Aunt Agony 171006

Originally posted by JennTS:
I guess I should've foreseen something like this happening to me a long time ago, but this is the first time I've ever had to tell my boyfriend that I'm a transsexual (my exs knew about me before we started dating), and it's also my first time to get rejected...

Anyway, here's how my story goes:

Quite recently, I met this Malaysian guy who 2 years older than me, by the name of Harry (not his real name). We chatted online, and somehow both of us really seemed to click together, and after continuious chatting for several days, our feelings for each other started to develop.

He was pretty much the type of guy that I wanted to love. While he may not have been good-looking or rich, he was a really sweet & caring guy, smart, and very capable too. Also he seemed to know way to a girl's heart, and how to treat her very well, and really make her feel loved.

In his eyes, I was his dream girl, an angel in his eyes. I was everything he looked for ever since he lost his previous girlfriend when she died in an accdient. He loved me lots, to the extent that he wanted to marry me in the future, and had the next few years for the both of us all planned out.


But here's the problem, as you all already know. I'm transsexual, and I knew I had to tell him soon, before we got too close to each other and felt 'cheated' after finding out. Initially I planned to tell him a week ago, but I was really afraid that his feelings for me will change after telling him, and I really loved the way things were between us at that time.

Anyway, what I had feared came true after telling 2 days ago. At first he didn't quite believe me, thinking it was a joke, but after i finally convinced him he was left completely crushed. I can't imagine how it must've felt for him then, to find that his dream girl was born a guy, but well, he simply couldn't accept me, and decided to break up.

We used to look foward to talking with each other everytime we reached home, but now he doesn't seem to want to talk with me anymore. Everything between the both of us has changed completely, and I don't think it can ever be fixed, and the past 2 weeks of lovely times are nothing more but memories now.

The perfect guy was in my arms, but I had to let him go simply because of who I am. It hurts to even wonder how many more men I'm going to lose in the future because of this...


Here's a poem he wrote for me 3 days after we met. I treasure this as much as every one of my memories of the both of us.

Ever Wonder When Someone Likes,
You From Out Of The Blue,
But Yet You Never Realize It?,
Never Seems Weird How Love,
Could Turn One's Heart and Soul,
Into A Boundless Joy Of Happiness,
Yet Love Could Even Hurt Your,
But Yet Were Not To Blame,

But I Might Feel That,
But I am Just What I Am,
An Honest Soul Just Wondering,
Holding On To What I Had Before,
Yet You Seem Different,

Where That Adrealine Would Flow,
Through My Vains,
Is This How I Feel About You?

What If It This all Just A Dream,
but Yet It Seems Surreal,
Even Though The days,
Werent Suffice,But It Seems,
To Be True..You Seem Special.


Two separate lessons... two separate person

***

No two ways about this; should you decide to delay your honesty regarding the truth of yourself, you will inevitable fall harder in love as your love will probably vanished as soon as he came into your life. The death of a potential relationship isn't just because you were born a man and difficult for the mind to accept - it's also because of your chosen deception and deceptive relationships are complicated - both heterosexual/homosexual relationship.

Only when you present yourself truly as whom you are and when a potential love accepts you, you will find genuine relationship.

Your lesson is about honesty; your struggle to avoid letting people fall in love with your persona because these people are just loving your mask. You cannot hope to have any genuine relationship unless your mate accepts the real you (CloUdiSm Law of Package - Love brings up everything unlike itself).

***

His lesson is about embracing future and to banish stagnation. The bondage to his past tied down his emotional state - eventually, he fell in love with your persona, which he has greatly lionized, through promises, that you are his perfect mate, model after his deceased girlfriend (both Neptune and Uranus is affected).

His fantasy is shattered - there isn't such a thing as the perfect mate - what's perfect, is imperfection itself. He dwells too much with his past and created much suffering for himself.

***

Two separate person.... two separate cosmic lessons.

One bounded karma.

Cheers