Aunt Agony 031114

Originally posted by sggalgal:

Hey guys,

Hopefully i can find my answers here.. I am really confused right now. Recently, my girlfriend of 3.5 years started changing after knowing a malaysian guy at her workplace.

Here is a start: When she started working at that place in woodlands, she came to know a malaysian guy which she called sissy sam. Recently, she changed alot and it is really making me feel unsettled.

1. She jumps to that guy's defence when i said he is a sissy while we are talking (She is the one that told me that guy is a sissy and a gigolo). She also keeps mentioning that guy so often until i am so pissed. I also saw photo in her phone which they took together closely side by side while she is scrolling through the gallery.

2. She dolls up alot more often. She suddenly started wearing heavy make up as well as donning really short skirts. I also caught her washing those really sexy lingerie which she only wore when we have intimate couple moments (told me that it made her very 'high' and make her go into the mood for sex). When confronted, she said that she ran out of underwear to wear. (Thats complete bullshit). She refuse to wear it when we had sex during the past few months even after i told her to. She claims it is uncomfortable!

3. She brought clothes for that malaysian guy as well as me. She told me that the clothes was a gift from her mum (Lying). She even show a great deal of concern about the fit of clothes on the malaysian guy and asked for pics of the malaysian guys wearing them while she did not even asked about mine. ( found out when i snooped through her message). I did not even know that the malaysian guy has it as well!

4. She refuses to have sex as well as rejecting my sexual advance. She had also stopped initiating sex and physical contact. She claimed that she wants to be a good girl and wait till marriage. Seriously?

5. She asked that guy out a couple of times (she did not even asked me out for the past few months. We only go out when i asked to)and that malaysian guy even asked her to go jb with him. This is how the conversation went:

Guy: we go jb do tgt lah (facial or smth)

Her: Need ask my mum first worx

Guy: Lie to your mum and say going with bf (me) lah.

Her: going with new bf lo!  haha. :). 

Guy: I know u kidding la. i know we impossible de

Her: Sometimes impossible de stuffs also can happen de.

What the heck is she trying to pull here??? Can someone enlighten me?They also chatted frequently through the night and plan outing tgt while i am sleeping. (Snooped her messages). We have been tgt for 3.5 years alry.. She wont even go to chalet with me but want to go jb with him??

6. My gf started asking me wierd question such as if she could go out with her friends or anything. Why would she even ask that? Trying to make herself feel better for going out with that 'friend' of hers?

7. When we go out, the PDA is still there. But when we are alone, there is none at all.

8. She demands to know where i am everytime.. When i took a bus to her house, she would keep asking about where i am as well as what time i am reaching.etc. is she trying to hide something?

9. She refuse to meet any of my friends anymore even though she knew all of them. We were all ex classmates. She does not want to come to my hse anymore as well...

Guys, I am really feeling shitty here. i am so confused and angry. I even picked up smoking because of this matter. I can't feel her anymore. I know it is wrong for me to snoop her phone. But if i dont, i would have been made to wear green hat without even knowing it.. So guys, please give me some advice. I am really going to snap soon... Any advice will do.. Please dont read and close without replying.. My heart is really hurting as i am typing it... So pls..

Thanks alot...

Heartbroken boy...



Sounds like you are undergoing period of extreme distress. Surely, it must have been terrible to experience the change of attitude towards the relationship and for you to feel disconnected from your significant other in accentuated tangible manner.

There seemed to be serious fissures in your relationship; my guess is that communication channel appears to be broken. Even though there might be reconciliation efforts to bridge understanding by talking about issues - my hypothesis would be that any attempt to gain insights are likely to be marred by blaming stance that would fuel arguments and/or incongruence in communication patterns.

This is not likely to be an overnight change; transformation would have manifested prior before your revelation and way before your internal alarm started shrieking uncontrollably.

***

It's arduous (next to impossible) to do any form of recovery work if 'to-surface-the-white-elephant-in-the-room' conversation doesn't occur. What I mean is that you already have some form of intuitive conclusion that she might be planning a strategic exit through inductive reasoning of your experience in your relationship with her. Hence, to confront this conclusion is critical if you want to know if your premises are true but the conclusion be false. This would result in invalidity of your knowledge of what's really happening in the relationship and allows opportunity to raise conversation to truly find out the source of change and possibility of working for positive resolution.

As it is likely that the decomposition of the relationship has probably inflicted great deal of damage, any delay would probably lengthen your unspoken suffering and the excruciating pain of ambivalence.

Surely 3.5 years of relationship is at stake; however without reflective evaluation of your current relationship, any years beyond this point merely serve as a number trophy that is ultimately meaningless.

Cheers