Aunt Agony 300509

Originally posted by maxcp:
Where will be a good place for a 40 years old guy to find a lifetime partner ?


One can never seek love, looking for lifetime partners. For love, at times, doesn't provide lifetime partners.

I don't blame you for looking what you seek, as our biological age and cosmic lesson are vastly different. Even if I am 40 and unmarried, I will tell myself so be it. Probably throw myself into spiritual learning in substitute for relationship deficiency.

At that age, you will probably be desperate. Age is catching up and it seemed that any relationship you land on would immediately view as a potential for marriage, regardless of how it seemed like. This poise a dangerous thought indeed, as relationship at 40 is the same as relationship at 20. Those constant never changes.

I remembered an old case where this man remarried thrice. Checking him out, it was discovered that his mindsets plays a huge reason why those marriages never last (apart from serious astrological affliction in Love and Marriage). I don’t know you, but marriage should only come during the apex of your Love. Any marriage due to biological/other reasons place a cap on fulfilment and contentment gain from the Love. This man became so desperate that any girl he hook up, he thought of marriage, even if they are unsuitable.

He thought he was running out of time, only to realise that he has delayed himself longer through his failing marriage.

What is running out of time? What was he trying to run away from? Age?

A state of mind.

He created the sense of urgency... he got killed in his sense of urgency.

Can love be rushed and artificially made?

I suggest the same thing as I would to a 20+ young lad - to expand social circle, adopt new interest and do alot of reflection. I may not understand you as much as yourself, so WHY have you landed in this state, this enlightenment may save you alot of time on repeat lessons that ought to learnt ages ago.

There is no short-cut to Love and when do it that way, you get compromised quality of your own relationship

Cheers

好 sian 啊!

埋怨自己的暂时行不动，每天面对电脑或四壁 - 真是有够受了。 打 game 虽然好玩，但打得在凶反而会产生副作用。

好 sian 啊!

啊！！！！！！

（今天的最后留言^_-)

P.S: Think I should try to compile fragments of CloUdiSm notes and all my astrological shit into yunhaier.blogspot, just in case one day when my computer kanna consumed by one deadly virus that wipe out all my informations stored since `98. Great! Must promise myself to do all that TOMORROW! Would probably need more discipline after operation man - finding this slacking too undesirable.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 250905

Originally posted by rouko:
just to set this straight im an ordinary guy who's 17 and studying right now. i have developed a liking towards a girl in my school for quite some time now but now, the question is do i have the courage to ask her out or should i even try? is it love or lust?

i dont know her, she's just another girl in my school that i see almost everyday since her class is just a few beside mine. lets call her J. nevertheless if u are curious about how she looks, i'll describe it to u now.. she's average height, face is a little bit chubby and has rosy cheeks but her body's slim.. mid-length black hair with a few highlighted often tied up in a single ponytail.. she looks like a fair skinned chinese with the small eyes and all.. the way she smiles and grins attracts me. heard she is a hairdresser too. some people say she's flat but im not liking her because of how great her body curves is, ill elaborate on this later. her dress sense never fails to fascinate me as i think that she knows how to carry herself well enough and not look cheap. what attracts me the most is that she has a demure and sweet side or her and the flirty side too.

i said that because she has a friend whom i dont really like for her character. ironically both their name starts with the letter J too.. she's absoultely super flirty, not sure if she goes for enhancement or something cos 'they' look fake to me.. although she speaks both english and chinese, it's heavily accented in her own way. she's the kind who loves to wiggle her butt when she walks. what im trying to say is that this so-called friend might have influenced her in a way to be slightly to the wild side.. im not really comfortable with this other girl since she's a big eyesore sometimes.

not sure if its love or lust cos ive made several critical decisions already. i know its stupid but i have taken the effort to make myself look good in front of her and specially trying to get to sit close to her in lectures so she will notice me.. at the same time get my class to do so too so that ill not be alone. it's been three months but i still havent got the courage to talk to her. i have a friend who's quite close to her but im not really close to this friend.. it's the hello and bye kind of friend.. she looks rather attractive in her own way so it's somewhat like inferiority complex when i step up to her to talk.. cos i dont find myself that good looking.. im an average guy. dont be mistaken, ive totally no interest in this friend of mine, just that she's one of my classmates during my first three months in another jc. yes if u are wondering she is mixed blood.

i have learnt my lesson and will not tell big mouthed people about my liking for J cos some people in my class cant keep secrets. they have betrayed me on many occasions and now its questionable to even regard them as 'friends'. sad to say now although i have made a reasonable amt of friends from the start of the yr, i have yet to discover who my best friend is.. the person who is willing to share all sorts of problems and give a listening ear to me in times of need. my best friend is currently studying in another jc now..


most importantly i am 100% sure J is single as according to her friendster, she's single and available.. she writes testis about how she will inform her buddies when she ever gets a bf. and that is quite recently. i believe that if i dont act fast, other guys will get her soon cos she's very comfortable speaking and interacting with guys from what i see, but its all friendly talk.. no feelings. as for me, im a little shy when it comes to this cos i was from a single sex school.. but for a girl like this, im willing to make any sacrifice just to know her better and have a chance to see her everyday. so far, only ONE person knows about this but sadly he isnt taking me seriously and when i consult him, its always one word replies.. totally regretted telling him about this but i'm almost 100% certain this guy will keep his mouth shut cos he's a good secret keepers. things go in but never comes out.

understand that promo exam is coming and i shouldnt be dwelling on such things at this point of time. my studies are a little screwed up too.. possibly because i think too much. i really really really like J a lot and if i approach her and tell her my feelings, and it so happens she rejects me.. i will feel very sad. i want to know her as a normal friend first and gain acceptance from her friends as well.. im not very handsome and muscular but rather average only.. how should i go about doing it?


You articulate and present your words pretty very well - but still, it only boils down to one simple fact: so far, nothing concrete has be done, made and achieved. You got too much thinking involved that you congregate all sort of useless thoughts into one consideration as though everything is related. Careful analysis, you would discover that it is all the cause of fear and I will break all these down for you.

Lust or Love? I am quite surprised that you even question yourself this - simply based on the fact that she looks great to you, in outer personality and in dress sense? Lust operates on a deeper level, definitely with sexual connotation to your thoughts and feelings. But if in general aspect, if she appeals to you, it is very likely due to your liking for her. Love blinds people - we see the thingy we love to see. Love made us see what's good in someone else. If she looks good and you hold interest for her, why should this be classified under lust unless you are thinking of ways to get into her pants and be gone?

Your crush mix around with this woman whom you dislike? Well... do you have any intention to chase that woman? No? Then why put her under this flow of thoughts?

Then you examined your strength and felt that your flaws are overwhelming. Name me someone who is completely perfect in all circumstances? Duh... probably God. It is all a state of mind when we talk about self esteem and confidence. Basically how good you are depends on how good you thought of yourself. Because when you feel good about yourself, the air that you exuded is different from one that lacks confidence. This is not arrogance, rather, this air is soothing, comfortable and lasting. It influence people on a sublime level and make them feel positive.

You terribly lack fire elements: and would probably do well with some initiative and action. If you put all those trains and trains of thoughts into other usage like devising ways of trying know her instead of trying to get your presence felt only, you may actually unlock some path to walk than this stagnation you are facing now.

If you must fail - fail with an answer, than perish in your thoughts that go nowhere. Better to fail once and learn something, than having to idle and nothing gain cause nothing venture. Of course, we all fear rejections, but if the fear of rejection and disapproval is removed: nothing can stop you.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 250905

Originally posted by Young Stallion:
This girl has admired me for a long time & we work at the same area. Last month she made her move and asked for my hp no. I'm single and not getting any younger so what the hell......Just give a try. I gave her my no. and we went out the next day. Before going on the date, i told her that we are going out as frenz.

She is very beautiful, nice figure and outgoing personality. I really enjoyed our time together. She mentioned couple of times that she really likes me. The problem is that i'm looking for a long term realtionship with someone that i will settle down with.

This girl is the total opposite of me. She likes clubbing, she smokes, shes outspoken and she not shy. As for me i'm the outdoor type, hate crowded places, conservative and reserved. Actually i'm looking for those decent and homely type of girls.

My biggest concern is her background, she comes from a broken home, lower secondary education and family problems. If i get into a serious relationship with this girl means that her problems will be my problems.

The thing is i like her but this is holding me back. I feel guilty every time she says "i like u". I have not been treating her good lately.

I told her that we should just be frens but i really like spending time with her. Now i'm confused...should i or should i not?


Too much Mercury is at work; you think into a relationship. I am not saying that such consideration shouldn't be taken into account, rather, when you start telling yourself that age is catching up on you and probably should begin some kind of relationship, it is but society's influence AND biological pressure on you to began a BGR in order to start a family. Not exactly that of Love.

We all Love from different degree: how much self actualization you would gain from your relationship depends on which angle you desire to look at and attain. In simple tongue, you WOULDN'T mind trying her out, but is Love really involved? You probably need to do a little self discovery here - you begin to reciprocate remarks that you may not really mean it (or as much): e.g. I like you. Such self dishonesty and delusion will definite add volumes to your confusion and spew more issues as time goes by.

In fact, you are confused because you wonder if you should try her or not - not exactly whether you Love her or not. Like you have questioned yourself: are we merely friends material or is it possible to bring that level higher? IMHO, if a someone don't really fit into the critical frame of your what you want, chances are without substantial Love, it could be karmic relationship.

Companionship or Relationship? You could do a little more inner searching here.

Cheers

Core Essence of CloUdisM

Today, I will pin down the true core essence of CloUdisM - the Unorthodox Love- which is actually the very element that discern Good & Evil. In a balancing scale, both temptation of Good & Evil affect a mortal (and thus his/her own relationship), playing the medium. Regardless of how much Good & Evil weighs on each of the scale, theory of CloUdisM believes that either side is merely running labours for the arms of Karma... which in turn creates the much feared and unknown Karmic Relationship. This will create a force that drive either side to overpower the other, only to realise that ultimately, both forces of Good & Evil returns with equal blow, balancing the scale.

In common tongue, unorthodox CloUdiSm believes firmly about the knowledge of Evil to complement the greatness of Good and balance up the scale. In simple human example: A 'good man' is no doubt a 'good man' but weak in the eyes of temptation for his lack of experience and knowledge is extremely susceptible to possible dent in his relationship. Probably only the divine could truely resist the vile temptation of life and love unless Contentment is practiced.

What is Contentment? Critical Law of Seduction states that: a truely satisfied woman can never be seduced. But what about Man? Especially when Man are subjected to the Natural Law to spread his seeds; man can attempt to avoid temptation, with or without Contentment, however, issue is on whether avoiding is a better solution to knowledge? Temptation is constant - when your own astrological clock strikes a heavy transition, you are left with nothing but self to face your own invisible adversary.

CloUdism thrives on the theory of self sufficient - being able to withstand any challenge of any forms and dimensions like virus attacking a human body. The cold virus is one of the most adaptable virus in the world, constantly changing itself to disguise its true nature of bringing, but the same symptoms, going undetected by 'memories antibodies' our human body set to immunised those illness. Even by using similar symptoms... leading to same complication and final death, the difference merely lies in the unexplored knowledge and alien strength of the mutated virus - so formidable and deep secrecy that lives are lost.

Obviously there isn't a foolproof method to win every battle; you will definitely, least once, be stuck heavily with a maul that bleeds you so badly in one particular incident that you felt you could never survive the ordeal or repeat those challenges again. But as stated in the Life Condition theory: what can be lower than the lowest level of a Life Condition meter? When we have been through the lowest, absolutely nothing can be lower than that. In the future, even if shit happens, it merely bring us back to our lowest state. Can we be lower than lowest? No.

Good officials in China often get framed by the corrupted ones and suffer cruel fate as a result. Since those corrupted fools are downright scheme arses, shouldn't the 'Good' ones be twice as scheming to tackle those tricky fools? Cops are usually ex-bengs. Duh.

男人不坏，女人不爱
但男人太烂，实在不可爱

CloUdiSm states 30% Evil in exchange of 70% Good in any form of Leadership management in a BGR. Truely, to complement Good, one has to understand Evil and not practice avoidance to it. The world has been preaching abstinence, but we are seeing a upward trend of people engaging what they are abstaining - silly but not surprising.

I so love temptations and challenges because only then we can truely see how formidable this model is. Have been faced to the greatest of challenge and won it through sheer 70'% Good in me. Incredible? I realise it was essential to be where am I now.



Cheers

云孩儿重生了！！ 哈哈哈哈！！

对不起 to all my 仇家， 云孩儿又重生了！

And Aunt Agony will resume once again.



P.S: Another thank you session for those who have showered much tender loving care onto me. Your presence is paramount to aid me in my recovery process, even though I can't laugh very much now. ROTFLMAO!

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 230905

Originally posted by babyreyes:

He says he loves me. But i dont really feel it. After being neglected for a few months, he kinda hinted for a breakup. And his reason was due to me being unhappy all the time. Well i was very upset with his coldness and neglience. haix. Upon knowing it, he agreed to a patch up.

But things still seem the same. Rather stagnant. Haix.He blows hot n cold on me. Almost every wkends, he spends his time at home and with his family. He seem rather into his online games n family gatherings as compared to me. Oh gosh. sigh.

iM kinda dislike going out with his family coz i dont click with them. He knows tat. And felt tat it wasnt a problem at all. =.-""

I told him tat he is neglecting me. And he said tat playing games is his hobby.He did rather play games than chat with me on the phone. Argh. Now we hardly meet each other. = /

Most of the time, im the one talking. He belongs to the quiet type. So when im not in the mood to talk, we will have a cold atmosphere.

Sometimes i feel tat im happier with my frens than him. haix.

Your guy seemed to be suffering from a common male-relationship style disorder known as Overgrown Baby in CloUdiSm context. His deep rooted parental influence is affecting his way of leading his OWN relationship, somewhat nonchalant towards different expressive mote of affection to his girlfriend. He may belong to a very traditional or sheltered type of family. To him, it isn't zero love, neither is it shyness or similar - in fact, it is more like a very passive way of continuing his relationship without understanding WHY in the first place. In his mind, he would be thinking 'Ok what, we are not quarrelling, so what's wrong?'

The masculine side is usually expected to play the initiator role in courtship, to inject romance and blossom the Love. However, once gotten into the relationship, the masculine side may apparently appeared to be 'slacken' in his expression of Love and affection, while in actual fact, what happens is that the play of romance is usually transformed into other more substantial qualities LIKE responsibility, financial side of a relationship, etc. Affection is there, but in altered dimension.

What happens to your boyfriend is complete INDIVIDUAL life, while trying on a RELATIONSHIP. Notice how these two words don't actually mix - he became like an overgrown baby, sit around and hope for the relationship to grow since both of you are already an item. Obviously, we all know relationship never work this way - but he persisted in his mindset, preferred to be spoon-feed than to work on the field of his relationship... taking advantage of being self absorb and you compromising, akin to that of a baby crying and having EVERYONE sayanging the little one.

Anyway, coping up too much at home is an unhealthy lifestyle, not only for the relationship, but also his personal growth as well. How much personal growth can one get by playing much online games and watching soccer the whole day? You are beginning to experience a reality check on how much sacrifice your boyfriend makes even for that little time to spend with you, instead of his boring schedule. We are not asking for abundance, but we are doing a reality check for how much is done for the relationship in name of Love.

Have you considered your relationship as one that has fallen into the clutches of a 'routinized relationship'? Mainly, surviving on reasons being Habit than the true identity of what your love may define? What is knowledge without implementation? Does KNOWING someone who has been neglected, due to self absorbing characteristic, enough reason to justify a patch back in the first place? Fault that was made...any effort to be corrected? It seemed that your reason to rekindle is solely based on emotional value you have for the relationship.

Your bf doesn't really understand the gravity of the situation which is causing the relationship to fail, more important, the side of YOUR tale, instead of 'I, Me and Myself.' I suggest you cease compromising and have a final communication with him. To me, you are merely delaying the inevitable: therefore, if possible throw him an ultimatum - more important, if it is getting nowhere, forget about these unhappy draggyness. Chances are, things won't improve until drastic measures are taken. And if you have to lose the relationship for him to LEARN something, then lose it.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 230905

Originally posted by Sekundes:
Hmmm...
This has been bothering me quite a while...
My Gf's parents wants to meet me,
They kinda know that she and me are together.
She and I are already 2 weeks and going,
Know each other for 3 months+...
Her mum was like anything,
Though her dad was kind of objective....
Somehow, I'm quite lost in the situation.


is this a good thing or a bad ?



Actually, I will not advice people to meet each other's parent so soon, although if the situation doesn't allow you to push this to a latter date, you just have to work around it. Never reject a parental meet-up, however, it is best to PLAN it instead of LEAVING it to nature.

Reason being Insurance - a significant percentage of relationship wouldn't even make it to the one year mark, so the meet-the-parents-session (MTPS) is pretty unnecessary, unless you foresee this relationship, very strongly, beyond the first year. Next thing: does it matters whether MTPS is held within the first year or not? Objectivity speaking, it's more like a customary approach, which would be executed naturally when a relationship attains certain 'level'. Two weeks relationship to me is still far too raw.

Although, nothing wrong at all but I would prefer to plan it on a latter schedule to set more important priorities first, like settling down for a new relationship with a new person, adapting to new personality, enjoy honeymoon period, etc.

Cheers

Paradox

What a paradox!

ROTFLMAO!!!!!



Cheers

Aunt Agony III 130905

Originally posted by Mr Normal:
My gf Christian and myself Buddhist/free thinker. If religion not involved, we love each other very much. But everytime we talk about it, it always ends up very sour, sometimes resulting in possible break-ups.

Listen to me and believe that not all Christians the same loh. She did not force me to believe in God or go to church. Whatever questions I have, she will just be patient enough to listen and answer them. If we agree, good thing. If we don't, argument again.

Now I nearly have all my questions answered except this one "Why do bad things happen to good people?" I been dealt a big blow in life and it nearly took away my life. But I am not a bad person, I do not smoke, drink, stray or do any other bad stuff. Then now the argument became so serious, that despite our love for each other, a break seems inevitable. She will not accept relationship of different religion. She had only started because I was open-minded to it.

Sigh...she is really a very nice girl. One that is not materialistic, understanding and patient. Now because of something out of this world, I gg to lose her. Is this right?

Anybody got this problem before? How you solve?


Religion and Love... Can they actually co-exist?

Actually, in CloUdiSm, it doesn't really matter whether the Love for God is greater than the Love for the relationship, or vice vista, because you are using different yardstick to measure. It is like saying, which is worst: possessiveness or insensitivity?

However, it is known for its possible conflicts that probably doesn't have any viable solution unless either one shift side completely. Compromising only works temporary, for such relationship is usually created by Jupiter/9th house affliction, astrologically speaking. During heavy plantary transit, which could trigger this affliction, many may find it daunting to keep the relationship alive.

Every relationship has its own tale to speak, own woe to share: likewise, such relationship is but a karmic challenge to the relationship, forge by the acceptance of Love for one another. When we ignore the religious part, what we get is like any other problems we faced in any relationship - conflicts that bend to tear the relationship apart, especially when faith in the relationship is at its weakest.

In a religion-conflict relationship (RCR), when we look at it closely, it is actually a conflict of frequency, of both mental and spiritual frequency. Nothing good or bad; just that unless steps are taken to narrow the gap, this vast opening will remain.

P.S: Difficult but possible. LDR (Long-distance Relationship) are difficult, but there are successful stories around as well. See this as a karmic challenge to your relationship and strive to negate this to your advantage.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 130905

Originally posted by yonghao:
i have mean carry torch for a girl whom i knew her in my sec 1 camping the first week of school in 1994. let name her SL, she was my clasmate all the way to sec 4. at sec 2 i declared in class to everyone of my classmate i love her. she knew that too but she think too young to think about is. prehap wait until finish sec school study then talk about it as her parent quite strict with her.

but sec 4 a classmate call JX woo her as he manage to concieve her to go steady with her. i don't know that until a classmate call QW told me that, but i bless them at the best. At that time i have a girlfriend from other school call SM but she is not the one i love. so we finish our sec 4 at 1997 and leave the school. she have already break off with JX and QW go after her. QW to me is fuuk people in the world lie here lie there boost himself. i saw QW and SL together at 1999 Sep in our ex sec sch where they having moon light festival. from there i told myself i still love her as i unable to love other girl whom i met before, i am still single today. that night i have a feeling in my heart so painful until i almost cry ask why. few month later i heard my friend who is best friend in school told me i have chance already as she broke of with him.

i every friday not working sure fetch her after work. one sunday at year2000 before CNY i call her to tell her i really wish to hold her hand care about her but she told me she not ready to accept my love as she need time to forget QW. fuuk i told myself, what the hell i doing unable to show her i care her, like her, love her. i got drunk daily almost even at my friend birthday i can finish a 3/4bottle of martell before midnight where the birthday cake not cut and have the gut to drive from east coast park to west coast. i work from monday to sunday in order to numb myself, every weekend is 8am to 11pm. so i getting headaches on and off at 2001, my company doctor refer me to sgh neurology doctor. at 2001 jun i leave the company to ns.

in ns train is hard tough as mono intake in amour, to go throught the train i got pain killer. as post out after bmt. to rp in a camp but mine problem getting worse, my leg slight badly when i sleep and doctor could not find out why, i was ask to go for sleep test and i confirm i suffering from narcolepsy and downgraded to e9l9 at sep2002. doctor told me i sleep ten time ten time are dreaming, no matter taking a nap also dream, condition very bad. if i am tired, sleep should be not a problem. SL do well in her career. after ord i start out my small trading company, thing pick fast. but i still often remind her i still waiting, my best friend told me still not QW she will choose me. i am glad, but often drink until drunk. and slow the habit kick off.

yesterday a class gathering i saw SL with a classmate of ours YH, they both left together in mid of the session at K-box at 8 and 8 plus we leave the k-box together. i think should i confirm call SL to confirm that she and YH are dating , if so what to do, bless same like last time, but i knew SL have a bad image on YH cos he make a remark saying her mom, lor so as he call her home, SL mom answer the phone and start enquire who are you and so and so.

finally i call SL in my car at her house downstair, she told me yes, i bless them, and in my heart the feeling i got the same actually what i got in 6 year ago. i drop the phone i scream and shout in the car and drove to kent ridge to scream and shout my anger out, i drink again, got half drunk. i wait ten year plus for her. i wait for her 5 year to forget her unpleasant past. i got this ending. i miss out so my girl, never get serious in woo and court a girl, yet i got this. stupid right, this call friend


Your spend ten years waiting for her? Or you wasted ten years revolving your life around a woman that doesn't give a damn about you? NEVER PIN your hope on somebody to tell you straight into your face to 'Move On; it's impossible between us' - because only a handful of people would react in such a way. Most of them prefer to lead their life, regardless of how others, whom they have no feelings for, loved them like crazy.

This isn't faithful... this is delayed delusion and truely long lasting indeed. You held onto a blind faith, thinking that if you could work hard by waiting hard, you may probably end up with her. You force yourself into delusion mode, slogging like a mad man, shifted your focus, but refuse to accept this cruel reality that has slap you not once, not twice, but several times.

Love is MORE than working hard my dear. Hard waiting equals nothing if you mean nothing to her. Have you thought of the fact that you are shoving your liking down her throat? So what if you have spent ten years waiting for her?

What has TEN YEARS have to prove anything?

So what if it is TEN YEARS?

It doesn't matter, isn't it?

The fact remains - your refusal and resistance to move on cost you one decade of youth. Continue to play fool with yourself, bask with self lies, get dead drunk and live in your world of delusion, you can persist in this dream of yours for the next ten years or how many 'ten years slot' you could spare - Nothing will change.

If Love was in the picture, you two would have been together right from the start.

Don't kid yourself.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 130905

Originally posted by missingJ:
bcoz of work, we met in feb tis year, we din communicate much.... till late july he started sms mi... (juz chit chat) after first few sms, he msg mi " I Like U" , then my reply is " i have feelings for u too, but i wan to kno more abt u 1st"

august, after e 1st date, his sms bcum "can u kiss me?", "do u love me?" :?

is he too fast or am i too slow?

actually, really wanted to build up nice friendship wif him 1st, sigh,
mi now scared by him leh...

talking to him, face to face n thru sms, r like communicating wif 2 different person...



Seriously, that's so anti-seductive; if I was you, I will definitely get turn off man. On a full hundred scale, that would probably cost him about 15-20 points.

***

When you have feelings for someone, usually this feeling is innate, breed and grown out of proportion until you cannot control your emotions. Because it is innate, how it grow, depends on what is 'fed' to it. Most of the time, it is our imagination and fantasy (or AOS technical term: 'Insinuation'), which fuel this little infatuation.

You probably want a friendship (at least initially), while he probably see you as a girlfriend material and looking at you in view of a potential.

Your natural womanly instincts trigger off and signal a warning. This clashes with your little liking, which is far too green to stand firm. It activated your security alarm and you subconsciously see yourself retrograding.

This is natural.

P.S: Take one step at a time. You got all the time to play around and check him out. If he cannot prove himself to make you feel comfortable and at ease with, he only have himself to blame for hastening the chase and spoilt the banquet.

Cheers

Aunt Agony IV 120905

Originally posted by tequila:
Please abvice me, i really need some abvice for my marriage....
Ok, i have been married for 10 months, my work require me to work on weekend and 6 day a week. My working hour is like from 11am to 10pm so it seems to be no life for me. My wife who works 5 day week, 8-5 job is always left alone hence i brought her a dog which she's been longing for it. Things goes on well until last month when she knew some guys in disco. She started to change. She stopped wearing her wedding band, took off her "married" status in friendster. The worse thing is she will meet up with them and came back at 5am or even in later hour. she will not answer my call when she's out or didn't even tell me where she's going when she went out. Last nite she went out and came back the next day at 11am. What is this?? She said i dun give her freedom and control her too much. Is there any guys will give such a freedom when your wife is telling ppl she's still single? We quarrelled a lot of times because of this. I'm really very devasted by the change she make.. I was actually thinking of divorce or separate for awhile and let her think what she wants as she told me she's not used to married life. What should i do?



I can't help but to think that she is not in a good position to get married, at least regarding the emotional aspects. She probably thinks that it is time to get married, but not exactly so in terms of maturity, mindset and everything else. This could be due to her ticking biological clock or external pressure like her parents.

The reason being very simple: a woman leading a married life the way she did during singlehood (which technically means unmarried life, not singlehood as in unattached), says alot of things. Sure, we don't go about restricting this and forbiding that, however, who in a stable state of emotional mind would go clubbing as often as one would do when one isn't married?

This alone question her grounds for marriage in the first place.

The following clues further reinforced my stand; denial of being married and its status.

Her priority ain't settled and is definitely not suitable for marriage.

***

Too bad, we can't reverse time - Since you have gotten her as your wife AND KNOWING that your marriage is creeping towards the edge of doom, trust me - if you give it enough time to mutilate, it's game over forever. You can put your continue to hang onto the job, but this decision almost guarantee a doomed marriage. Your wife already shown signs of infidelity and if this marriage means something to you, the least you could do is to prevent further hemorrhage.

But I must stress that changing a job DOESN'T GUARANTEE you that she will remain faithful to you, for Love cannot assimilate into the unwilling. But at least when you know you have did what you could, you will not look back and tell yourself why didn't you do this... do that...

P.S: Something to think about: which is more important to you?

Cheers

Aunt Agony III 120905

Originally posted by -ohyeah-:
i regretted to mention break up to my ex.... now i wan to patch back.. the day me n him broke up... i also ask for patch back... but he refused past few days ( less than a week), i callled alternate days and he did ans.. n talked anything except relationship... I wan to patch back but how??

last nite, i had a good talk wif him... i asked him whether he still love me.. he replied he didnt have the time to think such issues... coz he everyday busy wif his army stuff.. and barely have enough sleep. deep my heart, after he said this, i knew he no longer love me...... Am I correct to say that?

I have told him once more that is it possible for us to get together HE said that if he said that it is possible or impossible, he knew i would wait... in the end, he said that if there is a chance, we will be together.. It depends on fate... i feel so sad.... :( :( :( i ask him that whether is it possible for us to get together in dec, he just replied that he dun know wat will happen in dec.. i feeling sad again....

he kept saying i was not the cause of the breakup, i knew he was trying not to make me feel guilty....the more he did it, the more i feel guilty

I smsed him that i will changed for a better person for his sake to make him accept me again. i will do it..

I feel he still care for me... but he is hurt by me....

my friend felt that i dun have to go to the extent to beg him to patch up.. but i was the one who broke up such relationship. He said the way i did it had lost all the woman's pride.
am i wrong to beg him??? i just feel that i have hurt this person, it is correct for me to do..... maybe i am such a shameful....



Cirumstances.

You are brought into a scenario where you causally issued the decree of break-up in a moment of folly... only to regret as soon as your order is given. You can never say you didn't have the time to consider about it because the minute you declare a break-up, regardless of how unintentional this declaration is, you have vividly created a huge chasm, dividing and widening the emotional distance.

Some people got closer after a break-up, but according to my experience, that is a sacrificial exchange of a temporary closeness, for some degree of damage to the relationship. Emotional intimacy is achieved through certain criteria, but definitely, a break-patch cycle is never part of it.

It is likely that you have wounded him somehow and brought him down to his knees, through the realization of how weak this relationship actually is, when he is serving his national liability. His despondent attitude is natural; he could never see himself standing on equal grounds with reality (or possible competitors) and fighting to salvage his relationship. His fatigued body and jaded emotions makes him feel so worn out.

Somehow, he would feel that even if he wants to give it another try, when similar thingy occurs, there is little he could do if you want to end the relationship.

This is belongs to an issue of understanding and empathy. He may need some time to think through things and you could also take this opportunity to reflect. There will definitely be a cool-down period; therefore decide after when the heat is gone.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 120905

Originally posted by xiaoling:
What happens when your bf betrayed you? He found another gal, reason being you are overseas and he is lonely. He wanted companion for just that short few months that you are away?

I forgive him as i still love him very much. I came back hoping to start everything afresh with him and we did... But things isn't as wonderful as last time. He tried his best but his feelings for me is no longer there.

An sms to him a day and meeting up with him only for a few hrs a week, seems too much for him to bear. He feels pressurised. He requested for his own personal space.

He says he wants to be fair to me and for him to have his own space. We have been together for close to 6 years. I just can't bear for us to part this way..

How come a person can change so fast without a reason? Is there really eternality love?? Why does one person commit fully whereas another can just let it go just like that?? :(

What are the chances if I say that the relationship is long gone, held merely by non-existence promise to one another in name of duty to remain? Duty is inclusive of the lengthy time together as a couple, which actually amounts to nothing if quality of the relationship is stale.

Your overseas trip is not the cause; it is the catalysis.

With a sudden surge of freedom flowing through him, the notion of cheating without getting caught seemed so ideal. He probably thought it as companionship, but let me tell you: it is not so simple. Deep inside him, this relationship is already a lost cause, for replacing alternative companionship is but a reason to allow his conscience to exercise that decision without too much guilt.

Forgiveness, truthful or even honest confession can take place, but what is Love left in the relationship?

By now, you probably realize that Love works in a way where trying is meaningless if you don't know what you are trying for. Tried his best? Best in what? Tried for what?

Pressured? Need personal space?

Do you see your relationship degenerating?

P.S: Nothing change overnight; just that you didn't know all these while, changes are constantly taking place. Come clean with one another in naked emotions - only then you can truely see how your six years relationship looks like.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 120905

Originally posted by What if:
Sigh I dunno also. been troubled by it. I mean I know I should just be a friend right now since I broke her heart. Was so blind in the past. There stood someone who loved me yet I broke off with her. Right now I am just not sure about my future anymore. seems like she's the last person I'll ever find. Dun even know if I will get married. dunno if I ever find someone like her again or better...wasted so much time looking for something which i actually have found but threw away. Regrets. Now I have to waste even more time...


Seemed like if she could make you have ALL these enlightenments only when she has left you, it's likely that her presence in your life is probably just that - all that wisdom you gain from losing her.

You actually gain alot without you knowing and perhaps grown up a little in areas of Love.

By looking back, you are rejecting former lessons in hoping to repair the irrevocable.

Futile.

Keep what she has taught you and widen your perspective. Only then, you could use this to find your eventual one.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 080905

Originally posted by JuzMy2Cts:
hi all,

Its my first post and i'm sorry if i'm a trouble to anyone of you guyz and galz here...

Been together with my gal for about a year and a half now... had our share of laughter and quarrels... but its always the humouring her part that she always deem me a failure in... why is it that other guys know how to humour their gf and yet you don't know? why is it that after your previous relationships and yet you don't know what humouring a gal is all about?

Seriously i believe i do try too... but i feel its just not in my nature or genes... imo i always feel that sweet talking guyz are a$$ hxlez in my eyes... i dont mind talking with gentleness but when it comes to nice words, my brain is totally dry... for eg, during an outing, she was venting her frustrations at work at me, she nagged at me when i parked my car slightly further away from the lift area when plenty of nice empty slots are present, she slammed my door and waited outside, when i am done i tried to offer to take her stuff for her but she ignored me and simply walked off, i know it was raining outside the building and i rushed back to get the umbrella for her but when i returned she got angry with me instead that i didnt bother to humour her even though i know she's angry???? OMG it was only a few minutes and seriously in my mind i was trying to conceive my humour plan... do all gals think that humour plans comes like oxygen in the air??

other times when she's angry, i try to pick up a light topic, she seem to completely ignore me and reply in short words... yes... no... not sure... i do admit at times on phone conversation i tend to keep quiet especially when we quarrel... and i know she dont like it... but its not that i find it fun to do that... she just get flared up so easily... when we quarrel i prefer to keep my own cool and let she do all the verbal screaming she wants... imo when two quarrels, one side should always stay cool to allow true problem solving...

i really don't know... can anyone in this world tell me what is humouring a gal? how do i get the wu lin mi ji to learn this technique? why cant she understand that? is it a must for guys to know this? if you ask me if i had similar problems with my past relationships in this i will say no... simply because imo my ex gfs' so called expectations of a guy humouring a gal is a simple sorry, gentle, warm and teasing her with some cuddlings... is there really more to this?

at this very moment she's telling not to talk to her until i learn how to humour a gal... i feel i can do well in all exams as i used to but this is one paper i seriously have no confidence in...

Sorry if i took too much of your tme reading this, i really need some opening to talk it out...


To me, it's not so much about humouring your gf when she is in a bad mood; It's more about her attitude and her expectation of you. When she entered into a relationship with you, the kind of character she has readily accepted to be her boyfriend (I presumed there was a decent amount of time spent together before a BGR was born between you two), is something that she already knew. By requesting strongly something that is so unlike you, she is beginning to evolve you from different angles. This is a natural process of couple-ship for we subconsciously influence each other.

Somehow, her attempt is done based on self centric effect. All about 'I, Me and Myself.'

It's good to know how to handle your gf when she isn't particularly in a good mood, but there is a difference between bad mood and bad attitude. Having a bad mood doesn't automatically produce bad attitude - such personality is innate.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 070905

Originally posted by Saint`:
ok .. 1stly i find myself falling for gals who r attached .. or almost attached .. i dunno y .. cos i looked back into my past .. almost all the serious ones r those who r either taken .. or on the rocks ... y such things happen to me ??

1st gal .. my jc yr 1 bestie , but when she was taken i felt a strong compelling regret ... somemore she confessed to me tat she had liked me b4 -.-
2nd gal .. i was a 3rd party .. >.<
3rdgal .. she was on the rocks with her bf .. n confide in me tat she actually has no feelings for him ... onli go steady with him out of gratitude n impulse

so now this is the 4th gal ...

i mus admit when i got to koe her .. i had the slightest idea to court her ... but then i didnt .. jus managed to maintain a platonic rls with her ... partly becos she was attached to someone of her sec sch.. n also from past experiences of being a 3rd party .. i wouldnt wan to do it again cos i koe hw bastard it could b n painful for all 3 ppl .. so i resist n back off ... but when i saw her with 1 of my not-so-close fren together .. i was quite taken aback .. cos i didnt koe she changed bf .. prehaps in my sub consicous .. i was wondering y i didnt take the chance when i was close with her(like with some occassions in the past) ..however i nv habour any feelings for this gal when i got to koe this

so now ... she n her bf broke up .. her bf is in the army .. n due to some bad reasons .. they ended up this way .. the funny thing was .. when she confided in me ... i felt so weird ... i told myself i shldnt like her .. but i dunno y n couldnt helped it but felt slightly drawn towards her ever since the day i koe she has broken up with her bf ...

well she hasnt really gotten over with him yet ... n the bf shown repentance n is willing to patch up ... i koe i might jus fall back to the same black hole again .. hw is it tat i m attracted to gals of such kinds .. i mean those like taken or semi-attached those kinds .. -.-

so i m wondering what shld i do ... i went out with her once to study n play ... i tried to cheer up her n i found myself showering her care n prehaps some bits of affection .. shld i continue this confused courtship ?? or wat ??... i will b having a major exam soon .. i really hope tat if i were to court her ... it would be good news for me .. if not .. a total void to even attempt ...



Usually when that happens to people I know, I will study him/her in details, as part of my everyday study. Somehow, you didn't choose or desire to be in that kinda of relationship, but heaven seemed to make sport of you.

A slight shift of preception: it may not be YOU with the tendency of falling for taken/semi-attached girls, rather, it seemed like unlearned lesson repeating its cycle. You said that you encounter situation where regrets sinks in, then your girl became unavailable and pressure you into a third party status.

Have you truely learn the pain of thorns when plucking the roses? I doubt so. You merely know the pain, but the deterrence is not enough for you to abstance.

Karmic relationship - created a carrot dangling infront of donkey situation. You are lure into them.

Seriously, I do not have much issues about people chasing after others who are currently attached. But what is accompanied by such relationship is usually a price, without a pricetag. We never know the extend of how much it will cost us until we decide to enter into that zone and move towards that direction.

Such is but self discovery and knowledge, on what is the best route to steer in Love.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 060905

Originally posted by What if:
2 years ago, I broke off with my girlfriend over a third party who was such a bitch. In the end, I was with no one. I know I made a mistake. When i look back now, my ex was the only one I would want to live with forever.

She's the kind of girl who will take bus with me(unlike those $$ girls who only take cars). Because of what happened, I lost myself, became depressed, and until now I still have regrets. 2 years of pain and loneliness and god knows how long more before I can love someone again. Now she is attached, happily or not I dunno cos right now I dare not step into her private zone. how I wish i was wiser in the past and never left her. pls dun flame me as I have already realised my mistake. i just hope she knows that if got chance again, i wanna be with her and i will never break her heart again.

The lesson here is not what you have lost, rather, the significance why you have lost it.

If you were to reverse time and materialize as a third person, trying your best to talk to your then-mindset as another party, nothing will sink in. Going back time is merely a 'waste of time' because 'the-back-then-you' is bound to lose this girl in exchange for personal growth and cosmic lesson.

Regardless, it is impossible to turn back time.

What you are doing now is attempting to look over your shoulder, hoping you can catch a glimpse of her presence behind you. However, it's futile for, she has already moved on so far. In her mind, to return back to where she came from previously makes no sense to her. It makes sense to you because you are regretting... but would it be so for her?

Considering your behaviour and action, shouldn't she be glad to move on?

P.S: Learn to live with your regrets and channel them into a force to mould your future, not something to repair your irrevocable past.

Cheers

Aunt Agony III 030905

Originally posted by innocentme:
my bf is in army... in the past few months, i started to regret.. started to feel tt he isnt the one i m looking for.. i shant go into the details about y i dun like him..

the problem here is tt i wan to break up with him. n he dun let me.. to make things more complicated, my bf A made soccer bets with my buddy B and lost 2000 over bucks. so far, A onli paid B 300 bucks.. this debt has been dragging for more than a month..

2 weeks ago, B found out tt i have intentions to break up with A. so B asked me for a favout. he told me the truth tt A has been betting with him. A actually promised me to quit betting months ago. we agreed tt if he bet again, we'll break up.. for the past few months, our relationship have been tensing up.. n i have initiated a break up numerous times. A always told me tt he did a lot for me, n even quit betting for me.. but it was all a lie... he betrayed my trust, broke the promise and never wanted to tell me the truth... A is such a loser.. dun u think so? he never had the intentions to pay my buddy B.. he wouldnt have paid tt 300 if A wasnt afraid tt b will tell me the truth..

recently, becoz of some quarrel.. things got real bad.. and i couldnt take it anymore.. for the last 2 weeks i have been pretending tt i am still giving a chance to someone i dun like. i did so so tt my fren can collect the debts from my bf A. so i blew up today... i confronted my bf A and asked for a break up again... the same thing happened.. he's so persisitent.. we talked on the fone for hours.. i tried not to anser him.. but he kept pestering me..

he used to threaten me tt he will commit suicide if i leave him. den he say he will come to my house and make a din.. i was scared in the beginning.. i didnt wan my mum to know all these.. i didnt want my family to be involved.. but i badly wan to get out of this relatipnship now.. so much tt i realli dun care anymore.. he threathened me tt he might come kill me if i were to break up with him.. n i repiled.. tt i dun care.. í told him i'll do anything to leave him..

pls.. pple... can someone give me some advices? how can i leave him?



You already can't wait to leave the relationship and if you think hard enough, nothing can stop you from doing it.

You are preventing yourself from ending the relationship due to non-related issues.

There is NOTHING he could do if you were to walk out of that door and vow never to return.

What you need is decision, not advice.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 030905

Originally posted by kiekie:
What should i do? I m really in a dilemma.

Recently i found out that my hubby has been sort of 'CHEATING" on me outside. Specially on Friday's nite. cuz i usually stay at hme on fri nite as i gotto work on Sat. Hence, he went out to pubs with his friends even though he knows he can do so on Sat taking me along. :(

Nevertheless, i trusted him so much until recently. I was really devastated when i found out that he was on very good terms with one of his married colleague. They chatted on the phone eveyday when i was at work, which lasted for 30min to 1 hr. and even has multiple sms to one & other everyday.

I found out when one fri nite he came back at 6am. That day i was sick, throwing up & having a bad flu. However, i asked him to take care of himself and enjoy cuz i felt that if i ask him to come back early, its oso useless, it won't cure my illness.

I waited from 11pm to 2pm at the void deck and quicklyawent home when 1 stranger came to approach me to be friends. I laid on the bed and tried to sleep but i cudn't. At around 4pm, i went downstairs again and waited till near 6am. Despite my multiple calls and sms, he didn't answer or reply. I was so worried that something bad might have happen to him.

I went home again to get prepared for work and the moment i stepped out of the lift when i was going out, i saw him....drunk and I began to question him. He merely replied that he went to pub then makan with his colleague.

I was doubtful and tried to check his HP call details. Then i saw him making calls to some numbers that i didn't know. I asked him y he nv answer my calls & all he replied was his HP low batt. I packed my clothings & decided to moved out.

He was lying on the bed restlessly and asked me not to go. I poured out my emotions and told him off.

All these yrs, i ve been treaying him like a king. I served him meals, pick up his laundries cuz he alwaz dump them on the floor when he comes back. Get his socks for him, paid for his expenses and bills. Even thou i got to work from 8.30 to 9.30pm, i alwaz make the effort to call him & buy dinner for him as he alwaz sleep when he came back from work.

Only now then i realised i m a fool. He didn't sleep when he came back, he was making calls to his married colleague whom has 2 kids.

How do i find out? I managed to get his call list and sms list n matched up all the calls they made.

Why do i do that?

Cuz after that fri incident, he promised to be better to me & i forgave him. But 3 days later, while he was asleep, i tried checking his HP. I knew he dun like it but i have no choice as i dun know wat he's doing behind my back.

& i saw a MESSage that shattered the vision of mine.

It says: No matter wat's ur decision, i will always care for u. You muz study hard and nv let urself fall ill again. I LOVE U!

I noted the number and realised it was the name of the colleague whom he mentioned to me before cuz she was the prettiest in his company.

That night, while he was sleeping, i packed up all my belongings and left the house with lots of bag. I met my good friend & sat down for a chat. She tried to console me that things might not be as bad as i tot. That night was another sleepless one. I spent the whole night checking out the numer of calls and sms they made and tried to match them up one by one.

The next morning, he called me as he cudn't find me. I avoided his calls for 1 hour. And finally on my way to work, i answered. I told he that i will go. He was shocked as he didm't know wat was happening. He nv know that i will have a list of the info. he kept begging me to come backand promised that he will change. I questioned about his colleague and he was so afraid that i might ring her up as she has a family.

Then i told him, since u r afraid of hurting her and not me, then let me go. I ve u but not ur heart......u ve changed. No wonder u treated me so badly. Whenever i buy food for u at night, u r sleeping and by the time u wake up, u complained tat the food is cold and juz have a mouthful and go back to sleep. We have very little conversation and he alwaz tells me he is tired.

I am so sad. I felt so foolish, thinking that he's really tired.....on the other side, he's chatting with that woman before i reach home. Usually, when he charge his hp, he always leave it on a chair, now he hide it under his pillow.. sighz....

That morning when he called me, i told him that i knew everything, he was shocked and only after much questionings, he revealed the truth. He said that his colleague is in love with him. But only when the night i choose to leave him, then he wakes up and realised my importance which he nv did in the past.........He said that he didn't touch or went out wif her at all. Merely sms and chatting on the phone. He said that he has no feelings for her. I told him if he has no feelings for her, then i dun find a need for them to sms each other everyday or chat on the phone everyday for so long! Whenever i call him, he will tell me he's busy la. Then how come he's free to chatt with her for so long?????

I told him my heart is shattered and if he wants the kind of thrill go ahead, i will set him free. He broke down and cried begging for my forgiveness. Then thru the call list, i found a few numbers that he called frequently too. I tried dialing them n found out they r all gals!!! This time i was firm to leave him.

I wanted to stay, but i cudn't find any good reason to do so..He dun love me anymore, our lifes has become stagnant. He resorts to knowing other new gals at pub on Fri nights and chatting wif his married colleague to ease his stresses at work and studies. I understand, thats y he choose to keep me in the dark. He said that he's afaid that i will be angry. N i told him off that if he's afraid that i will be furious, then in the first place, he shouldn't have done so!!

He kept denying abt the gals he befriend with and in the end, when i threatended to call them up one by one, then he confessed. He kept begging me not to go cuz he cannot dun ve me. But i told him straight that he will be able to find a better one. He's juz used to our relationshio and do not love me anymore. It's a kind of habit to be together..Anyway being together with him, he had forced me to be so independent and i can take care of myself.

We already ROM, juz that we have yet to hold the wedding dinner. SO he kept saying that he will talk to his parents abt it and we will applied for a house. I told him... what for??? Everynight, i sleep with a GREAT PRETENDER and thought that he was really tired and stressful... I had nv felt so foolish at all. I even gave him $$ to go to pub, afraid that he dun have enough.... Now all i get is.......................hurt.



Your man appeared to have breach the first level of betrayal, but studying your post, it also appeared to me that he lack the courage to leap across ships directly. He may not physically betrayed you, but nevertheless, emotionally, he is wavering. This could be due to a number of reasons - but most of it constitute a lack of couple interaction.

What do I mean by couple interaction?

We always talk about how relationship works with two hands akin to clapping; your act of giving is divine, but his act of taking advantage of your goodwill and duty of a then-girlfriend-now-wife has became a norm... a standard procedure that automatically comes to him. Your relationship lack life and vigour like an one way road junction; no oppositions nor alternatives surface to challenge the relationship. Like how food travels from our mouth to the end of the digestive system.

If you are thinking that I am talking about the romantic flame of your relationship, that is only half the picture. The other half is about emotional acceptance without logical justification - somewhat a woman without a mind of her own. Your husband probably sees you as a woman he is with - not a wife. Re-read that sentence carefully and you will notice a distinct difference. Although there is no need for aggressive power struggle in your Love, but without a certain idea to lay out grounds and communicate definition of how you want your relationship to be, by allowing your man the full control means that he will climb over you in no time.

Absolute power corrupts absolutely. I always say this: Love is about looking at the same direction; not at each other. When you put yourself a level lower than your man, and if he is not the enlightened kind, you are asking yourself to be taken advantage of.

A sizable truth is that your man is likely to think of you as a wife material, but that's about it. You are someone who looks after the family, the domestic stuff and that's about it.

A woman he is with or a wife? Do you see the difference?

That is also probably the reason why he only breached that first level and not any further. Think about this: If you give him enough time to gather courage and rethink his course emotionally, this marriage is over. He is seeking for emotional substitute; someone to compensate what is lacking in his own marriage - this is same for the married woman as well. You find two similar people with similar plight, they will come together like molecule bonding to achieve certain stability.

Non-committed relationship: People who indulge in them are usually unavailable themselves. This is to eliminate the deep guilt that is usually accompanied by such sub rosa relationship. The message that they are sending over is as such: 'we are impossible, but hey... I don't want it to be possible anyway'

What is happening may not be good for the relationship as a whole - but being good natured, you felt a need to compromise in order to keep the relationship intact without heavy conflicts.

Sure is compromising and not avoidance?

I see so much avoidance in your behaviour that I can't help but to think that it is likely to be the latter. What use could it have been for you to take up the task of a private investigator and source evidence of betrayal and after finding out 'the truth' - you pack your stuff and left?

Don't you realise that all these while, you knew something is wrong with the relationship but your mind pushes all these suspicions to the back of your subconscious mind? Your refusal to see this and thus avoiding of proper couple communicate to tackle or ease the destruction process that the relationship is suffering... is like everything else is decaying beneath the grand edifice your Love portrays to your mind. And when reality hits you hard, you cannot accept the truth - thinking why this has happen even though you treated him well.

This is an essential catalysis to bring you back, rudely, to reality.

You mentioned that he sees this relationship as a habit - but does he marry you out of habit as well? Following the sheeps blindly because the relationship is seemingly lengthy enough to announce a ROM?

Your lack of life outside your relationship is the worst you can contribute to ANY form of BGR/marriage. This is an ironic truth - when you don't have life outside the life of your relationship, your relationship is aversely affected. It's all about balance... and life is not merely about Love, for Love comes in different dimensions. Your need a good healthy lifestyle to complement a good relationship - people with screwed up life finds difficulty to maintain fulfilling relationship. Lack of friends also means a lack of guidance and support to reveal certain angles that neutral party can pinpoint to you before it's too late. Your blindspots.

***

You have accepted him back again.

He has told you that he will change.

He will probably avoid that woman, go less pubs, avoid knowing female strangers, etc, but how will he repair and work for the sinking relationship? You got to understand that changing those variables that causes the gale to strike the relationship won't save your Love from withering. You ought to give some consideration to the following:

I) If you want to see how this 'Giving him a chance' will work out - make sure you see him putting in effort in the relationship, with you, being slightly self absorbed for once, playing the receiving part. Reason why being explained above.

II) Built back what lifestyle you had previously given up. Remember, you are a WIFE and you STANDS ON EQUAL POSITION with your husband, to be cared and loved mutually. You ain't a woman living with him... a maid... a somebody born out of habit to be with. If you wish to play that role, you will eventually see that giving him a chance is but only a short term solution to a gradual dismissal of your relationship.

III) You got to project an ultimatum; a feeling where you will attempt to trust him again and this is but the last chance. No tears or knees begging will make you change your decision once he screwed it again. Emotions works in a way where people response 2.5 times better in a negative lost than positive gain.

P.S: Love will not fool you; you can only fool yourself with reasons being Love.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 030905

Originally posted by r33b0k:
ok.. so Yunhaier.. any particular equation and principles to follow?

You will gradually make your own sound judgement on what is the best for you ultimately. This is self derived and not imparted knowledge or law passed down from others because my cosmic lesson is definitely different from yours, so the word 'particular' is not applicable in this case.

You may feel that something may be wrong with you... easily falling in love and wondering if what you are feeling is Love. To me, such fleeting emotional moments may not justify the miracles of Love, but of course, only time will let you understand eventually, whether either one of the girls you fell for... would have an everlasting impact in your life or not. (Although most of them will probably turn out to be like anyone else).

Then, your initial cosmic lesson begins its course and you will gradually form and shape your own definition of Love. Good or bad - you will have some idealogy of love and probably apply them in the future, and at the same time, constantly moulding, evolving and changing them according to what your experience teaches you.

Cheers