Aunt Agony II 290706

Originally posted by sassysapphire86:
I've been with a guy for the past 4 years, and im 21 years old now. But lately i have realized that i no longer have the same feelings i did when we first started going out. But at the same time, im so indebted to him, cus he gave me so much support when i was studying in the States, and he was in the Navy. Time difference, plus my busy schedule, plus the fact that i was hardly at home during weekends (partying), yet he stuck through and i appreciated having an anchor so rock-solid. Once i returned home, its been different, my feelings are different. Even he commented that i dont like to cuddle up anymore etc etc (you know..). And i come up with some lame excuse & yet he accepts it. I don't know where im headed. My parents wouldn't approve of him as hes not the academic sort, but my family is REALLY academics-oriented (Harvard, MIT, Cornell, and for me- Purdue). So i always tell myself that IF i want to end it, i better to it now before i'm in too deep.

Yet, i'm so confused because i don't want to throw away this relationship based on the fact that 'i don't love him anymore' & also because i don't want to hurt him. He's told me so many times, not to leave him ever, that he will marry me, & so much stuff that it really hurts me to even THINk that my feelings aren't there anymore. I need help & pronto!

Thanks ya`all. I really appreciate the time you took out to read a little part about my life.


You are probably subjected to your family's influence regarding their expectation of a son-in-law and that may constitute partial reason why you are demoralize about your own relationship (minus the fact that your relationship may be long and sunk into habitual/routine mode), but ultimately, the man whom you would be living with for the years to come is you... not your family.

They think what is best for you, but they ain't you - only you know what is suitable and best for yourself, for you are no longer a little girl and you must learn to make decision for yourself.

That would bring us to another point: if your feelings have vanished, I don't know if you could allow yourself to be with a man you have no feelings for. Chances are, it could be temporal; maybe you should allow yourself one good shot at rebuilding this relationship, before deciding that love is truly gone.

NEVER love for sympathy; that's extremely cruel for his growth in love. You don't want to have a scene when he embrace you... with you in his mind while your soul isn't around or worst, is with another guy. A decisive break up may tear him apart emotionally, but certainly, you don't want to waste more of his 'investment' unto something that is returning pseudo-dividends.

You could just be delaying the inevitable.

If you want to have a good shot at this, learn to talk about your relationship in a more wholesome picture, than engaging in conversation that spells fear or 'don't-leave-me-or-I-die' sort of thingy. It's negative communication and that usually backfire all efforts to change an impending doom. He must know that he has to help this relationship, by assisting you to have a good shot at rebuilding or it would probably be a one-person effort and you will succumb to passiveness after some time.

He must know that this relationship has hit an iceberg and repair must be done.

P.S: Humans are so often self-absorbed - they think so much about themselves that they wouldn't bother what their love truly needs. If love was enlightened, maturity would have understood that love that must go... will go... and that everything that coerced it to remain will be futile.

First sight of love... last breath of wisdom...

Cheers

Aunt Agony 290706

Originally posted by Claudia_2006:
Hi everyone

What I am going to share with you is something that is bothering me recently. I am not asking for trouble here but I really do not know where to turn to. I cannot share this with my friend. As you read on, you will see what I mean.

I am happily married to the nicest guy who holds a stable job, is loving and caring. Other than working, he spends all this time with me and tries to do things for me and with me. He is all that any woman will want to marry. I am glad and I know I am lucky and blessed.

But in recent weeks, I am bugged with this thought. The thought of having a fling outside. Yes, in the past, I used to have many boyfriends and I changed boyfriends like nobody's business. All my friends had a hard time remembering who I was going out with.

It sounds fun and crazy and it was indeed fun to have new guys every now and then. But soon I realised that I did not like this kind of lifestyle. It just wasn't me. I decided that I was after all still very much conservative and I longed to settled down with somebody stable and loving.

Soon I met my husband. He is not the romantic kind that will surprise me with roses and presents. He is the homely kind that likes to stay at home with family to have dinner and watch TV. This is the perfect kind of husband -- the stay-at-home kind of man. He even helps out with housechores and groceries.

Everything, except sex life, is perfect after we got married. Due to the nature of his work, he is highly stressed and doesn't perform much in bed. Even when we were newly wed, we didn't make love more than once a week.

Recently, as mentioned earlier I have been thinking about having an affair outside. I don't think it has to do with my low sex life with my husband, or rather, I don't really know either.

When this thought first came to me, it was not so much of having sex with other men. I didn't think of having one night stand or something. But rather, I was more into having a fling, a short time relationship. I suddenly miss infatuation. I miss the strong emotion that I used to have when seeing new guys.

I have been married for a short while only, definitely less than 7 years. So this shouldn't be a 7 years itch kind of symptom. It is bugging me and I dare not share with any of my friends, even the girls. Because the whole world think that I have a perfect husband and they will scream my head off for sharing this with them, instead of helping.

I hope to hear some advice here or find out where I can get helped.

Thank you for your time reading this.


We are all born sexual. Sex is definitely essential to a holistic living in a marriage, but on the other hand, we live in webs of suppressive conditioning which work to restrain the flow of sexual energy, the recognition of impulse and need and the fulfilling sexual interaction with others.

Your higher consciousness relates about your wild past and that you know it isn't something you will seek ultimately. That creates the suppressing condition because circumstances is waging war against this higher consciousness, in which you knew for sure that if you succumb to your past behaviour, you will face torment and suffering. At the greatest cost, you could also lose your marriage.

I believe you are not nymphomania; just that sexual frustration will definitely lead to emotional frustration. The combination of two - devoid of romance and sexual fulfillment often blurs our vision in love and that we began to question ourselves: if we have make the right decision, why are we feeling empty?

You must understand that we are unique individuals, with separate sets of needs. Therefore, if these needs are not met, we seek to fulfill them.

Even in a seemingly impeccable marriage/relationship, there are invisible imperfection we must seek to amend. If you allow this frustration to grow, (and with critical planetary crisis) you will implode from within and lose your position to control your situation.

Your emotion is 24 times stronger than your mind. Should there be a day when you lose your mind - you lose yourself.

Not possible? Nothing is absolute - I give you one possible scenario: when alcohol is involved (Under intoxicated mode, Neptune influence, Moon takes over our consciousness and we become another person).

***

I believe that we must constantly preview and renew our relationship. Even we have probably the best relationship ever, if we do not seek to work on it, all will crumble in time to come.

We must humble ourselves, with maturity and wisdom, and recognize that there are indeed issues we have to resolve. These are definitely touchy issues that could trigger him into defensive mode, but it is always better to discuss mutually and be open with what's wrong, than to pretend that all is going well until all hell break loose. When frustration breeds unconsciously, we resolved them through communication - this is the only proven-to-work method (which is widely known, yet not commonly practiced).

Currently, you may have the strength to reason with yourself and resist infidelity, but how sure are you to know that this strength will shield you forever?

When you talk to him, please note you probably need many... many... many... many of such session before things get better. Remember:

I) It's a sharing session, not a trashing one.

II) DON'T EVER GET PERSONAL.

III) If he is triggered into aggressive mode, just listen to his views. Speak in summary and keep things short. Work on it the next round.

IV) If he triggered into defensive mode, speak objectively than emotionally. Tone to be gentle and avoid sounding like you are admonishing/picking on him.

V) Seek for possible solutions mutually.

VI) Never forget that you love him and he loves you. Knowing is not enough, people likes to be told that they are loved. If things are tricky, always remember this point.

I wish you well.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 270706 (yunhaier X MCsquare)

Originally posted by YouDonKnowMe:
Hi, I am a female, just hit 30

Just gotten myself out of a bad marriage which broke off bitterly. I was in the relationship for 7 years.

He was my first true love.

I had not much dating experience and I have never cheated on my partner during the whole course of our relationship together. In fact, whilst still together with him, I was so tame that I shut off any possibilities of friends with the opposite sex.

I am now single.

As it is, I should be single and AVAILABLE.

But the thing is, dating scares the hell out of me. I have been conditioned not to respond too well to the opposite sex.

For one, I'm aloof. And I am absolutely averse to cheesy pick-up lines. What would I do? Just simply don't respond, that's all. A sure kill joy. I rarely pub/club (only a few pathetic times up to date). I dun drink & nor do I smoke. I've talked to some guys online. And for your info, I dun cyber (u know wat I mean), seldom meet up and absolutely do not go for flings and ons.

Once, I did meet up with someone online. I had thought he sounded like someone quite chivalrous cos he was telling me that he was helping out with his ex-girlfriend with her marriage. I thought that was rather generous of him.

But once met up, he told me that all ppl have needs (which was a fact and I accepted it graciously by not arguing). Then he went on to rattle the next few hours about Singapore's politics to me (which was boring but otherwise fine as I can listen objectively). He wasn't touchy and he told me from the way I converse with him over the net, he realized he ought to act proper for our first meet-up, so he didn't drove his car along (as in there were many scares in the news about male strangers driving off the females to some place isolated). That was brilliant. I appreciated it.

Then later that night after an amicable part off, he sms me to ask me if I had slept. I replied no. Then he sms me about him "needing". And NEEDless to say, I was absolutely turned off.

Well, I've isolated that as a single episode. Hence, few days later when he sms me again, I replied his greetings. He asked me if it would be okay to meet up again & I replied sure, why not? To go out as friends and chat. But then, he sms again that probably "we could go further". So I replied again saying I think rather simple. Having company for dinners is fine. But he pressed on saying there "could be more".

I have not replied him since and his last sms to me was asking if I was out dating or not, which for unknown reasons, turned me off totally.

I know that my above narration is rather long but I hope to let you all in as to have a better insight to my problem. I am not the most gorgeous woman on earth but I know I would look more than presentable if I'd bother to dress up. The thing is, I cannot stand having males to sms me "funny" things, that is why I hadn't give out my number to just any guy. I wonder if I had been feeling depress cos I don't feel like going out to socialize at all and dread & fear the prospect of dating. I don't like the tension of talking to an unknown guy and my mind radar immediately "sense" whether the guy is trying to undress me mentally in his mind instinctively. I absolutely hate that.

Am I abnormal? Wat should I do?

Originally posted by M©+square:

If you don't mind, you can actually share your thoughts here.
not that people here could literally help you out. But at least there is this avenue where you can 'pen' your feelings and struggles down.
We are listening.

What i see basically is that you've lost your sense of identity, and your stand as a individual in the social world.
You are trying hard to adapt to this mindset of dating and socialising.
The downside was because during your relationship, you didn't have a healthy social circle to mantain the constant change. Hence it seemed to warp your perspective of things around.

Control and yet wanting to experience new things became a matter hard to deal with.

The failure of relationship has caused damage to your esteem.

I suggest joining some ladies club first(yes, date or meet new girlfriends), get comfortable with them and slowly move to men.

This is a social process. Since you've been deprieved yourself for more than 7 years, it's not impossible to unlearn your past and adapt to your new life. It's hard though! ;)

All the best.

p.s: continue writing. ;)


I have to agree with MCsquare; this is an issue of social life, not the men you meet.

You see, you can't get to know a man and put expectation towards a possible relationship; a possible relationship could only happen when a man meets certain expectation. I believe you do have the wisdom to decide that what you want is a FULFILLING relationship and not becoming a history of your past - therefore, being wary and defensive is definitely a normal by-product of your failed marriage.

There may be an emotional glitch in your system; men may tap on them to exploit this vulnerability. Just recognise them and ward those jerks, but never resign to fate and seal yourself because you will be killing your own chance to another shot at happiness.

I suggest you pick up something to learn (e.g. Salsa), so that you can indulge in a new hobby and at the same time get to know new people.

Don't be so centred on how to get into another 'BGR'; rather, enjoy the process of being single and allow 'BGR' to happen.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 270706

Originally posted by risou:
im 25, shes 21.

initiated a breakup with her (2yr r/s) in 04, had been unable to endure the constant (trivial) quarrelling, and she always pulled out the 'breakup' word. Even then, i was still uncertain of my feelings...

since then we've kept in contact, mostly through sms/msn.

recently found out she found a bf whom she had known through her friends (for barely 2 weeks). He's 8 yrs older than her, owns a car and is a regular. She confided in me when they quarrelled and as much as i didnt want to know, she told me stuff about him/them, and his/his family's faults.

this was when i realised i may lose her forever... so i took action and met her a couple of times, where i really voiced out a lot of stuff and my feelings. From the time we were together, she had been for the most part my soulmate.

as her vacation was ending, she told me to wait for her decision as she would be busy with school stuff... and so i did. At that time... it seemed i stood a good chance. When we contacted again, she told me she had 'went back' to that guy during that time to see if it could still work out... it was heartbreaking as i didnt expect her to lie to me (or at least didnt say the truth).

we met again, but this time i was tired and not in the mood... and so the meetup passed by uneventfully with me being quiet mostly.

i duno what shes thinking but since then... she has been very cold towards me and told me to put everything aside for now...

due to -some- reason... i think she has gone to be with that guy. But i have not confirmed.

just posting this because tbh amongst my friends there isnt any really close one to confide in, and just duno what to do now. And there's still the financial problems to juggle...

p.s. after reading the 'old or new bf?' thread, realized its somewhat similar =/



You are the old, battered shoes kept in some forgotten corner of her cupboard.

Whenever she wore her new shoes and when it gave her foot sores, she will remember how comfortable the old shoes were, despite being old.

For a period, she may wear you.

But you know that your position has been displaced by the new shoes.

***

You hasten your chase just because you felt threatened over the appearance of this new guy - I believe it is a case of 'reserving' her and deciding your 'feelings' later. More likely, you are seeing it as a 'lost' in something than a mystical call from love which urged the chase.

You are looking back and she is moving forward.

If you wish to dwell in this any longer, you will probably become stagnant, while she enjoyed her new path in life. It may not necessary be a fulfilling relationship, but certainly, it will bring her new destination in love and life.

P.S: Remember, you both are once an item - love and relationship did blossom before. There isn't any regret to begin with; it's an ending to accept gracefully.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 250706

Originally posted by moodyuke:

My fren have a RS problem.

her story :

i like a guy and he likes me too. He said that he like me but he don't love me.
we go out, did anything that a couple do, going out, movies, have meals together, kiss, hug, pet. nothing more than that..

i m in mid 20s and he is in his 30s.
he nv been in a Relationship(RS) b4 and this is my 3rd RS.

He did tell me that we wun have future together and that we can develop to bgr at the most but not to marriage..

BUT... why is he doing all these? (being nice to me, accompanying me, helping me and esp, petting)"

Could it be coz he have nv been in a RS and using my fren to do all these intimate things that only couples can do and that he is not interested in settling down? Or what do u think, frens out there?

According to what my fren know, he is still Virgin lo...

She knows him quite alot..They have good chat and usually shares their thoughts and feelings with one another..
so, i believe that he nv been in a RS@b4... he is an honest guy (same opinion of many pple who knows him) so believe what he say...

what is ur view ?


If you put some thoughts into my views, you will probably see what I see:

If he is able to woo your friend over (unless factors lies with your friends), obviously, he has that potential to woo just any other ladies. Clearly, there isn't a problem with his interaction with woman. Therefore, it isn't personality-related issue that causes isolation.

If he is truthful:

My take is that albeit he mentioned that he didn't have any relationship before, but I suppose he could have concealed the point about flings. He may have certain sub-rosa relationship/s that may not constitute an actual relationship. Some people play around with words; I have this buddy who decided that anything less than two weeks are not considered as relationship and his exes is said to be 20+... excluding those less than 2 weeks. You get the picture.

Then again, there could also be a possibility that he brandished an unconscious fear of relationship and commitment. This is likely to be psychological; it would largely be due to his early childhood development (since he mentioned that he has no prior relationship experience) and the gnawing influence from the effect of his parent's marriage, which could have caused him to have unhealthy aversion to commitment and marriage.

But because I am not her, I cannot decipher his personality based on words, to conclude that this is a significant possibility - it is just a possible thing.

If he is lying:

My question is why not? Why can't he? He could have benefited much from lying, don't you agree?

(I) Why could anyone blatantly declare 'I like you, but sorry I don't love you,' even before the chase begin?

yunhaier: The cruel truth is that he wants enjoy the 'fruits' of a relationship without having to 'pay' commitments towards it. In order to achieve that, he creates a 'position' to indemnify himself from 'charges' or label of a bastard by putting his stand for the outcome of this 'relationship' first at hand. Obviously if she accepted the proposal, there wouldn't even be any responsible to talk about because he eliminated it from this game of love.

(II) I believe he is an honest man - but in Love, we are talking about another dimension of our characters. I have seen people... good people... who turned out to be maniac in love.

And if he was lying, you may think what good does he gain to reveal himself as 'no-gf' before?

yunhaier: To appear untainted and elevate himself to a 'chaste' image. So that his action will not seem like a 'professional' player and her resistance to him is greatly reduced. This will probably induce her mind to think likewise - as if he is incapable of such evil acts.

(III) He have known her for three years and why only the pursue recently? Previously he has no feelings? Only liking all these while? Sure? Considering that they knew each other for three years and he claims that he hasn't got a gf before? And that liking never developed and only discovered two months ago?

yunhaier: karmic relationship from planetary transition strikes in your friend's birth chart, causing Uranus to activate sudden moves. He may somehow think that your friend could be an easy victim, especially worse if he knew about her past. (You mentioned that they got emotionally close and obviously if people with ill intention understood certain logics behind her blueprint in love, they could actually tap on them to utilize it to their own advantage).

Therefore, considering both 'what if' - my guess is that he may not be lying completely, but he may not be entirely truthful or even honest with what he has presented himself to be.

A possible mask... a facade.

P.S: Always be careful of people who present strange proposal of love that contributes suffering or unfulfillment. You may not be able to judge the book by its cover, but you can roughly tell how much it will cost.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 240706

Originally posted by lixIn:
Have been together with my ex for 4 years..
Few months ago we broke up.. I broke up with him as i dun wan him to take me for granted. He begged me a number of times but i was too stubborn to accept his apologies.

I got myself a new bf straight after that as i wanted my ex to get jealous. But this new bf of mine treat me very well. better than my ex.

My ex has also gotten a gf himself.

I still see my ex often after the breakup.. recently we went out together..
i realised i still miss him.. and i think i love him.. he still loves me too..

The problem now is i don't know if i should go back to my ex for love.. or to stay with my current one as he is more stable and treats me well..


Breaking up because you don't him to take you for granted?

Getting a new bf immediately after your break up?

Just to get him jealous?

And you want a stable relationship?

Perhaps maturity must set in before that could happen? It's silly isn't it? If you had handle your previous relationship with better management, your currently boyfriend wouldn't even have existed in the first place. His involvement into your life has become a pawn in this childish 'game' between you and your ex. Now that you have implicated him into the picture, you find it hard to abandon him.

And you probably realized that breaking up doesn't solve problems.

Even if you go back to your ex - old problem remains. What are you planning to DO about it? Break up whenever things are ugly... again?

Don't blindly heed to your emotions if they are ephemeral and fleeting. You only probably think that you still love him; maybe until you are sure about it, then a decision could surface. Meanwhile, if you can't handle a friendship with a man of your past, then avoid putting yourself into such plight.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 240706

Originally posted by twenty47:
your partner if she have this habit of bottling up her feelings? As in she is reluctant to tell you the things that have upsetted her and just cries in the middle of the night.

Only when things build up then she tells u everything and its only then u found out that most of what had made her sad are things that are what "she feels that I am thinking like this" but not what u actually was thinking at that point of time.

I've told her that i am always here to listen, for her to question my actions if it had upsetted her but she says that its her way of releasing stress (crying) and its not her habit to thrash things out.

What can i, as a boyfriend do to help? I don't wish to see her being upset over things that can be settled if clarified.... i don't want to see her cry in the middle of the night... please help...

It's not about helping; probably it’s about changing a mindset and personality.

It will probably take years, even if you are doing it right.

Never stop relating yourself or sharing of emotional information; this is the only way to induce her out of her ivory tower, bit by bit.

P.S: There seemed to be some negative-vibes/issues during her early childhood development, which contributed to her 'style' of communication. Although there must be an understanding that not all things are said, but suppressing everything within doesn't classify under that category. In fact, it has probably become an emotional disorder, which will definitely affect the way she runs the relationship.

Cheers

Asia's Iron Ladies

For those no luck with women, perhaps it's time to consider 'Iron-ladies'.

JAPAN (I give her 8.5/10; - 0.5 marks due to lousy picture resolution)



Taiwan (give her 7.5/10 because she still resemble a fraction of shim looks like a man)



Korea (8/10; probably trashed 80% of the woman in this world)



Thailand (9/10; because it's pretty difficult to find an 'Iron lady' looking more on the cute side (without actually feeling disgusted) than the usual sultry-sensual ladies: wearing low cut... having fake D-Cup, etc.



Singapore (8.8/10 - she looked like the Thailand one)



*Dazzled*

Cheers

Bape Hypebeast

Ladies and Gentlemen,

May I present to you Bape Hypebeast:


Top to bottom all Bape hype stuff; obviously the colour combination is disastrous.

Hahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahaahhahahaha!

Cheers

Soldiers Around The World

Perhaps there is a greater needs for 'incentives' in the Army, Airforce and Navy. The following pictures will explain my stand and justify those 'incentives'.

Brazil (Obviously from Airforce)



USA



I was suspecting this to be Taiwanese or something. (Sheesh... looked even more Garang than me)



Female Soldiers knocking it down... WOOHOO! I don't even fringing` get to see this in NS! (These women are from China)





Who say Korean only hiphop, K-drama or kimchi? These chicks are SOF!



Somehow I feel like laughing but this is how it will looked - even in BMT - Looked damn fringing` garang during BCCT (Basic Close Combat Training). South Korea again...



This is from Vietnam. WAH RAO... ZHUN BO?




(Ok things can only get better from here) Here's the advertisement for PLA (China).

WAH RAO! ZHUN BO X3?!?!



Wah cannot man! Singapore need more POWER! MORE POWER~!

And this is from Singapore.



CAPTAIN ANN KOK! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA!!!!

But then still lose to Taiwan's Captain.... (somemore got Markswoman lor I think)

Let's welcome the grand champion....



WAHHHhhhHhhhh.... *faints*

Cheers

Aunt Agony 170706

Originally posted by xShevchenkox:
Hello everyone..it has been quite sum time, l decide to post sumtinz here..due to laziness and playing too much games lately, l dont post anything here, only come here and read the stories inside..

Today l am here to tell u all sumtinz...hoping u all tell me ur thinkings and comments.

l hav a ex gf...me and her were together for 5 months + and then we break..Initally was veri gud...for the 1st two months, but as time passes..getting worst..l dun understand wad fault l have..l always think of her, treat her veri nice, buy things for her, care for her, help her do things without even grumbling . But she seems unappreciated. whereas her guys classmates who is cool looking or shuai help her do a bit of things, she is delighted over the moon. l am an average looking guy anyway..do so much oso = shit, shuai ppl do things owazs the most nicest and best..this is the feeling she give me.. And l ask her why her friends help her do things, she so happy, and me help u do so many things, u like nver seem to be veri happy or wad...She give me a response that l wont forget forever "this is what you should do" Indeed it shocks me, but l like her mah, so l dun care much. Den when l am with her, my words are restricted. l have to be careful in my words. Some things l cant say, or she angry le.

Everything..is always my fault, she no fault de..and every time quarrel is she initated de..den in the end, l juz keep apologising and apologising..
Always got scold by her, scold me "jian huo", "ask me go die", l didnt even scold her at all. To her she scold me..she thinks it as a joke and laughs it away or nothing, but l am a human too..imagine ppl scolding u when u hav done nothing wrong, how do u feel? but she dun care abt my feelings, l guess.

Told her once that l like this shirt..a mickey shirt tat costs onli $22. And she promised to buy for me...but in the end, she never buy. Her $ in the wallet keep accumlating, and l saw her wallet..she told me the $, she going to use for herself, wtf.. If dun wan buy then dun promise ppl. her wallet is getting fatter and fatter, what abt mine..my wallet lighter and lighter, and she dun even cared. She wants wad, she told me..l quickly save adn buy for her le..even if l hav to starve my stomach or borrow $ from other ppl.

She dun care whether l am tired or not..being with her, at times tiring, but no matter wad..l always smile and treat my best to her.

Called me, and what she told me...her most favourite topic...always like to tell me abt the guys in her school, this guy cute or shuai, or outside she see this guy tat guy...l guess most guys hear their gf telling them all these..will be angry or wad, rite..but l never..l listen lol, although l admit l am not veri happy. Why compared? And why tell me, l am not interested oso..then l quietly listen..she oso angry...say hey y u no response de? WHAT THE FUCK, u say all these things, wad response u want me to have ne? she always love to compare...But certain things really cannot be compared de mah..No matter what l do, just because l am an average looking guy. l get such unfair treatment...l guess u all oso noe wad l am thinking...now l get this theory from her, As long as u are shuai or gud looking, u own. You want wad oso can, u do bad things, ppl oso clap hands for her or complimented u..whereas u are an average looking guy, u get nothing..
she never complimented me before...even if got...oso veri less..

During her examinations period...mid yr exams, l did told her not to call me so much or go out. She never listen. And when results not so gud..she simply pushed the blame to me. Like l am the downfall of her exams..she nver say to me. But l can feel it..the attitude and what she says.

Then after her results out le..her attitude to me change le...treat me coldly and giv negative response. l think she wanna break with me..but she dun dare say out..so she resorted using such a method lor, forcing me to say out...until l realli cant take it...on monday...l took a cab down to her house and told her. l cried badly as l told her, is like l cant bring myself to say..l feel that she is juz pointing a gun, forcing me to say...l that day reali sad..l told her my heart is shattered to pieces and is veri painful...but she didnt even cried or rite...l say break softly..she says ok lor..so sad rite? l feel that l am being treated like a toy onli...she sian le, tired of this toy, she throw it away..imagine this feeling, u are being treated like a toy.... After that..l msged her...asking her whether l shld wait for her, she told me she feel confused..zzz

Sad rite..told this story to my frenz they all...they told me...this conclusion..maybe she liked u at the start...den eventually she veri confused, dun noe wan u anot, and is change of heart..

haiz...l am now okie le...but just wanna share this story with u all...and want to see u all de comments and reactions, and what u all concluded..=) thanks


Before you rant about the long and short of how a woman treated you unfairly, you got to understand that initially before all these drama-mama took place, you have all the freewill and time to:

I) Understand her as a person/friend before moving further.

II) Decide if she is suitable for a relationship with you.

Am I not right?

Since you have already ACCEPTED her and CHOSE to be in a relationship, don't ever retrograde, snarl and bite your deal the minute she is not the product you wanted in the first place. This is exactly the woman you have picked and if it wasn't the deal, blame the lack of wisdom and decision you have made - this is applicable to both genders.

This is a breach of CloUdiSm first law - 'It is we who chose our partner, not the other way round.'

Here comes the interesting part: in the end, you still willingly chose to be in her 'service'.

You must remember that nobody, but ourselves, can make us stay in a bad relationship.

Although I don't fancy using age as a factor, you can't really expect much from a 15 years old girl, could you?

Think about it.

Cheers

The Ogre's Enigma

BACKLASH! BACKLASH!

BAD DOG! BAD MAGIC!

BACK OFF! BACK OFF!

OGRE SENSE PRESENCE!

IT'S EVERYWHERE!

EVERYWHERE I SAY!

OGRE USED TO CLUB THEM

AND KILL THEM!

FOOD GOOD! FOOD GOOD!

NOW BAD DOG CAST BAD MAGIC!

OGRE CANNOT BEAT MAGIC!

A BALL OF FIRE

FIRE BURNS OGRE

OGRE CANNOT FIGHT! ORGE CANNOT FIGHT!

OGRE RUN

OGRE SEE DESTRUCTION

OGRE FEAR

OGRE MUST RUN!



Cheers

Numb

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

Every step I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I've becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I've becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I've becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be

Aunt Agony 150706

Originally posted by outofcontrol225:
I am 26 years old and I have never touched a woman before. Never dated, never kissed and never even held the hands of a woman. Basically, it's because of my social anxiety disorder. I used to think that visiting prostitutes is an immoral activity, but ever since my diagnosis, I have drastically changed this view over the past few months. Seriously, I'm considering visiting a prostitute as I can't see myself ever having any kind of fruitful relationship with a woman in the near future. Is it really that sinful? It is legal and I am not a religious person. So, what do you think?


I don't think the issue is regarding the moralistic/religious view of prostitutions, rather it is about him and his failure with female/relationship.

Visiting a prostitute because you cannot see yourself ever having any kind of fruitful relationship with a woman in the near future? Then pray tell me how is 'visiting prostitute' going to solve this problem at all? About you having the inability to seek for fruitful relationships.

In fact, you are succumbing to Mars' temptation of lust and deranging animalistic instinct.

You must understand that paying for such service to satisfy Mars' animalistic desire may not be wrong, but it isn't exactly something glamorous. Worst still, if you are addicted to such paying service, it will surely affect your relationship/mindset/attitude/etc with member of the opposite gender as frequent visits will gradually change the way you perceive women and sex.

And how do you reckon that it would assist you to reduce anxiety with woman? I am almost sure that in the end, you still cannot communicate and handle women. Worst, you would be likely to prefer women in this 'new world' instead, where all you need is to employ money and these slatterns could give you the 'confidence' you need as a man.

There is no rejection... no fear... no need for personality... looks... or anything other than cash, which will probably reduce your anxiety when you are around their presence, but certainly not to the women you meet outside this line.

I am against prostitution not because of moral grounds, but because I personally know someone who works in this industry and it saddens me to understand the kind of things man do to her... which, to me, is classified as blatant violence.

Although I did what I could, but yunhaier is not God. I cannot eliminate karma and I cannot tamper with freewill.

***

If you desire fulfilling relationship, then work yourself towards a better chance at having one, than mundane decisions that probably bring you closer to screwing up your life.

Exercise wisdom, not blind decision.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 120706

Originally posted by linc:
Recently, my bf blah out all his unhappiness and unsatisfactions with me throughout all these years. I was in shock, but is trying hard to change according to what he want. But, in a recent call, he said he can't feel the same feelings he has towards me as before (even after i've started to change). He said he's confused within himself and doesn't know what he should do.

Does it imply that he no longer love me?
I've asked him that. But he said 'shouldn't be'. If not, he won't be requesting me to change. And he said that recently when meeting up with me, he doesn't have the feeling that I'm his gf.

What is he actually facing?


Your man is a typical man - in short, he doesn't relate emotionally. But the matter of the fact is that he still feels like flesh and blood. Every action, there will be a reaction - therefore the explosion of suppressed emotions is but an eventually event which will occur when the right catalysis is given.

This catalysis can be anything - from infidelity to plain enlightenment/resolution.

To fuel the flame; you are oblivion to the fact that there are dissatisfaction in your relationship. Your man could accept the notion of your individualistic nature, but his acceptance cannot be transformed into prerogative for your wilfulness. This will in turn churn dissatisfaction and when it is not resolved, you will have tremendous difficulty to eliminate this deep seated frustration that have already take roots in his soul.

No doubt, he is also partially at fault for his ineffective communication to convey this suppressed thoughts and feelings to you regularly prior before this outburst.

You may want to consider the following points:

I) Throughout this nine years, both of you have enjoyed the stability this relationship has been offering, but this stability has also adversely caused your relationship to have this gradual shift of mindset/attitude - where you both turn on 'auto pilot' mode and allowing your relationship to cruise at ease.

Nine years and almost a decade! What could ever happen?

If only life was logical, the above statement would have been perfect. But such ideology only exist in utopia. Without constantly having to protect, fight and nurture your relationship, your relationship will also wither and perish from 'malnutrition' and mistreatment. In fact, the longer your relationship, the harder you have to slog to prevent yourself from cruising into auto mode because we do not experience as much growth to 'reward' ourselves. If your growth was charted on a line chart, the curve will be gradual and not steep (the steep growth represented honey-mood period and all those sweet past).

II) Individualistic nature is great for personal growth, but more often than not, it is malicious to Love. Because relationship calls for the quality of mutual, while individualism seek for solitary movement. It is heartening that you show willingness to change, but I am not too sure if it is just a temporal measure to retain your relationship or real desire of wanting wisdom to evolve yourself.

As for your man; I am not too sure if it was indeed an ultimatum he has presented to you, or just a prelude to a break up.

I guess you may want that precious chance to give it a decent shot to work on yourself/relationship, but he must truly give you that chance to attempt as well. No point trying to do something here, while your man has already decided subconsciously that he wants out.

III) Trying to work on your personality alone is like trying to dye hair yourself. You may somehow get it done, but you will create a mess or the result may turn out to be different. My advice is never attempt this alone - include him into your evolution to be a better girlfriend because only he knows what he wants to see in you. He also has to learn to communicate and share about his perception/views about your hidden flaws so that you could, simultaneously, challenge those blind spot of yours and improve.

In summary:

- Understand that effective couple communication is your only tool of survival for a long relationship like yours. And if marriage is part of your agenda, the more you two should begin learning how to do it... based on your own relationship... your own Love.

- Abandon individualism and adopt mutual thinking (Reduce influence of Uranus and embrace influence of Venus). Learn that our personality evolve periodically. It is so much easier to say 'I am like that and he has to accept the way I am', than one trying to compromise and adapt, so as to reduce the friction from personality differences.

It will probably take some time. A LONG TIME in fact. Don't get discourage by pebbles thrown into your path for trying to revive this relationship because the things are intense now. Ironically, people are always doing the same thing while expecting different result. You cannot allow yourself to such thinking if you want to prevent your relationship from drowning.

You may succeed, but you must go beyond succeeding - this revolution must be substantial to remain, influence and carry on.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 110706

Originally posted by anti.flirt:
I feel scared when i fall in love with someone.i chose to escape,i dare not face the one i am in love wif and aloof in the relationship.I feel so weird and sad, is this the side effect that i was once badly hurted from someone i trust and deeply loved?

Does anyone encounter in this situation before?

Am i never fall in love again?It seem like i'm mentally disordered..i feel so helpless..can anyone give me some advice?


You can secure yourself with fear, until the day when you have the wisdom to understand that to love means having to open yourself to 'infection'. And there is always that risk, since you open your soul to a complete stranger with the advent of Love.

You can be overly self protective, but at the end of your day, your growth is minimal.

The only person who has never encounter failure in relationships are those who never try.

You may have craved to love and be loved deep inside, but your automatic thoughts for the fear of hurt may be stronger than your desire to be in a fulfilling relationship.

Nurse your wounds from within - four years is a long time to be dwelling over past issues. Don't waste another four years being overly affected by the past because it may come a day when there is someone suitable, but because you are unstable, you bring on your instability onto her/relationship and cause emotional fissure.

Cheers

Love and Frienship II

Someone recently asked me this... 'Are you able to Love someone if you don't love yourself?'

My reply was simple: what is felt inwardly will express outwardly. If you don't exactly love yourself, you will display qualities of your inner self through a series of behaviour, mindset and attitude towards your Love.

Why am I sharing this?

Because people are falling in Love for the wrong reasons, especially those with issues trapped within their psyche, like some haunting spirits.

I have this old friend who has been locked away in some 'forgotten asylum', wasting away literally because he has meekly succumbed to the degenerative attitude of his woman. Instead of trying to haul her out of her retrogressive lifestyle and imparting positivity, my poor friend play the acceptance part and joined her at her 'neither world', becoming like her.

He has become something that isn't him... totally lost his shine, his friends and everything else he once had.

This is the Idlelism Leadership Styled-Relationship. [As written in CloUdiSm; obviously written by me with my pseudonym known as Cloud L.J.S - and no, it doesn't stand for Long John Silver. I wouldn't paste it here word by word because in time to come, I may publish my own book]

Apparently, he has reached to a point where he has 'no choice' but to continue this unfulfilling relationship, albeit this is a matter of freewill and having 'no choice' is but an excuse to continue with this karmic relationship.

Karmic relationship is almighty; I have no idea how many people have been slain under its vicious blade.

Although Jaime was ephemeral, but at least she was a great girl and there was nice memories in retrospect. We were just too young back then and just unsuitable for each other (a great Christian girl and this self-styled-cum-proclaimed astrologer? You get my drift).

For him, I don't even know if he would hold high esteem in image of her, if one day their relationship should cease to exist, when he review back. Actually I even fear that day, should it ever happen, because I may not know how to face a friend who has abandon the world since the day he is attached and come crawling back to the very people he has gave up.

The mindset of Thy Girlfriend is Greater than Thy Friends is pretty abominable.

I went the East Coast to eat Bak Cho Mee (Go MrBrown, I support you!) and I told this to everyone dinning at the table.

'My girlfriend cannot make me give up the world, but neither could the world persuade me to give up my girlfriend.'

How many people actually have that wisdom to understand that these two elements MUST come together in order to concoct a successful recipe for a fulfilling relationship? And that you MUST HAVE a LIFE outside the life of your relationship in order for it to bloom like flowers in spring?

There must be co-existence for fulfilment to manifest.

The repercussion was so great that since we usually celebrate our birthday together (and it is coming by the way), one buddy of mine has swore not to come if I were to invite him, which has caught me in the middle of two crushing tides.

Aiya... I don't want to fucking bother anymore; will just use birthday to meet up with other people I have not seen for ages.



Cheers

Scandal

Scandal MTV



Ok I am falling in Love with this song.... wow~

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 080607

Originally posted by Turbo13:
I really have difficulty trusting my the other partners. Although she didnt do anything wrong to me. But the moment she tell me theres guy wan to know her or wad i will go crazy, My parents marriage is bad, i dont wish this happens to me... wad can i do?

past love( my ex like to go clubbing but i dont like this is the reason we broke up.

my parents marriage fail, i think both have to be responsible lah as my mum like to play mahjong and neglect my dad, den my dad aslo dunno how to communicate with her and tell her she neglected him. and here come the bitch the 3rd partys. haiz

my parents always quarreling when i was young.

My astro sign is Leo....

can somebody enlighten me?



You are constantly reinforced with the idea that Love is fleeting and that any moments when the right condition arrived, it will flee from your clutches and that all you have invested will vanish.

You spoke little, but from the few words, they have all reinforced the same ideology that trust is difficult and you are unable to secure yourself.

In the end, the root of problem is within you - because you are unstable, you are unable leave the stranded island and place trust onto the raft that is available.

This insecurity will never go away unless you adopt a more enlightened mindset rather than one that is so narrow, which confine you to think that relationship are evanescent and that it is so ephemeral. You probably want to grasp it and control the movement of your Love.

Ironically, it will abscond from your grip.

Your mistrust and lack of confidence in general relationship revealed a deep seated inferiority complex and trashed esteem - which is so critical to any Leo in the world. You are unable to shine and that Sun (your ruling planet) is waning because of the void of higher understanding and enlightenment.

Your fear is imaginary and that if you allow it to manifest, it will ALWAYS become a self-fulfilling prophesy - which all relationships are fleeting and that trust cannot be put onto an investment with such adverse risk. Then you will perpetually see yourself encumbered with failing relationship, with trust/security issues all your life.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 080706

Originally posted by Insightist:
Met a girl a yr ago. Met her at an outing with my friends. She wasnt a head turner, a lil on the heavy side but had an attractive and confident personality. We exchanged numbers and a week only were we together. The first date ended well, subsequently, she steered the relationship rather rapidly which often left me confused and tired. I was what she was looking for, but for me, i wouldnt mind being together if we had similar interests and chemistry. Everything happened so fast that whatever beliefs i had in what a proper relationship should start and be were compromised. Overtime, through the months we were together, we quarreled often. Many a times i was left thinking if all these were worth it. She knew i would be leaving for overseas studies, and many a times the fact broke her heart which nearly left me stressed out myself...

I feel so responsible for her. I had to go overseas whether she liked it or not. It was my last chance for greener pastures and an oppportunity to make ig good once more. She constantly needed assurance if she was in my plans for the future. She feared she wasnt in it. Honestly, im confused if she's the one. Since the day we were together, there have been too many differences which really left me confused. Everytime we quarreled n made up, i secretly prayed and hoped God n time would lay the path out for us. The only thing i could do for her was to be as honest and truthful and responsible with my words. She's from a rather complicated background but all has been settled. She's financially tight that often left me worrying for her when she spends unnecessarily. Frequently i am often thinking of ending it all, but somehow i feel guilty to think of such thoughts. What is it with me? Before, all my previous relationships when the slightest hint of uneasiness about the relationship i would have ended it there and then. But i dunno what's holding me back. Her relatives all feel that she has found the right one and often they nag at her to treasure what she has. It has left alot of pressure on me. Whenever marriage is brought up, i try my ways and means to evade it. There's so many things i ahve not accomplished n done that i feel i want to experience them before thinking about settling down. Also, because of all these, i oftenlook at other girls. Thinking that i should deserve a better one.

Is it because of my past experiences in life that has left me compromising the best for second best? that all the mess i have brought upon myself? Why? I needed to let it all out....i feel im gonna implode. Help.


One week of knowing each other and you leaped into your relationship? (Uranus influence)

How wise could that be?

Your differences and minding it now is because of that risk you took without having to understand the woman you are having. It is like purchasing a product out of folly/heat of passion and realising it doesn't fulfil your needs.

The foundation of relationship is weak (CloUdiSm classify it as Morning Foundation). And that obviously, whenever any complications are forecasted, you wouldn't have that fighting spirit to overcome it.

A relationship easily gain is easily lost.

She needed someone like you, but it may not be the case for you. Cruel to say, this must be mutual and if it isn't, it would be difficult for the relationship to grow beyond a certain level. Obviously you feared the topic of marriage because you are feeling the 'cognitive dissonance' and that you feared to stamp promise onto something you may not fulfil them.

Forget about the notion of marriage if your relationship can't even stand by itself.

She is trying to gain security through marriage - which is a fool's decision if one thinks that marriage is the panacea to relationship conundrums and that everything will settle by itself.

You are already thinking of exiting (or getting someone better) - I don't think even think that your Love is substantial to deter you from doing that. Once you have resolved your moralistic view, you would probably dash out immediately and this relationship would cease to exist.

If you know that you don't want this woman and that all reasons are supporting it, give it up before she weave more dreams and hopes towards a relationship that was never meant to be. Don't paint your woman a artistic picture of Love when in fact you are not truthful on your side of inner communication and feeding her with commas and question marks in your tale. I am pretty sure this suppression of yours has revealed nothing of what you have posted here to her.

You may want to talk about this, with maturity and wisdom and decide what you want for yourself, for her and for this relationship.

Cheers

Online Media

If blogs and online forums are made up of the common people, it will be words right from the heart. What information can be better than true words from the common man on the street? Unless our ruling party can't handle those truth... which is why they practice self censorship because you got to nip the danger in the bud, before it 'enlighten' more people and degenerate public confidence in the PAP.

Everyone knows this old fact: our media is heavily controlled and moderated, therefore it is bias in its reporting - the same argument that is retorted back at the online community.

There is no smoke without fire; if I can see PAP-slamming topics and posts in every speaker corner styled forum, this is indeed a call for greater concern.

The effect is brewing (resentment and discontentment) and if the government continues it's deterrence measure to clamp down on its citizen, it will probably sprout Mr Red, Mr Blue, Mr Yellow, Mr Green and all other colours other than Mr Brown.

The government still has the 'I know what's right for you' sort of mindset. By default, the government presume that the people can't think for themselves and differentiate facts from friction.

And that the man here are old enough to carry arms and fight for your country, but not old enough to differentiate facts from friction (and not old enough to watch RA too).

Wonder when will Singapore grow up...

Cheers

一夜情

I swear nothing happened that night.





P.S: Go under View... go to Encoding and change it to Unicode (UFT-8) to read chinese characters.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 050706

Originally posted by technoboy:
I had a talk with my GF yesterday. Her mum just found out about about us together and objects to it since I am not a christian. She, too, told me that although she have feelings for me, this relationship will not last, main reason is also because I'm not a christian. She also said one of her BF criteria is that he must be a christian.

So I'm really feeling very depressed now. What should I do? I really don't know what to do as I am a strong believer of "seeing is believing". I also tried going to the church but I don't think it is suitable for me. Just feels wierd going there, especially when many strangers come and talk to me.

Really hope people here would be able to advise me on what to do! Should I even try going to the church again and make myself believe in it? (Although I know that at first the main reason for going will be because of her and not because of the religion itself). Or should I just continue to believe in my own things but have the risk of losing her?



Another... Jupiter-based BGR problems.

It's so tricky to handle that you will probably see yourself giving up altogether because it takes MUCH endurance to face up to this daunting challenge and its duration would stretch for YEARS.

Is your Love strong enough to surmount this crisis? I don't know... considering that you are still so young.

Yunhaier's take is that if Religion matters more than Love and you are unable to conform, then allow her to pursue what she wills. This is not about communication nor expectation - it's more about parallel mindset that would never meet. It is true that some couples managed to overcome this hurdle, but that's because their mutual focus is on Love and not religion on the whole.

They fight to preserve their Love and not bow to 'human agents' acting on the pretext of 'God's Word'.

If it's truly God's will and God wants you to leave her - your Love will surely crumble with time to come and fade into memories.

But what if God didn't want it that way?

What if God didn't want to intervene at all and leave it to freewill to decide?

Zealous 'human agents' are trying to justify with all sort of reasoning - when in fact, the main reason is because you are different and people dislike unfamiliarity. They would prefer something more 'familiar' or similar. It is the same with race, with status and all other aspects that place people on measuring scale that categorise us.

The truth is that Love and Religion are two separate entities. Zealous humans lump them together.

If your woman can't see that - then, you may consider heeding for the exit or prepare for a lengthy, drudgery fight in name of Love.

Cheers

Hong Kong and Singapore

It has almost been a week since I came back from HK.

Great place, great food and needless to say, great shopping. Sad to say there has been a drastic drop in desire to even window-shop in SG because after this Hong Kong mad-crazed shopping trip, Singapore seemed like a barren town with nothing to purchase in juxtapose.

Thumbs up for the label brands over there - the numbers probably overwhelmed the ones found in SG many times over. And I had to surrender to the choice of Bape available. I could *actually* ask for sizes instead of just getting disappointed with what-you-see-is-what-you-get sort of shops here.



And I am not even talking about just Bape stuff; horde of other labels and brands are widely available in HK.

In SG; you could probably hurl a stone at some dudes with jeans and chances are it will be a Levis. No wonder Levis is having so many stores here and cashing in big bucks into their deep pockets from the local guys because SG dudes don't mind the universal look. They don't mind looking like each other. Don't get me wrong - I am not that brand-conscious (I won't mind cheap shirts that could deliver what I want); the underlying message is that I appreciate and welcome self-expression and individualism through personality.

I realise that self-expression and individualism is pretty suppressed in SG. I deduced it is probably because of National Service (degenerative domination akin to those Underdark Illithids) and our rigid educational system that caused the mind to dull terribly (Mundane Astrology probably revealed some heavy Saturn influence onto 5th house - arts suffers). People are taught to heed to the laws, but not to think individually. Look at our streets - it so fucking monotonous, compared to countries elsewhere. It's so lacking and dry in culture, spirit and mass expression/appeal.

It is no wonder why we are still so FAaaAaarrr(to be continued...) away from being TOP cities via international ranking.

I salute to those who have manage to break out of the cage this rigid society wants to limit us and exude their self expression to the highest pinnacle... like my good friend, Mr Teo Wei Yong is leaving here for good, to pursue his dream... in which he feel that he could never achieve it here, considering how servile mediacork (mainstream media) is to the great municipal PAP government (Mundane Astrology probably revealed issues with Mercury - all forms of communication channel being controlled).

Sheesh

Cheers

Survivors of GS

Manz... Amber is out liao once again. Not exactly surprising, for they have the least media airtime as they were the first to be knocked out previously.

This is the power of Media - more airtime means more influence (*cough* Election *ahem*) Which is probably the reason why MiLuBing got through the revival round. (Because I am getting damn sleepy, I won't go through the long and short of SG media-(linked)-politics).

Well, as a consolation, next time can invite Einein to the survivor-of-GS gathering. Haha!



Yes... yes Craig the piece of shit is missing here too.

Talking about GS, just to sidetrack a little; something freaking interesting dawn on me:



Wah rao, this NTU advert is Nicole and I actually didn't even realise it until like yesterday? Like her Mabelline advert from TQ - like two separate individuals la.



It's great to see the survival-of-GS doing well.

When I saw the TV and saw einein almost cried when made her last speech on national television... it was a glorious moment man.

We survived through the most hazardous period in GS - what could we not surmount? Hahaha!

The greatest evil of evil... even a vampire like me seemed like a third grade evil in his presense lar.

Sheesh.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 020706

Originally posted by betrayedNhurts:
Hi, juz register for this topic.
I felt hurt and disgusted, hope to share it with some1..
I met this girl 4 yrs ago, after our O level during our 1st 3 mths..
i was bound to go overseas for further education, but she asked me to stay, since it was my first love, i fought hard with mt parents to stay.
We were getting along fine and everything was like a fairytale, then 3 mths later we get into poly, and during the 3rd week of our poly life, she 2 timed me. I found out like a few mths later, I was hurt as she was my 1st love and have not been thru it. But she swear that nth else gone beyond than just admiring him. It took me quite sometime to forget bout it..
and for the next 2 yrs things have been rocky and finally i left her 1 yr ago.. till this year march we start talking out again.. after 4 mths, i felt that we are getting along fine.. so i start asking her things bout what happened during the 1 yr we were not together, she keep assuring me that nothing happens.. i trust her initally.. but soon i began that things were not as simple as that, i took her hp and copy down a few guys no that i noe she is close to for the past 1 yr. and i sms them..
it hurts me a lot when it was other ppl who told me the truth, finally, she admitted it. it took me a lot of courage to say that she admitted sleeping with this guy. It was a very big blow to me. I felt hurt and betrayed. for the past 3 nights, i have try to sleep and everytime i close my eyes, i can see them together.. i felt very disgusted. I tried forgiving her and move on, but when the sun goes down and nightime, i juz felt very depressed.. it's been my 4th night sleepless again, i really wish to let it go, but it seems like she is not helping me.. i stayed here 3 yrs for her, i lost her now, i felt totally lost........


Loving her is no wrong - neither is being faithful. You must understand that being faithful to your Love is an essential to any successful relationship and you mustn't lose it in any future relationships. Don't destroy what that's good in you because of a failed relationship - you will lose even more.

She has wronged you; you learn that Love is perilous and not all investment will turn out successful.

This is your first love - probably your hardest hit ever in life. But on the bright side, you have grown so much in love (or probably force to, even if you hated growth).

No point crying over spill milk - chances are, you will never be able to began anew, even in Aussie. You could probably only create new endings, but certainly not beginnings.

Even if you were to go overseas to study back then, when you come back, you are still subjected to experience like this.

Somehow or another, we all have to grow from Love/s that comes into our life; be it benefic or karmic. Therefore the last thing you could ever want to do is to reprimand yourself for the 'what if' scenarios.

You got accept reality and what that has happen.

Then you decide if you could stomach another adverse risk by continuing this relationship with her.

Don't delude yourself, thinking that things would improve - it may not be that case.

Are you able to accept that, primarily?

If not, accept what that has happened and avoid looking back at a woman who has wronged you. She may regret and all that sort - but this emotional damage is on your expense my dear. You have all the prerogatives to decide if you want to incur more expenses or end it.

You need time to heal - allow yourself the ample time to recover.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 020706 (ShrodingersCat X yunhaier)

Originally posted by hunter:
hi

i am in a fixed.

i think i fell for one of my colleague.
nvr hv i hd that kind of feeling before towards a girl.
the only exception being my wife.

i cant help it, each time or rather every day when i see her, i feel happy and wanted/hv the urge to go up to her and talk to her. sometimes, i just steal glances at her. Sometimes, she will come over and talk to me and I always look towards that.

I know I shouldnt even be thinking about it but i cant help it.
my feelings for her is strong. I really show concern to her.
when she's sick, i ask her to take a day off as i cant bear to see her 'suffer'.
my wife doesnt know and i tell no one.

i feeling very lousy. both she and i are married.
she's the type of girl whom i like and wanted to marry. unfortunately, the woman i married is not my type but we married anyhow because of the special feel we hv for each other. Pls dun be mistaken, I still love my wife very much.

It's just that i cant shake off the 'feel' for this colleague of mine.

i do not know whether she knows i like her or not but women usually have very good instincts. If she knows, then she is putting up a very good show as she doesnt show any annoyance or trying to avoid me. In anycase, she cant avoid me totally cos i am her immediate superior.

I tried not to have such feelings but i just cant seem to be able to 'erase' her fm my mind. I keep thinking about her. I feel the 'lost' when she's on leave. in fact, i hv the urge to hold her and care for her.

i am threading on dangerous ground.

Can the expert advise what shd i do?


Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:

I think first of all, one must accept that regardless of whether you are married or not, you WILL find people who are attractive to you. We are only humans, and if you think you will NEVER see someone you might find likeable, then you have no preparation to face an encounter like this. In fact, I always think it is good to have someone you enjoy looking at while at work. It helps u to want to go to work.

Secondly, I think you need to first address the 'home ground' issue. You may love ur wife now. But trust me, it is very easy for human beings to make 'excuses' to themselves. The moment your wife (also being human presumably) does something that irritates you or frustrates you, you will start to 'explain' to yourself that the whole marriage thing appears to have problems. Previously, you might be pissed off but forgive more easily. But now, you have a reason to not forgive and forget that easily. So what to do?? I agree w above poster that during weekends when not 'affected' by outside attraction, to plan something special for your wife and 'fill' up whatever emptiness you feel inside ur heart and try to enjoy the time spent w ur wife as much as u can. Basically protect ur home ground, make it a pleasant place for yourself
Thirdly, don't think about ... 'this type' and 'that type' Its VERY limiting. Most human imagination have a 'type' that they think is 'ideal' What they don't realise that simply because something don't fit the 'type' doesnt mean it isnt IDEAL for themselves. Most guys would say 'their type' is the type of wife that is sweet, demure, good natured acceptably pretty.. bla bla..but most men don't marry women like this primarily becos MOST women arent sweet, demure, good natured all the time.

For an inexplicable reason, my husband suggests you tell ur wife. (hmmm! He says he would tell me) I think if your wife is that type that can understand what's happening :). This might make both of u closer even! Hee... human nature is something that can be rather unpleasant. Helps if both of u learn to stand on the same line to fight against it.



I remembered a planetary influence on Love after marriage; it slipped off my mind. Regardless, this is blatantly a karmic relationship. Both are unavailable and you are like trying to help yourself, but circumstances is not very helpful to your solutions.

If circumstances is not helping you, you got to enlighten yourself on why you should maintain professional image and not pursue this potential sub-rosa relationship before it escalate beyond control. It has to be from within because only self enlightenment could save you from degenerating.

Anyone could tell you anything - but I am pretty sure nothing gets into you because it seemed to me that you are resisting it. Somewhere in your subconscious, you may probably and secretly hope that circumstances may lead to something-but-not-yet-destructive-to-your-marriage, but lemme tell you this is the first step to a wrecked marriage.

ShrodingersCat made a very crucial point (you must read her post carefully) - And to place the icing on the cake; you thought you are generally 'manageable' because it is probably only one sided. If she happens to revealed to you that she has fallen for you - probably only divine intervention could save you from this karmic debt.

Knowing about your situation is only one thing - what have you planned to do is another.

One year and you are still stuck in this confusion?

It speaks much about your reluctance and refusal to keep things professional while hoping for 'something' isn't it?

Think about it.

Cheers

Shining*star

I don't know how to discern this.

But when I was in Hong Kong (28 Jun 2006), shining*star - the woman in my blog for both 200606 and 210606, had passed away in a motorbike accident.

From CNA News

SINGAPORE:

A traffic accident at Yishun Central on Wednesday evening saw a motorcyclist and his pillion passenger dying just hours apart. Police say they got a call about 5.15 pm evening about an accident involving two motorcycles. A teenaged girl, who was riding pillion on one of the bikes, died on the spot. The rider of the motorcycle was rushed to hospital but died just hours later. The other motorcyclist escaped with abrasions on his arms and legs. - CNA

I don't really know how should I react.

Sigh.

Rest in peace my girl. Though we have only communicated in this virtual space, it is still because of fate and affinity. Who knows, maybe this is how God wanted things to be.

P.S: For those who are reading this, remember to tell your love ones how much they mean to you.

Death is deaf... he hears no denial.

We may not have another chance tomorrow.



Cheers