Aunt Agony III 121006

Originally posted by Vonderful:

I am really confused here. I am not sure if my bf is being mean or I am really what he claimed but i just didn't realise..

As some of you here know, my bf is addicted to WoW, and he commits all his free time to the game. I am sickened by it, but came to terms that an addiction is an addiction, you can't expect to pull a man out of his addiction w/o pissing him off...

And i admit that I complained a lot when he spends everyday on his games and he always say he has no freedom to even play games...

I felt that all these arguments are uncalled for since this might just be a passing phase in our relationship... So to better situation, i decided to join him by learning how to play the game. But he gets impatient when i ask him questions about the games...

Then Elindra from this forum offered to teach me and so i went to get the game today, hoping to learn the basics from her then join him in the game so at least we would have some common topics in daily life, and who knows it might bring us closer...

When i got home, (we stay together), I showed him the game excitedly & he suddenly flared up at me," I already told you that if you want to learn it because of me, and not coz you like it, then NO NEED." Then he just threw the game on the bed...

Have i done the wrong thing? Would guys feel pissed off when you think your gf is pretending to like something? I admit i don't like games, coz i always die after 3 mins in every game, no matter what games... but i was hoping that i would like it once i know how to play... Of coz i might not like it ultimately, but i just wanted to try & find out...

Don't know la... Wierd... I'm fine, just puzzled... Coz sometimes you think you've done a darn great thing when in fact, it was a stupid thing to do. Just want to hear from you guys your opinions... You know, you need people to tell you when you are wrong, if not, you forever think you are right one... I want to hear some guys' point of view...

While it is irritating to be with a game addict, i think it's not fair to break up with someone because of an addiction lehz... (but if addicted to another woman is a different story..hump!!!)

Not that I am siding him or saying that what he is doing is right, but i think sometimes when you get addicted to something that gives you pleasure, you would be almost out of control...

I am impressed by some of you, giving up games for your gfs, or if not, at least knew how to balance things, for my bf, i guess he is a little self centered...

I am giving him some 'colours' now and it seems to be working...

Last night i went chill out with my best friends till 1am and when he smsed me, i replied him with one-two-words, and lied to him that i was with this guy (whom he knows has a liking for me...) and when i came home, i just washed up, and went straight to bed without talking to him... Surprisingly, he put down his games to hug me till i fall asleep then he went on to the games...

Funny thing about some people is, you won't grab that person tightly until you are losing grip... I am not punishing him or doing a tic for a tac, i just want to be less available and more bo chap, hopefully to let him get a feel of life without me even though we are staying together... Physically there, but emotionally not...

I am now trying to act like he is losing grip, (when in fact he is not la... haha...), and see if he would make more efforts in our relationship... My friends were telling me last night that all along, i have been peddling the bicycle, and my bf was just free riding...

So now, i shall stop peddling, and when he sees that the bicycle is not moving, hopefully he would help peddle...

If he doesn't, the bicycle might just come to a halt and fall to one side... And there i don't think i need to pick it up and start peddling again... It will be just too tiring to do that, agree?

Hopefully my plan works... A little childish hor? Haha, but not much can be done anyway.



Have you ever thought that your readily acceptance towards his game addiction might have contributed to his nonchalant attitude towards the relationship? Chances are, he is oblivious to how deep this issue has affected you.

It is like if I am born rich and when I spent extravagantly, I will deemed it as normal because I was developed and taught that manner. Similarly, he would have thought that everything is well (because he is oblivious) and be able to leave the relationship on auto pilot mode and everything will still go on smoothly.

There are people who spoke about individual space and freedom - I don't think it should be at the expense or sacrifices of another. Too much individualism promotes self love, not mutual love.

CloUdiSm states this to be Overgrown Baby Syndrome (OBS); where the man goes all out to win their woman trophy in the chase, only having the man turning the auto pilot mode in the relationship, being far too complacent in their comfort zone.

In fact, these are pseudo-security and comfort because beneath the 'everything is fine' facade, lies another story. In your case, you won a short battle, but I still believe in proper communication before investing into those trickery stratagem, essential for you to 'win' the war.

I believe man are still man - they are fools until you reveal emotions to them blatantly. Dropping hints to a man is like music to a cow - they need to be told before they are known. If most man don't even think about what are they going to wear tomorrow, I think it better to presume that, by default, they will fail at all form of clue-picking because they will not think about your clue.

Telling your addicted gamer man that you wanna go watch movie and dragging him out because you desire some life OUTSIDE gaming is NOT even suggesting that message. Even if you repeat that behaviour constantly, I think it's better to reckon the message will not even into him until you speak to him about it. Even if you go out with someone he dislike, it still does NOT suggest anything wrong with the relationship UNTIL you do mention something about it.

The next day, he will probably be consumed over levelling and completing WOW quests than to invest his thoughts into his woman.

Can you imagine if, for example, you tell him: 'I think your gaming addiction is affecting the relationship', leave it open ended, then you continue your strategy? You force your man to think out of his comfort zone and REVIEW his relationship because you are now telling your man to peddle his effort and not waits for the bike to fall.

You don't have to appear like you want him to sacrifice his game to have life OUTSIDE gaming (he doesn't need to), you insinuate the idea across and let him resolve internally. Even if you lay the rules, saying that he can only play only so much... restrict him on these days... you are increasing his thirst for gaming to compensate this addiction because he now sees it as a lack of supply with higher demand situation.

Therefore, you must create a psychological vacuum, by creating security through insecurity, as you need to input NEW considerations into his mind other than just gaming. There must be an ebbing result from his gaming addiction as variables changes and you must not maintain status quo. (Just in case you don't know what I mean, I am saying that you must show him that the balancing scale does not balance if the weights are heavier on one side and you don't go restore that balance by pulling the lighter scale with your hands and make it 'balance' - which I termed it as status quo).

Then effectively, you will pit yourself against WOW, like two different goods. Remember this truth: he will play less only when he gains higher satisfaction in other aspect of life or if it is cannibalizing something which he cannot afford to lose. Therefore, if he nothing else in the world can interest him outside gaming, you show him the debilitating effect of gaming.

I believe that you don't want him to stop gaming altogether; you just don't want him to neglect you - therefore if you can insinuate the fact that spending quality time with you is a satisfaction higher than gaming, he will naturally game less.

Create security through insecurity.

Cheers