Aunt Agony 061006 (Double)

Originally posted by ladie:
Juz got to know this guy for coming a month, actually only 3 weeks to be precise. He has been goin after me since we first met. Treats me pretty well, but he is perpetually hurrying me into a relationship. He said he likes me alot and im the gal he has been looking for all his life. Told him more than 10 times, or is it 20 times, that we need more time to know each other. after telling him many times, he finally 'accepts' it but he is still talking about it all the time.

Hey, we juz got to know each other! 3 or 4 weeks? and he is not staying in spore. he does visit me every weekend (ie that is only 3 weekends so far). Yes we do talk over the phone for hours every nite, but so wat? can knowing and understanding process be expedited? Ya, then move on to the next stage already then wat? he is still goin to stay there, or at least at the moment untill next year (he said he is planning to relocate to singapore next year). So wat is the hurry?!

This is getting so infuriating!

He juz send me a sms about 'moving on to next stage' jokingly. Gosh! this is realli getting to me.

yes, we are not getting any younger. He is 36 and im 32, but so what? Honestly, what is the hurry?


Originally posted by Yunhaier:

It's probably the 'faster-see-ok-then-faster-book-first' kind of mindset. He is not looking at love geniunely, more than social pressure to be attached and eventually get married because of chronological age. People like him probably believes that love can be developed in the relationship, therefore sign the 'contract' first - anything else, later then talk.

In sales, we call this hard selling.

And too much hard selling puts people off.

Cheers


Originally posted by ladie:

I'm not sure if it is due to the ticking of the biological clock. If it is, i should be the one feeling pressured and tryin to rush things, aint it? After all, im a gal, not getting any younger and gals do have shelf lives, yes?

I do agree with your analyses of "'faster-see-ok-then-faster-book-first' kind of mindset" and "sign the 'contract' first - anything else, later then talk." observation. Been seeing alot of such guys. Dunno what is wrong with them. Had encountered guys who asked me to be gf on 2nd date and start talking about marriage plan on 2nd date! Sometimes i wonder if im taking it too easy despite my biological clock ticking yet still taking my own sweet time or they are juz weird. :?:

And yes, too much hard selling certainly put people off.


Man are different because man invest differently from woman in a relationship.

Woman are usually afraid of marrying a wrong man, while man are usually more afraid of being the 40-years old virgin.

I could see that your need for security rank high in your priorities and anyone who doesn't give you that level of comfort and security will not make it, which may probably be the reason why you are still single, as you eliminated those potential because all the man in your life doesn't give you the time/chance needed for you to 'check goods' thoroughly and agree... for you to be able to give up current security and venture into a new realm - namely a relationship.

I believe that you are open for choices, but not to the extend of desperation. But I also hope that the deliberate time-taking isn't a byproduct of a bad BGR past, which hoist the level of scrutinizing in your search for your other half because having one bad experience doesn't equate bad destiny. Or if you have very empty/clean/clear history in BGR, may I encourage you take calculated risk to learn more about Love in a relationship and not first looking for what you reckon as a decent/perfect mate before having that setting to understand Love.

Moreover, BGR is still a knowing-each-other phrase - you can still back out if someone isn't suitable.

P.S: Sadly, love business has transformed into a buffet-rush-style and not the intended wine-appreciation session. Perhaps people are too pre-occupied with societal pressure of avoiding being a bachelor/bachelorette when they are of marriageable age. Some people worries about the age-kids factor, but I hope to remind everyone that when you say your marriage vow, this vow is only between a husband and a wife - everything else is extraneous.

Because everyone else will leave you someday, during different phrase of your living life, but only your eventual significant other will stay with you until your life expire and on your way to meet God.

I remember fondly about my friend's dad (now living in Aussie) demanded one day specially, just wanting to spent time with his wife, and his wife threw in the kids factor.

'You are married to me; you aren't married to the kids!'

Therefore in a marriage, it's not a question of age, kids, parents, religion, race, distance or whatever - it's a question of Love.

Cheers