Aunt Agony 110506

Originally posted by lingster:
first time posting..

i have been with my girl for almost 8 months already. i love her lots, and i believe she does too.

there are some problems in our relationship which i have been trying hard to address but with little success. i'm getting so frustrated and i dunnoe what to do.

my gf is 2 years my junior (i'm 20). before our relationship, she had some problems with her then bf and started flirting around with other guys. because of this, she constantly believes that there will be "retribution", and that i will do the same to her. this is despite me telling her that i will never do such a thing due to my love for her, as well as my personal beliefs.

i try my best not to make her feel worried, by not talking to other girls (even close friends), not going out with them and all that. but her jealous streak always seems to appear even when i do nothing wrong! when i suggested that we go on a double date with her best friend (and bf), she accused me several times of liking her best friend.

when at my friend's bdae chalet, a close female friend of mine sat next to me on the bench and talked to me, she also flare up and insisted that she was trying to flirt with me and all.

she will always get angry for no rhyme or reason, and give me silent treatments. she constantly accuses me of liking this girl that girl, when i haven even been in contact with them. her theology is that there is always a possibility, and she's just protectign herself. she has also mention break up several times but we always make up after that when i pacify her. everything that happens is directed towards me whether its my fault or not.

we meet up very occasionally whenever possible, as she is studying and im in the army. however, due to some outfield crap, im on long mc and we were able to spend more time tgt. she insists on being on the phone all the time when we are not tgt physically. i told her before i dont enjoy being on the phone for too long and i believe she understands why. but yesterday she called me so often that i started to feel suffocated as i was unable to do any personal things. when i told her i wanted to watch tv, she flared up and hanged up. i smsed her saying that all i wanted was to watch some tv, and that i should have some personal time to do this kinda things right? she ended up making a big issue out of it and saying many irrelvant things. she even said she doesnt know how to continue the relationship anymore. i told her lets have a cool off period.

i love my gf lots and she does treat me very well when she is not in her "mood". but we are having too many quarrels and im afraid this is going nowhere. i'm so tired of having to pacify her even for things which i didnt do. its happening so often such as once every 2-3 days. what should i do? i tried telling her many times not to get angry or jealous so easily and she always agrees. but it seems that promises are always meant to be broken (actual quote from her).


sorry for such a long post.


She has reinforced her belief so formidably that it creates a self fulfilling prophesy, that's for you to eventually dump her. This 'retribution' is an implanted fear mechanism that is coaxing her to keep an emotional distance away from you. Probably because of her existing love for you – every time when she finds herself becoming emotionally intimate/close to you, this fear is triggered and immediately, some false contexts are taken from reality and justify her self-induced melodrama.

These are illusions spawn to entertain her twisted emotional mindset.

It's beyond logics - it's an emotional defect.

You can probably throw what you got at her and pacify her soul momentarily, but give her few days; she would probably revert back to that original mindset because Venus is afflicted. The beauty of Love has been warped to a form of physical possession and bondage.

MC suggested accepting it - my take is that, you are just suppressing yourself until implosion occurs. And it will definitely occur if things continue along this direction. I am pretty sure that she would probably remain the same, until the advent of some drastic event/s. It's MORE than just changing; it’s about shaping a mindset.... and to alter someone's mindset is an incredibly daunting feat.

If you want to influence someone's mindset, you got to enter her spirit and nurse whatever injury that is fuelling that negativity. Although I hate to say it, but sometimes, aberrant mind games coupled with rhetoric can do wonders for people like her. Because she has made herself a protagonist of a tearful tale, you can go along that 'plot'... then subconsciously seize that position of a 'director' and control that flow of scenarios, thoughts and feelings that is incorporated into her belief.

Her self-made prophesy is as powerful as an impervious fortress. Years of depressing, sick and negative thoughts has conjured millions of ' undead warriors' that would take years to decimate and breach through. Some people remain this way for eternity, because nobody could lead a successful siege and win. And when they failed... they add more ranks to the 'undead warriors', making it even HARDER for the next foolhardy adventurer to attempt.

Forget about surface pacifying - go inside, explore what's wrong and heal them.

Cheers