Aunt Agony 150306

Originally posted by sqully:

I came across an eerily familiar face on the way home yesterday. It is him. Him who did it a few weeks ago. I can still remember how I charged home, showered rigorously, crawled under my blanket, laid on my bed, buried my head into my pillow and cried till I was so exhausted I fell asleep that night. Each time I experience it again, it just gets worse. The burdens of the previous encounters accumulate to bear an increasingly heavier weight on me.

Flashbacks of the traumatic experiences hit me again. Sometimes I could feel my head exploding with these images. There are times the hauntings get so bad that I cry my eyes dry at night n wake up with slighty sore eyes, spending the next day in a daze. Why is Singapore so molesters infested? I hate these freaks. They derive their brief pleasures at the expense of inflicting a long suffering wound on me. Each one came along to stab it deeper as if to prevent it from healing.

It hurts so bad cos as much as I m angry with them, I am also angry with myself. Why couldn’t I stand up for myself? Most of the times, I was so frightened I just froze and blanked out. Cornered to my seat, I didn’t even attempt to flee, much less to confront them. Each time I wanted to confront them, I couldn’t surmount enough courage to. I feared that they would yell “bhb!who wants to molest u?!” or something, yielding yet more humiliation for me. I told very few people about these encounters, and even if I did I wouldn’t reveal everything. I didn’t tell my parents anything at all cos I don’t want them to worry about me, it breaks my heart to give them heartaches. I didn’t really tell my friends cos I think they might not believe me and I don’t know what they would think if I did. And I recall that there was this time I was chilling out with a friend, we were reading some magazine and came across this article about molestation. There was this line “don’t worry people would love to save the damsel in distress, especially since you are pretty” or something and I lamented what if the damsel is not. So I casually mentioned one of my encounters to my friend and said that “I don’t understand why he picked me. It’s not like I m pretty. And I was always in baggy shirts and long jeans.” “Ya lor.” She replied.

Perhaps she didn’t mean anything and it was just a simple reply but it sealed my fate to that of a silent victim and it confirmed my fears that those perverts had picked me cos no one would believe me if I had accused them of doing it. It was all still bearable until I encountered this ‘Romeo turned pervert” guy a few months ago, and my self-esteem plunged to an all-time low. I have been stuck in a state of perpetual misery since. The strong, sunshine girl who everyone used to know is finally tearing up from the inside. Their aunt agony is drowning in her own agony now. Bitterness filled the smiles and laughter I squeezed out of me. I desperately want to get back on my feet. That’s why I m releasing some of the bitterness I feel inside here.

i can still remember one of my first traumatic experience. it happened when i was in sec 3. there was this guy i recognised as one of the regular faces i see on the bus everyday. i started to notice after some time that he always sits ard me and soon after he started to sit beside me. i tot it was no big deal probably just coindeince then one day even when the seat beside me was occupied,he'd sit somewhere near and wait for the person beside me to alight n he would move to me.

at first he didnt do anything so ok. i started to feel like smt warm being pressed against my tights or my stomach but i tot mayb it's a little squeezy or smt it's not uncommon that in buses sometimes u hav the other person's body pressed against u. and i always fell asleep on the damn long journey so when i feel smt and opened my eyes,i always see his hands with his briefcase so i thought i must be thinking too much. it took some time for me to realise that instead of alighting at yio chu kang he now alights at paya lebar. i was puzzled.

and he started to wave goodbye to me after he alighted from the bus i didnt understand why. so there was this time i think was he soon alighting or smt that i finally caught him. i saw his hand pressing aginst my knee and sliding under my sch skirt. i was shocked. upon realising that i hav discovered his act, he pretended to hav his hands in front of his briefcase and alighted quickly. the next day he still got the cheek to sit beside me. but i moved away this time. i'd rather stand for more than an hour. and i never saw him again. looking back at it, i must hav been molested for like at least a month or so. i was real dumb. i was so frustrated with myself and was gorggy when i went to sch for a few days after i dawned upon the fact. till today, he's the pervert that haunts my head most frequently,i can never get rid of him.



It was one hellva experience, however through this experience, it also subconsciously revealed your wrecked self-perception and inferiority complex.

Who says you have to be pretty before anyone would attempt to molest you? In fact, most molestation strikes at ladies whom seemed docile enough not to retaliate. When your womanly instinct tells you that something is wrong... you must not shake it off, thinking that it is only an illusion.

It's your intruder alarm screaming warning into your head.

Do NOT allow this deep rooted infestation to proliferate into your soul and cause permanent scars that would render you disability in all aspects of your life.

I hope you can consider the following three points:

I) You do NOT have to resort to simplify/uglify your physical outlook to prevent molestation from taking place. You only need to deter people from taking advantage of you as you display signs of aggressiveness whenever perverts tries to be funny. When your self esteem is failing (in your case, it is likely to be), usually it will affect your outlook, the way you present to the world and physical appearance.

You are beautiful in your own ways. Let no one tell you otherwise, especially yourself. Do not lose this natural self.

II) Do NOT develop a twisted attitude towards Love and Relationship. Your shadowy past might inflict illusionary mindset of how you perceive man and relationship.

Not all man are perverts. Learn to be objective.

III) Restore yourself. Release the past that held you bondage and understand that things are happening because you are young & is passive to respond. Release yourself also means having to exculpate yourself.

Free from blame... free to move.

I don't know how much damage it has cause you psychologically and emotionally, however, it would be good if you could relate this to people you can trust as it could help you to accelerate healing and resolve your unseen shadow.

Cheers