Aunt Agony 210808

Originally posted by Extinguished:

Been in this relationship for 6+ years. Both of us cant bear to let go, but he is not confident to carry on as well. For the past 2 months, we have been running in circles - trying to let go and trying to carry on.

At the beginning, we were happy and things were rosy. However, unhappiness built up from a few serious quarrels and many small issues. Things become boring, but I am contented, thinking that we will end up together no matter wat, trusting in him, in me, in us.

Things started to go wiry 2 months back due to his work stress and some other fundamental issues between us. And yes, it has dragged for 2 months and mushroomed into a bigger problem. He started to wonder if we will be happy together as we are of different wavelength (meaning we don't share the same jokes). Worst of all, he has a female colleague whom he can really click with and I made him realise that she has feelings for him. He cant helped comparing me with her and his feelings for her has developed as well. Due to circumstances, he knows that it is impossible for them, but he can't help thinking to try out with her. It makes it harder as he sees her everyday.

I have asked him to give us a chance till end of this year.

Can this extinguished flame be rekindled?

Is his feeling for me dormant somewhere and I will be able to find it back?

Or should I just let go this relationship of 6 years? He told me that he still feel regretful when we last decided to let go (which was last thur).


A three-nation research on divorce and separation was done last year and it was noted that an accumulation of daily trivial affairs are cited as the main cause of the failure in marriage and relationship.

Hence, those who had victory in marriage would have mastered interpersonal skills that allowed them to manage and compromise annoying daily issues that builds up over time, which maliciously seeks to oxidize and decay the core foundation of the very Love one have constructed.

People might envy such lengthy relationship, but the measure of relationship must always be qualitative and how relative it is to our personal growth, and not mere quantitative figures of how long the couple has been together or absolute assumption that a relationship gets better with age or ultimately leads to marriage and happily ever after.

Like the once-glorious Tang dynasty, which too crumble eventually; is there a reason so attractive that this ailing six years relationship is still relevant, in both of your reality, by being together?

Your six-year affair would amount to nothing, if the relationship is basically inane, mechanical and obligatory. A kiss is but mere touching of lips if the emotional component is missing. For one’s happiness in Love does not depend entirely on who you are with, but rather, the true rationale of breathing the relationship must be certain and burned into staunch conviction into our love beliefs.

The longer the relationship… the longer the race… the easier it is to be eliminated by stress and deranged circumstances.

Testing your relationship artificially is an immature way in problem-solving. Your relationship is already ‘constantly being tested’ via Love cosmic lessons – your artificial interference only suggest additional plunging of blades into the back of your relationship and damaging it further. It does not, unfortunately, improve your situations, other than bringing it closer to death.

Examine your relationship in-depth first and decide if there’s still a reason for the relationship to continue. Same goes for your man. Take one problem at a time. Tackle the immediate issues first - the decision with regards to the other woman, if he should quit his job, etc. Then seek to work out the internal comms, expectation and behaviour within the relationship as your second concern. Finally, you can preview and reiterate critical values and beliefs, once you have re-establish foothold onto your Love, so as to ensure longevity of your relationship.

Cheers