Aunt Agony III 211006 (Continued from AA II 211006)

Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:

i am open to communication, very much. in the early stages of the relationship, when something unhappy happens, i would bring her and talk to her "heart-to-heart".

but she always doesnt want to say anything, once even to a point where she said "i just want to escape from the problem, can you let me do that? that's MY character - to escape - and that's YOUR character, (which is to try and solve the problem by communicating)"

and then go on to say that we are incompatible or whatever. which inevitably leads me to close myself up also. because if i insist on talking about it would only make the matters worst.

everytime i try to talk about a problem she shuts off. so how? how to make her learn to open up? is it that whenever you meet such a person you just have to break off everything with her?

or is it simply that i'm not the person who could open her up?

There's only two reason why people can't open up:

I) Core personality - something that's inside her, influencing that sort of inhibition.

II) Situational reasoning - that love has changed or similar (factors outside of core personality) that influence that sort of inhibition.

You see, not everyone is subjected to a closed mindset; more often than not, it's always how love function in her life that creates that kind of shut down and emotional distance. If her love is fleeting for you, it makes much sense not to be emotionally attached to you, isn't it?

They only way to make people open up to you is to open up yourself. The surest way to keep people away is to keep yourself closed. This is the action and reaction part of opening up. I don't know how to teach you to resolve (I) because it goes more than just words - it's more like a package you are presenting. I have mention in my previous post on the style which you have led your relationship and will worsen (I).

Yes, you may be open to communication, but you are [b]just[/b] open to communication on her part and not yourself.

I will repost what you posted

[quote]Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:
I disagree.[color=red] i hide my feelings, my problems, she wont even know that something is wrong, [/color]ie i am perfectly NORMAL in front of her. so she cant be worrying what is bothering me, but on the contrary, I AM constantly worrying whats bothering HER. [/quote]

So you actually see a problem here? (For the benefit of the doubt, I wouldn't say you are selective reading, yet).

As mention in the first paragraph of my previous post, I will repost again:

'....I think it's not that you are unable to accept a silent break - it's more like you are afraid to face the music; if I was you, a confrontation would have took place and simultaneously, probably bid farewell to this relationship for good....'

If she wants to go, I believe nothing will stop her from going. And by default, her desire to leave will make her behave that manner.

Cheers