Aunt Agony 211205

Originally posted by Lovelorn?:
Hi. I am having this problem wif my gf and all help is greatly appreciated and welcomed. Now to begin...

A few mths back, I started liking this girl in my class and I wanted to pursue her but didn't haf the courage to at first. But after much persuasion and encouragement from my other friends, I told her I liked her after our major exams and all in November. She accepted me after 1 week of me confessing my love to her. But thinking back, I think dat she accepted me too early and too fast. She once told me dat she wld normally let her all ex-bfs court her for around 6 mths b4 accepting them. I feel dat the reason y she accepted me so fast was becoz she was she needed someone for support and a shoulder to lean on as she recently broke up wif her ex at dat time. She told me herself dat she was emotionally unstable when accepted me at dat time and it was the " most appropriate time" for me to enter the scene.

The past 1 mth wif her was magical and almost ethereal. It was sth I've never experienced b4 in my entire life and I enjoyed myself a lot (this is my 1st r/s). But there were times when we wld argue and it wld mostly be my fault.

In 1 incident, I asked her too many qns like "wat was she doing?", "where was she at the moment?" and she got mad at me. The reason? Becoz her ex used to interrogate her all the time. he didn't really trust her and I reminded her of her ex and she hated him most for asking too many qns. I was in a camp at dat time and I was very concerned for her well-being dat's y I had to ask her how's she doing. But it was kinda my fault for not understanding her situation but then again, she never tells me anything at all.

Let me point out to u now dat she bottles up most of her feelings and is unwilling to tell anyone abt how she really feels. I feel dat this is the bane of our r/s and I'll elaborate on it further later.

The next incident was entirely my fault and I admitted it to her. I took our 1 mth anniversary as 28 days instead of the full 30 days and she was really mad at me. But wat saddens me the most was at dat time, she pointed out to me dat maybe she was not the right one for me. I totally disagreed wif her at dat time and insisted on a "No!" all the time. She msged me and told me dat she was not angry but disappointed this time. She told me dat she had never been angry or yelled at me b4 but she was juz disappointed at dat time. When we went out the next day, she did not speak to me at all and was cold to me at times. I didn't dare to strike up a conversation for fear of incurring her wrath and she took dat to say "I pity your future gfs coz whenever u make them angry, all u can do is keep quiet". But she wld always forgive me at the end.

Recently, she had upped her tendency to criticising everything abt me. She only used to call me stupid and blur and I admit dat it is partly true. But it is getting worse now in a way. She wld criticise me abt not being up to her expectations, my dress sense, how physically weak I am (I was down wif a bad fever last wk), etc... And there was one time when we were out eating wif frens, she told my frens dat she went to a fren's youth gathering the other day and the 1st thing she said abt it was dat "there were no cute guys there at all, except for maybe one but he was attached already". I was thinking to myself, "Was she there to accompany her frens or was she there to look out 4 cute guys?". In a way, I felt that she was not showing me any respect at all. She oso gave me the irritated look once and turned away at one time dat day.

For the past few days, I felt dat the strong love dat I had for her when I first entered this r/s was wavering. Last nite, she told me over the phone dat she kinda missed singlehood and suddenly, I found myself blurting out my pent-up feelings abt this whole case. I told her dat we needed time off and dat we ought to take a break. I wanted to suggest to her this 2 wks later so dat she could enjoy her Christmas and New Year's festivities but I guess it was too late after I told her most of my feelings. Again over the phone, she remained indifferent as though this didn't affect her and when I asked her abt it, she told me dat she was okay. But after we put down and I msged her good nite and hope dat this didn't affect her, she told me dat of course she was affected by this and dat she was disappointed, pissed and upset. I msged her, telling her dat I wanted to meet up wif her and talk abt this today but she told me she is not free today.

I have a lot of activities going on right now and in a way, they are clouding my mind and adding on the stress that I already have. I was madly in love with her when we started but now, I feel as though my feelings for her are just a faint glint of light. She is the kind who doesn't show her feelings dat openly and I am the kind who expresses my feelings very openly. She shows her love for me only now and then while I do dat all the time. So I guess it is my fault in a way coz I felt as though I am not being loved and up till now, I can't really tell if she loves me or not. Even when I used to ask her to share her problems wif me, she refuses to tell me while I openly tell her wat I am facing. So I dun really know wat is going on in her life and how I can help her.

I haf my A lvls to worry abt next yr and I know dat this problem will most probably resurface if we are to carry on coz it juz seems very hard to resolve it wif her as she is not willing to voice out her thoughts abt us. I admit dat it is my fault for my inexperience in relationships as this is my first. I am very useless and I dun think I am mature enuf to care for her at this point of time. She is a very nice girl and I dun want to see her hurt becoz of me. She definitely deserves someone better than me, someone hu is up to her expectations.

Now, all I need is some advice from u guys out there. Do u think I shld carry on wif this r/s? Shld we juz take a break frm each other and get some time off? Or shld we juz break up completely? I m really lost abt this... All comments are welcomed... Thanks...


You already knew this relationship was too hasty and when she accepted your proposal, invisible warning signals had already been activated. It was a one trip to doom or at least several crisis, which will probably render you emotionally impaired.

She needed someone to fill in the void and you happily thought that you could probably assist her to. Facts are thrown wildly at you, hinting that you are a temporary solution to a long term problem. Putting it bluntly: to get over her previous relationship, she kinda made used of you as a spring board to move on.

Does she even Love you at all? This is complete mystery. You know of her needs and the reason why she accepted this relationship wasn't even because of Love - it was due to an emotional void.

Of course she would bottle things to herself - Love opens you up and if you could resist this vulnerability by concealing your inner world and lead this relationship, it makes your Love questionable. Do you go around talking to causal friends about your inner realm? Of course not... and the sad truth is: you are probably only a region or two above this level - still not quite Love.

Love born out bed, dies at bed; Love born of wrong reason, dies from wrong reason. [Law of Mirror Ending - CloUdiSm (VI Law of the Old World)]

Cheers