Aunt Agony II 211006 (yunhaier X Missqi)

Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:
I've been with my gf for 6 months, i know its not a long time, but still it meant something to me.

I have put in so much into this relationship, sacrificed so much, till the point i think i am willing to do almost anything, i really see her as my future wife, as the one for me...but sadly i am not the one for her...

i have tried my best already, giving in and giving in, but why did things turn out this way?

just yesterday she started ignoring me halfway into sch (we are both in uni) for apparently no reason. (maybe i did something but i wasnt aware) i asked her what was wrong and she said "nothing" she just feels very tired and dun feel like talking.

i know, i can accept that, but the problem is she dun feel like talking ONLY to me, but can chat and joke happily with her friend (who is in same class as us).

why? am i not an important person to her?
why? if she really loves me why does she treat me like that?

for your info she ignores me completely, dun talk to me, and dun even give me a single glance.

today, she ignores my sms and msn, i have a gut feeling..she wants to do a silent break with me..

cannot, i cannot accept it...break up with me if you want, but dun do it silently...no...

previously when she had her mood swings she also ignores me, and when she recovers she will be back and we would become normal again, i dunno if this time she will recover too, but i think my heart cannot take it anymore, the extreme flunctuation, is breaking my heart...

what's my next step? should i go and confront her and do a clean break? really..i cannot accept a silent break..no...no...............no.........


I think it's not that you are unable to accept a silent break - it's more like you are afraid to face the music; if I was you, a confrontation would have took place and simultaneously, probably bid farewell to this relationship for good.

Blind sacrificing and meaningless giving in is just pure foolish - if you think that would create a dream relationship, you are in for cruel surprise.

Even to a seemingly perfect mate, overly shifting of power to one party will often see power abuses of some sort. I always believe that most human cannot handle the responsibility of 'power', therefore in a relationship, if you eliminate the complex but natural power struggle, by surrendering your shares completely to your other mate, your action will result a change in her attitude and mindset gradually as she ascend into her royal throne (CloUdiSm; Leadership Management in BGR).


Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:
i disagree. i hide my feelings, my problems, she wont even know that something is wrong, ie i am perfectly NORMAL in front of her. so she cant be worrying what is bothering me, but on the contrary, I AM constantly worrying whats bothering HER.

the way u describe is so much like the situation from my side now. i want badly to help, but doesnt know how to, and there she is, trying to tell me "nothing is wrong" when i can tell she's not.

all i want is to know her problems, so i can share her burden..



Originally posted by missqi:
Any relationship with any cracks in it; should be abandoned, because no matter how you try to hide those cracks, or repair it, they will forever be there.



This makes no common sense; if you think that a relationship will succeed in that manner, no wonder you have four failed relationship, all lasted less than half a year because you don't even realise what's wrong with the above statement.

You are trying so hard to create that perfect mate phenomenon... that kind of mate that will treat a woman right and even sacrificing/suppressing yourself in attempt to maintain that perfect image. Very noble thoughts; the wanting to protect your love one from their problems and not implicate them with your issues. The minute you do that, you are fuelling a critical error that will post a huge hurdle to resolve in the future.

By keeping everything to yourself, you are cutting important communication, adopting emotional distance and putting on a jester mask; a facade saying that everything is fine. You may be the best jester in town, but no comical play can ever disguise the emotional distance you have created. Over time, this is felt subconsciously and your love will mirror the effect back at you.

Distance will beget longer distance.

You mentioned that all relationship are imperfect, but the real culprit is because we are imperfect people. [I agreed with little Missqi partially, with a variation; most cracks can be resolve (not mended), cracks that are irrevocably unaccepted and uncompromised are usually badly crippled... likely, leading to death].

To succeed in Love, you must give and take simultaneously - understand the importance of equilibrium; Love's Eco System.

Cheers