Aunt Agony 271006

Originally posted by lysa:
Hi everybody... I got a problem to share.

I am an 18 year old girl and got a 23 year old guy for a boyfriend

I got a nice boyfriend... the age gap between is 5 years... to me is a little too big... to him I am childish... whereas I could say that I knew lots of things which he doesn't... he didn't know I have got someone to spy on him and from there I knew a lot about his past and present. The report I gotten was a beautiful one...to be frank, I admit that I am unscrupulous in certain other ways in handling people which he doesn't know at all...

To him I am not that mature to make it sounds nice to me he said that... I was wondering if I am not mature... what's the point of him being with me in the first place... we knew each other earlier this year at our workplace...

He needs a girl that is able to talk to him about intellectual stuff... but in some or another way I think I 'failed' because he said I should give myself a little bit more time. But I am able to support him emotionally and physically but not intellectually... he's a currently studying a University whereas I am studying at ITE. The difference is rather big...but I know I will make it there some day... I tried reading lots of newspaper and discuss with him some intellectual stuff but I find it very hard to keep on reading on and on... I find it tiring...

He's the best that ever could happen to me but I just felt that we are out of range no doubt initially the chemistry between was all right but not fantastic.

I am trying real hard to be intellectually on par with him and I do lots of research in the subjects he's majoring in. I done all that all in the hope that I will be able to help him academically.

Nowadays I find it boring to go out with him and a hassle to call or message him, all bottoms to the fact that he don't like to message me or call me much but he won't go MIA for sure... sometimes he's really a mood spoiler... I don't know what to say...

I got to say that he's a lot of different in other guys I knew, he's not a flirt and doesn't like to talk to girls except work stuff or school work... but I am different... I am a big time flirt and a player. Find it rather hard to go out with him... he's boring! Guys out there... any idea to spice up this r/s?

At times, I felt he came at the wrong time and truth to be told... he came at the wrong place too... because of him I broke up with my guy whom I have been dating for the past 2 year... sometimes I think back, I regretted my decision. But with my current bf, I learnt lots of things which I haven't with my ex.

Okay, I will write till here... any experienced ones do give me your two cents worth... do write to me... thx... :>


It's the time where you have decide to explore new route in love, in exchange for something vastly different; may or may not expected it, your boyfriend is certainly a different league outside that of your previous relationship/s and you, hoping that by engaging a relationship with an older guy, things may be turn out well for once.

I feel that you do not classify yourself as a classic player; the crux of your volatile passion lies in your highly mutable (Worst if you are Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius or Pisces) nature in love, where your attention span is easily dissipated and it takes much to capture your soul. I do not doubt your innate ability as a player, but a classic player usually wouldn't envision anything other than a myopic view of any particular relationship, living for the moment more than making plans or doing the 'right' thing.

Somehow you demonstrate your own version of loyalty (via length of relationship) and even sustain a bad relationship for two years. In fact, classic players loved themselves far too much to allow themselves to be manipulated in that kind of karmic manner. Classic players understand the game of love... to the point of arrogance that they knew they could get anyone they set their eyes onto and there is no reason why they should ever suffer in a karmic relationship, which contribute partially why they are are often seen fleeing from relationship to relationship.

When the spell is broken, reality fills in the void.

I believe you are overwhelmed by fatigued... tired of trying to build the persona you know man will love you for. Perhaps this is how you have been leading your BGR or sub rosa relationship; you create the phantasmal image of what you reckon your man likes, by understanding him and trying fit the perfect piece in the puzzle.

The energy exchange of this deal is when your flings showered you with love, care and attention (perhaps lovely gifts as well). But you aren’t willing to trade anything else (sex was never part of this deal) and of course, when you have decided that the result was gradually getting lacklustre, you eliminate those flings and seek for newer pasture.

The other guys is your life are like simple arithmetic question while your boyfriend posted a real challenge to your seduction because somehow, it wasn't wholesome and you conclude that to be the intellectual aspect of him. I see the way you phrase your post and it just flashes to me that you are just not satisfied with owning him physically and emotionally - you want see your man surrendering to your love completely, which is why you tried to keep up with him in a realm totally alien to you.

This building of persona/facade has evolved into a modus operandi in your methodology of relationship - that you will subconsciously find yourself trying to force a piece into the puzzle, even if it's just not you. How tiring could it be, if we allow ourselves to keep doing something that is so not us?

Never enter into a relationship, knowing fully well that someone is 'nothing' and you want to breed 'something' into him/her because if you desire that 'something', you should find someone that is already well equipped with that 'something'. A fine example would be if one terribly desired a romantic partner, never choose square-down-to-earth man that cannot give you the kind of romance you crave and attempt to induce romance out of the poor guy. For your sake, he may do it and think of new ideas to appease your needs, but gradually, he will become exhausted and jaded because he will realise that is just not him.

You could be suffering from this phenomenon - your enervated emotions after long period of persona building. Or perhaps the reason why you are so keen in trying to keep up with his intellectual capacity is because you want to minimize the existing chasm that divides his world and your world.

***

After understanding what I have written above, I wouldn't suggest attempting to suit and accommodate entirely into his world because the transformation will eradicate the ORIGINAL reason why he fell in love with you (the exception is evolving; but if you have evolve into that new form, you will never feel tired nor fatigued walking in those new shoes. I mean it's noble to be wanting to be some form of support in his career, but then again, if you have blister walking in those new shoes, it probably suggested that those shoes doesn't suit you).

If your man wants an intellectual woman and views that quality as critical, he wouldn't even be with you in the first place because he would probably choose some other woman with that mental capacity. If you sacrifice much of yourself and try to fit yourself unrealistically into that frame, you will probably be a 2nd grade version and simultaneously, lose the ORIGINAL reason why he fell in love with you.

We must recognise that everyone is unique - even if we come together in a relationship, that fact remains largely the same.

He's a boring chap because you haven't enlightened him on proper social technique/skills to date and please a woman. He may be intellectually superior to you, but you emotionally superior to him. You may have done much to understand his world, but has he been taught to understand yours?

Share your strength with one another - you will find greater joy in your relationship when the gap is narrowed through intensive effort contributed from the both of you.

Cheers