Aunt Agony 200506

Originally posted by skyliner_:
I am the silent, strong and independent type. Have anyone like my type feel that their emotion being short-circuited? Sometime i feel so dis-oriented with my own feelings that my head ache... perhaps my brain was trying to block away all my bad past experiences with life and trying to tell myself everythings is all right but nothing is alright at all. i am actually very weak and soft within.

The more i Try to push those thoughts and images away.. the more my head feel like in a bottleneck pressure.. all the 'pushing' in the mind has become automatics cos i have doing it for almost 10years.

I am sad cos i am not affectionate. Too cold, aloof, detached and most people thought i am stuck-up. I am trying to protect myself and themselves. Cos i hurt people unknowingly... my past pains that i can't get over with and has became a part of my own psyche.

i don't feel loved easily or emit simple human warmth or feel there warmth from people. Some behave the way u behave to them accordingly.It like a vicious cycle. i am longing for there human warmth , trying to remember there human warmth feeling.

It is just very hard for me to step out of there zone. To share joy and happiness with others. Sometime it is all about me cos i keep thinking about my problems... i just want to get to knw people @ a deeper basis and people to know me a deeper basis and stop being serious all the time.



Very vehement Saturn-influence in your life.

You are taking everything too personal, which probably fuel your seriousness to the maximum scale. Learn to release yourself from this tight incarcerated emotional jail and relax your soul. You can only allow spring to breeze through your life ONLY if you allow the bitter winter to conclude. It is a trade off - with your constant refusal to grow, move on and to brood on the unnecessary setbacks in life, what sort of 'you' can you envision yourself to be?

Cranky old woman that imprisoned herself to her past?

This is the root of problem - your inability to understand the circumstances of the past that enables you to pursue a better future. Instead, you use circumstances of the past to degenerate your future.

So what if you have hurt someone in the past? Have it occurs to you that it must have happen so that the person you hurt will grow from his injury and you grow from your action? If you do not see life as perpetual learning, you will grow to fear learning. To fear learning is fear to attempt and when you fear to attempt, your mind create 'reasons' to avoid attempting.

In this way, you have failed to extract the exact lesson/s your karmic relationship wants you to comprehend and stagnation follows shortly.

It is OK to explore your soul and view all those unwanted past memories etched into our subconscious. You got to nurse whatever wounds you had previously and not packed them, like boxes, into the back of your mind and pretended that they never exist, for this idealism will shatter when realism slipped into your mind.

Open this 'skeleton in the cupboard' and face your nightmare directly. Challenge them psychologically and reflect upon the things you feared. Your mind may scream a warning as you attempt to retrieve those memories, but seriously, it isn't as bad as you think it would be. Be honest with yourself, with your past and be accepting on what that has happen.

You will come and understand that Love wants to teach you something; tap on higher wisdom to know what is it. Embrace the cosmic lesson and you could liberate yourself from being aloof when you discover new courage to steer you away from negativity and reborn into a better being.

Restore yourself; like Narnia, this winter is too lengthy. Seek to end your torment today.

Cheers