty because your relationship is as empty as void.

Having three partners doesn't equate to fulfillment. In fact, it blatantly revealed how vulnerable your emotions are to insecurity and the fear of Love/commitment. People who fear Love often attempt to gather more partners so as just 'reassure' themselves and acts as a contingency plan in case one partner 'fails' him. They do not have to face the situation of a complete lost and could actually carry on and cling their unhealthy love mindset onto the other remaining few.

All these relationship you have created are as unstable as MLM. The minute this grand 'edifice' collapse, you see how weak the structure of this model is. And an unconscious truth is that: you are constantly recreating your feared scenario - the fear and lack of faith towards love commitment:

Fear commitment - create unstable model that it wouldn't last - realise it is unstable - create MORE of such unstable models - gradually some fails - recreate more - generate greater fear of commitment - repeat cycle with greater intensity.

If you call that fulfilling, then you are likely to deceive yourself through strong delusional reinforcing.

[quote]or dun tell mi is mid life crisis already?? or instinct telling mi to settle down and start a family to share all this with?.. sighz..... [/quote]

You have already expressed your greatest fear here and the novelty of flings is dying for you.

I think it's time for you to mature emotionally.

Cheers

(Karmic notes... again)

TO DEVIL:

You can love someone without being in a relationship and vice versa. Being in a relationship is entirely freewill... a choice made by yourself and your partner, while Love is something out of the boundary of freewill. Relationship is bounded by the First Law of Love - it is we who choose our partners, not the other way round. Love is boundless.

(Just to nag a little more) LOL!

Every relationship carries some form of bonds (although it is possible for someone to create new bonds this lifetime through freewill. Then the relationship would likely be radical and raw) and bonds are divided into benefic or malefic ones. Regardless, the inherent essence of what 'RELATIONSHIP' does is merely to impart cosmic lessons to the parties involved.

A 'bad' relationship - namely karmic relationship - brings on heavy lessons. So heavy that we thought we could never escape the clutches of our karmic debts. The excellent plot played by our karmic relationship is usually made in such a way that either alternatives means suffering... to accept or not to accept. And usually the option so desired by our hearts often carry a heavier sentence.

We have all the powers in the world to avoid sinking into those karmic relationship, but chances are, human justify the use of 'Love' to accept those challenges, without first applying higher wisdom to understand those challenges are means to understand the end and not the end itself.

I cannot say Karmic Relationship is bad, because like our disciplinary Father who has been rigid and strict with our conduct, a karmic relationship do keep us in check with our attitude and personality with regards to Love. People with glitch in emotional mindset: verdant or veteran, usually suffer the deepest.



Cheers

Aunt Agony 250406

Originally posted by cannonprinter:
Dear friends,

For months i've been having a problem.....a relationship with my cousin. Is it appropriate to fall in love with a relative? I do understand people have experience the same thing as me. I am afraid my family will disapprove...what should i do?

I am really in love with her, its true love....


From the above statement, it really worries me. Not exactly about your cousin-relationship, rather the advent of some egregious karmic relationship.

Love is never wrong; just that you got to learn to analysis your emotions carefully. Not every single emotion equates to Love and NOT all love is suitable breeding ground for relationship.

CloUdiSm states: Love and Relationship is but two separate entities.

Environment cannot stop two souls, truly in love, from being in love. But chances are, yours belong to deceptive tricks spun from the heart that made you thought so.

True Love?

I reckon you better reconsider your decision.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 230406

Originally posted by jam on a bread:
Ok, first of all, i'm a girl with little confidence. You know how the society tend to judge a girl by her looks. No looks=nothing. Aiya, that's why I have no friends (yes you are right, no friends, not even one that goes out with me) so I tend to do things all alone. No boyfriends (got one guy likes me but kena swayed by his friends opinions until dun like me liao).

A lot of ppl dun like me because they dun like my looks. Last time, I have a so-called friend. She said im disgusting because of my teeth. She even avoid sharing food with me for she dun want to know that my teeth have sank into it.

Thinking back, a lot of ppl vent on me or pick on me for no reason because my looks doesn't measure up. I got rejected by a guy and been called a freak. I ask for a stranger guy direction and he gave me a 'disgusted' look. My father keeps saying my legs is disgusting. Last time, I finally found a job and my manager told me to do sales (asking people to buy the products) He told me not to go to the guys for fear I might disgust them. And lots of insecure girls comparing their looks to mine cause they know I don't measure up anyways..

It's not that I dun want to make an effort to become much better, but I have no money! Everything costs like hundred bucks!! girls shld know those facial, hair and all those cost like a bomb! Help people!! it's ruining my life! my social life! I am now tearing while typing this..btw i'm just a student and I know looks is like everything to a girl!! Ahhhhhh!!! no wonde I have nothing at all!! I am given no chance!!!


You have a bruised self perception and have been constantly reinforced by the negative environment you are in. And the interesting part is you gave yourself excuses to believe in so that you will not attempt to change your status quo and dwell in this pool of depressing perception, like you are destined to remain like that forever.

You are effectively fueling yourself to think the way you wanted yourself to indulge in - you thought poorly of yourself and unconsciously breed those condition and reason why you are lousy.

'Wah.. I am so poor... but working is so hard... aiya I am just poor, so I will be poor...'

The truth is: you made yourself into such position and gradually believe your own propaganda.

Based on your last paragraph, it is clear that you have done minimal homework on the subject of 'physical beauty'. The reason for your passiveness, despite the need to improve, is very simple: you fear to confront your flaws directly. You are feeding yourself with self-made beliefs to make a huge contour of your problem without touching the actual subject.

Imagine your problem being the glass ball and you are walking round and round this glass ball, devoid of the courage to even hold the glass ball in your hands.

This is you: knowing what's wrong, ranting what's wrong and leaving it there.

Until the day you really want to change your status quo, then maybe somebody here could help, otherwise, this is merely your rant topic. The desire to change comes with the price of hard work. But firstly, if you can't even bear looking at the REAL you and telling yourself that you are an art that needs the effort to develop into one, then you can always push it into your subconscious mind and avoid like what you have been doing all these while.

The worst thing you could tell yourself is: 'I can't do it...'

Always ask 'How do I achieve it...'

When you use 'How' - you forced yourself to think of ways to achieve and not eliminate your chance completely to self and trust me, you will devise a way to achieve your 'How' and not avoid facing your flaws.

***

Physical beauty is not about the money - that's probably a quarter of the picture. You need intensive knowledge about WHAT and WHERE to improve yourself at good cost-value equation. You are probably thinking of what? Expression to lose weight? Slim Fit to enhance assets? Jean Yip beauty consultant? Lasik surgery to restore perfect vision? Haach Body and Skin care?

Woman are so insecure with themselves that these business exploit those vulnerability to their advantage, creating desires, needs and in the end, actions with paying for those services. I always believe there are alternatives to those premium services - it depends on whether you want to spent additional effort in research and to pursue them, if you don't have the money.

Woman who gym heavily, hardly find a need for slimming session and the cost they save is like more than 10 times the amount?

Then comes dress sense; you don't need designer brands to make you look beautiful. In fact, they don't. You wear the clothes and not having your clothes to wear you. You just need to know your strength/flaws and dress to either

I) Exploit on strength.

II) Hide flaws.

You will need to know what look good with you and how can you achieve them. You will need experiment and experiment comes from various decisions. And good decision comes from bad judgment. You will probably make some fashion mistake, but still, who gives a damn. You will gradually evolve and understand your niche/style.

Third come personality. Some people don't look fantastic physically, but they have an attracting personality that 'made' people thought that they are charming in some manner. You influence people to 'think' that you are beautiful will indirectly make you feel that you are indeed beautiful (Don't know if you get what I mean).

Cheers

Aunt Agony 230406

Originally posted by ILPSY:
I do agree that the first impression counts when you meet for the first time.

When you look sloppy, unpresentable or ugly, most likely, you won't get the second look, let alone generate others' interest in you to start a relationship.

However, if you do have a pretty face, it does not guarentee that you will have tons of boyfriends too... Actually, a pretty face becomes an obstacle! Some pretty gals end up with no boyfriend at all even if their character is nice.

Why so? This is so perplexing...


I know of pretty looking people, ironically, feeling inferior.

And also those who thought that they looked great, but I beg to differ.

In the end, it's how powerful you want to believe in your own self perception. I know most will claim to detest those people in the second category above, but seriously, your words meant nothing to them. They have a strong self perception that other's thoughts cannot influence them to think otherwise.

***

The dynamic structure of Love is much more than just physical appearance - Love spells that clearly. Love is truly an isolated aspect in our life, which is also heavily integrated with other aspects of our life to achieve an harmonious equilibrium.

Physical appearance is merely a tool exploited by humans (especially woman) to achieve the certain advantage over the game of Love. But truly, it's only one aspect of the game.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 190406

Originally posted by Princess livia:
haiz..wat's happenin?i dunno lo...i did no wrong worx..well maybe i did but i really dunnoo...is u isisted me 2 be ur on9 gf...den now lky tis? :cry:

(ive been talking to princess on msn and she has asked me to post here what is going on..............her and kai were together as online r/s,she didnt really wanna be in online r/s but he persuaded her.anyway......apparently he already had a gf in real life.......and princess found out about it.star puppy tried to warn kai not to play games, and to end it b4 anyone got hurt.......but he wouldnt listen...........now kai is apparently saying that its all princess' fault.shes very upset)


It's a real ironic to see people subjected to emotional suffering when in fact, the injury is almost as illusionary as the relationship itself.

It begins from nothing.

Proceeded from nothing.

Therefore ended up as nothing.

All this betrayal, deceits, half truth, drama and sort are almost as good as getting too personal with words seen on your monitor screen. It's like trying to conjure 'something' out of 'nothing'. I am not dismissing the fact that the internet is one tools of the modern era to make friends - but somehow it seemed to be that both of you have lionize the dramatic vibes of your cyber relationship.

The man actually persuaded the lady to have a cyber relationship with him, despite knowing that is attached. It speaks much about his hidden intention and what his relationship (in reality) meant to him. We all know that a cyber relationship is insubstantial - but his act of wanting this insubstantial relationship in the first place is a form emotional infidelity.

He puts himself in the grey area - he did not technically betray his gf in reality, but he is definitely unstable. The interesting thing is that he doesn't realise it himself.

When he moved and acted on from there, you see a clearer picture of his hidden intention. Then, he became to understand his initial agenda and trigger a conscience check.

fling=deep fling=love?

It wasn't something born out of yesterday - there was already a hidden desire and motive beneath the facade of simple flirting. It is so 'Neptune coated', that this relationship seemed to exude a powerful delusional enchantment that seemed to portray both of you of as some kind of star-crossed lovers.

A woman desiring to be loved or a break through from her dull routine of life.

A man desiring the life of a player or wanted a catalysis to break his current relationship.

A relationship that is basically nothing, made to become 'something'.

I see this reinforced connection here - especially the man, who has unconsciously unfold new chapters into this story by leading himself (the protagonist of his own story) entirely to his confusion. He was neither victim of his own circumstances nor environment; it was his own freewill who wanted the taste of it.

Princess livia: break the spell. The damage is illusional - it cannot harm you. If you continue to dwell in this spell, the illusionary damage will become a reality.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 150406

Originally posted by isolation:
I am a 22 years old NSF who will be ORD on the August. Unlike most of the people in my age group, I have not gone into a relationship before in the past 22 years of life. :(

During the 4 years in my secondary school, there are 3 girls whom I tried to win their hearts (at the different period of course, I am not the kind who likes to step into 2 boats with 1 leg) but I failed.

Later during the 3 years in my poly, because I am studying electronics engineering in the poly and there are at most 3 girls in my class but all are none of my type. Furthermore I am worried that whether I can handle a relationship during my NS days in which our personal time are limited so I didn't pursue a relationship.

However during my NS days, there are quite a number of my army mates with a girlfriend and most of them, surprisingly can handle the relationship well.

Now I am left with less than 4 months to ORD and I feels that it might be the time for me to find a girlfriend as I am already 22 years old yet I have not gone into a relationship before. :( Furthermore if I continues to be single my parents and relatives will 'pressurise' me. :(

So how should I start to looking for a girlfriend or rather, what should I do next? :(



Leaving it to fate is as cliché as telling people to be yourself when relating to girls.

What is 'Leaving it to fate'? or 'Be yourself'? How do you exactly work that out?

If fate is catalysis, you got to allow an experiment where you could fuse it with fate to create a chain reaction.

And the primary condition is You.

You are telling me that you are twenty two years old and haven't gotten yourself a girlfriend. And yes, I do believe that you are indeed a nice chap, good person, etc.

But nothing has change when you are in secondary school, in poly nor in NS.

In fact, the variables are still the same.

And because the variables never evolve much, nothing happens.

***

Spent quality time to condition yourself in better position. (improve yourself)

Spent quality time to increase your 'chances of a reaction' (improve your social life).

Cheers

Before I sleep....

Went through SGF and saw this topic that intrigue me.

It was titled 'Love' and self wrote a whole piece of long winding essay.

I read it and I thought it terribly lack depth.

Interestingly, someone asked if the writer had been in a relationship before.

He said yes.

But prior, he revealed himself as single, at the point when he is writing his essay, which was one day ago.

Blatantly lying or thought that I was a fool and obviously I exposed him.



不攻自破的谎言， 不得让我觉得你不只是好无聊， 既然还要装一幅情圣的漠样。(To read, please Encode to Unicode)

It reminded me so much... so much... so much... of...

....zzz...斯凯文.....

Talking about Guiding Star, finally 键盘仙子 is on TV le! 人因梦想而伟大。。。 LOL! Although me, Candy and Duck thought that her new hairdo was difficult to accept.... Hahahhahahahahah!



A bit of advertising here: Vote for 'AMBER' for SuperBand competition, telecast every Monday 7.30 p.m. =)

Cheers

Opps!

Opps! New post went to a 2 Apr instead of today.

Sorry!

Cheers

Aunt Agony 090406

Originally posted by cloud00:

Not really a regular of sgforums but would really appreciate if some advice is given ....
One mth ago i started to get on more gd terms with a ger but we were casual friends for abt 2 years . During this one mth , we would go out for movies , dinner and other stuffs . I thought that the green signal is on cause during meals she would like feed me and i would feed her sweets ... etc
Then a few nites ago , i told her that i really like her a lot and perhaps would it be possible to take our friendship to the next level ~ but she tells me that " Dun you think its a bit too fast ??? " I agree with her so i told her that perhaps we should be friends first and give each another more time
Never did i know its going to be the end of everything cause she starts to avoid me and never reply my sms *sign
I dun know the reason for it but it may be cause i am not physically attractive enuff cause my weight is like 88 although my height is like 175cm ....
so the question is

(a) shld i just let it go ... treat everything just as like it never happen Or
(b) go on a diet casue i look presentable when i dun look fat , after which let her regret for her decision
(c) go on a diet and use all ways and methods to make her feel touched , let her know i do everything just for her and then after which dump her ~

Hai~ actually i feel like just forget everything but i feel real sad ... i dunno whether if i got the wrong signals but y cant we still be friends ???
Anyway its been 2 days since i went on a crash diet and my weight has dropped to 84Kg~


You thought that the reason was because of your weight.

It was an assumption based on how inferior you felt when you spoke about your size.

The automatic thought immediately sprung up, telling you that it must be your weight, for if it isn't, why would she reject my affection?

Have you ever thought of the fact that what she was saying may be true? Everything was too hasty... the emotions, the advancement, the chase and such? PLUS... she's probably a woman who doesn't know how to handle rejecting-of-somebody?

If you were to scroll through some previous AA cases, you will uncover similar cases like yours - being avoided after confession.

***

Your topic isn't about rejection; it's about your tender self worth being wounded once again.

If losing weight is needed to restore your confidence and esteem, by all means, just do it. It doesn't only improve your psychological state, it keeps you healthy as well.

You must first understand the fundamental of self Love before you can extend this outside of yourself. It's difficult to love somebody without having the same love for yourself - somewhat like a preacher who doesn't do what he preaches. Love comes from within and radiate outwardly and not leech Love outwardly and try to fill voids in your inner realm.

Cheers

Aunt Agony III 060406

Originally posted by Xlashes:
In marriage, how do you know he or she is the one ? Are you prepared to live with him or her forever?

Some people are simply more 'marriageable' than others. It is because of their personality and characteristic they exude, which creates such phenomenon. Marriage is like putting two separate elements together and see how these different elements react upon mixing. If you put something that blends well with most elements, the product would be great or at least, it wouldn't cause a huge explosion. Trouble arises when two reactive elements are place together - you get a violent reaction.

Usually, those whom are less 'marriageable' are those Uranus-fueled people - people who believe in individualism. They will score well in achieving prestige, fame, glory and honor this world has to offer, but in sacrifice, they usually gave up 'mutual thinking' for Self.

You are asking if these two unknown elements would make a great final product; nobody truly knows unless you make the experiment happen and see how it goes.

Don't ask what marriage is all about without FIRST learning about Love.

P.S: If you want to reduce the chance of a 'failed experiment', make the effort to research those 'elements' you are dabbling with.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 060406

Originally posted by K800i:
Hi , I am in a dilemma . I am 26 this year and there is this gal who is only 17 is in love with me. Her hints are pretty clear , I find her a nice companion to be with and I was thinking should I go ahead with the relationship even with her father doesnt approve of her having a relationship until she is 20 . She has already make it clear that she doesnt want to wait until 20. I was thinking if she's the one, by the time her marriage age comes, I will be more then ready to settle down ( I am thinking for the future as well) .

What do you guys think ?


I believe that it would classify you as her first love if she were to pursue this relationship with you. (First Love in this case is denotes as First Relationship).

If that was the case, I suggest that you shouldn't 'think' too far into the relationship other than enjoying each other's company and see how this relationship run.

Marriage?

This young lady probably knows next to nothing other than companionship in relationship. You got to allow that sort of natural, intangible learning to take place before the subject of marriage would make any sense to her.

If you were to pursue this relationship, born almost a decade difference, your needs, desires and wants are vastly different. Work that out first before planning anything else.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 060406

Originally posted by T.Ryousuke:
I have gone through all those replies you posted about my problem.
To an extend, I appear to be holding too tight to the past. But one thing I don't understand?

I had married for 4 years plus 3 years courtship. All along there were many many quarrel between us about small small issues, seem like not compatable.
From the time I start mention about divorce till we sign the separation letter and till I sold our flat was about 4 mth, in between this time she didn't voice up any thing. That was already 1 1/2 year from now, until recently I call her to sign this very last document, then she like just wake up. Someone told me she might had a second though, thinking that we will be together again, although we have yet to sign the divorce doc. To me, this is not the way to handle a marriage. I told her:" you are treating this as a game or what?,if I said it, I mean it! ". Maybe I'm too harsh toward her, but I still feel that she is not mature yet.

Recently my friends told me that she called them afew times talking about me and also some other thing, cos she don't have friends to talk to. And this happened after I told her to sign the divorce paper in Jan this year.

For the past, what really gone missing here is the love she had for me, the kind of caring and concern which I needed. And that is the main reason I chose to divorce since we don't have any children yet. And due to work pressure we had, I think it need alot of hardwork to maintain a family with her.

Yunnie, what's wrong with me? Am I not being fair to her. I allow time for her to show me how much she care about us! And for 1 1/2 year she's still thinking there is hope without putting in any effort to save this marriage. To me, I feel all along I spoil her by doing all the house work and taking care of other major issue. She just sit there and waiting for me, and also maybe scare of me being angry somtime. I just need someone to be proactive that's all. Some say communication problem, or I being too sensitive?

Cheers


When she said she has second thoughts about the divorce... how does it occur to you? Minus the anger, do you still see yourself having feelings for her?

There may be some concerns regarding compatibility, however, if there was still a choice, would you still go on with the divorce?

There won't be any mistake in decision here, because the mistake was brought forth from the already unstable relationship onto marriage. Whether you divorce her in the end or decide another alternative, it is merely a route you pick for yourself to walk into.

Your needs... does she fully understand what your needs meant to you? Or is it a break-down in communication leading to a mind-reading scenario? Even if she doesn't says anything, what do you [i]really [/i]know inside her?

Gradually, becoming individualistic in attitude, behaviour and style of communication eats into your relationship.

[quote] I think it need alot of hardwork to maintain a family with her. [/quote]

You are entitled your own perception, but individualistic thoughts like this creates difficulty for marriage to thrive. Afterall, you made your decision to marry this woman. Whether she is matured or not in your definition - you took the option of marriage with her. Her behaviour is definitely a known thing and not something completely foreign altogether.

There are a lot of blame pushing and pin pointing here. If you feel that you want to salvage this marriage, like what she does probably wants - it will be good to cease the blame game and communicate without having the finger pointing.

P.S: Both of you probably have more to lose out after a divorce from a wrecked marriage. If there was still a choice, what that has happen would become learning modules for marriage.

Cheers

Love and Friendship

The last thing that could ever happen to me is to sacrifice friendship for Love.

I scrolled through my intensive book of Astrology written by Noel Tyl and he spoke about the Succedent Grand Cross and that the 2nd house (house of self worth), is naturally square to the 5th and 11th, which is how we react in giving and receiving of Love.

Been doing Aunt Agony for about 5 years and I have seen all sort of abominable relationships, archetype personality and reigning needs.I remember iliak once told me how 'good' it would be if she were to exchange chipmunk's karmic issues for hers. I told her:

'Her kind of issues, to you, are no issues at all. Life wouldn't be so kind as to offer zero growth lesson as a form of 'growth'.'

I realise there is another alternative two forms of Love (apart from karmic and benefic classification):

I) One that makes you stupid

II) One that makes you stupider.

Although we become incoherently foolish when Love propagate its message into our hearts, this foolishness merely facsimile our childhood into our relationship, like how we like to Love and to be Loved in its immaculate form. We began to see ourselves 'baby talk'... give each other cutesy nicknames... change our tone when speaking... gaze at each other and smile... remaining in comfortable silence while holding hands... and the list continues.

We become stupider when we don't understand the relationship we are leading. We transformed into somewhat an anencephalic being, with no sense cognitive understanding of our action. To simpify what I had just said, 'leading an inane relationship without meaning'. I am abhorred when I see people indulging in such play, with notable serious karmic repercussion.

I agape with wonder to understand how people actually see 'Love' as a fourth dimension or the solo panacea to all conundrum of life, in a way where, somehow... somewhat, the couple must incarcerate themselves from the reality of life and that all that had existed prior before the Love, had faded miraculous into the pathetic background.

情热似火，火会息
情浓似酒，酒会醒

I enjoy chinese poems, especially those that stir thoughts and forms deep meaning. Although I sucked terribly at mandarin, but it doesn't change the fact that I enjoy dabbling with phrases that intrigue me, western or eastern. Philosophy-wise - it's the meaning that counts, not the language or the orgin.

Is there truly a need to emasculate our values in face of Love?

I really fear the day when Love has absconded and they become desperate. When dynasty crumbles and a new chapter takes over - the anarchy transition is often the most chaotic.

Of course, like always, I am always around.

But being around, doesn't mean I am agreeable with the way you are leading mistakes.





These two picture can co-exist.

Disclaimer: And no, I was never talking about Duck.

Cheers

Victim called wife 2 hours before shooting (Straits Times)

He had asked for her help to draft letter of termination for employee, the alleged gunman

By Lee Hui Chieh

ON TUESDAY afternoon, Madam Doreen Chay got a call from her husband in Thailand. He had already called her twice before that day to ask her advice on drafting a letter of termination in Chinese.

Less than two hours after that last call, 43-year-old Mr Jimmy Low Beng Lee was murdered. The letter she had helped him compose had apparently led to his death.

Recalling that last conversation yesterday, Madam Chay told The Straits Times: 'He asked me about some Chinese phrases because his Chinese wasn't very good.'

That afternoon, Mr Low had called a meeting with his sales manager, a 55-year-old Taiwanese man, to tell him he was being fired because he was suspected of embezzling company funds.

The suspect was said to have fired five shots from a 0.38mm gun into their car. Mr Low was hit twice in the head and died shortly afterwards. Mr Chamlong, who was Mr Low's assistant, was shot three times and died on Thursday.

Madam Chay said she realised something was wrong when she called her husband's cellphone that night and there was no response.

It was the family's habit to chat every day. Madam Chay would usually call her husband around 9.30pm to 10pm and she, her husband and their 12-year-old daughter would talk on a three-way phone, sometimes for up to an hour.

Madam Chay said: 'I must have called at least 10 times. The last time, my husband's Thai secretary picked up, but her English wasn't very good and she asked me to call his boss.'
Mr Low's boss, a close friend and former classmate from Anglo-Chinese School (Barker Road), did not dare to break the news to Madam Chay that her husband was already dead.

He told her only that Mr Low had been shot and that she should fly down to Bangkok the next day. She spent the whole of Tuesday night packing and talking to her sister-in-law, Mr Low's elder sister Joni.

Mrs Joni Ong, 45, who is the wife of Tampines GRC MP Ong Kian Min, said: 'We told ourselves then to be prepared for the worst, but there was still hope that he would pull through.'
The next morning, Madam Chay, her daughter and Mr Low's youngest sister Vivien arrived in Bangkok on the first available flight.

She knew things had gone wrong when she called Mr Low's boss and he told her to go to the police station, where she was then led to her husband's body in the mortuary.
'I don't really remember what I did. I only know I was crying and kept trying to wake my husband up.'

Speaking during his wake yesterday, she said: 'He was my husband, my friend, someone I could trust. I will miss holding his hands, having a meal with him. I'm going to miss him a lot.'
Mr Low's father, 78-year-old Mr Low Hock Chye, said: 'I was depressed and shocked. He was my only son. But then you have to accept it. Everyone has to go, it's just a matter of when and how.'

Mr Low's funeral will be held on Monday.

***

Sigh.... Straits Times front page somemore....

云孩儿说

The word 'rational' signify thoughts coming from our mental capacity, which differs from 'feeling' as the latter ought to come from our emotional realm. But the interesting truth is that, behind this facade 'of logics', human actually feel first and justify later through a set of thinking and call them 'logics' or 'rational thinking'. This result will, in turn, fuel our decision.

Have you encounter people whom you thought their action/behaviour/decision is completely illogical? However, in their complicating thoughts, their own justification believed that it was a 'logical' equation to pursue such decision. And even if you disagree, apparently, what matters is how they perceive their own individual issues. If they believe that it was a 'logical' decision, they will pursue that route.

Our emotions - the rudimentary element that forms our decision, which is why our emotions are 24 times stronger than the mind.

Why would anyone fall in love with someone knowing that WILL be no future? Regardless of what future meant to you. (For now, I am not even taking Karmic Relationship into consideration). Because the intensity of Love creates that vehement drive that even LOGICS have to bend to accommodate those raging emotions. MCsquare is trying to advocate the beauty of it... how innocent this powerful drive could transform a simple you to do the seemingly impossible. And if this drive wasn't powerful enough to create a stir, perhaps could be something else other than Love.

People who fear rejection or imbued fear into the chase will never be able to revel in the aesthetic beauty of the chase. Fear itself is an anti-love chemical that prevents you from fully exploiting the exuberant ecstasy of Love. If we were to bring fear out of the picture, basically, we will obey what our heart wants of us. Therefore fear itself is an emotion and the so called 'logics' work and bend towards this emotions (fear) as we justify this through a series of thinking (e.g. I am not good enough for her, etc).

CloUdiSm states: A relationship is created and sustain by four ethereal elements: Initiation, Communication, Empathy and Material. It is ethereal because you cannot quantify nor capture them in exact data, but it's importance and presence is felt nevertheless. Relationships usually have a mix surplus and deficit of the four elements and when we say '...working for the relationship...' in CloUdiSm sense, it's the trying effort to balance out this Supply and Demand cycle. '

A severe deficit of either element will cripple relationship as they are all co-exist to keep the relationship in order.

(For everyone, but especially to Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn): Working hard to keep your stash of material treasure is important, but having a surplus of one element will not guarantee a fulfilling relationship. In fact, the time one spent to harvest your wealth, many times, is a sacrifice from the other finer things in life. If the stars decide that your deficits belong to the other aspects, there is simply no way you could channel your surplus into your deficits.

Learn that Love is self discovery and that money is a servant, not a master.



Cheers

Fatality

My mum spoke in a low, serious tone when she said this to me. (I was still lying on my bed).

'Son, I have a piece of sad news...'

What? I thought it was only a couple of days ago when she was pick-pocketed by some arsehole. (YOU WHO PICK-POCKETED MY MUM SHALL BURN IN HELL AND HAVE YOUR FLESH CUT, DICED AND COOKED!) Now, there is something else?

'You know Uncle Jimmy?'

I thought for a moment and recalled his face.

"Yes mum...'

'He's currently working in Thailand and yesterday gu gong (Great Uncle) called me, asking if Daddy was still in Thailand. I said yes and he told me to ask daddy to contact him asap... something urgent.'

'Ok, then?'

'Gu gong said that Uncle Jimmy was injured over there and wondering if Daddy could assist and find out what happen to him. Then later daddy called me and told me that Uncle Jimmy was actually shot...'

'WTF?'

'He happened to work in some waste company... some rural parts of Thailand and like you know in rural areas... before medical help could come, it will be distances away.'

'Then?'

'Yesterday at 3.00am... your dad called again... then he was pronounced dead.'

'...'

I was quite awaken by now.

'Why? What would someone shoot him?'

'It is because he fired some fellow who happened to mishandle company's fund. In fit of anger, he took a gun and shoot him.'

'OMFG!'

'Daddy was crying just now when he called... Uncle Jimmy was in fact his favourite cousin.'

In all my years of growing up, I have never seen or heard daddy shedding tears. This is, in fact, the first and I know deep inside, it was quite an emotional blow to him as well.

'The Uncle Jimmy's boss don't know how to break the news to his family, so told gu gong that Uncle Jimmy is badly injured.'

'So nobody knew this except us?'

'His wife is flying over to Bangkok this morning, so she will know soon enough. Then see how she will break the news to everyone in the family.'

My great uncle only have one son - my Uncle Jimmy, who is also my lovely granny's god-son.

'I don't know how this news should break to them and how can they take it. Furthermore, gu gong got a weak heart...'

***

YOU FUCKING MURDERER! YOU SHALL BE PROSECUTED AND CRUSHED BY THE HAND OF JUSTICE! YOU WILL TOO HAVE YOURSELF BOILED, CUT, DICED AND COOKED BY THE ERINYES. CERBERUS WILL CONSUME YOU AND HAVE YOU RIPPED APART... PIECES TO PIECES. HELLISH FLAMES WILL ENGULF YOUR SOUL TO HAVE YOU FOREVER BURNING IN TORMENT FOR ETERNITY!'



Life is so fragile.

It was merely one night; just when I had my half day leave and medical appointment later and it probably changed the entire status quo of my uncle's family - Everything will not be the same anymore.

真的是无法无天！这就是天地都不能容能！杀人要偿命！(To read Chinese Characters, please encode to Unicode (UTF-8)

Angish

金莎 madness again

MY 金莎 on Jean Yip commercial!

/me give himself a satisfied grin.



That's one hell of an Elven Chic! Godlike!

P.S: Like always, please Encode to - Unicode (UFT-8) - to read Chinese characters.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 260306

Originally posted by blueberryjam:
argh im so pissed... with myself. i've seen his true colours. why the hell did i bother looking into his eyes, and believing his lies again once more?? im stupid, im dumb, im brainless.. im blind. [Refer to Aunt Agony 220306] Seems like im in the wrong.. but then.. i just found out.. he's still him. he didnt change.. no, not at all.

when we were still tog in the past, everytime when i asked him wats he doing, he would jus say watching tv.. but now i found out, he's been using the net, and he blocked me in msn, so that he can chat with others.. and i wont know anything even if im online.. becos he would appear offline in my screen.

he even blocked my close frens in his list, afraid that my frens would see him and then give him away.. argh. ASSHOLE.

and when i logged in into his game acc.. i see names which are nt sup to be there, appeared there.. he told me he stopped contacting them, and that he had del them already. yes i went in once in the past, those names were gone.. now, i see them again. which means to say.. again, behind me, he's been contacting with alot of other girls....

godddddddddddd. what have i done to deserve this.. someone pls tell me. and i really thought he changed, to think that everytime i doubt him, he said i kept accusing him.. i felt so guilty for making his days bad.. and now.. im here feeling betrayed.. being lied to.. the second time.

to think that i sent him mails and smses saying im sorry.. and tryin to work things out for this r/s... he actually doesnt give a shyt at all..

im so glad now.. becos wat he did to me, jus let me get over it faster.. but.. im so afraid of trusting guys now.. i guess if i ever have another bf again, i will still keep doubting him and every of his moves.. hais.....


Actually you have already seen and knew what you thought you have made a discovery.

It was old news; familiar pain, issues and hurt.

Your greatest fear you pressured into your subconscious, ricocheted back into reality like a powerful spring.

Do you notice your cycle?

P.S: It's always easier to gather courage to move on, than to gather courage and repeat this cycle again.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 250306

Originally posted by thingy:
Is a girlfriend the same as a wife-to-be? What if the person you are with is gf material, but not someone that you can spend the rest of your life with? Is this girl still worth the time and effort?

I admit that i have quite a high expectation for my wife, and that my current gf does not meet all of them. There are certain traits that i do not really accept in her, such as her stubborn-ness (such a word?), lack of respect (in some ways), and her past, which still irks me (have accepted, but will never forget it).

Why i say that she is gf material is that we are quite close already, being together for more than a year, and i admit that she is nice to me and we get along quite well. The first few months were fantastic, the so-called honeymoon period and it was like in heaven.

Lately, since last june.. i start to find that we were not that compatible afterall. she will never give-in in an arguement and i have to say sorry most of the time. and we became less romantic. Now, she feels more like a close friend rather than someone I can spend my life with. I can tell that she's not likely to stand by me through all difficulties and stuff i may face in the future. u know.. the through thick and thin kind..

To her, for now, everything is alright. but to me, something is lacking in this relationship. I don't feel what i used to feel anymore. i lie about my feelings sometimes to make her happy and think that nothing is wrong.. to the extent that i cannot say my deepest feelings.. maybe they have bottled up to the top, which gives this sucky confused feeling..

I admit that my mind has strayed. I've been browsing through friendster and it reminded me that there are plenty of better fishes out there. problem is, my social circle is very limited and i only know 3 girls other than her.

I really don't know, so confused. arghh, can't even phrase out my thoughts properly.. it's all jumbled up. if only i could pull this messy bunch of chains into one straight line, it would be so much easier to solve...


Judging from CloUdiSm stand, I will not advocate marrying your first relationship, in this modern era. Usually, most people in this modern era, will have between 2-4 partners before they settle for marriage (on average). It is because karmic debts will not exclude you: if you experience more and mature emotionally before marriage; you can probably exempt some learning 'modules' in marriage.

Again, if you are simple minded and generally free from cynical thoughts, which I think is quite rare in this modern era, it is possible to marry a first love, with happily-ever-after sort of conclusion. But this outcome is almost utopia IMHO.

When you have deeper understanding in Love, your thinking and emotions began to complicate. It brings you to a new level, like a marathon run, where you could no longer see the starting point you began your run. Our sight absorbed new sceneries, our feet led us to new places and of course, fatigue start to affect us.

We are nowhere like before.

I would say that it is dangerous to automatically put gf = wife or bf = husband sort of mindset in any relationship before marriage. When marriage comes naturally, you wouldn't even have doubts regarding the woman/man you are going to marry. And if you do have... chances are, you are not ready for marriage.

In BGR, we are still exploring and learning. Avoid absolute thinking. I am not encouraging you to break, rather, learn to discover your relationship as you understand your specific needs and the woman you have.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 220306

Originally posted by blueberryjam:
i broke up with a cheating ex about 3 mths ago.. but after breaking up, he said he really miss me alot.. he regretted all that he had done to me.. he asked for a patch.. hesistating for a week later, i agreed... (i know its stupid.. but i really do miss him alot too)

he told me he will change.. and thou pple say Flirts Will Never Change.. this once-a-flirt changed. he treated me like just.. so wonderfully great.. but now the problem lies with me, i don trust him anymore.. everytime he reply or calls me slow, i keep doubting his answers, i keep suspecting him.. i dont know whats he doin behind me all the time.. to the extent that every msg i just keep reprimanding him, sometimes i think im soooo going nuts.

i asked for a breakup almost everyday.. i just find out that i really cannot trust him anymore.. theres no faith.. but he's reluctant to break, he said he really changed, and its unfair to him..

just last night.. we had a really big fight.. again, i asked for a break up, he doesnt want it.. but i keep insisting it.. saying things like "go away.. just leave me alone, u'll find some other girls very soon.. lets jus break k" i think eventually he gave up also.......

actually when we patched, i was just bored.. i just wan a bf there for me.. i thought my heart already died for him, but since he said he's gonna change, fine, we can try... but i treated him like shyt and its true that when girls don feel anymore for the guy they're in the r/s with, they'll just threaten to break when they're being "triggered" or when they "lose" in an arguement..

i cried and cried last night.. thinking what the hell did i just do.. i pushed a bf whos always been there, treating me like his precious finally, and most importantly.. loving me.... maybe i made the wrong choice.. i smsed him, saying its a hard night to slp today.. im sorry if i hurt u.. night..

i woke up with 6 msgs in my phone.... NONE was from him.... i was surprised how 'cruel' he is..... he didnt even care..... am i asking too much, or is he just doing what is needed to forget me.. today.. i woke up with swollen eyes... and my heart... feels so empty......



When you failed to understand the true essence of your break-up, you will live to go through it again. Poor judgment coupled with emotional instability, fuel this Love break-patch karmic cycle.

When you two initially came together, it was of Love.

Later, it was of habitual.

Much later? Meaningless.

When you patch back with him, the conundrum that initially CAUSED you to leave this relationship reluctantly, didn't vanish. In fact, the residue of that virulent factor remained acrimoniously. It wasn't resolved previously, nothing will change then. You are just reiterating the exact behaviour you are exuding prior before the first break up - suspicious, having constant mistrust and becoming vindictive.

Flirt will eventually change - but generally, this relationship will not 'survive long enough' to enjoy the transformation. In fact, if you are the chosen catalysis for his transformation, he will only change with his next partner. This is the Karmic Law of Cosmic Love because even if he does change overnight - you will be mortally wounded and would be too overwhelmed with fatigue to continue this relationship.

My dad was a player. Woman loved him as he is the fun Sagittarius guy. It took him about FORTY years of lifespan to have some understanding of marriage, family and the good woman he married. Thank God my mum is a simple woman. I accentuate... so fcuking simple that I reckon that her sort of simplicity is almost extinct in sg.

Can you be that simple... that it REVERSE your power to understand and to know? When a toddler hands you one hundred dollars willingly, it is because the child is too young to know the value of money. The child wouldn't even flinch when he has given you a hundred buck. Can you be like that child?

Because you cannot be hurt by things you don't understand.

Love is not about feeling it emotionally and thinking that it is a means to an end. It has to be substantial, measured by the degree your Love is coming from. All your nonchalant attitude and ill-treating is a sign of wanting attention from him. You are being defensive, yet yearning for his affection. Gradually, this confusion will bring another conclusion to your relationship with him.

And if you accept another patch cycle, you repeat that sad story over again.

P.S: Never turn your shoulder over and walked where you have travelled. Turning back doesn't heal our scars; it reminded us of it.

Cheers