Aunt Agony III 200506

Originally posted by sweetevil:
I'm falling into a long distance relationship soon :(

My boyfriend will be going to Australia, most probably UNSW for his degree(3yrs) & honours(1yr) for 4 years.

We've been together for 5 1/2 years if you're curious. Although we've been through rain and storms, we're still very much loving together.

Yes.. We're both very sad but NOT going to let both our emotions obstruct his opportunity to further his studies for the good of our future and for that I'm pretty understanding about it.

Any tips & advices to sustain a long distance relationship? I would also like to hear from anyone who has been in, or currently are in, a long distance relationship. I was wondering if you could comment on how difficult has it been and what you do to keep the relationship going?

Thx a million ;)


I am going to be truthful here:

To pursue a LDR for an estimated four years is a dangerous feat for any relationship. It is high risk and represents an unstable model, unless you two are mentally and emotionally tuned to accept those challenges. And I mean real tuning.

Here's a sad truth: MOST LDR fails.

Not to overly douse you with cold water; the reason why LDR fail is largely because people are using conventional relationship methods to handle LDR (and yours begin from a conventional relationship). They perceive similar standards, needs, methods, wants, desire, etc of a conventional relationship and applied them into LDR.

Obviously when you are not feeling too good emotionally, your bf can't be there for you. Obviously when someone is chasing you, your bf cannot be there to deny his competitor with his presence and the list goes on. People engaging in LDR gradually give in to such vulnerability and in turn, reconsider their relationship, which is why most LDR fails. If you want to accept LDR, you got to truly give and expect nothing in return.

Somewhat like God? You pray to him, but God don't appear to you directly (maybe in your dreams perhaps). You lived on blind faith and believe in him until circumstances make you lose track of that vision.

If you want to accept LDR (especially those more than 1.5 years), you got to have a drastic change of mindset and also a change of lifestyle. All the lovely thingy that is granted to you this 5 1/2 years, will likely, NOT happen meanwhile. When I talk about those lovely thingy, it's all those insignificant thingy, which you never knew it mattered, but when he's gone, you will gradually come to an understanding that it actually matters and make a difference in your relationship.

All those insignificant thingy: e.g. like your bf used to wake you up for work through a telephone call, so as to ensure that you go to work on time. After he's gone, you find yourself being late for work because the phone never rings.

Your bf used to peel those oranges, so that you could eat them. After he's gone, you never touch those oranges because nobody peels them for you.

Know what I mean? People become vulnerable because they long for the 'previous' sort of lifestyle they are so familiar with and this creates instability. They are using the old ways of expectation and methods of doing things to a 'new' sort of relationship.

You will probably need:

I) Lots of blind faith.

II) Lots of drastic changes.

III) Lots of giving and zero receiving.

And lastly, probably no sex (if you have been leading a sexually active life).

P.S: Better to understand how challenging this route is and not delude ourselves, thinking that we-have-been-through-many-thingy-and-we-will-also-surmount-this-difficulty sort of mindset, so that you can better prepare yourself emotionally and psychologically and not succumb to circumstances while leading a LDR. It is difficult and even when you succeeded in maintaining LDR for four years, it is not exactly fulfilling as well. You will probably feel relieve, more than fulfilment in fact.

Cheers