Aunt Agony 250306

Originally posted by thingy:
Is a girlfriend the same as a wife-to-be? What if the person you are with is gf material, but not someone that you can spend the rest of your life with? Is this girl still worth the time and effort?

I admit that i have quite a high expectation for my wife, and that my current gf does not meet all of them. There are certain traits that i do not really accept in her, such as her stubborn-ness (such a word?), lack of respect (in some ways), and her past, which still irks me (have accepted, but will never forget it).

Why i say that she is gf material is that we are quite close already, being together for more than a year, and i admit that she is nice to me and we get along quite well. The first few months were fantastic, the so-called honeymoon period and it was like in heaven.

Lately, since last june.. i start to find that we were not that compatible afterall. she will never give-in in an arguement and i have to say sorry most of the time. and we became less romantic. Now, she feels more like a close friend rather than someone I can spend my life with. I can tell that she's not likely to stand by me through all difficulties and stuff i may face in the future. u know.. the through thick and thin kind..

To her, for now, everything is alright. but to me, something is lacking in this relationship. I don't feel what i used to feel anymore. i lie about my feelings sometimes to make her happy and think that nothing is wrong.. to the extent that i cannot say my deepest feelings.. maybe they have bottled up to the top, which gives this sucky confused feeling..

I admit that my mind has strayed. I've been browsing through friendster and it reminded me that there are plenty of better fishes out there. problem is, my social circle is very limited and i only know 3 girls other than her.

I really don't know, so confused. arghh, can't even phrase out my thoughts properly.. it's all jumbled up. if only i could pull this messy bunch of chains into one straight line, it would be so much easier to solve...


Judging from CloUdiSm stand, I will not advocate marrying your first relationship, in this modern era. Usually, most people in this modern era, will have between 2-4 partners before they settle for marriage (on average). It is because karmic debts will not exclude you: if you experience more and mature emotionally before marriage; you can probably exempt some learning 'modules' in marriage.

Again, if you are simple minded and generally free from cynical thoughts, which I think is quite rare in this modern era, it is possible to marry a first love, with happily-ever-after sort of conclusion. But this outcome is almost utopia IMHO.

When you have deeper understanding in Love, your thinking and emotions began to complicate. It brings you to a new level, like a marathon run, where you could no longer see the starting point you began your run. Our sight absorbed new sceneries, our feet led us to new places and of course, fatigue start to affect us.

We are nowhere like before.

I would say that it is dangerous to automatically put gf = wife or bf = husband sort of mindset in any relationship before marriage. When marriage comes naturally, you wouldn't even have doubts regarding the woman/man you are going to marry. And if you do have... chances are, you are not ready for marriage.

In BGR, we are still exploring and learning. Avoid absolute thinking. I am not encouraging you to break, rather, learn to discover your relationship as you understand your specific needs and the woman you have.

Cheers