Aunt Agony II 300406

Originally posted by Starletz:
Hi Peepz.... never knew I'll need someone to talk to. Now here goes... Recently, I'm in a new relationship. A total different from the rest relationships..... I used to be victimised... or end up being the upset and totally hurt one. Now with this new guy, I'm happy. Things are just day by day and we laughed together at the silliest things... With him, I did things that I used to dream about and I didn't even need to tell him. It just happened. Honeymoon period still... of course but it seem like ages we've been together for. My sister told me that I should take things as they come and not think so much but I am scared.... I am scared that all these happiness will juz come and go so quickly. I'm a little haunted by my old relationships of coz. Badly that I got scared. with him.. there wasn't a break. I just ended my relatonship with this other guy when my heart died and my current bf was just there for me. sigh... I also dunno why but I feel scared... everyday. Is it normal for me to think that it's ok to be happy and blissful? Are all relationships like this? Can someone share with me how you feel when you are in a normal relationship? Coz I really dunno what it is like to be in a normal one.



You got to realise that every relationship is unique.

And because they are different, they all have different ending (positive or negative) and therefore, different experience.

Being haunted by old relationship is a sign which signify a lack of self understanding why your previous relationship is abominable. You are haunted because you fear such scenario would recreate themselves into your present Love - but have you learn those lessons, this fear wouldn't even brought forth into your relationship because understanding would have made you stronger and grown up.

And because you are so afraid, you will unconsciously behave in such a way that it REPEATS what has happen into the present and in turn, create a reiterated future. It is like you using the same key to make the same trigger - your behaviour is the key and the trigger is a self-fulfilling prophesy that comes true based on the SAME key you used in the past.

Those enigma that we hid in our subconscious, do not be afraid to tackle them head-on. These past issues must be handled properly and appeased the tension from within, so that you can enjoy the fruit of your relationship and NOT having to worries incessantly while leading a new relationship during its honeymoon period.

Apply what you thought you have learn from your previous relationship to avoid costly mistake. But at the same time, give yourself a break. Don't take everything too personal and serious that it hinders your progression in your relationship. Until when you hit something, just sit back and revel in the ride.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 300406 (Continue from AA 290406)

Originally posted by I-like-flings(m):

huh?? bo lah.. my case is not i dun dare to trust... it's no one wan mi lah..my flings is for the physically needs lah..i dun mind to have a perm one.. but just no gal wan to marry mi now lor


No one want you?

I think it's a psychological stand which you have constantly inbuilt into your system that cause your mind to delude the fact that it is NOT that nobody wants you, rather you don't allow the condition for people to have a fulfilling relationship with yourself and making yourself a GOOD condition for people to have a fulfilling relationship with you.

And because you kept feeding yourself with this ideology, it 'appear' like everything wasn't part of the cause-and-effect plan, but in fact, it is.

I encounter many cases like yours; people who tell themselves who are doomed to be alone/unmarriagable, when in fact, they are attractive people with personality that could draw. One good example is my Pisces best friend: she has a HORDE of suitor craving for her affection and she could tell me like what you did: nobody-wants-me sort of reply.

And interestingly, the guys she chose are people who are:

I) Jerks

II) Unavailable (Married/attached/etc)

III) Practice certain form of abuse/neglect.

What kind of result can we derive from here?

A forlorn flirt? An oxymoron.

It's usually the mindset that determine how well you will fare in relationship and nor circumstances that you fall into. Your mindset SHAPES your circumstances and if it became the other way round, you could probably see a degenerative path towards Love and Relationship.

The very fact that you are involved in several relationships already means that you are not Saturn-centered isolation issue (Astrology). The reason you gave yourself is pretty much insubstantial, if you actually do some reflection and look along my direction.

I think I have spoken enough. Maybe until you are ready to mature emotionally, if not, my post still stands.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 290406

Originally posted by I-like-flings(m):
why har??? never really happy recently...even when my colleague is throwing mi party after party... but i go there like an empty shell.. my mind is totally not there.. just go there to pay the bill nia.. sighz.. why why why?? it is possible coz increment is about 10% plus only.. or just still havent recover from my 3mth business trip in italy?.... anyone feel the same as mi b4???? or dun tell mi is mid life crisis already?? or instinct telling mi to settle down and start a family to share all this with?..

got 1 lover, 1 sex partner and 1 dunno how to define one....still not enough meh? what i am short of now?? sighz....why i am unhappy?


I think that is the problem.

You are empty because your relationship is as empty as void.

Having three partners doesn't equate to fulfillment. In fact, it blatantly revealed how vulnerable your emotions are to insecurity and the fear of Love/commitment. People who fear Love often attempt to gather more partners so as just 'reassure' themselves and acts as a contingency plan in case one partner 'fails' him. They do not have to face the situation of a complete lost and could actually carry on and cling their unhealthy love mindset onto the other remaining few.

All these relationship you have created are as unstable as MLM. The minute this grand 'edifice' collapse, you see how weak the structure of this model is. And an unconscious truth is that: you are constantly recreating your feared scenario - the fear and lack of faith towards love commitment:

Fear commitment - create unstable model that it wouldn't last - realise it is unstable - create MORE of such unstable models - gradually some fails - recreate more - generate greater fear of commitment - repeat cycle with greater intensity.

If you call that fulfilling, then you are likely to deceive yourself through strong delusional reinforcing.

[quote]or dun tell mi is mid life crisis already?? or instinct telling mi to settle down and start a family to share all this with?.. sighz..... [/quote]

You have already expressed your greatest fear here and the novelty of flings is dying for you.

I think it's time for you to mature emotionally.

Cheers

(Karmic notes... again)

TO DEVIL:

You can love someone without being in a relationship and vice versa. Being in a relationship is entirely freewill... a choice made by yourself and your partner, while Love is something out of the boundary of freewill. Relationship is bounded by the First Law of Love - it is we who choose our partners, not the other way round. Love is boundless.

(Just to nag a little more) LOL!

Every relationship carries some form of bonds (although it is possible for someone to create new bonds this lifetime through freewill. Then the relationship would likely be radical and raw) and bonds are divided into benefic or malefic ones. Regardless, the inherent essence of what 'RELATIONSHIP' does is merely to impart cosmic lessons to the parties involved.

A 'bad' relationship - namely karmic relationship - brings on heavy lessons. So heavy that we thought we could never escape the clutches of our karmic debts. The excellent plot played by our karmic relationship is usually made in such a way that either alternatives means suffering... to accept or not to accept. And usually the option so desired by our hearts often carry a heavier sentence.

We have all the powers in the world to avoid sinking into those karmic relationship, but chances are, human justify the use of 'Love' to accept those challenges, without first applying higher wisdom to understand those challenges are means to understand the end and not the end itself.

I cannot say Karmic Relationship is bad, because like our disciplinary Father who has been rigid and strict with our conduct, a karmic relationship do keep us in check with our attitude and personality with regards to Love. People with glitch in emotional mindset: verdant or veteran, usually suffer the deepest.



Cheers

Aunt Agony 250406

Originally posted by cannonprinter:
Dear friends,

For months i've been having a problem.....a relationship with my cousin. Is it appropriate to fall in love with a relative? I do understand people have experience the same thing as me. I am afraid my family will disapprove...what should i do?

I am really in love with her, its true love....


From the above statement, it really worries me. Not exactly about your cousin-relationship, rather the advent of some egregious karmic relationship.

Love is never wrong; just that you got to learn to analysis your emotions carefully. Not every single emotion equates to Love and NOT all love is suitable breeding ground for relationship.

CloUdiSm states: Love and Relationship is but two separate entities.

Environment cannot stop two souls, truly in love, from being in love. But chances are, yours belong to deceptive tricks spun from the heart that made you thought so.

True Love?

I reckon you better reconsider your decision.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 230406

Originally posted by jam on a bread:
Ok, first of all, i'm a girl with little confidence. You know how the society tend to judge a girl by her looks. No looks=nothing. Aiya, that's why I have no friends (yes you are right, no friends, not even one that goes out with me) so I tend to do things all alone. No boyfriends (got one guy likes me but kena swayed by his friends opinions until dun like me liao).

A lot of ppl dun like me because they dun like my looks. Last time, I have a so-called friend. She said im disgusting because of my teeth. She even avoid sharing food with me for she dun want to know that my teeth have sank into it.

Thinking back, a lot of ppl vent on me or pick on me for no reason because my looks doesn't measure up. I got rejected by a guy and been called a freak. I ask for a stranger guy direction and he gave me a 'disgusted' look. My father keeps saying my legs is disgusting. Last time, I finally found a job and my manager told me to do sales (asking people to buy the products) He told me not to go to the guys for fear I might disgust them. And lots of insecure girls comparing their looks to mine cause they know I don't measure up anyways..

It's not that I dun want to make an effort to become much better, but I have no money! Everything costs like hundred bucks!! girls shld know those facial, hair and all those cost like a bomb! Help people!! it's ruining my life! my social life! I am now tearing while typing this..btw i'm just a student and I know looks is like everything to a girl!! Ahhhhhh!!! no wonde I have nothing at all!! I am given no chance!!!


You have a bruised self perception and have been constantly reinforced by the negative environment you are in. And the interesting part is you gave yourself excuses to believe in so that you will not attempt to change your status quo and dwell in this pool of depressing perception, like you are destined to remain like that forever.

You are effectively fueling yourself to think the way you wanted yourself to indulge in - you thought poorly of yourself and unconsciously breed those condition and reason why you are lousy.

'Wah.. I am so poor... but working is so hard... aiya I am just poor, so I will be poor...'

The truth is: you made yourself into such position and gradually believe your own propaganda.

Based on your last paragraph, it is clear that you have done minimal homework on the subject of 'physical beauty'. The reason for your passiveness, despite the need to improve, is very simple: you fear to confront your flaws directly. You are feeding yourself with self-made beliefs to make a huge contour of your problem without touching the actual subject.

Imagine your problem being the glass ball and you are walking round and round this glass ball, devoid of the courage to even hold the glass ball in your hands.

This is you: knowing what's wrong, ranting what's wrong and leaving it there.

Until the day you really want to change your status quo, then maybe somebody here could help, otherwise, this is merely your rant topic. The desire to change comes with the price of hard work. But firstly, if you can't even bear looking at the REAL you and telling yourself that you are an art that needs the effort to develop into one, then you can always push it into your subconscious mind and avoid like what you have been doing all these while.

The worst thing you could tell yourself is: 'I can't do it...'

Always ask 'How do I achieve it...'

When you use 'How' - you forced yourself to think of ways to achieve and not eliminate your chance completely to self and trust me, you will devise a way to achieve your 'How' and not avoid facing your flaws.

***

Physical beauty is not about the money - that's probably a quarter of the picture. You need intensive knowledge about WHAT and WHERE to improve yourself at good cost-value equation. You are probably thinking of what? Expression to lose weight? Slim Fit to enhance assets? Jean Yip beauty consultant? Lasik surgery to restore perfect vision? Haach Body and Skin care?

Woman are so insecure with themselves that these business exploit those vulnerability to their advantage, creating desires, needs and in the end, actions with paying for those services. I always believe there are alternatives to those premium services - it depends on whether you want to spent additional effort in research and to pursue them, if you don't have the money.

Woman who gym heavily, hardly find a need for slimming session and the cost they save is like more than 10 times the amount?

Then comes dress sense; you don't need designer brands to make you look beautiful. In fact, they don't. You wear the clothes and not having your clothes to wear you. You just need to know your strength/flaws and dress to either

I) Exploit on strength.

II) Hide flaws.

You will need to know what look good with you and how can you achieve them. You will need experiment and experiment comes from various decisions. And good decision comes from bad judgment. You will probably make some fashion mistake, but still, who gives a damn. You will gradually evolve and understand your niche/style.

Third come personality. Some people don't look fantastic physically, but they have an attracting personality that 'made' people thought that they are charming in some manner. You influence people to 'think' that you are beautiful will indirectly make you feel that you are indeed beautiful (Don't know if you get what I mean).

Cheers

Aunt Agony 230406

Originally posted by ILPSY:
I do agree that the first impression counts when you meet for the first time.

When you look sloppy, unpresentable or ugly, most likely, you won't get the second look, let alone generate others' interest in you to start a relationship.

However, if you do have a pretty face, it does not guarentee that you will have tons of boyfriends too... Actually, a pretty face becomes an obstacle! Some pretty gals end up with no boyfriend at all even if their character is nice.

Why so? This is so perplexing...


I know of pretty looking people, ironically, feeling inferior.

And also those who thought that they looked great, but I beg to differ.

In the end, it's how powerful you want to believe in your own self perception. I know most will claim to detest those people in the second category above, but seriously, your words meant nothing to them. They have a strong self perception that other's thoughts cannot influence them to think otherwise.

***

The dynamic structure of Love is much more than just physical appearance - Love spells that clearly. Love is truly an isolated aspect in our life, which is also heavily integrated with other aspects of our life to achieve an harmonious equilibrium.

Physical appearance is merely a tool exploited by humans (especially woman) to achieve the certain advantage over the game of Love. But truly, it's only one aspect of the game.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 190406

Originally posted by Princess livia:
haiz..wat's happenin?i dunno lo...i did no wrong worx..well maybe i did but i really dunnoo...is u isisted me 2 be ur on9 gf...den now lky tis? :cry:

(ive been talking to princess on msn and she has asked me to post here what is going on..............her and kai were together as online r/s,she didnt really wanna be in online r/s but he persuaded her.anyway......apparently he already had a gf in real life.......and princess found out about it.star puppy tried to warn kai not to play games, and to end it b4 anyone got hurt.......but he wouldnt listen...........now kai is apparently saying that its all princess' fault.shes very upset)


It's a real ironic to see people subjected to emotional suffering when in fact, the injury is almost as illusionary as the relationship itself.

It begins from nothing.

Proceeded from nothing.

Therefore ended up as nothing.

All this betrayal, deceits, half truth, drama and sort are almost as good as getting too personal with words seen on your monitor screen. It's like trying to conjure 'something' out of 'nothing'. I am not dismissing the fact that the internet is one tools of the modern era to make friends - but somehow it seemed to be that both of you have lionize the dramatic vibes of your cyber relationship.

The man actually persuaded the lady to have a cyber relationship with him, despite knowing that is attached. It speaks much about his hidden intention and what his relationship (in reality) meant to him. We all know that a cyber relationship is insubstantial - but his act of wanting this insubstantial relationship in the first place is a form emotional infidelity.

He puts himself in the grey area - he did not technically betray his gf in reality, but he is definitely unstable. The interesting thing is that he doesn't realise it himself.

When he moved and acted on from there, you see a clearer picture of his hidden intention. Then, he became to understand his initial agenda and trigger a conscience check.

fling=deep fling=love?

It wasn't something born out of yesterday - there was already a hidden desire and motive beneath the facade of simple flirting. It is so 'Neptune coated', that this relationship seemed to exude a powerful delusional enchantment that seemed to portray both of you of as some kind of star-crossed lovers.

A woman desiring to be loved or a break through from her dull routine of life.

A man desiring the life of a player or wanted a catalysis to break his current relationship.

A relationship that is basically nothing, made to become 'something'.

I see this reinforced connection here - especially the man, who has unconsciously unfold new chapters into this story by leading himself (the protagonist of his own story) entirely to his confusion. He was neither victim of his own circumstances nor environment; it was his own freewill who wanted the taste of it.

Princess livia: break the spell. The damage is illusional - it cannot harm you. If you continue to dwell in this spell, the illusionary damage will become a reality.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 150406

Originally posted by isolation:
I am a 22 years old NSF who will be ORD on the August. Unlike most of the people in my age group, I have not gone into a relationship before in the past 22 years of life. :(

During the 4 years in my secondary school, there are 3 girls whom I tried to win their hearts (at the different period of course, I am not the kind who likes to step into 2 boats with 1 leg) but I failed.

Later during the 3 years in my poly, because I am studying electronics engineering in the poly and there are at most 3 girls in my class but all are none of my type. Furthermore I am worried that whether I can handle a relationship during my NS days in which our personal time are limited so I didn't pursue a relationship.

However during my NS days, there are quite a number of my army mates with a girlfriend and most of them, surprisingly can handle the relationship well.

Now I am left with less than 4 months to ORD and I feels that it might be the time for me to find a girlfriend as I am already 22 years old yet I have not gone into a relationship before. :( Furthermore if I continues to be single my parents and relatives will 'pressurise' me. :(

So how should I start to looking for a girlfriend or rather, what should I do next? :(



Leaving it to fate is as cliché as telling people to be yourself when relating to girls.

What is 'Leaving it to fate'? or 'Be yourself'? How do you exactly work that out?

If fate is catalysis, you got to allow an experiment where you could fuse it with fate to create a chain reaction.

And the primary condition is You.

You are telling me that you are twenty two years old and haven't gotten yourself a girlfriend. And yes, I do believe that you are indeed a nice chap, good person, etc.

But nothing has change when you are in secondary school, in poly nor in NS.

In fact, the variables are still the same.

And because the variables never evolve much, nothing happens.

***

Spent quality time to condition yourself in better position. (improve yourself)

Spent quality time to increase your 'chances of a reaction' (improve your social life).

Cheers

Before I sleep....

Went through SGF and saw this topic that intrigue me.

It was titled 'Love' and self wrote a whole piece of long winding essay.

I read it and I thought it terribly lack depth.

Interestingly, someone asked if the writer had been in a relationship before.

He said yes.

But prior, he revealed himself as single, at the point when he is writing his essay, which was one day ago.

Blatantly lying or thought that I was a fool and obviously I exposed him.



不攻自破的谎言， 不得让我觉得你不只是好无聊， 既然还要装一幅情圣的漠样。(To read, please Encode to Unicode)

It reminded me so much... so much... so much... of...

....zzz...斯凯文.....

Talking about Guiding Star, finally 键盘仙子 is on TV le! 人因梦想而伟大。。。 LOL! Although me, Candy and Duck thought that her new hairdo was difficult to accept.... Hahahhahahahahah!



A bit of advertising here: Vote for 'AMBER' for SuperBand competition, telecast every Monday 7.30 p.m. =)

Cheers

Opps!

Opps! New post went to a 2 Apr instead of today.

Sorry!

Cheers

Aunt Agony 090406

Originally posted by cloud00:

Not really a regular of sgforums but would really appreciate if some advice is given ....
One mth ago i started to get on more gd terms with a ger but we were casual friends for abt 2 years . During this one mth , we would go out for movies , dinner and other stuffs . I thought that the green signal is on cause during meals she would like feed me and i would feed her sweets ... etc
Then a few nites ago , i told her that i really like her a lot and perhaps would it be possible to take our friendship to the next level ~ but she tells me that " Dun you think its a bit too fast ??? " I agree with her so i told her that perhaps we should be friends first and give each another more time
Never did i know its going to be the end of everything cause she starts to avoid me and never reply my sms *sign
I dun know the reason for it but it may be cause i am not physically attractive enuff cause my weight is like 88 although my height is like 175cm ....
so the question is

(a) shld i just let it go ... treat everything just as like it never happen Or
(b) go on a diet casue i look presentable when i dun look fat , after which let her regret for her decision
(c) go on a diet and use all ways and methods to make her feel touched , let her know i do everything just for her and then after which dump her ~

Hai~ actually i feel like just forget everything but i feel real sad ... i dunno whether if i got the wrong signals but y cant we still be friends ???
Anyway its been 2 days since i went on a crash diet and my weight has dropped to 84Kg~


You thought that the reason was because of your weight.

It was an assumption based on how inferior you felt when you spoke about your size.

The automatic thought immediately sprung up, telling you that it must be your weight, for if it isn't, why would she reject my affection?

Have you ever thought of the fact that what she was saying may be true? Everything was too hasty... the emotions, the advancement, the chase and such? PLUS... she's probably a woman who doesn't know how to handle rejecting-of-somebody?

If you were to scroll through some previous AA cases, you will uncover similar cases like yours - being avoided after confession.

***

Your topic isn't about rejection; it's about your tender self worth being wounded once again.

If losing weight is needed to restore your confidence and esteem, by all means, just do it. It doesn't only improve your psychological state, it keeps you healthy as well.

You must first understand the fundamental of self Love before you can extend this outside of yourself. It's difficult to love somebody without having the same love for yourself - somewhat like a preacher who doesn't do what he preaches. Love comes from within and radiate outwardly and not leech Love outwardly and try to fill voids in your inner realm.

Cheers

Aunt Agony III 060406

Originally posted by Xlashes:
In marriage, how do you know he or she is the one ? Are you prepared to live with him or her forever?

Some people are simply more 'marriageable' than others. It is because of their personality and characteristic they exude, which creates such phenomenon. Marriage is like putting two separate elements together and see how these different elements react upon mixing. If you put something that blends well with most elements, the product would be great or at least, it wouldn't cause a huge explosion. Trouble arises when two reactive elements are place together - you get a violent reaction.

Usually, those whom are less 'marriageable' are those Uranus-fueled people - people who believe in individualism. They will score well in achieving prestige, fame, glory and honor this world has to offer, but in sacrifice, they usually gave up 'mutual thinking' for Self.

You are asking if these two unknown elements would make a great final product; nobody truly knows unless you make the experiment happen and see how it goes.

Don't ask what marriage is all about without FIRST learning about Love.

P.S: If you want to reduce the chance of a 'failed experiment', make the effort to research those 'elements' you are dabbling with.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 060406

Originally posted by K800i:
Hi , I am in a dilemma . I am 26 this year and there is this gal who is only 17 is in love with me. Her hints are pretty clear , I find her a nice companion to be with and I was thinking should I go ahead with the relationship even with her father doesnt approve of her having a relationship until she is 20 . She has already make it clear that she doesnt want to wait until 20. I was thinking if she's the one, by the time her marriage age comes, I will be more then ready to settle down ( I am thinking for the future as well) .

What do you guys think ?


I believe that it would classify you as her first love if she were to pursue this relationship with you. (First Love in this case is denotes as First Relationship).

If that was the case, I suggest that you shouldn't 'think' too far into the relationship other than enjoying each other's company and see how this relationship run.

Marriage?

This young lady probably knows next to nothing other than companionship in relationship. You got to allow that sort of natural, intangible learning to take place before the subject of marriage would make any sense to her.

If you were to pursue this relationship, born almost a decade difference, your needs, desires and wants are vastly different. Work that out first before planning anything else.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 060406

Originally posted by T.Ryousuke:
I have gone through all those replies you posted about my problem.
To an extend, I appear to be holding too tight to the past. But one thing I don't understand?

I had married for 4 years plus 3 years courtship. All along there were many many quarrel between us about small small issues, seem like not compatable.
From the time I start mention about divorce till we sign the separation letter and till I sold our flat was about 4 mth, in between this time she didn't voice up any thing. That was already 1 1/2 year from now, until recently I call her to sign this very last document, then she like just wake up. Someone told me she might had a second though, thinking that we will be together again, although we have yet to sign the divorce doc. To me, this is not the way to handle a marriage. I told her:" you are treating this as a game or what?,if I said it, I mean it! ". Maybe I'm too harsh toward her, but I still feel that she is not mature yet.

Recently my friends told me that she called them afew times talking about me and also some other thing, cos she don't have friends to talk to. And this happened after I told her to sign the divorce paper in Jan this year.

For the past, what really gone missing here is the love she had for me, the kind of caring and concern which I needed. And that is the main reason I chose to divorce since we don't have any children yet. And due to work pressure we had, I think it need alot of hardwork to maintain a family with her.

Yunnie, what's wrong with me? Am I not being fair to her. I allow time for her to show me how much she care about us! And for 1 1/2 year she's still thinking there is hope without putting in any effort to save this marriage. To me, I feel all along I spoil her by doing all the house work and taking care of other major issue. She just sit there and waiting for me, and also maybe scare of me being angry somtime. I just need someone to be proactive that's all. Some say communication problem, or I being too sensitive?

Cheers


When she said she has second thoughts about the divorce... how does it occur to you? Minus the anger, do you still see yourself having feelings for her?

There may be some concerns regarding compatibility, however, if there was still a choice, would you still go on with the divorce?

There won't be any mistake in decision here, because the mistake was brought forth from the already unstable relationship onto marriage. Whether you divorce her in the end or decide another alternative, it is merely a route you pick for yourself to walk into.

Your needs... does she fully understand what your needs meant to you? Or is it a break-down in communication leading to a mind-reading scenario? Even if she doesn't says anything, what do you [i]really [/i]know inside her?

Gradually, becoming individualistic in attitude, behaviour and style of communication eats into your relationship.

[quote] I think it need alot of hardwork to maintain a family with her. [/quote]

You are entitled your own perception, but individualistic thoughts like this creates difficulty for marriage to thrive. Afterall, you made your decision to marry this woman. Whether she is matured or not in your definition - you took the option of marriage with her. Her behaviour is definitely a known thing and not something completely foreign altogether.

There are a lot of blame pushing and pin pointing here. If you feel that you want to salvage this marriage, like what she does probably wants - it will be good to cease the blame game and communicate without having the finger pointing.

P.S: Both of you probably have more to lose out after a divorce from a wrecked marriage. If there was still a choice, what that has happen would become learning modules for marriage.

Cheers

Love and Friendship

The last thing that could ever happen to me is to sacrifice friendship for Love.

I scrolled through my intensive book of Astrology written by Noel Tyl and he spoke about the Succedent Grand Cross and that the 2nd house (house of self worth), is naturally square to the 5th and 11th, which is how we react in giving and receiving of Love.

Been doing Aunt Agony for about 5 years and I have seen all sort of abominable relationships, archetype personality and reigning needs.I remember iliak once told me how 'good' it would be if she were to exchange chipmunk's karmic issues for hers. I told her:

'Her kind of issues, to you, are no issues at all. Life wouldn't be so kind as to offer zero growth lesson as a form of 'growth'.'

I realise there is another alternative two forms of Love (apart from karmic and benefic classification):

I) One that makes you stupid

II) One that makes you stupider.

Although we become incoherently foolish when Love propagate its message into our hearts, this foolishness merely facsimile our childhood into our relationship, like how we like to Love and to be Loved in its immaculate form. We began to see ourselves 'baby talk'... give each other cutesy nicknames... change our tone when speaking... gaze at each other and smile... remaining in comfortable silence while holding hands... and the list continues.

We become stupider when we don't understand the relationship we are leading. We transformed into somewhat an anencephalic being, with no sense cognitive understanding of our action. To simpify what I had just said, 'leading an inane relationship without meaning'. I am abhorred when I see people indulging in such play, with notable serious karmic repercussion.

I agape with wonder to understand how people actually see 'Love' as a fourth dimension or the solo panacea to all conundrum of life, in a way where, somehow... somewhat, the couple must incarcerate themselves from the reality of life and that all that had existed prior before the Love, had faded miraculous into the pathetic background.

情热似火，火会息
情浓似酒，酒会醒

I enjoy chinese poems, especially those that stir thoughts and forms deep meaning. Although I sucked terribly at mandarin, but it doesn't change the fact that I enjoy dabbling with phrases that intrigue me, western or eastern. Philosophy-wise - it's the meaning that counts, not the language or the orgin.

Is there truly a need to emasculate our values in face of Love?

I really fear the day when Love has absconded and they become desperate. When dynasty crumbles and a new chapter takes over - the anarchy transition is often the most chaotic.

Of course, like always, I am always around.

But being around, doesn't mean I am agreeable with the way you are leading mistakes.





These two picture can co-exist.

Disclaimer: And no, I was never talking about Duck.

Cheers

Victim called wife 2 hours before shooting (Straits Times)

He had asked for her help to draft letter of termination for employee, the alleged gunman

By Lee Hui Chieh

ON TUESDAY afternoon, Madam Doreen Chay got a call from her husband in Thailand. He had already called her twice before that day to ask her advice on drafting a letter of termination in Chinese.

Less than two hours after that last call, 43-year-old Mr Jimmy Low Beng Lee was murdered. The letter she had helped him compose had apparently led to his death.

Recalling that last conversation yesterday, Madam Chay told The Straits Times: 'He asked me about some Chinese phrases because his Chinese wasn't very good.'

That afternoon, Mr Low had called a meeting with his sales manager, a 55-year-old Taiwanese man, to tell him he was being fired because he was suspected of embezzling company funds.

The suspect was said to have fired five shots from a 0.38mm gun into their car. Mr Low was hit twice in the head and died shortly afterwards. Mr Chamlong, who was Mr Low's assistant, was shot three times and died on Thursday.

Madam Chay said she realised something was wrong when she called her husband's cellphone that night and there was no response.

It was the family's habit to chat every day. Madam Chay would usually call her husband around 9.30pm to 10pm and she, her husband and their 12-year-old daughter would talk on a three-way phone, sometimes for up to an hour.

Madam Chay said: 'I must have called at least 10 times. The last time, my husband's Thai secretary picked up, but her English wasn't very good and she asked me to call his boss.'
Mr Low's boss, a close friend and former classmate from Anglo-Chinese School (Barker Road), did not dare to break the news to Madam Chay that her husband was already dead.

He told her only that Mr Low had been shot and that she should fly down to Bangkok the next day. She spent the whole of Tuesday night packing and talking to her sister-in-law, Mr Low's elder sister Joni.

Mrs Joni Ong, 45, who is the wife of Tampines GRC MP Ong Kian Min, said: 'We told ourselves then to be prepared for the worst, but there was still hope that he would pull through.'
The next morning, Madam Chay, her daughter and Mr Low's youngest sister Vivien arrived in Bangkok on the first available flight.

She knew things had gone wrong when she called Mr Low's boss and he told her to go to the police station, where she was then led to her husband's body in the mortuary.
'I don't really remember what I did. I only know I was crying and kept trying to wake my husband up.'

Speaking during his wake yesterday, she said: 'He was my husband, my friend, someone I could trust. I will miss holding his hands, having a meal with him. I'm going to miss him a lot.'
Mr Low's father, 78-year-old Mr Low Hock Chye, said: 'I was depressed and shocked. He was my only son. But then you have to accept it. Everyone has to go, it's just a matter of when and how.'

Mr Low's funeral will be held on Monday.

***

Sigh.... Straits Times front page somemore....

云孩儿说

The word 'rational' signify thoughts coming from our mental capacity, which differs from 'feeling' as the latter ought to come from our emotional realm. But the interesting truth is that, behind this facade 'of logics', human actually feel first and justify later through a set of thinking and call them 'logics' or 'rational thinking'. This result will, in turn, fuel our decision.

Have you encounter people whom you thought their action/behaviour/decision is completely illogical? However, in their complicating thoughts, their own justification believed that it was a 'logical' equation to pursue such decision. And even if you disagree, apparently, what matters is how they perceive their own individual issues. If they believe that it was a 'logical' decision, they will pursue that route.

Our emotions - the rudimentary element that forms our decision, which is why our emotions are 24 times stronger than the mind.

Why would anyone fall in love with someone knowing that WILL be no future? Regardless of what future meant to you. (For now, I am not even taking Karmic Relationship into consideration). Because the intensity of Love creates that vehement drive that even LOGICS have to bend to accommodate those raging emotions. MCsquare is trying to advocate the beauty of it... how innocent this powerful drive could transform a simple you to do the seemingly impossible. And if this drive wasn't powerful enough to create a stir, perhaps could be something else other than Love.

People who fear rejection or imbued fear into the chase will never be able to revel in the aesthetic beauty of the chase. Fear itself is an anti-love chemical that prevents you from fully exploiting the exuberant ecstasy of Love. If we were to bring fear out of the picture, basically, we will obey what our heart wants of us. Therefore fear itself is an emotion and the so called 'logics' work and bend towards this emotions (fear) as we justify this through a series of thinking (e.g. I am not good enough for her, etc).

CloUdiSm states: A relationship is created and sustain by four ethereal elements: Initiation, Communication, Empathy and Material. It is ethereal because you cannot quantify nor capture them in exact data, but it's importance and presence is felt nevertheless. Relationships usually have a mix surplus and deficit of the four elements and when we say '...working for the relationship...' in CloUdiSm sense, it's the trying effort to balance out this Supply and Demand cycle. '

A severe deficit of either element will cripple relationship as they are all co-exist to keep the relationship in order.

(For everyone, but especially to Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn): Working hard to keep your stash of material treasure is important, but having a surplus of one element will not guarantee a fulfilling relationship. In fact, the time one spent to harvest your wealth, many times, is a sacrifice from the other finer things in life. If the stars decide that your deficits belong to the other aspects, there is simply no way you could channel your surplus into your deficits.

Learn that Love is self discovery and that money is a servant, not a master.



Cheers

Fatality

My mum spoke in a low, serious tone when she said this to me. (I was still lying on my bed).

'Son, I have a piece of sad news...'

What? I thought it was only a couple of days ago when she was pick-pocketed by some arsehole. (YOU WHO PICK-POCKETED MY MUM SHALL BURN IN HELL AND HAVE YOUR FLESH CUT, DICED AND COOKED!) Now, there is something else?

'You know Uncle Jimmy?'

I thought for a moment and recalled his face.

"Yes mum...'

'He's currently working in Thailand and yesterday gu gong (Great Uncle) called me, asking if Daddy was still in Thailand. I said yes and he told me to ask daddy to contact him asap... something urgent.'

'Ok, then?'

'Gu gong said that Uncle Jimmy was injured over there and wondering if Daddy could assist and find out what happen to him. Then later daddy called me and told me that Uncle Jimmy was actually shot...'

'WTF?'

'He happened to work in some waste company... some rural parts of Thailand and like you know in rural areas... before medical help could come, it will be distances away.'

'Then?'

'Yesterday at 3.00am... your dad called again... then he was pronounced dead.'

'...'

I was quite awaken by now.

'Why? What would someone shoot him?'

'It is because he fired some fellow who happened to mishandle company's fund. In fit of anger, he took a gun and shoot him.'

'OMFG!'

'Daddy was crying just now when he called... Uncle Jimmy was in fact his favourite cousin.'

In all my years of growing up, I have never seen or heard daddy shedding tears. This is, in fact, the first and I know deep inside, it was quite an emotional blow to him as well.

'The Uncle Jimmy's boss don't know how to break the news to his family, so told gu gong that Uncle Jimmy is badly injured.'

'So nobody knew this except us?'

'His wife is flying over to Bangkok this morning, so she will know soon enough. Then see how she will break the news to everyone in the family.'

My great uncle only have one son - my Uncle Jimmy, who is also my lovely granny's god-son.

'I don't know how this news should break to them and how can they take it. Furthermore, gu gong got a weak heart...'

***

YOU FUCKING MURDERER! YOU SHALL BE PROSECUTED AND CRUSHED BY THE HAND OF JUSTICE! YOU WILL TOO HAVE YOURSELF BOILED, CUT, DICED AND COOKED BY THE ERINYES. CERBERUS WILL CONSUME YOU AND HAVE YOU RIPPED APART... PIECES TO PIECES. HELLISH FLAMES WILL ENGULF YOUR SOUL TO HAVE YOU FOREVER BURNING IN TORMENT FOR ETERNITY!'



Life is so fragile.

It was merely one night; just when I had my half day leave and medical appointment later and it probably changed the entire status quo of my uncle's family - Everything will not be the same anymore.

真的是无法无天！这就是天地都不能容能！杀人要偿命！(To read Chinese Characters, please encode to Unicode (UTF-8)

Angish

金莎 madness again

MY 金莎 on Jean Yip commercial!

/me give himself a satisfied grin.



That's one hell of an Elven Chic! Godlike!

P.S: Like always, please Encode to - Unicode (UFT-8) - to read Chinese characters.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 260306

Originally posted by blueberryjam:
argh im so pissed... with myself. i've seen his true colours. why the hell did i bother looking into his eyes, and believing his lies again once more?? im stupid, im dumb, im brainless.. im blind. [Refer to Aunt Agony 220306] Seems like im in the wrong.. but then.. i just found out.. he's still him. he didnt change.. no, not at all.

when we were still tog in the past, everytime when i asked him wats he doing, he would jus say watching tv.. but now i found out, he's been using the net, and he blocked me in msn, so that he can chat with others.. and i wont know anything even if im online.. becos he would appear offline in my screen.

he even blocked my close frens in his list, afraid that my frens would see him and then give him away.. argh. ASSHOLE.

and when i logged in into his game acc.. i see names which are nt sup to be there, appeared there.. he told me he stopped contacting them, and that he had del them already. yes i went in once in the past, those names were gone.. now, i see them again. which means to say.. again, behind me, he's been contacting with alot of other girls....

godddddddddddd. what have i done to deserve this.. someone pls tell me. and i really thought he changed, to think that everytime i doubt him, he said i kept accusing him.. i felt so guilty for making his days bad.. and now.. im here feeling betrayed.. being lied to.. the second time.

to think that i sent him mails and smses saying im sorry.. and tryin to work things out for this r/s... he actually doesnt give a shyt at all..

im so glad now.. becos wat he did to me, jus let me get over it faster.. but.. im so afraid of trusting guys now.. i guess if i ever have another bf again, i will still keep doubting him and every of his moves.. hais.....


Actually you have already seen and knew what you thought you have made a discovery.

It was old news; familiar pain, issues and hurt.

Your greatest fear you pressured into your subconscious, ricocheted back into reality like a powerful spring.

Do you notice your cycle?

P.S: It's always easier to gather courage to move on, than to gather courage and repeat this cycle again.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 250306

Originally posted by thingy:
Is a girlfriend the same as a wife-to-be? What if the person you are with is gf material, but not someone that you can spend the rest of your life with? Is this girl still worth the time and effort?

I admit that i have quite a high expectation for my wife, and that my current gf does not meet all of them. There are certain traits that i do not really accept in her, such as her stubborn-ness (such a word?), lack of respect (in some ways), and her past, which still irks me (have accepted, but will never forget it).

Why i say that she is gf material is that we are quite close already, being together for more than a year, and i admit that she is nice to me and we get along quite well. The first few months were fantastic, the so-called honeymoon period and it was like in heaven.

Lately, since last june.. i start to find that we were not that compatible afterall. she will never give-in in an arguement and i have to say sorry most of the time. and we became less romantic. Now, she feels more like a close friend rather than someone I can spend my life with. I can tell that she's not likely to stand by me through all difficulties and stuff i may face in the future. u know.. the through thick and thin kind..

To her, for now, everything is alright. but to me, something is lacking in this relationship. I don't feel what i used to feel anymore. i lie about my feelings sometimes to make her happy and think that nothing is wrong.. to the extent that i cannot say my deepest feelings.. maybe they have bottled up to the top, which gives this sucky confused feeling..

I admit that my mind has strayed. I've been browsing through friendster and it reminded me that there are plenty of better fishes out there. problem is, my social circle is very limited and i only know 3 girls other than her.

I really don't know, so confused. arghh, can't even phrase out my thoughts properly.. it's all jumbled up. if only i could pull this messy bunch of chains into one straight line, it would be so much easier to solve...


Judging from CloUdiSm stand, I will not advocate marrying your first relationship, in this modern era. Usually, most people in this modern era, will have between 2-4 partners before they settle for marriage (on average). It is because karmic debts will not exclude you: if you experience more and mature emotionally before marriage; you can probably exempt some learning 'modules' in marriage.

Again, if you are simple minded and generally free from cynical thoughts, which I think is quite rare in this modern era, it is possible to marry a first love, with happily-ever-after sort of conclusion. But this outcome is almost utopia IMHO.

When you have deeper understanding in Love, your thinking and emotions began to complicate. It brings you to a new level, like a marathon run, where you could no longer see the starting point you began your run. Our sight absorbed new sceneries, our feet led us to new places and of course, fatigue start to affect us.

We are nowhere like before.

I would say that it is dangerous to automatically put gf = wife or bf = husband sort of mindset in any relationship before marriage. When marriage comes naturally, you wouldn't even have doubts regarding the woman/man you are going to marry. And if you do have... chances are, you are not ready for marriage.

In BGR, we are still exploring and learning. Avoid absolute thinking. I am not encouraging you to break, rather, learn to discover your relationship as you understand your specific needs and the woman you have.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 220306

Originally posted by blueberryjam:
i broke up with a cheating ex about 3 mths ago.. but after breaking up, he said he really miss me alot.. he regretted all that he had done to me.. he asked for a patch.. hesistating for a week later, i agreed... (i know its stupid.. but i really do miss him alot too)

he told me he will change.. and thou pple say Flirts Will Never Change.. this once-a-flirt changed. he treated me like just.. so wonderfully great.. but now the problem lies with me, i don trust him anymore.. everytime he reply or calls me slow, i keep doubting his answers, i keep suspecting him.. i dont know whats he doin behind me all the time.. to the extent that every msg i just keep reprimanding him, sometimes i think im soooo going nuts.

i asked for a breakup almost everyday.. i just find out that i really cannot trust him anymore.. theres no faith.. but he's reluctant to break, he said he really changed, and its unfair to him..

just last night.. we had a really big fight.. again, i asked for a break up, he doesnt want it.. but i keep insisting it.. saying things like "go away.. just leave me alone, u'll find some other girls very soon.. lets jus break k" i think eventually he gave up also.......

actually when we patched, i was just bored.. i just wan a bf there for me.. i thought my heart already died for him, but since he said he's gonna change, fine, we can try... but i treated him like shyt and its true that when girls don feel anymore for the guy they're in the r/s with, they'll just threaten to break when they're being "triggered" or when they "lose" in an arguement..

i cried and cried last night.. thinking what the hell did i just do.. i pushed a bf whos always been there, treating me like his precious finally, and most importantly.. loving me.... maybe i made the wrong choice.. i smsed him, saying its a hard night to slp today.. im sorry if i hurt u.. night..

i woke up with 6 msgs in my phone.... NONE was from him.... i was surprised how 'cruel' he is..... he didnt even care..... am i asking too much, or is he just doing what is needed to forget me.. today.. i woke up with swollen eyes... and my heart... feels so empty......



When you failed to understand the true essence of your break-up, you will live to go through it again. Poor judgment coupled with emotional instability, fuel this Love break-patch karmic cycle.

When you two initially came together, it was of Love.

Later, it was of habitual.

Much later? Meaningless.

When you patch back with him, the conundrum that initially CAUSED you to leave this relationship reluctantly, didn't vanish. In fact, the residue of that virulent factor remained acrimoniously. It wasn't resolved previously, nothing will change then. You are just reiterating the exact behaviour you are exuding prior before the first break up - suspicious, having constant mistrust and becoming vindictive.

Flirt will eventually change - but generally, this relationship will not 'survive long enough' to enjoy the transformation. In fact, if you are the chosen catalysis for his transformation, he will only change with his next partner. This is the Karmic Law of Cosmic Love because even if he does change overnight - you will be mortally wounded and would be too overwhelmed with fatigue to continue this relationship.

My dad was a player. Woman loved him as he is the fun Sagittarius guy. It took him about FORTY years of lifespan to have some understanding of marriage, family and the good woman he married. Thank God my mum is a simple woman. I accentuate... so fcuking simple that I reckon that her sort of simplicity is almost extinct in sg.

Can you be that simple... that it REVERSE your power to understand and to know? When a toddler hands you one hundred dollars willingly, it is because the child is too young to know the value of money. The child wouldn't even flinch when he has given you a hundred buck. Can you be like that child?

Because you cannot be hurt by things you don't understand.

Love is not about feeling it emotionally and thinking that it is a means to an end. It has to be substantial, measured by the degree your Love is coming from. All your nonchalant attitude and ill-treating is a sign of wanting attention from him. You are being defensive, yet yearning for his affection. Gradually, this confusion will bring another conclusion to your relationship with him.

And if you accept another patch cycle, you repeat that sad story over again.

P.S: Never turn your shoulder over and walked where you have travelled. Turning back doesn't heal our scars; it reminded us of it.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 210306

Originally posted by Simpleheat:
I and my ger have been stead for 6 months.We love each other very much Knowing her ex had taken her first time! My jealously and ego corrupts my mind and I decide to ask her for sex.

It happen in the sat evening,where we went for a stoll in a secluded park. While we were kissing,I suddenly popped the question but she reject bluntly. She said she didn't want! I told her I felt she loved me not enough as she could give her first time to her ex and wouldn't even satisfy my demand.She told me sex shall not use as a guage to measure her love for me and she was not prepared.She told me she agree sex with her ex after 1 yr of courtship while the time for us was not riped.I was infuriated and gave her cold shoulder.Then I decided to leave the park. She immediately follow close behind me. Finally she decided to stop me and pacified me. I could see tears began to roll down from her eyes and her worry face,worried that I will leave her for not giving in to me. She said she may considered it and she began to tremble abit. Although my heart ached for seeing her state. I decided to continued my test of her love for me despite losing the mood for intimate stuff. I then quickly ask demand her on the spot for sex. She was in disarray and I could see her unclear mental state and body language continued to negotiate whether to give in to my demand.We were at that time near a road with many passing-by cars! While I continued demand an answer from her. She finally broke down,closed her eyes and more tears roll down her eyes as she nodded her head repeatly to gesture her submition to my demand! Witnessing from a total 180 degree turn from a no to agree. I was shocked and awakened too. I also realise how much she loves me that she was even willing to submit her body and pride to make me stay beside her!

I realise how inhuman I was. She later informed me she was not comfortable to do it outside and wanted to go to my house to do the intimate stuff! Not going to inform her of my intention,I agreed and brought her back to my home. Just abt to enter house door. I could saw her tense body language ready to submit to me. We made a U-turn and I brought her to void deck where we sat down. I told her I decided not to press her not sex and will not use sex as a gauge to measure her love for me! I told her we will only do it when she was comfortable.I could see she immediately felt relax and broke into a smile and she informed me of her bad sex experience with her ex. I felt sorry for her and decided to make a pact of not having premarital sex. After that I gave her $10 to take a cab home.

After this incident,I realise man can be such bastard which they can abuse their position and their partner's love for them and force them to submit to all kind of their demand.It also let me real life experience the evil tatic depoyed by those bastard which how they forced their partner into giving their first to them and dumped them including my ger ex. I strongly urge all guy who had a wonderful gf who love them so deep,not to play around with their feeling and instead cherish their presence,being faithful.For those who continue thier action ,I believe will suffer retribution


You are playing with fire and turning the flames into a potential conflagration that could have obliterate this relationship beyond your conscious control.

I am safe to say that I understand your situation more than anyone else here, for we have spoken prior before this (although there wasn't any reply back from you).

Your definition of what love is to you is gradually degenerating to your wounded masculine ego and your craving hedonistic self absorbed desire. And if you thought that she must have love you so much that she eventually relented to your sexual request - your grave mistake begin from here.

What happens is that when you requested sex so vulgarly and reduced your level to that of a primitive sentinel with strong animalistic instinct, it tarnished and annihilate the 'you' which she had originally thought she knew. This love that you thought she gave herself to you, is pressured by emotions, which is 24 TIMES stronger than the rational mind.

She gave in not to Love; she gave in to circumstances.

In fact, it will bring stark confusion to her if you accepted her 'decision' and go along with sex.

Then you became a replica of her ex.

Your ego is so severely bruised that you have to assert MCP domination into your relationship. And if you let it evolve longer, your relationship would have been laid with numerous cracks that find difficulty in mending later on. This is a vicious cycle, because of a flawed perception, for her ex 'enjoyed' something which you prized very much, but you are too prudish to understand that sex and love doesn't always necessary come together.

She has already lived out of her past; stop sprinkling salts onto her old wounds.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 190306

Originally posted by Nikar:
Hi all,

I really hope someone can share your advice here. It's greatly appreciated. The root of all the problem is my sister.

First of all, my family has 5 members : my dad, mom, myself, my sister and my brother. I'm the eldest(20 years) and my sister(18 years) is second-eldest; my brother is youngest and he's only in Sec. One.

Since we were kids, my sister always has a very very terrible temper and a vicious personality that seems to get worse with age. Her mentality and behavior since she has a kid till now has always been that :
-if you do something nasty to her, she'll pay you back triple or more
-if she's nice to you, then she has a motive behind it(always the case)
-if you do kind things to her, she'll suspect that you plan to back-stab her
-if you tell her that a certain thing is wrong or she should change her mindset/behavior, she'll either pretend she never hear or will scream very very fierecely back at you; she will not accept any kind of feedback
-she has a must-win attitude in every scenario; if you scold her, she'll talk back until she wins the argument; if you eat 5 cookies, she must eat 6 or more cookies than you.

Normally, grown-ups like 18 years old(JC education, somemore) won't pick on little kids and siblings for little nitty-gritty things, but in her case, she has been shouting and verbally abusing my younger brother for no reason.
Here's some real-life examples :

-Whenever my brother dirties up the table after eating and my mom or me wipe it for him, she'll get very angry and uncomfortable and start verbal abuse on him

-Whenever my brother does a little thing to annoy her(un-intentionally) like speaking too loudly over the phone etc., she'll start verbal abuse, scolding him and cursing him non-stop for 10 - 15 mins a lot of times, and the tone is so scary that it's as if she's scolding her worse enemy(or someone who has killed her children)

-Recently, my mom told me to give some pocket-money to my brother since I've started working. I, the one who gives the pocket-money to my brother, have no problem with it. But my sister is very jealous and angry and she keeps verbal-abusing again whenever this subject got brought up.
If she's a small kid and she gets jealous/angry over this matter, fine. But she's going to be an adult soon(18 years old) and going to the university soon! Where can you find a big sister that keeps picking and verbally-abusing someone much younger than her?

-Sometimes, we've chocolates and snacks or ice-cream back home. Whenever my brother unintentionally eat one more chocolate or have 1 more serving of ice-cream than her, she'll get really extreme towards him and the verbal abuse is totally crazy. In addition, she starts to stomp the floor loudly and slams her things around.

-There's also times when, after eating or using the kitchen ultensils to cook her own stuff, she just leaves the ultensils in the kitchen and my mom/me has to remind her to wash it. And she has the cheek to ask my brother to wash his own plates?

-She doesn't know anything about consideration for others. At 11pm or midnight when everyone is sleeping, she still switches on the TV loudly or blast the radios(louder and louder these past weeks)

-Worse still, whenever she's watching TV in the living room and my brother is in the living room too, her left eye seems to be watching the TV and her right eye seems to be keep watch on my brother and finding fault with him.
Once she finds any mere fault, she goes in again and start verbal abuse.

My brother has a very meek, pleasant and those easily-pushover kind of personality. I told him to scold back and fight back, but he keeps saying no.

During her JC days and the A-level exams, whenever she studies and there's things she doesn't know, she throws a big temper again and upset the whole family.
Recently, the problem has got worse. Now that she's working and everyday when she comes home, she'll throw a terrible temper around the house and affect everyone's mood. Did you know that when she's out with her friends and there's only me, my mom, my dad and my brother in the house, everything is so blissful and happy?

The problem has got more serious these few weeks to the extent that we're moving the entire home PC from her room to the living room, so that my and my brother don't have to see her attitude or endure her temper whenever we use the PC(currently in her room).
My father, who used to dote on her a lot(I think more than me), has started to turn against her and sick of her behavior already.

I mean, my, my brother, my mom and dad don't deserve all these.
My dad comes home during 6 - 7 pm every day only to see my sister throwing tempers and abusing her brother?
My mom is at home most of the time, so she's really bearing the brunt of it.

For me, my sister doesn't dare to shout or go against me yet. I've been trying to maintain neutral ties with her, because if I start to scold her everytime she throws those sickening tempers/verbal-abuse my brother, the family would only get more worse-off. I now dread weekends and think that weekdays are better, because my sister stays at home during weekends more. Everything I see her throw those out-of-control tempers or treat my brother like some dog, I feel like grabbing her and throwing her out of the window, whatever it takes to rid her. I've been controlling myself but this may get out of hand one day.

Can someone please help me and analyse the root of the problem and find solutions for me? I've been thinking of beating her with the TV controller(not too lethal) everytime she throws temper/abuse my brother or knocking her against the wall........is this a good idea?
I'm not scared of her calling the police if I beat her, though. She's in the wrong and someone must do something before she gets worse and worse by the minute.
Hiring a counsellor is useless; she's always very sweet and nice to outsiders, but to family members, it's a different story. Even if the counsellor really thinks that she has a problem and advice her, her strong-will will not listen to any feedback which implies that she need to change.

Thanks,
Nikar.




She is the middle child and usually middle child is subjected problems (unless he/she is the only son or daughter in the family, which could negate the effect).

The root of problem lies in her developing years, in her early childhood. It seemed that her aggressive nature to win and gain recognition is a flawed result based on the lack of attention and love during those tender years. You see, you wouldn't know what is going through her inner self and psychological state when she absorbed subconscious message into her mind. She still picked them up and channel negatively into her adolescence and young adult years.

She is expressing what is felt within outwardly and this suppression is raking into an explosion. Her aggressiveness and desire to win is a sign of addressing her sore young past. Your family needs to nurse her with affection and especially with communication.

If she continued her abusing on your younger brother, chances are, when he grows up - he would inculcate a fear and meek attitude towards woman he faced (Affliction in 3rd house/Mercury, weak Mars, Venus and Moon). The powerful sibling complex would create a deep shadow and impact on him.

My advice is to avoid avoidance. These are real time issue that critically needs communication. It seemed that your whole family are tolerating this without a cause - you either one of your parents could initiate a private one to one chat, with an powerful stand that they will not explode and slipped into an argument with her, to avoid triggering the psychological affliction or the self prophesy that she wasn't part of the family or everyone-of-you-minus-her sort of thingy.

A suggested talk would begin with empathy-like opening (works better if she is a Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces): Asking if school is stress, people creating trouble for her outside or feud and issues with anything outside this family. Gradually move on to:

I) Letting her know verbally that they as parents loves her. And that they are concerned over knowing what has causes her temper.

Move gradually. Always talk in a lower tone than she does and when she raises her voice, they lower their voice.

One session can't change much, but at least it open doors to further communication in the future. Break down her resistance and understand that Love is the element to subdue her, not calling the police and sort. You can consider psychologist/counseller as an external party, if she is more comfortable talking outsider.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 190306

Originally posted by smallcloud:
haiz.. i lost my wallet (a black coin pouch from the wallet shop) early this morning.. dropped it in a comfort taxi. i've called them to dispatch the lost to all the cab drivers..but evidently THAT driver didn't respond.

either that, the wallet has been picked up by someone else already.

got alot of my cards inside..including my student card (my exam coming soon.)
let alone the money..

haiz.. :cry:

and becoz of the whole incident, had a quarrel with my bf.

same thing. he feels we should reconsider the relationship. :cry: :cry:

so sad.. this coming tuesday we 6 months anniversary le. so near, yet so far.. :cry:


i sorta felt abandoned when he told me to go home. i didn't need him to pacify me.. i juz wanted his presence.
although this time it could be becoz of the way i msged him which he claimed made him feel like he's not the one for me. but i had told him time and time again. leaving him was a thought that has never and will never cross my mind.
so sad.. :cry:

why can't work things out? 2 people sure to have differences. why muz always choose the easy way out? am i really that hard to be with? wat is compatibility?

why is it so hard to keep a relationship going?

sometimes love ain't just enough.. is that so? :cry:

double heartbreak..

i really hope that who ever picked up the wallet, u can hav the money la. not much also. juz return me the cards.. my exams around the corner..i need my student card back.. pls..



Losing the wallet is not the reason; it is the catalysis.

When there are existing underlying problems lurking in your relationship, can we smile and tell ourselves that nothing is wrong, despite knowing that the fabled anniversary is approaching?

Love cannot solve problems; human must initiate problem solving or die by the problem itself. This is the freewill given and promised by Love.

Chances are, your relationship isn't exactly stable in the first place.

Take care?

Cheers

Aunt Agony III 180306

Originally posted by 200plus:
hi peeps. this is my first time posting. anyway i was recommended to come here by my fren. dunno will it help or not. but nvm. enuff of the crap. its a long story btw.

ok theres this guy. i got to noe him around the beginning of this year. i wont say he's good-looking but he is a unique guy. first few weeks past and i dint really pay attention to him. then there was once he wrote me a note to inform me abt something and from then on i was attracted to him. dun ask me y. me myself dunno the reason behind this. then we started to chat often on msn and i felt comfortable tokking to him.

on valentine's eve he spent around 40+ minutes on msn to persuade me to confess to the person tat i like and i did gave in. after finally plucking up the courage, i told him. he replied "i know". anti-climax isnt it?? he said he isnt rejecting neither is he accepting because he needs time. (theres this gal who he still cant get over wif)

but the confusing part is tat, if he needs a break from relationships, according to him, then y did he treat me better day by day? he claimed he knew abt my feelings since day 1. as in, if he needs a break, y wud he even bother to get this close to me? i hope im not thinking too much but i do haf little frens and he's one of the few tat i can relate too.

well, i dunno wat made me do it but 2 days after my confession, i told him im giving up. his reaction was just as normal. i think its either an "ok" or "anything", nothing remarkable. yar so life goes back to normal. we do tok a lot still on msn in a frenly way. btw he's a gal magnet and i dunno y so many gals are telling me hes hot. (cough cough)

then last friday he smsed "wanna meet tmr? i return u ur thumbdrive. if u wan we can haf dinner together too". after consulting my frens i decided to go. i dunno whats the point of him asking me out lah, though he said its to thank me for helping him wif things.

so on saturday i turned up. we had dinner at billy bombers. u noe the guy-pull-out-chair-for-gal thing? ya he did tat and he poured drinks for me. but dinner tat time i was either too nervous or out of my mind. i kept screwing things up. i touch fork, fork drop. i touch knife, knife drop. i couldnt even cut wif my knife to tat extent tat he had to cut the food for me. worse still, i embarrassed myself my speaking wif a mouth full of food. then suddenly he stared at me intently, i thot wat, then he passed me a piece of tissue and say "theres food stain on ur mouth" -_-'''

ok i noe i gave myself away too much at the dinner. ya then after dinner he suggested watching movie. there wasnt much nice shows and most ticks were selling fast. he's nice enuff to offer to watch final destination 3 wif me though he had watched it once already. in the end i told him not to waste money so we went for a stroll around the neighbourhood.

we found a pretty peaceful place and sat down. he commented tat the stars were nice. after tat he sang songs and showed me some dance steps. ya basically for the whole nite we sat there enjoying the tranquility of the place and he sang a majority of jay chou songs. suddenly he said he wud like to hear me sing. of course im shy and stuff so i told him i wud sing the next time. then for dunno wat lah, he commented "there may not be a next time coz u noe im going into army..."

i felt disappointed but of course i dint show it. after tat he gave me the round thing from his keychain. he say wat, he's giving it to me as a ring. maybe he's just trying to be lame, i dunnoe. he did mention tat he can stay until very late but maybe i need to go home le. so around midnite i seriously think tat my mum was boiling wif rage so i said i gotta go. he walked me home. when i reached home i realised im still holding on to the 'ring' of the keychain. i smsed "u forgot to take ur 'ring' back". he says "u keep it, i dun need it anyway"...

ya tat was wat the story is abt. but the problem is tat, who am i to him? maybe he did treat me like a fren and its normal to go out wif a fren. ya. i really hope im not thinking too much or else i wud haf been wasting so much of my time fretting upon this! btw im indeed a stupid gal. on tat day itself he said "i've got free tickets to ice age2, u wan or not?". instead of replying a yes, i exclaimed "hey where u get the free ticks?!"... ya tat was completely anti-climax. so now i dunno whether its set or he merely mentioned it in a no-big-deal way. i could haf gotten the chance to go out wif him again if i told him i wan the ticks. haiix. so how now?? and he's leaving for army in april. but is he even interested in me?? or shud i ask him abt the ice age thing to get myself a 2nd chance??



This is a carefully crafted seduction and you make an excellent victim for his spell weaving. You, having small social circle, worsen things.

It seemed to me that he is planning for his future; he probably thought that army will reduce his chance of interaction with ladies, or means difficulty in managing any BGR and he would probably have to lay his cards well enough for people whom he thought as potentials to remain emotionally connected with him despite the vast passage of time.

He is so confident, that you will fall for him as he urged you to express yourself to the one you like. The minute when you hopelessly tells him about your inner feelings, it acknowledge the fact that his seductive model works just right. Once it happens, all he need to do is to 'upkeep' you periodically so that the spell will be kept in check.

He displayed dramatic vibes into your mind, through his interaction with you and there are meticulous attentions spent on you. The fine prints, the details are all taken into accounts.

And there... time was ticking. In fact, he revealed that time wasn't advantageous to him when in fact, ironically, if he is a shrewd player, he would have understand that this means a better terrain to maneuver.

In the Greek Mythology: Narcissus is a beautiful hero. His beauty is so great that all who saw him, falls in love with him. But he will look at none of them. Even the fairest of nymph, Echo, didn't move him.

We must understand that there are people whom may not be looking for Love and a serious relationship like yourself. These people seek companionship and people to adore and worship them like Narcissus. He is so ingenious because you are always insinuated through by the scenario he has created and if you have noticed by now, he has mention none of his own betrayed feelings that says anything about loving or liking you.

If you are looking for a committed relationship, my take is to widen your social circle and explore new territories. There isn't any strict bond stating that you must devote your time and soul to him alone.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 180306

Originally posted by LOST19877:
My bf, I don't really have any feelings for him. Infact, we started out because he kept breaking down infront of me. He kept crying and crying and crying. My friends and I all know that he can't live without me. He kept coming back no matter how many times I rejected him. He even knows where I stay. I accepted him partly because I really didn't have the heart to reject him anymore and since he knew where I stay, he might hurt my family, afterall I meant everything to him, without me he is just a zombie. Besides, if he really hurt my family, calling the police won't do any good as the damage is already done.

However, he treats me really really really really well. He gives in to me everytime. He buys me everything I wants, brings me everywhere I want to go. He doesn't even dare hug or kiss me, he just holds my hand lightly. I can't bear to see him hurt. He's a really good guy except that he needs me. I am like part of him life. Everything he does, he does for me.

I really don't see the problem, but yet there's a problem...


There seemed to be an overwhelming mote of self pitiness in him: your wrongly placed empathy will guarantee much suffering for him and yourself as the relationship began on a wrong foot. Emotions are oozing all over the place, spilling unsaturated agony as he has yet to attain emotional maturity. A relationship with such people is usually karmic because you bring on lessons to them.

Somehow, you thought of your acceptance of Love as a form of panacea for his life. In fact, based on what you have written about him, he is likely in need of emotional and spiritual evolution or crudely put: get a life, as having a relationship would not restore any of these afflictions.

To make matter worst, you have thought and his perceive in a way which you feel that you must be his answer to his suffering. Why, do you seriously think that, you are doing him a great favour?

The truth is that you are destroying him every minute.

This relationship is like him taking illicit drugs. You feed him with bleak hope that one day he could win you over, unknowingly, he will never succeed. This abominable desire grows with strength each new day and he will attempt to give everything that you wish because in his vision, this is only way you could allow him the 'drugs'... by allowing him to remain in this relationship with you.

Sympathy? Your sympathy blends in nicely with his self pity. So fitting that it revealed a blatant karmic pattern. When you retreated physically or when he 'thought' that you retreated emotionally, it is as if you are denying drugs for his addiction.

He cries.

He regressed back to his early childhood... back to how he react with difficulty he faces when he was a young boy.

Very ill or passive maternal influence.

***

Don't think about him; think about yourself. If this is not what you want, don't play angel to people whom you know will be intensely involved with you. You will sprout extremism in these people and leave burning scars that will be impossible to eradicate in the future.

Love is not about his inability of living without you - it is about the inability to live without each other.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 180306 (PM)

Originally posted by Simpleheat:
Hello Yunhaier! I know u r a wise counsellor and strongly need yr advise and counselling.

I know my first gf 6months ago thru friend's outing.I consider love at first sight. She is a simple looking gal with pimples,short,a bit plump and older than me(23yrs old) but she(27 yrs old) is sweet and cute looking too. But what attracts me most is her great personality. I can click with her easily and can crap around.. Thru talking,I know she is kind and a very innocent gal. After weeks of courtship ,we both have liking for each other and she starts to tell me some very personal thing abt her. She told me she is not a virgin which devastated me cos I'm a virgin myself(I used to be a christian but left due to immerse pressure I quit but still I have some important values of christian like being a virgin for yr future wife or husband like that)Some more I'm a guy as a virgin while she is a gal who is non-virgin. I told her I was upset abt the news and she weep for the whole nite. After a nite of thinking ,I thought I had sought out and able to accept her a non-virgin. We go stead and have a wonderful time of 4 months.

The problem arises when my curiousity of her past makes me probed her of her past with her ex. She honestly told me of her having only one-time sex of losing her 1st time to her ex. She indeed bleed on the first time. After hearing of her experience.I start to develop negative thinking and even dream of her and her ex engaging in sex and saw her naked body with her vagina bleeding.
I was in utter distress. I start to ask me back ,can I accept a non-virgin gal as my wife? Worst ,she told me she could not remember how she was coaxed into losing her 1st time to her ex as it was many yrs ago which both of them were young and having puppy love! But to me,how can u forget how u lost the first time,including the reason being coaxed into it? If u r serious abt yr body and r/s,u will definitely remember. I even told her I will not have sex with her as long as both of us r not married but she told me premartial sex is ok as both of us r adult. I felt she is a slut for not serious of her body. I also feel like a stupid fool as a virgin man getting a non-virgin gf in a sure losing business. But during the 6 months until now,she is indeed a wonderful gf,she is caring,not demanding and very considerate to me,catering to suit me! I dare not tell her how I feel now,cos it will definitely hurt her very much.

But the thought of her as non-virgin is haunting me ever since I dream of her sex engagement with her ex. I am seriously going to breakdown. Cos if I cannot get rid of the thought of getting a virgin gf,I will consider break with her as I don't want to waste her time so that she can look for another future partner that can accept her past.I really love her Am I wrong to think that way? Why I so upset over a small piece of flesh(hymen)? Help me....


You are wondering, why would this issue bother you at all when in fact your relationship is running smoothly.

And I am wondering as well, why would you prudishly equate virginity as a price tag measuring YOUR relationship?

If you are apt to place ill perception in such a way that a non-virgin mate would affects you so much, it ricochet doubts back to your relationship with her - you love her because you thought that she is innocent, sweet, cute and all sort of adjective describing someone that is untainted and pure... existing purely because she would fit into your biased frame of what makes a 'good partner'?

Why would you want to DE-VALUE your own relationship, based on a past variable that you cannot control nor manage? You mean a virgin means she would make a better wife... better personality.... better everything?

You live in your own self absorbed reality with your own measuring yardsticks that defines a 'woman' and not understanding a woman and put definition based on what she is made of.

Don't get me wrong; you are definitely entitled the rights of wanting a virgin wife since you are morally upright and righteous about how you perceive sex (and of course you are virgin yourself) - basically a good man. But circumstances is such that you have MADE your choice of being with her and it wasn't the case.

Are you going to reject the goods just because you thought it was 'inferior' goods?

And chances are: she was never 'inferior' - you made it to be and thought it was.

If you are the sort that can't handle truth, forget about knowing. You will lead a more fulfilling and blissful relationship without the knowledge of her past. Don't make use of the excuse of curiosity and probe when you know that you won't be able to take such knowledge with maturity and to your stride.

Please understand that her past sexual experience with her ex is still a relationship afterall. She didn't end up in bed with some stranger on some a high and intoxicated night.

***

Your dream is an image projected based on your emotions. In fact, you mind VERY MUCH because she is not a virgin, thus your afflicted emotions paint a picture through your dream. If you unable to see through this insignificant aspect of a woman and into a larger picture... seriously, you will do each other well if you leave this relationship and pursue what you thought of a wonderful relationship.

Because I tell you, these self-afflicted thoughts will keep flowing back to you as long as you are unable to release those psychological and emotional bondage. you have a great resistance against acceptance.

Yunhaier sees religion as equal under the eyes of Love. You can be involved with Christianity, Buddhism and the what's not - ultimately how you want your relationship to succeed and bring on self actualization is something you have to learn and grow with it every day of your life. (I had ever come across a pastor with a failed marriage as his wife got involved with extra-marital affairs due to dissatisfaction. Yes, he is a man of God and probably knows the Bible inside out, but in the end, he knows nothing about Love. And his wife infidelity is partially due to his prudish/moralistic equation to everything including Love).

When you are in Love, understand Love and not Morals to explain Love. Morals only tell you what is Good and Evil - it doesn't tell you anything about Love

Cheers

Aunt Agony 150306

Originally posted by sqully:

I came across an eerily familiar face on the way home yesterday. It is him. Him who did it a few weeks ago. I can still remember how I charged home, showered rigorously, crawled under my blanket, laid on my bed, buried my head into my pillow and cried till I was so exhausted I fell asleep that night. Each time I experience it again, it just gets worse. The burdens of the previous encounters accumulate to bear an increasingly heavier weight on me.

Flashbacks of the traumatic experiences hit me again. Sometimes I could feel my head exploding with these images. There are times the hauntings get so bad that I cry my eyes dry at night n wake up with slighty sore eyes, spending the next day in a daze. Why is Singapore so molesters infested? I hate these freaks. They derive their brief pleasures at the expense of inflicting a long suffering wound on me. Each one came along to stab it deeper as if to prevent it from healing.

It hurts so bad cos as much as I m angry with them, I am also angry with myself. Why couldn’t I stand up for myself? Most of the times, I was so frightened I just froze and blanked out. Cornered to my seat, I didn’t even attempt to flee, much less to confront them. Each time I wanted to confront them, I couldn’t surmount enough courage to. I feared that they would yell “bhb!who wants to molest u?!” or something, yielding yet more humiliation for me. I told very few people about these encounters, and even if I did I wouldn’t reveal everything. I didn’t tell my parents anything at all cos I don’t want them to worry about me, it breaks my heart to give them heartaches. I didn’t really tell my friends cos I think they might not believe me and I don’t know what they would think if I did. And I recall that there was this time I was chilling out with a friend, we were reading some magazine and came across this article about molestation. There was this line “don’t worry people would love to save the damsel in distress, especially since you are pretty” or something and I lamented what if the damsel is not. So I casually mentioned one of my encounters to my friend and said that “I don’t understand why he picked me. It’s not like I m pretty. And I was always in baggy shirts and long jeans.” “Ya lor.” She replied.

Perhaps she didn’t mean anything and it was just a simple reply but it sealed my fate to that of a silent victim and it confirmed my fears that those perverts had picked me cos no one would believe me if I had accused them of doing it. It was all still bearable until I encountered this ‘Romeo turned pervert” guy a few months ago, and my self-esteem plunged to an all-time low. I have been stuck in a state of perpetual misery since. The strong, sunshine girl who everyone used to know is finally tearing up from the inside. Their aunt agony is drowning in her own agony now. Bitterness filled the smiles and laughter I squeezed out of me. I desperately want to get back on my feet. That’s why I m releasing some of the bitterness I feel inside here.

i can still remember one of my first traumatic experience. it happened when i was in sec 3. there was this guy i recognised as one of the regular faces i see on the bus everyday. i started to notice after some time that he always sits ard me and soon after he started to sit beside me. i tot it was no big deal probably just coindeince then one day even when the seat beside me was occupied,he'd sit somewhere near and wait for the person beside me to alight n he would move to me.

at first he didnt do anything so ok. i started to feel like smt warm being pressed against my tights or my stomach but i tot mayb it's a little squeezy or smt it's not uncommon that in buses sometimes u hav the other person's body pressed against u. and i always fell asleep on the damn long journey so when i feel smt and opened my eyes,i always see his hands with his briefcase so i thought i must be thinking too much. it took some time for me to realise that instead of alighting at yio chu kang he now alights at paya lebar. i was puzzled.

and he started to wave goodbye to me after he alighted from the bus i didnt understand why. so there was this time i think was he soon alighting or smt that i finally caught him. i saw his hand pressing aginst my knee and sliding under my sch skirt. i was shocked. upon realising that i hav discovered his act, he pretended to hav his hands in front of his briefcase and alighted quickly. the next day he still got the cheek to sit beside me. but i moved away this time. i'd rather stand for more than an hour. and i never saw him again. looking back at it, i must hav been molested for like at least a month or so. i was real dumb. i was so frustrated with myself and was gorggy when i went to sch for a few days after i dawned upon the fact. till today, he's the pervert that haunts my head most frequently,i can never get rid of him.



It was one hellva experience, however through this experience, it also subconsciously revealed your wrecked self-perception and inferiority complex.

Who says you have to be pretty before anyone would attempt to molest you? In fact, most molestation strikes at ladies whom seemed docile enough not to retaliate. When your womanly instinct tells you that something is wrong... you must not shake it off, thinking that it is only an illusion.

It's your intruder alarm screaming warning into your head.

Do NOT allow this deep rooted infestation to proliferate into your soul and cause permanent scars that would render you disability in all aspects of your life.

I hope you can consider the following three points:

I) You do NOT have to resort to simplify/uglify your physical outlook to prevent molestation from taking place. You only need to deter people from taking advantage of you as you display signs of aggressiveness whenever perverts tries to be funny. When your self esteem is failing (in your case, it is likely to be), usually it will affect your outlook, the way you present to the world and physical appearance.

You are beautiful in your own ways. Let no one tell you otherwise, especially yourself. Do not lose this natural self.

II) Do NOT develop a twisted attitude towards Love and Relationship. Your shadowy past might inflict illusionary mindset of how you perceive man and relationship.

Not all man are perverts. Learn to be objective.

III) Restore yourself. Release the past that held you bondage and understand that things are happening because you are young & is passive to respond. Release yourself also means having to exculpate yourself.

Free from blame... free to move.

I don't know how much damage it has cause you psychologically and emotionally, however, it would be good if you could relate this to people you can trust as it could help you to accelerate healing and resolve your unseen shadow.

Cheers