Aunt Agony 160506

Originally posted by qy_von:
Hi all,

I’ve been with my bf for a year plus and we love each other deeply. Problem is we have nothing in common and I am really bored in the relationship itself.

He doesn’t like to go out on the streets, and if we do hang out, it’d be with his group of friends and their girlfriends, sitting around talking. When I am over his home, he’ll be either on the com or watching repeated shows on SCV.

I have talked to him about this, but to him, it seems like staying home with me is consider spending time together already. But it’s boring me. I don’t mind staying home, but quality time to me includes heart to heart talk, and not just watching some shows on TV all the time.

Sex is an issue too. He comes in less than 15 secs and I am always left unsatisfied and incomplete. I tried to suggest buying vibrator to play around but he said he doesn’t like sex toys. Fingering doesn’t do me much… And even if go second round, by the time he erects again, I have already lost the mood.

He is a very nice guy, and I feel bad for having so many complaints about him. But I don’t know why I am feeling so bored and frustrated in our relationship… I don’t want to cheat, I don’t want to break off…

What can I do?



There are some major compatibility glitches in your relationship - you mentioned that there wasn't anything common to share and enjoy between the two of you: it will gradually brew into some huge squall that is capable of wrecking turmoil into your relationship, for the 'cost' of maintaining this relationship cannot even cover the emotional and physical needs of yours.

When needs are not satisfied, it grows into frustration.

It also seemed to me that your boyfriend has degenerate into a mode, known to CloUdiSm as Overgrown Baby Syndrome. Your boyfriend has conveniently slipped into the role of a boyfriend and expecting the relationship to fly on auto-pilot, without sparing that extra effort to understand you, your underlying needs and this barren relationship. It also seemed to him that as long as you still love him, that's enough. There isn't a pressing need to change any status quo and he sit there like an overgrown toddler, waiting for this relationship to bring 'fruition' and 'result'.

This sort of relationship is more likely in a case when there is adverse difference in lifestyle and where the only common factor is chilling out at home. Spending quiet moments at home is great, but it shouldn't overshadow all activities in a relationship.

As for sex, your man is truly one self absorbed guy. It seemed to me that he is displaying a nonchalant attitude towards you and an abject disdain about anything outside 'his world'. We-can-make-love-but-once-I-am-done-with-mine-this-game-is-finished sort of mindset is extremely anti-seductive. If one is sexually frustrated, infidelity is likely to happen when planetary transit is unfavourable and karma strikes.

I don't think he understands the severity of this issue that could potentially undo this relationship. Love is Love, but compatibility and freewill is outside the boundary of Love. Love can accept, but love cannot deny it from affecting you. And when you are affected beyond redemption, even love cannot save your relationship from sinking into oblivion.

And it becomes 'I love you, but there is no way we could be together...'

It must strike a chord in him that if this continues, it would be the end eventually. Request empathy and understanding as you justify it tactfully, for you don't want to ignite an irrevocable argument. Speak in peace, but maintain your firmness. Remember that a relationship is a game of two; you can't be the one trying to do something, while he sleeps in the courtyard. He must know and you must make him, if not, it's truly good game mate.

Cheers