Aunt Agony 311205

Originally posted by Honeybunz:
I feel this way once a month and it lasts for days. I know many girls experience or claim to have that too.

But I feel that I cannot carry on like that every month. I hold back my temper so as not to affect anyone around me. But it doesn't change my mood. The more I hold back (by not scolding or yelling at ppl), the more I feel like a volcano trying to erupt but cannot erupt.

How ah?

Will exercise really help or not? I used to exercise. Didn't seem to improve. Or shall I do more strenous exercise to wear myself out, then I will feel less moody?

Any advise????


Your lifestyle influence your PMS/mood.

Exercise would generally expend the restless in you (to redirect Mars energy into other forms). Your sleep pattern, stress and diet would also affect you. Avoid irregular sleep, learn to handle your stress better and improve your diet through healthy eating.

Stress is the killer. I sincerely believe that (with first hand experience) this affect the strength of PMS.

Avoid Coffee, Tea, Mountain Dew, Coke, Pepsi, etc (Those with Caffeine). Also avoid chocolate when you are feeling low.

Certain drugs will alter your mood as well. (E.g. Birth Control).

***

Astrological note:

PMS is more severe with woman of prominent water... with afflicted planetary (Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces). Esp Cancer, where Moon is her ruling planet. This mood fluctuation is due to the flow of the hormones cycle and changes taking place in the woman's body. Basically, a body's reaction to these happenings.

That is the reason why stress is one of the top reason for severe PMS. Stress will disrupt this cycle and hinder the flow, emotionally.

P.S: Period comes averagely about one month, which is about the same time frame as the cycle of the moon. Moon's gravity affects all water bodies on Earth and is no surprise that it could affect us, being 70% water (which is ironically about the same land/water mass percentage on Earth).

Cheers

Two Side of A Story

Today is my off day... at the same time, it also marks my half year anniversary (nine times over).

I would show you what it means by ...'a picture reveals a thousand word'

Demonstration Alpha:



FUCK THOSE WHO THOUGHT THAT THIS RELATIONSHIP WOULD FAIL. Your pathetic attempt to destroy this relationship was indeed laughable. I was battle-harden and had gain what was needed to become what I am now. It would have been a great pleasure (and interesting) to see what's new in your fucking sad life now and how you justify your inferior relationship as Love. I would have died... laughing... with flowing tears as a sign of me showing you great comtempt. I would spit at your back and looked so apologetic as you turn over... a screwed-up mimic version of your intrinsic nature of a sore hypocrite. It's so difficult for me to display this dramatic act like it has been so easy for you. Have you ever thought of stage acting? You would have been a natural!

You are so in denial and I hope this reality don't change for you. Continue to act cool and be a man-poseur. Who knows? You may succeed in becoming the best man poseur ever. Perhaps they may have a poll competition and I wouldn't mind spending some unused cash to drop some votes for you. But chances are: I don't really give a damn.

So have a Happy New Day and FUUuuUuuck off! (For a lack of better word to end topics revolving you. I am lazy to think).

***

Demostration Bravo:

Today is not the time to beat around the bush with pretty words.

It's going to be short and simple.

I LOVE YOU!



Cheers

Aunt Agony 301205 (Part II of 291205)

Originally posted by AnimalArmy:


I understand that. But I believe that LOVE can be nuture. When we r in love, we should be putting the effort to make it work out and not leave to one party to plan everything. I also see myself making the effort in this relationship.

I agree I am the Biggest Fool by just patching back. But I believe that she was really in the state of confusion at that point of time.

That's the problem. How can someone who claims to love u can change the words so fast. Her words are not credibable.

I want her to feel touch and think back abt the past. I am not saying I am demanding something back from her. I want her to realise that my love for her is geninue.

I know but dun tell me that's no way I can make her feelings come back? The purpose of setting up this thread is to tackle the hurdles and barriers that I have to patch back with her for just 1 last time.

She claims I am the one for her in the past but then not now. I dunno what make her change her mind.

I believe in giving her the personal space now. I never wanted to be an irritant. I can get the message into my head but then I just want to wait and see what I can do.

I understand what is LOVE. So I am letting her go now for the time being. I will attempt another time again. But I dunno how long and what I can do to ask her again? Pls advice.

The more u hope, and if the outcome is undesirable, then I noe I will fall even harder. I am prolonging my recovery period. But for the woman I love, I am willingly to risk it again. No regrets.



Love can be nurtured only if both parties are willing, but in this case here, it's one hand clapping situation. If Love is not about the sheer willingness to plough the field of your relationship, then what could it be? Waiting for it to decompose? I am not even talking about YOUR side of the story, about the length you went to work on the relationship... I am referring to her nonchalant attitude, which comes from the result of having a non-existence love for you... now.

You seemed to have this one way wood-like thinking, that things will forever remain the state it was, despite the inclusion of time factor. This is a form of naive thoughts that is probably one of the influences that kept you emotionally bounded by her.

You mean nothing will change in life?

Welcome to the real world - the only constant thing in life is changes itself.

So what if she did mentioned that you are the one for her... how much she loves you... blar blar blar... yes, probably in the past, it could be. But now, it isn't and will never be anymore. She is in a state of confusion so you actually 'defended' her in that way to justify a patch? In reality, you are the one that is confused and doesn't want to let her go.

It's not about Love, its about yourself. You keep talking about your genuine love and want her to think about the past... YOU DON'T GET IT DO YOU? You LIVED in your past, while she is walking into the future. She DOESN'T WANT YOUR LOVE even if your is genuine or what's not - because it is something that she doesn't want.

An Analogy:

I can sell you a wallet at $300 and tell you how limited edition, good quality, durable and well branded this wallet is... but if you fringin` don't need a wallet, no matter how I persuade you, you wouldn't part your cash. You may probably buy if I drop the price to about $10 dollars, but in your heart, despite being genuine limited... good quality... durable or well branded this wallet is... you will NOT appreciate it... as much as those you truly desire. Even if you drop the wallet into a murky drain, your cognitive dissonance will probably be minimal or zero.

'Oh well, its only 10 dollars...'

It is like your Love... worthless in her eyes, with you trying SO hard to give her some weak reason/s to accept this relationship again. Needs cannot be made artificially, it must be from within. (I cannot make you go hungry if you are full to the max).

You never wanted to be an irritant? BUT YOU HAVE BECOME NOW! Screw whether you have that intention or not... the fact is... you are! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, DO YOU? You don't even understand such simple thoughts, I doubt you understand anything about her. And I am quite sure you don't even know anything about her inner realm.

If you understand what is Love, you would have let her go. If you think that your attitude/behaviour is Love, you have SO much more to learn and all that you have learn in your relationship and those useless books you have read are basically nothing.

P.S: I scorn at people telling me about how faithful it is to wait for someone OR justify WAITING as a form of faithfulness. This is complete rubbish and delusional way to measure faithfulness. The truth is: it is packaged through this beautiful word to make foolishness appear noble. WORST, when you have a few people gathering together, saying, 'Hey, I also leh...' and start this buddy-buddy-who-wait-the-longest-must-be-the-most-faithful.

These people have disgrace and cheapen the name of Love when they have placed those scenario as true love... beside those true, fulfilling, content, mutually love and loved, passionate, powerful relationships. In MCsquare's tone: you are nowhere near it.

You CAN only be faithful, if you are in a relationship, that is to say, to practice monogamy, both physical and emotional. If you are not, you are merely a sad man/woman dwelling in self pity. There is so much 'I' in your post and you don't even bother about what is she thinking or what she truly wants. She has already made known to you now.... YOU are NOT what she wants... then grow up and snap out of it… before your value falls below ten dollars.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 291205

Originally posted by AnimalArmy:
Hi peeps,

Seriously need everyone's help? Anyone actually patches back with his ex-gf before? I haf bottle my problems for months. I cannot take it anymore. Pls help.

[u][b]My Story[/b][/u]

The relationship was like a fairy tale initially. But then, neglection, misunderstanding and disagreements set in...

Broke off twice. An on both occasions, third party was involved.

1st occasion, she went steady with another guy without letting me noe. I thought the breakup was just as simple as that but until my friend told me that she is in fact seeing another guy even before we broke up. However, I accepted her again.

2nd occasion, happens 6 mths later, this time she was close with another guy and went out with him behind my back. However, I tried to accept her back but she told me the feelings are really gone for good.

Question 1: I cannot believe that if u (as in her) claim to love someone so dearly, how can u hold someone's hand and become a 2-timer? Are her words too cheap to believe?

Question 2: I did all I can when we patched back the first time round. Sincerity and hard work does not help to save the relationship. I dunno what else I can do to save the relationship?

Question 3: My love for her is genuinue and I can accept her flaws and even accept the fact that she 2 time me. I dunno what she wants from me? Even though she claims I can be the best boyfriend?

Question 4: How can I save this relationship cos I did hate her after the 2nd occasion and pester her non-stop by calling her and waiting for her to come home. End up we quarrelled and at some time, it was pretty ugly. I regretted my actions and now she does not even want to talk to me. What can I do? I cannot be blamed for what I did cos I am the victim...

Question 5: She grew from strength to strength and yet I am living in a pathetic world of my own. I am lost, very lost. What can I do?

She can be a good wife. She is very talented n noes how to cook, sew and do household chores. I am willinging to stand by her even though she cheated on me twice is becos I believe everyone has a goodness in them. I never gave up on anybody in my life. In army, I never give up on my recruits esp those who are physically weak. I motivated them and slowly they gained their confidence and are able to pass their IPPT. I dunno why I cannot apply this to my relationship. I have seen couples break and patch many times. Some of them got stronger after each breakups. Sometimes, I think it is healthy in a way. Like u say, there are Pros and Cons. Seriously, now, I dunno whether I should wait for her?

I am like a fallen angel to her. I was once her Angel from Heaven but now, I am like a Devil from Hell. I missed her so much that I had many dreams mostly every other night. Can someone just tell her how much I haf gone tru for her?


You are so narcissistic to think that this Love revolves on you and simply by burning great effort onto your relationship, you naturally (and naively) thought that certain result must be harvested from this heavy investment. Love doesn't work like your trainees in Army because Love follows an irregular flow and outcome doesn't equate to captial invested.

When she decides to cheat on you WITHOUT you consciously realising it, you are a FOOL to accept a patch back. This is your first mistake. Forget about the latter episode because once a wrong footing, it became a wrong route altogether.

And you are still so deluded about your side of Love, when in fact, she doesn't even give a damn, as Love probably never existed, as far as she is concerned.

I don't understand why must you keep emphasizing on the fact that you sacrifice your world to someone who doesn't love you and you wants her to know about this. Does KNOWING how much hardship you went through make any difference to someone who doesn't even feel for you?

Quit grouping all those metaphors and personification to conjure a tale-like story from this scenario, in order to justify a aimless waiting for someone who doesn't love you. She cheated you a second time and you still have thoughts of patching up?? Your Love is so gawd damn narcissistic and self absorbed... that you only want her to be with you AND choose to ignore the fact that emotionally, for her, it has vanished into a pall of smoke.

You keep saying she is the one for you... ARE YOU THE ONE FOR HER??

What you are doing is not out of Love nor faithfulness or whatever term you wish to call them - it's already beyond that when you start to pester her. From a position of a boyfriend, you are reduced to an irritant and you are still unable to get that message into your muddled head... that because this relationship is impossible, you have to release her back to the wilds.

You cannot force someone to accept a Love she doesn't desire.

You are acting like a child when mummy doesn't want to buy you toy; this child would stubbornly kick a fuss and sit there, refusing to budge an inch. Ultimately when mummy walks off, the child has no choice but to run after mummy, fearing that she would abandon him.

You can choose not to move on and dwell in this karmic relationship for as long as you will. Meanwhile, you probably learn nothing in Love and at the same time, confirmed with her that her decision to leave you was paramount to her own happiness, which also implied that she made the right choice.

You should learn to wake yourself up and not harbour on winning her back.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 281205

Originally posted by speedemon:
I'm with my gf (I knew from camp) for 5 months plus(at the point of time), and one very fine day we to the IDP open house and I happened to bump onto "her", She was my campmate and of course my gf know her too. So that night I called her to ask her why she was there, what course she's going to take when she is going to Australia etc.. Basically to sum it up is to know how’s she doing. So we find each other able to communicate well and so quite often I'll call her to chit chat without my gf knowing and in no time my feelings for her grew. One fine day when we're about to end the conversation. I was telling her that me as a friend can only know her at the most 70% the rest is only accessible by the boyfriend, So she said:" Do you want the access??" Well I said “I already have a girl friend already so I cannot have the access.” Perhaps this conversation was the catalyst that made us grew closer. But anyway I called her to ask her if she has any other meaning behind the above said conversation. She said no. Perhaps she's shy or what I don’t know... Anyway so occasionally we still do chat on the phone. And what happened after this I can’t really remember. All I remember was that I didn’t treat my gf well and I care for the other party more.

And so on the day of my birthday, I called "her" in the morning to ask her if she is free to go out with me later in the day (Cos my gf working), "She" accepted the date. I was so happy that I’m finally able to date "her" out. Then later in the day my gf called to tell me that she's free to celebrate my birthday with me. I stumbled and think , my once in a blue moon chance of dating "her" out spoilt by my gf. No way I’m going to let that happened. So I cook up some excuse to ask her to rest at home (cos she sick take MC). So that night I had a very happy time with "her". She got me a very small cake (previous night I got stuffed with cake) and I was very touched by her little action. I dun believe that she’ll make the effort on her normal friends. Then on Saturday I told my gf I wanted a breakup because I kept looking for "her" no point in us continuing on. My gf was devasted , a guy that she loved a lot did this to her, willing to spend his birthday with another gal instead of own gf. Seeing her so sad, my heart very soft :-( Then the next day I was very sad and unhappy that she breakup with me. In the morning, I messaged "her" that I just broke up with my gf, as usual "she" did not reply me. So I spend the day feeling very sad. When I was home at night, I couldn't stand the time without my gf around. So I called my gf to tell her that I wanted to take back all that I’ve said. And promised her that I would forget “her” and not look for “her” again. She did allow me to be her boyfriend once again, but she wanted me to re-chase her. I said that’s its not possible for such things to happen because we’ll never go back to the honeymoon period. The 1st week of patching up was terrible. We quarrel the re-chase, she mention something about my attitude, maturity and etc. But the following week was a lot easier, that’s when I finally made her drop the idea of the re-chase. Then she went out of country for holiday, I pondered if I should go look for “her” again as her birthday was approaching. Finally I decided to ask “her” out on “her” birthday, “she” then di di da ly for a few days before confirming with me.

I was hoping that Friday came faster and faster so that I can see “her”, so I brought “her” present and decided on where to go and stuff. Just then I wondered, if the girl that I’m celebrating for is my own gf, would I have done so much for her? I knew wouldn’t. So Friday came and brought “her” out for birthday and after which “she” was very happy and contented with what I’ve come up for “her”. During our chat at the seaside “she” did once mention that “she” did not reply my messages because “she” wanted me to concentrate on my gf. At the same time “she” said "she" wasn’t ready for a relationship, I was thinking that "her" ex must have hurt her deeply for “her” to feel this way. The next day I was thinking of “her” to whole day, if only our Christmas eve could be spend together. In the end, my gf came back and we celebrate the eve together. I did treat her nicely she was happy with me that night and on the Christmas card she wrote some very heart melting things that I feel that I should just forget about “her”. Then i thought; do I love my gf or its just LIKE thats why i'm with my gf?

I feel that somehow I need to make a choice for myself, I admit that I’m very afraid of breaking up with my current gf even though I found someone that suits me. I hate the pain that’s involved but guess it all part and parcel of a relationship. What goes up must come down. Or perhaps my gf is the one except that I’m blinded other factors. I’m not physically attracted to her, so I presumed that I’m not having crushes.

I love/like my gf for she is an caring person and someone that dote on me alot. But she lack the matureirty and we have different thinking. My gf is quite possisvie in the sense that she's like me to be with her often. But she's losen up a little these days.


Someone CAME into your heart and seized the throne that was meant for your gf.

This is a truth.

And when this someone actually had the POWER to do so... effectively, your Love for your gf is waning.

And when you have reflected and thought that the reason why you are staying onto the relationship is NOT out of Love... effectively, you have also lost the core reason why you should remain in it.

P.S: The other girl's existence is a mirror onto your own fragile relationship - it reflects every corner of your love in details... that Love may be missing right from the beginning.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 261205

Originally posted by RETARDED_MORON:
Whilst others are used to complaining about their lack of self-esteem and self-confidence, I guess I will have to do the direct opposite.

I have recently come to realise that I have attitude problems, particularly my overflowing self-confidence. True enough, I do not see this attribute of mine as a "problem" to be combatted, nor a "weakness" to be overcome, but just an innate trait of mine which I am surprisingly proud of and willing to own up to. This is essentially my issue -- I tend to think that I am perfect. Some people say this is optimism or harmless positivity, but others like to put it in other ways: narcissism, cockiness, self-denial and the list goes on, which is of course, a constant cause for concern. The more people tend to renounce me for being "arrogant," "boastful" and a "show-off," the more I feel the need to alter my attitude and rectify things. Eventually I had to succumb to social pressure and change my intrinsic qualities, which is very much like cheating myself if you think about it.

Firstly, I would like to honestly admit that I am a considerably good friend. I consider myself an excellent listener (I do not only trust myself, I have received various feedback on this), a helpful person and an fair entertainer. People say I inject humour into their lives, and I can only feel like I am over the moon when I get comments which indirectly inflate my self-ego. But things constantly turn sour when I start to make shameless, self-praising proclamations, or comment on others in a negative fashion and tone. I have the habit of making snide comments which insinuate that I am better than others like, "look at that idiot; he needs me to teach him how to sing" and "if you beat me in , I will lick your ass." Yet these remarks are usually made spontaneously, with no blatant intent or purpose. They are all done in the name of harmless fun, yet no one tends to favour my point of view.

How am I so complacent in nature, you may ask? People say confidence is a direct result of excellence. If one happens to shine in a particular field, or possess something exclusive to himself and maybe only a few fortunate others (like a smokingly-hot girlfriend), he tends to exude self-belief and eventually builds a superiority complex of his own; is that not right? That being said, it is hard to remain humble once you become conscious of the fact that you are better than the rest. What do we call this mindset again, the we-them mentality? I consistently remind myself to uphold humility, and that was exactly what my parents and teachers reiterate from time to time anyway, but my self-control always turns out to be in vain. I tend to regress to the we-them mentality again whenever I feel that trying to stay modest does not change my life and others' perception of me to a degree that is adequately favourable; it does not have a tangible pay-off.

Perhaps it is my upbringing. There have been too many instances where my parents reassured me that I am a brilliant, obedient, mature, adorable and special child, and I even chose to believe them verbatim. My primary school years were very memorable too, I have never failed to be a Speech Day prize recipient every year, and I later gained admittance to a reputable secondary school where I continued to hone my academic prowess. I was outstanding on the sports field as well, and one would also hate to admit that I am pretty skilful with the girls. Yet I do not have a superstar outlook; I am average at best. But yet others regularly tell me that I am a fortunate individual (more crudely known as a lucky bas-tard) -- I have almost everything an adolescent could yearn for: marvellous grades, athletic proficiency, decent looks, a fairly wealthy family to live within, dear friends and various other talents. Yet I can still sense that something is amiss, a portion of my life is incomplete and marred.

My teacher had once seen me personally -- she commented that my essays reflected a high level of arrogance and smugness. True enough, I agreed with her, and she said there was a pressing need to address that issue, and that it should start from me. She stressed that although she did not have to worry about my grades, she had to worry about my alarming attitude and perception towards others. To quote her: "I may have to worry for the rest when it comes to their academic performance, but I do not need to worry for them in a way that I have to worry for you. Forget spiting and satirical remarks, you need to learn to assimilate with the rest." At first, I really saw her words as a direct challenge to my individuality, but then I thought it over again and she might just be right. Being too individualistic has its drawbacks, and it would seem to have successfully taken its toll on me. She even scoffed, "Are you going to Raffles Junior College? You know that you will fit right in, don't you?" obviously implying that big-headed people belong to their kind. What I found ironic and hard to believe was that she was a Rafflesian herself! Hell, I even followed her foot steps.

After painstakingly detailing the crux of my problem, I really hope that some kind soul can help me cope. Obviously it will be a daunting challenge to try to change others' impression of me -- this is not what I want either -- but I seriously hope that the new people I will soon meet see me in a more positive light, that is all I ask for. People say that JC is a new page in everyone's life. One can feel free to reinvent himself, individuate and basically "fix" what they deem necessary, which is exactly what I am doing now.

I need help, people. Thank you...


You articulate well and you know the root of your problem. Mentally, you are gifted and through speech, you are able to paint a picture of yourself and your own flaws. You display the traits of a confident person for you have quite a complete self understanding. People who understand themselves well generally have better success because they tap on their strength and improve/conceal their weakness. This applies to all individualistic components in our life - (minus relationship... friendship and all those aspects that require a medium outside ourselves. Our self understanding cannot affect others, like others cannot affect our self perception/understanding without our permission).

Your flaws lie in your EQ, not IQ. You do understand that it is a negative trait to taunt and assert superiority over others. However, you find difficulty in changing, simply because you do not exactly see a reason why you should. It is as simple as that. People with superiority complex KNOW that they exude an air, but even through reality, they don't see a REASON why they shouldn't behave in this way.

There are only two ways for you to have a complete change.

I) You are run by a ego-centric nature; however, life usually has it's own agenda on how to bring you back. It would be too naive to paint a peaceful picture of life and when personal crisis arises, your ego would be deflated and crushed, which will then give you the concrete reason/s WHY you should practice humility. When that happens, most people with superior complex are brought down from their apex (how much depends on how critical the crisis smashed on him/her and how much enlightenment he/she gains from the setback).

I came from a relatively good school and seen how such people behave in school. Years later, as we all grew up, it became quite saddening, for these 'back-then-cool kids' have terribly screwed up their lives or have lost their shine. I don't think people pity them much, probably felt they deserved it. In fact, the run of the mill fare much better in society.

You may nickname yourself retarded moron because you are anticipating what could bring you down. Like what you have said - a challenge to your individuality. The first card of a Tarot Deck is The Fool - a young, aggressive soul embarking on his inaugural journey in life. Remember that you are only 16 years old and the route of life is still a long way to go.

II) I am quite sure that your missing void is because you are spiritually empty. And I am also pretty certain that you are not religious and your mind functions and behaves practically. You may probably have a religion, but you are not spiritual enlightened. You may excel in the two worlds - physical and emotional satisfaction, but beyond that, your soul is missing that piece of puzzle.

You should speak with people with high spiritual evolvement and listen to what they could offer you in advice. If you have a religion, explore your religion and seek for reason/s that could undo your superiority complex. It can do you good if you are able to place yourself in environment where people are in the lower segmentation in this society. By doing charitable work and volunteering, you WILL get to bathe in the essence of humility and with time, wisdom will allow you to understand why you should remove yourself from ego-centric mindset and adopt humanistic understanding... that even yourself and the person next to you, are subjected to birth, aging, sickness and death.

You need to feel it in your bone, the reason why you should change and this has to be an active search. If not, nothing will happen and you will remain in this manner until something force changes into you.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 261205

Originally posted by stupid_galz1987:
There's this guy, he already liked me for a decade already. He never confessed to me, until late last year around this time. He hijacked my hp number, I don't really blame him for that though, cause there's really no chance for us to meet up at all.

Okay, so on and off the entire year, he been asking me out... few months once but I keep rejecting him... starting that time I totally didn't replied, but he kept coming back, then I started replying gave all kinds of excusing... he's very scare of me... he's very afraid of making me angry he keeps apologizing to me for nothing...

Then this few weeks, after my exams, he kept asking me out more often, I guess he couldn't take it anymore... Then he confessed everything to me... all the stupid things he did just to be able to see me more... I told him not to waste his time but he said its okay for him to be hurt, he just wants to wait for me his whole life... he promised everything to me... even his future...

Then yesterday, he told me tomorrow he'll waited for me at a place till I come because he knows if he asked I'll always be busy and said if I didn't turn up he'll wait again another day, I didn't reply... But he's kinda right I am cruel, I never did gave him any chance not even once... I haven't really seen him for 2 whole years...

I don't know... we never talked much b4 in sch... and I have neutral impression of him only... but he's able to make such promises to me... and I do know he'll really wait.... after all its been a decade... he said he'll never go away even if I am attached... I don't know what I am feeling right now...

What should I do? Should I go?


Nobody except yourself can coerce you to Love someone you have no interest for... similarly, nobody except yourself can force you to accept a date you have no interest in.

Chances are, if you have been emotionally and psychologically refusing him, a date wouldn't do much of a difference.

A decade? He is probably lionizing the affection to stimulate a dramatic effect.

If he termed this as cruelty in love... he probably has so much more to learn about REAL cruelty in love than this delusional unreciprocated love. In reality, who hasn't tasted such experience before? (For those who didn't, there are other lessons in store for you)

Some people talked about giving him a chance, perhaps it is for his sincerity. But when you looked beyond, such behavior actually... indirectly... mimic their personality, which is in fact, saying much about himself. Think a little further; imagine a relationship with him... what kind of messages are coming into your mind now?

Listen to your womanly instinct - it doesn't scream a warning for no valid reason.

You can know ALOT about someone through Love. All is clear, nude and visible under the light scope of Love. The inferior perform the chase with the inferior's mindset and attitude; the player perform the chase with the player's mindset and attitude; the confident perform the chase with the confident's mindset and attitude... and the list goes on. This is the work of the Sixth Law of Love - Self Love before Love.

Cheers

A letter for myself

Dear Cloud,

Today is Christmas.

And I realise that we are migrating from street roaming to house party as the years goes by.

Every year Christmas after Y2K... seemed to have an effect on me.

Over the years, I begin to realise that I actually suppressed much emotions, through vampiric manipulation and not felt a SHIT.

I am so dead; the essence of the dead made it impossible for the living warmth to penetrate.

So suppressed that I can almost feel the anguish of Aries Mars living in my 4th house. Fire over water... burning faintly in a land of perpetual winter.

Nostalgic?



I realise that support is so fun in DOTA (Actually this realization dawn on me years ago).

Someone actually apologised to me for stealing my kill; I felt it was unnecesary as winning the game was my aim.

Winning the game beats KS?

Fifth Law of CloUdiSm?

WTF?

Love,
Yunhaier

Aunt Agony 211205

Originally posted by Lovelorn?:
Hi. I am having this problem wif my gf and all help is greatly appreciated and welcomed. Now to begin...

A few mths back, I started liking this girl in my class and I wanted to pursue her but didn't haf the courage to at first. But after much persuasion and encouragement from my other friends, I told her I liked her after our major exams and all in November. She accepted me after 1 week of me confessing my love to her. But thinking back, I think dat she accepted me too early and too fast. She once told me dat she wld normally let her all ex-bfs court her for around 6 mths b4 accepting them. I feel dat the reason y she accepted me so fast was becoz she was she needed someone for support and a shoulder to lean on as she recently broke up wif her ex at dat time. She told me herself dat she was emotionally unstable when accepted me at dat time and it was the " most appropriate time" for me to enter the scene.

The past 1 mth wif her was magical and almost ethereal. It was sth I've never experienced b4 in my entire life and I enjoyed myself a lot (this is my 1st r/s). But there were times when we wld argue and it wld mostly be my fault.

In 1 incident, I asked her too many qns like "wat was she doing?", "where was she at the moment?" and she got mad at me. The reason? Becoz her ex used to interrogate her all the time. he didn't really trust her and I reminded her of her ex and she hated him most for asking too many qns. I was in a camp at dat time and I was very concerned for her well-being dat's y I had to ask her how's she doing. But it was kinda my fault for not understanding her situation but then again, she never tells me anything at all.

Let me point out to u now dat she bottles up most of her feelings and is unwilling to tell anyone abt how she really feels. I feel dat this is the bane of our r/s and I'll elaborate on it further later.

The next incident was entirely my fault and I admitted it to her. I took our 1 mth anniversary as 28 days instead of the full 30 days and she was really mad at me. But wat saddens me the most was at dat time, she pointed out to me dat maybe she was not the right one for me. I totally disagreed wif her at dat time and insisted on a "No!" all the time. She msged me and told me dat she was not angry but disappointed this time. She told me dat she had never been angry or yelled at me b4 but she was juz disappointed at dat time. When we went out the next day, she did not speak to me at all and was cold to me at times. I didn't dare to strike up a conversation for fear of incurring her wrath and she took dat to say "I pity your future gfs coz whenever u make them angry, all u can do is keep quiet". But she wld always forgive me at the end.

Recently, she had upped her tendency to criticising everything abt me. She only used to call me stupid and blur and I admit dat it is partly true. But it is getting worse now in a way. She wld criticise me abt not being up to her expectations, my dress sense, how physically weak I am (I was down wif a bad fever last wk), etc... And there was one time when we were out eating wif frens, she told my frens dat she went to a fren's youth gathering the other day and the 1st thing she said abt it was dat "there were no cute guys there at all, except for maybe one but he was attached already". I was thinking to myself, "Was she there to accompany her frens or was she there to look out 4 cute guys?". In a way, I felt that she was not showing me any respect at all. She oso gave me the irritated look once and turned away at one time dat day.

For the past few days, I felt dat the strong love dat I had for her when I first entered this r/s was wavering. Last nite, she told me over the phone dat she kinda missed singlehood and suddenly, I found myself blurting out my pent-up feelings abt this whole case. I told her dat we needed time off and dat we ought to take a break. I wanted to suggest to her this 2 wks later so dat she could enjoy her Christmas and New Year's festivities but I guess it was too late after I told her most of my feelings. Again over the phone, she remained indifferent as though this didn't affect her and when I asked her abt it, she told me dat she was okay. But after we put down and I msged her good nite and hope dat this didn't affect her, she told me dat of course she was affected by this and dat she was disappointed, pissed and upset. I msged her, telling her dat I wanted to meet up wif her and talk abt this today but she told me she is not free today.

I have a lot of activities going on right now and in a way, they are clouding my mind and adding on the stress that I already have. I was madly in love with her when we started but now, I feel as though my feelings for her are just a faint glint of light. She is the kind who doesn't show her feelings dat openly and I am the kind who expresses my feelings very openly. She shows her love for me only now and then while I do dat all the time. So I guess it is my fault in a way coz I felt as though I am not being loved and up till now, I can't really tell if she loves me or not. Even when I used to ask her to share her problems wif me, she refuses to tell me while I openly tell her wat I am facing. So I dun really know wat is going on in her life and how I can help her.

I haf my A lvls to worry abt next yr and I know dat this problem will most probably resurface if we are to carry on coz it juz seems very hard to resolve it wif her as she is not willing to voice out her thoughts abt us. I admit dat it is my fault for my inexperience in relationships as this is my first. I am very useless and I dun think I am mature enuf to care for her at this point of time. She is a very nice girl and I dun want to see her hurt becoz of me. She definitely deserves someone better than me, someone hu is up to her expectations.

Now, all I need is some advice from u guys out there. Do u think I shld carry on wif this r/s? Shld we juz take a break frm each other and get some time off? Or shld we juz break up completely? I m really lost abt this... All comments are welcomed... Thanks...


You already knew this relationship was too hasty and when she accepted your proposal, invisible warning signals had already been activated. It was a one trip to doom or at least several crisis, which will probably render you emotionally impaired.

She needed someone to fill in the void and you happily thought that you could probably assist her to. Facts are thrown wildly at you, hinting that you are a temporary solution to a long term problem. Putting it bluntly: to get over her previous relationship, she kinda made used of you as a spring board to move on.

Does she even Love you at all? This is complete mystery. You know of her needs and the reason why she accepted this relationship wasn't even because of Love - it was due to an emotional void.

Of course she would bottle things to herself - Love opens you up and if you could resist this vulnerability by concealing your inner world and lead this relationship, it makes your Love questionable. Do you go around talking to causal friends about your inner realm? Of course not... and the sad truth is: you are probably only a region or two above this level - still not quite Love.

Love born out bed, dies at bed; Love born of wrong reason, dies from wrong reason. [Law of Mirror Ending - CloUdiSm (VI Law of the Old World)]

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 201205

Originally posted by fairy_muff:
i meet this man who is married and we both really like each other but he is married with a kid so we just flirt and we both no it ant goin anywhere so we are best mates that is till my friend ellen* started working at my work and she started flirting with him n he told me im the only one he wants but he keeps flirting with her in front of me im trying to forget about him but its hard n i have been gettin pains n shortness of breath cause of this its making me ill i just want someone 2 say something 2 me 2 help me out.. am i the one in the wrong 4 believing him or is he doing this 2 hide the fact that he loves me? PLEASE HELP i just want 2 cry..


Somehow, my instinct tells me that you are one vulnerable (and emotionally simple-minded) woman that shouldn't even be playing this seduction game since day one. This man is crafty and is out to satisfy his own emotional (or sexual, if something did happened) needs through pretext of simple flirting.

This game isn't as simple as you thought it was. In fact, the rule was zero commitment and was played accordingly. He IS MARRIED with a kid my dear... and his act is merely filling in whatever emotional void you are suffering from and to entertain his deep seated fantasy.

Pardon for saying this but wtf is hiding a fact cause he loves you? Because he flirts with other woman and when he hides this 'truth' = he loves you? How simpler and naive can you get?

Quit now or risk full karmic blow.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 201205

Originally posted by piggiemouse:
hi all,

I have some bfs last time and they always give me the freedom to go out with who i want even alone with other guys. But now my current bf, he allows but he really shows that he hate it and becomes sad. I have talked to him about it and even alone with guy friends really friends only that kind he also do not quite like. He says why go out with them alone when i have him. He say that its like i want to know them better but i have him already. I know that he loves me alot and wants to protect me. I would have long broke up with him if it were the last time me. But now i understand his intentions thus i'm trying to change for him. Dun know is this the right thing cos i have changed super alot for him. We are doing on well but its always this thing that makes us unhappy. Its because of my past and character that he's so afriad to lose me i think. But i dono sometimes i really think he is too possessive yet i know he just cares abt me.

Any advise?


Possessiveness kills relationship like how one attempt suicide with carton monoxide - it kills unconsciously. Usually, it is not just problems that derive from POSSESSIVENESS itself; rather, it is the integration of mindset, attitude and experience which developed the possessive tendency/personality in the relationship that inflict intensity into your Love.

Possessiveness is 'negative' care with 'positive' intention. To me, it's pure rubbish when someone tries to justify possessiveness AS love. In astrology, when Venus is afflicted, it produces much petty jealousy and possessiveness. Therefore this Venus is no longer the Venus we thought all beautiful and loving. God can be a God of Justice or a merciful, loving God... there are always two sides.

Have you ever seen newspaper article/s, about one murdering his/her other partner, in name of Love? More often than not, possessiveness/jealousy is the crucial element involved in the reason WHY the tragedy happened.

The tighter you grip the relationship, the easier for you to puncture a bleeding hole.

Only the unenlightened sees Love as a commodity, as simply being together or merely our own needs.

Love is freedom.

And only through freedom will a relationship blossom beyond your imagination.

Cheers

Karmic Relationship (Warning, this is a VERY 'chim' & long article)

She actually looked much better without exposing her face.



And I swear I have nothing against this lady.

Can you imagine my fatigue and how bored I got by over-saturating myself with Frozen Throne? I wanted to just faithfully study my Astrology, but my mind can't engage deep thoughts with all these lethargy vibes hovering inside out of me. KTV session yesterday was great, but it was at the expense of today's vitality. (This draft was supposed to be posted on Fri and I actually slept lor)

BTW, I know whoever that reads my shIt would be wondering WTF is karmic relationship or karma?

Gonna do a little explaination here... for the sake of 2SG LEE L C (You are famous!).

I am going through this in accordance to CloUdiSm Thesis:

(I) The objective of karma is to balance out your spiritual 'bank book' through the act of 'paying' and 'repaying' - revolving in this supposedly infinite cycle. Our current 'account' is ACCUMULATED based on our previous incarnation/s; and it's not so much about good/evil deeds, rather, in more accurate sense, it's more about your causes you create, which ricochet the effect back to you, akin to the Law of Physics - when you exert a force, the same amount of force will act against you. So whatever that is store inside our subconscious (where I strongly believe that information about your karma lies in there) is replay into our personality, which shape our coming destiny and circumstances.

It function like a mirror, but it doesn't reciprocate with EXACT scenario and effect. Instead, chances are, it will return those sublime 'message' behind the act. E.g. Employing cruelty in love will return cruelty, but the scenario that this cruelty was brought forth will not be a complete replica.

(II) Everyone whom we have come into contact, we form a bond with them. This is clearly explain through the analogy of two axis... (X): weak/strong and (Y): benefic/malefic bonds. The X-axis represent the strength of the bond, while the Y-axis represent the type of bonds. Logically speaking, the best kind of bonds we could have would be Strong and Benefic. Usually, such friendship/Love have everlasting duration and brings harmonious benefits into our lives. These people leave important and essential footprints in our stay here on Earth - during that particular phrase of our life. Depending on how long this phrase means to each individual bonds, some have good relationship/friendship for life, while other bonds may only have a short stipulated period.



Contrary to popular belief, time doesn't weaken bonds (you have not have contact your best friend very much, due to individual lifestyle, but that doesn't make this friendship sour, which make you see him/her in different light). CloUdiSm term this as the dormant state, where bonds are inactive, waiting to evolve further or to remain in dormant state.

It is very difficult to gauge if this bond is of benefic or malefic nature because ultimately, only time could tell.

III) The EASIEST method known to karma to balance out this spiritual bank book is through a relationship context; where people fall in love to fulfil this phenomenon of 'pay' and 'repaying'. You got to realise that NOT every relationship will end up in marriage and happily ever after - more likely, the people that doesn't belong to that category usually brings with him/her a certain lesson that he/she ought to grow from them.

Some people failed to understand the essence of those lessons and repeat them. For them, the result hardly differ very much from their former conclusion. Some people bring along unresolved issues from their previous relationship, which is an excellent breeding ground for their individual karma to wreck havoc for their love life again.

A karmic relationship simply means this: Relationship, of negative bonds, that isn't meant to be... with heavy lessons to be absorb.

Karmic relationship often operates in sets of common scenario and this intrinsic system, very often, display itself in such a way where:

I) Mind conflicts interest with heart

II) Individual conflicts interest with society

III) Principles conflicts interest with circumstance

IV) Reality conflicts interest with Idealism.



And the interesting note about this karmic system is that whatever route you opt for, it seemed that you will still appear to 'lose/lose out'. The best of both world options is unavailable and a win-win solution may not be possible.

Have you ever been in a situation where you see this pitiful old lady coming up to you and tried to sell you some packets of tissue? Probably three packs for a dollar or something? When we have actively employed empathy by previewing her landed pathetic state, emotions stirred a hurricane within us and mystically compel us to purchase her items. IF we disallow that to happen, nothing happens.

This is a good analogy of how Karma made use of a relationship to fulfil its objective. When we fall in Love, our defenses are lowered (through trust), in order to receive Love into our soul. By removing access control, we become emotionally vulnerable as our security unit in charge of filtering the what's not has vanished. Everything goes in. Good or bad. And due to Fifth Law of Love (Law of Package Love), we are unable to dissect all that is loving in a person from all that is unloving. Everything in Love must comes in a package.

Emotions are uncontrollable and when Cupid strikes with his rain of arrows, similar to the old lady selling you those issues, we become compel to allow what Love wants of us.

It mattered because love made it mattered to us.

(III) There is only a thin line that narrowly separate the legendary Soul Mate from that of a karmic relationship. Very often, karmic relationship CAN and WILL disguise itself with those feelings... mimic what you think True Love means to you. True Love is an utopia and because we have never been there or even if we are there, we never knew that we came. Therefore, it is easy for a Karmic Relationship to pirate those emotions, to set up the necessary stage and awaits for the grand play to begin.

In several schools of thought, many people believe that Soul Mate is BASED on the Twin Flame theory, which CloUdiSm used to adopt. It suggested that a Soul Mate due to a phenomenon where our souls (Masculine and Feminine) spilt itself into reincarnation and then reunification occurs when we search for our 'missing' half and fall in love with them. Love is robustly strong in this case and this powerful sensation is derived from that fact that our exact other half fill us wholly... like a perfect piece of puzzle.



I will share this article on Soul Mate, which CloUdiSm currently adopt:

If you've seen me in lectures or on Montel, you might already know that this "soul mate" thing is a subject that really gets on my nerves. In fact, I'd like to track down and kick right in the shins the person who started the rumour that one of our main purposes in life is to find our soul mate.

It's not.

The odds against it are astronomical.

And even if they weren't, the soul mate we find in the course of this lifetime wouldn't necessarily be a lover or spouse at all. The closest thing I have to a soul mate on this earth is my granddaughter Angelia.

Many people look so disillusioned when I announce that the soul mate search is a myth, like I'm taking their favourite fairy tale away. I'm not, believe me. Giving up the idea that there is a soul mate for us somewhere and it's our job to find them can be downright liberating. Few things bring tears to my eyes more quickly than clients who stay in abusive relationships because they have confused the constant emotional intensity with their concept of what having a soul mate must be like. Even clients with perfectly nice marriages sadly tell me that their greatest failure was in never having found their soul mate. The term soul mate gets mistaken for everything from infatuation to lust to an excuse for stalking, obsession, and domestic violence.

Maybe it will help if we get straight what a true soul mate is.

We are created with spirits that have both male and female aspects. We live lifetimes as both genders, as a matter of fact. I have never met anyone who's always been male or always been female every time around.

We are also created with an "identical twin" spirit whose male and female aspects are essentially mirror aspects of our own. That twin spirit is our soul mate. Our soul mate is not the other half of us, any more than we are the other half of our soul mate. I don't consider myself half a person. Do you, really? I certainly don't think there's anything romantic about thinking we are all a bunch of halves walking around. If I'm not half a person, and you're not half a person, why on earth would any of us spend one minute, let alone a lifetime, looking for "another half" that doesn't exist and that none of us whole people would have any use for anyway?

On The Other Side we're probably closer to our soul mates than we are to any other spirit, but we're hardly joined at the hip. We and our soul mates happily pursue separate friendships,
separate interests, separate work and studies, and above all, our own separate identities. With our soul mates we enjoy the most intimate love there is -- free, unconditional, liberated and liberating, with a mutual knowledge only true identical twin spirits can share.

Like all spirits on The Other Side, each of the soul mates can choose to be born on earth for another lifetime. They might only come here once or twice, like my Spirit guide Francine. They might feel the need to come again and again -- I'm on my fifty-fourth time around, and my last, I'm delighted to announce. But compared to eternity, even fifty-four lifetimes amount to about a minute and a half.

Which brings up an obvious question: What are the chances that you and your soul mate are ever going to show up on earth at the same time? Why would you feel the need to, since you are always together on The Other Side anyway, and this experience we call "life" is really nothing more than just a quick trip away from Home?

Not to mention the odds against the two of you being on earth in the same general age range, enough geographical proximity for you to run into each other somewhere along the way, and the right gender for the two of you to become a couple, which seems to be the top priority of the whole soul mate myth?

So please, give yourselves (and me) a break and stop looking for a soul mate who in all probability is having a great time on The Other Side right now, waiting for you to come Home. Don't set yourself up for all that pressure and disappointment. Don't cling to a bad relationship in the misguided belief that it is, after all, your soul mate and you belong together, even if you're miserable. Don't devalue a perfectly good relationship because you're missing that "soul mate feeling". Don't believe for one second that there's only one person on this whole planet you're "destined" to be with -- what a depressing thought that is! And I definitely don't want you to reach the later years of your life thinking you failed because you never found someone who wasn't even here but whom you'll be having a wonderful, effortless reunion with if you'll must be patient for a few more "minutes" until you're Home again.

What you will find as you move through this lifetime are any number of kindred souls -- spirits you have known in one or more past lives. I'm sure you have experienced the instant feeling of familiarity, either good or bad, that happens on meeting a kindred soul. Sometimes that instant familiarity is the springboard for yet another earthly experience together, as friends, as lovers and spouses, or family members.



Cheers

Mercury Retrograde 2006

Mercury will Retrograde three times for year 2006

3rd March - 26 March

5 July - 29 July

29 Oct - 18 Nov

yunhaier the vampire advise against ANY marriage/BGR proposal during these period. Also, avoid break-ups due to breakdown/abrupt communication.



Cheers

Aunt Agony 131205 (Part II)

Originally posted by The_Legend_Killer:

I really need to clarify that my original desire to go there was not for sex. I haf my dignity.

Yunhaier, like u, it was fate. I was there wif my friends for dinner when one of them wants to go for a quickie. Since some of us are curious over such commerical sex trade, we decided to accompany him. We waited inside while my friend went for the quickie.

I was still feeling very down at that time. I was still thinking abt my ex. Somehow that THAI gal caught my eyes. Even my friends also finds her resembles my ex.

Many flashbacks and somehow I dunno why, I ask for the services of that Thai gal. My friends were shock. I ensure them that I really want to talk to her.

Oh pls, nothing happens inside. I felt so comfortable talking to her even though there was a communication barrier. I felt the chemistry. Even her smell resembles my ex. I told her abt my cuurent situation and she offer some comfort.

I even showed her my ex's photo and she was shock too. I cannot believe it too. How come they look so alike? Definitely not an illusions.

Now, I am really very very confused. I dunno what should I do now?


You see, you approached her BASED on the fact that she looked like your ex. It has nothing to do with her, but the reason that sparks the initiative to make that decision is WHOLLY based on the fact that their physical appearance is similar, which is automatically triggered by unresolved issues in your previous relationship because in the first place, if that condition wasn't there, that initiative wouldn't have taken place AND this wouldn't happen.

My situation was different because I didn't approach a prostitute and became friends with her - it was a friend's friend and I uncovered her real identity because my friend needed a favour from me and had to tell me the truth. Anyway, in simple, that scenario was a complication from the start. And the conclusion was equally as bad, although not as jialat as the scenario posted by Orange.

You got to realise that whether you patron her as a customer has absolutely nothing to do with your confusion - this confusion derive from the root of the reason WHY you started this delusion.

It wasn't meant to be anything right from the start. Don't make a desired dish out of wrong ingredients. Your only redemption is to cease this delusion, heal your old wounds and exit this karmic cycle. I would gladly take a brief look at your birth chart, with my limited ability, to gauge YOUR decision if you are, strongly, determine to pursue this karmic love.

I would need your following information:

I) Birthday

II) Time born (as stated in Birth Certificate)

III) Place born (Are you a Singaporean? Born in KK hospital?)

P.S: But seriously, I doubt I would have a second opinion of what I had just said. Everything stands firm, I am quite sure astrology will reinforce my own standing... and that of Orange.

Cheers

色字头上一把刀

Notice (Due to AA 131205)

Art of Seduction is lethal.

Don't judge the book by its cover.

色字头上一把刀 [To read, go View and Encode to Uni-Code (UFT-8)]

P.S: Especially to 鸡王, which could likely fall under the same situation. A woman with plots is vastly more dangerous, compared to a man with similar plans.



Cheers

Aunt Agony 131205

[quote]Originally posted by The_Legend_Killer:
[b]I think I am falling in love with a prositute. She is a Thai and she resembles my ex-gf.

Somehow, I dun go there for sex but I just went there to see her.

I spend the time talking to her.

Help me.

I am confuse.[/b][/quote]


Orange speaks my mind.

Remember - it's not even about love because your statement begin with '...she resemble my ex-gf'. Technically, you are feeding on something of a past - an emotional bondage.

[quote]What you need is closure.

You ex treated you so badly that you hated her.

You can debate to death in front of me but I’m sure the following are your thoughts:

“If I had done some things differently to my ex, maybe the outcome will be different. Maybe we will be living happily ever after! If only that’s the case…if only…”

But you know she will never come back to you.

It is a fantasy.

Now you met this Thai girl who looks a lot like your ex. You start to get emotional all over again! She gives you hope the first time you saw her!

And you don’t even need to understand her language, as long as she can give you what you have been looking for…CLOSURE!

Why?

Because you are secretly excited that this little fantasy of yours can finally come true.

You can shower that Thai girl with all your love and she will love you in return. This mutual love is something that your ex cannot give you and you long for it.

GET OVER THAT EX OR SHE WILL SCREW YOUR LIFE UP ONE MORE TIME

No, you have not gotten over your ex AT ALL. You hated her because you felt that you needed closure.

You are substituting your ex with that Thai girl without even realizing it.

You think you have found a new direction in life. You are so wrong. The fact is, you are not moving on at all…you are still at the same spot![/quote]

This critical part of orange's essay is an example, in written form, of a dimension in a karmic relationship. You can continue to delude yourself by justifying your behaviour through blind feelings and you can also prepare yourself to be landed in a pathetic state.

yunhaier personally knows a prostitute (as a friend) and lemme tell you that industry is blacker than coal. Don't ask me how I know her; it's very much about fate and ji yuan qiao he (And yes, no transaction or whatever sh!t.. knew as a friend, like all other friends in my life)

When this business trade becomes an unprofessional dealing... you are in for some trouble.

I recall an old law in CloUdiSm (Boundary Phasing), which talks about how people change their stance with time. Originally, this law speaks of a party, having terrible partner, constantly rephrasing his/her principles, level of tolerance and 'land mines' just to compromise psychologically, as by doing so, it could sustain the person emotionally balanced.

I have a best friend, who got out of a lousy relationship, and decides to flirt for a period of time - a common emotional mechanism often used to protect oneself. In name of flirt, she enters into a relationship with a married man, and ended up falling in love with him.

Rephrasing to justify decision.

And in your case, you are the same: attempting to make a desired dish, using wrongly bought ingredients... to make this quickie session MORE than just a 'professional' paid service and bounded by karmic bondage. You may not have sex with her, but what is your original desire when you step into GL looking for girls? And if you are not there for paid-sex, then what are your dealings there?

Don't justify blindly and wholly based yourself on the context of Love. It was never for her case, even if it was for you. You previously made screwed-up decision; don't repeat history.

Cheers

Bape Shoe Of The Day

DOPE!!!!!!

*Thinks hq gonna say it sux*

So... DYTIC??? Hahahahhahahahhaa!




Cheers

Aunt Agony 111205

Originally posted by depressed_80:
went out with my bf yesterday(saturday), chatted about our future as we walked around, of all a sudden, he told me,''yah,we can talk everything about our future, but..nobody can predict what will happen to us in the future, and i don't even know what will happen to my business, fail or success, we can get ROM, but if things(his business goes wrong or fails),it will be unfair to me.''
then he told me calmly that if along the way, if i manage to find a even more better guy in terms of financial or whatever, just go ahead, he will let me go..
after hearing that, my heart really dropped..we've been together for almost 4 yrs coming February..i'm 25yrs and he is 26yrs..and now he tell me this type of thing..
what is he implying??!! then i asked him is he trying to break off with me now or what? he took my hand and held tightly to his chest and said of course he won't let me go..but if his business really can't make it, he just don't want me to follow him and suffer..
what should i really do?? must i wait for things to really happen then make a decision whether to break off with him or might as well break up now...??
i really felt very miserable and lost...and my mind kept on thinking when will he break off with me...i really don't want that to happen...i've lots of friends suffering from bad experience from relationship and i didn't expect this type of thing to happen to me....pls help me...


You have to look beyond his words. Let me break down a little to allow you to understand the reason for his blunt remark. But before I began, there is something quite disturbing about what you had said.

[quote] ...i've lots of friends suffering from bad experience from relationship and i didn't expect this type of thing to happen to me [/quote]

I am not saying that it should happen to you, but for a four years relationship, you ought to realise that Love comes in a package. You don't absorb what's good and repel what's not. Instead, you work through the negativity to improve your own situations. Bad experience? What makes you think that 'bad experience' is necessary bad?

Spare the rod, spoilt the child; you spare the necessary evil, your relationship becomes meek.

***

Firstly, you got to realise that he didn't exactly mean sayonara as you got to understand the primitive nature of man - being the provider. The man provides to his household, his wife and everything that is under his responsibility, simply because of this primitive masculine instinct. When this becomes uncertain, threatened or unavailable - a man loses his confidence akin to the inability to protect his woman.

A man's love, very often, doesn't measure in that of a woman's world of flower and romance (Taurus, Capricorn and Virgo exception). A man demonstrates his affection through his ability to provide. This is also the reason why many guys think that with money, they can probably buy love or attract love. The greater monetary powers he possess, his masculine ego expands likewise. (This is inclusive of material stuff that indirect boast of material powers like car, house, etc).

Your man is depressed because he feared that you might make a wrong decision to remain with him, if he is unable to fulfil this primitive masculine instinct. There has never been a better time when your man needs more verbal encouragement, hugs and little kisses to lift his spirit. Are you going through this ordeal with him? Or is he going to fight this battle alone?

At the end of the road, you will realise that winning or losing this battle doesn't matter... when two hearts unite as one.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 091205

Originally posted by HougangBoy:

I am married and i fall in love with a married woman. Dont want to go into the detail. But in this situation, am i selfish to give up my marriage just to be together with my love? Or rather is it better off if she and i go back to our respective legal partner?

Actually before marriage i already have some feeling for this gal but at that time, i didnt do anything cos my wife has been together with me for quite a long time. In the end, i lose contact with this gal till i get married. Then we start chatting again and over the time, we confess our feeling to each other. And i think my feeling for this gal overshadow my feeling for my wife now.


You are overpowered by regrets, not by Love.

Your regret is based on the fact that this girl didn't have any beginning with you and thus this malicious regret lived in you all these while - before AND after marriage. And when you give it a chance to blossom, the suppression creates a tremendous amount of emotional energy, which you thought that this 'love' overshadowed the feelings for your wife.

It is very simple to discern this kind of scenario from those who lost faith in their current relationship and falling for someone else completely. Chances are, you still love your wife, but somehow, your emotions are flowing all directions, which cease your ability to think, feel and understand.

And to think that you have lost your love for your wife to pursue what 'your heart seeks'... you will come to an understanding that in the end, your relationship with her will likely to fail because you realise that this woman isn't as perfect as you thought she would be when reality sinks in. This is the Love theory of Fantasy, as the facade crumbles when reality is introduced.

This is, in fact, one of the several dimensions in karmic love. CloUdiSm termed it as Fifth of Cups.

P.S: Please make use of time to exercise self enlightenment. There has never been a better opportunity to get to know yourself. To employ haste and to judge your decision wholly based on your current emotional confusion will only serve to fulfil this karmic debt.

Cheers

Unklebapesta X 金莎

Unklebapesta! X 金莎 (Woohoo... 我的无敌小金莎)





WAH RAO! 神阿。。。救救我吧！

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Cheers

Aunt Agony II 071205

Originally posted by laosu:
There are times when I wish I can just leave everything and go to a place where no one knows me and start everything new. Sometimes I just feel so tired of everything. Tired of breathing. Tired of opening my eyes. Tired of feeling. Tired of thinking. Tired of not knowing what to expect. I feel so exhuasted.

I have a gf who loves me and I love her deeply too but the things happening around us are simply too much for her to take and there's a possibility that she might just give up this near impossible r/s. I don't want this r/s to end and yet it hurts me to see her immersed in such great pressure.

Although time and time again she claims that she's still coping well with it but her tone tells me otherwise. I know she's just trying to calm me down. On the selfish side, I wish she'll leave with me to somewhere where no one knows us and be together forever but even that seemed like a fantasy which will never happen. I know she'll never be able to cast her family aside for me and I don't wish her to do that either, but it's just so hard to be together and yet apart.

What should I do? I love her and I wanna take care of her for the rest of her life.


Sometimes, simply just love itself isn't enough to sustain a relationship. It produce the driving force, the reason for existence, but ultimately, how you want to decide for your own relationship depends largely on what you want to do with them... with love being the fuel of your vehicle.

Long distance relationship can be difficult, but until you submerge yourself into it, you will not know the full blow of this emotional fatigue that leeches you daily.

You are feeling it now.

You are currently being exposed to these blast of problems that burns your heart and mind like a furnace. And no matter how altruistic one can be in Love, we are still govern by rudimentary laws in Love... which forcefully bring us back to reality despite granted heavenly wings by Love. We cannot think that Love itself is capable of making miracles, without understanding that this miracle can only be perform through a human medium... that's through our own freewill and decision.

This wanting to take care of her for the rest of your life is an eventual goal and because it is a distant goal, it belongs to utopia for now. Learn to take small steps and watch those steps you are taking. There is no point planning for a distance future WITHOUT clearing your path to ALLOW you the CONDITION that is conducive for this future to be reachable.

You stack your mess like a pile of misplaced papers. Be patient and work gradually through empathy and constant communication - that this relationship is BORN difficult and therefore, what you two are experiencing is exactly the thorns that were foreseen even before the birth of this BGR.

If you opt for a difficult relationship, the worst that could ever happen to you is to lose faith and courage. If you were to get discourage from the pile of misplaced paper, waiting for you to organise them - think about your girlfriend, who probably has MORE than just a pile of misplaced papers on her work desk.

ENCOURAGE each other to march forward. If this relationship should fall, it shouldn't be that of your doings or your will be cursed with regrets that cannot be dispelled.

P.S: There are times in life where we have to take lead. If we do not demonstrate strength in crisis, the weaker ones will surely crumble.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 071205

Originally posted by dunamis:
Dear everyone,

My best friend, C has a problem which I am at lost to advice her.
I hope you guys can shower me with your opinions and advices.

I've known C for 7 years and all along, C has been a prim and proper girl.
C is at a marriagable age and has a serious boyfriend, D for about 3 years now. D is her first boyfriend and she treasures him alot. They got along well at first but their relationship starts to strain when D's family comes into the picture.

There were times when C stayed overnight at D's place after helping in his business. (C has her own full-time job as well) After sometime, D's eldest sister (in her 30s and has given birth) found out and confronted the parents.
She started to question the parents on why she and her husband can't stay in the house whereas C can stay? (She is living at her husband's place now)
The younger sister (whois not married yet and still staying in the house) was also not happy and started to hurl abusive and dirty words (cheap maid, bitch, slut, etc...) on C whenever she stayed overnight at the house. The sister started to accuse C of coveting the money or family inheritance, so to say. Because of this, D had a fight with his sister. C wanted to leave but D insisted her to stay.

D's parents dont stay in the house (in other words, they stayed elsewhere and only D and his sister stay in the current house <-- I know its confusing). Then, D's mum gave a lecture to C but his dad said nothing. After a couple of months, D's parents silently approved of C staying overnight at the house. However, the younger sister is still making noise.

Above is the summarised story.

We know that every marriage will involve both families and because of D's family conflicts, C tells me she sees the future as bleak. She is starting to contemplate whether if she should marry D. I suggested to her not to stay with D's parents after marriage BUT she can't hide from D's family forever as there will be at least one dinner every week. In addition, D will make it a point to go to his parent's place on a frequent basis and fix anything (from computers to electrical bulbs) that is spoilt. What i remembered is D told C that she contributed to the house much more than his sisters and so, he feels she deserved to stay. The obvious reason why the sisters can stay in the house without contribution is because they are the daughters, right?

She finds D's family dinners are dragging her life and both the sisters are too artificial infront of the parents. So in my opinion, the siblings are fighting for the parent's inheritance so perhaps, the sisters see C as their competitor (as well as their brother, D) It sounds stressful to me.

Putting the family issue aside. Before this incident happened, whenever C was helping D, D would often criticise/scold her and sometimes, infront of his siblings. She was unhappy about it and they would quarrel. She told me she understand how stressed up D is to cope in such a family and that, she couldnt perform up to his standards. Many times this year, she mentioned breakup to D but D refused to let her go.

Well, I have been wondering. Why is my friend, C still sticking with D? Knowing her for 7 years, I know its not because she is after the money. (No doubt many married couples separated due to financial issues.) They got together in overseas for about 2 years and during those times, he was okay and easier to get along with. They were happy together. But ever since they came back to Singapore, things just changed. She feels bitter towards his family and resentful towards D (because she claimed he kept criticising her). But I think she sticks to him is because she is holding on to the 2 years of good memories, thats why she overlooked the present situation and stayed with D.
Perhaps, D wasn't that bad afterall. He is filial, responsible, hardworking. Those type who makes a good family man but a lousy lover. (Sorry)
D wants to marry C but C is hesitant.

Yesterday, she asked whether should she marry or breakup?

How should I advice? Thanks.

Cheers!


You got to realise that the crux of this problem lies mainly on the family itself, which will become her in-laws if she is married to him. Her hesitation is based on the bleak outlook of handling her in-laws and the little difference regarding personal attitude and behaviour.

And she can't fully blame the man IF communication wasn't made to address the issue of putting her down in front of his family members. Common sense hardly exists in Love; everything must be communicated and discussed. Steps must be taken to improve mutual understanding and empathy, beyond that of a business partner. Always take WORK out of LOVE... it's foolish to congregate them, as conflicts will likely be boundless.

Chances are, the man don't really know what she is feeling emotionally and the extend of her stress she is facing. He may have thought that he was just being 'normal', when in fact, it is not the case.

She is probably confused... so confused in fact, not exactly because of the glorious moments they had spent together overseas, more likely, it is because it is her first love.

She has much doubts and questions planting all over her mind. She is not emotionally ready - so it is a bad timing for marriage to take place. Until this stress is removed, more efforts must be placed in working for a more 'breathable solutions' than the notion of marriage.

Cheers

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Solution?

Come back later to read lor... *HIAK HIAK*



Cheers

Aunt Agony 051205

Originally posted by skiturn:
hi guys and gals
I just survive from an 3rd-party attack on my relationship. I am glad that my gf still choose me over that guy. However I am now suffering the aftermath of this 3rd-party appearance and hope i can get some advice from u guy and quickly get over this whole thing.

Here my story, the whole thing started in mar, this guy start woos my gf openly knowing that we have a relationship of 6 year. She told me about this guy who is interested in her and I ask her to reject him. She promises that she will try not sees him so often, but it’s difficult since they are colleague.

In Jun, she told me she actually has crush for that guy but she still love me. We had a big quarrel. She assured me that they are impossible and she will never fall for him since she think that she will not have a future with him. She promises me that she will not sees him. Since then I start to pay more attention to her, spending more time with her. Asking her out is not easy, my working hour is 9-6 while she on shift-work. RT and exam comes, our timing always crash or her friends have already booked her, but surely we still meeting up every week. I hear no news about that guy since then and thought that we are back to normal. Sadly this is not the case.

Secretly this is what happens. Initially she really tried to stay away from that guy, but the guy is too persistent. He continues his wooing by sms, e-mail, write blob about her, colleague outing, supper after work, send her home with his bike and others. She dare not tell me knowing that I will be angry and will quarrel with her. She decided to keep it a secret. He often went to her house and asks her down for a short chat or when she having a night shift. She has no negative feeling for him and was very happy when they are together. Their secret relationship start to develops. After some time, she feels that they are not just friend, slight more than friend. She feels very guilty about it and has nobody to talk to. She falls deeper. She was afraid that he would tell anybody about her secret date with him since she is stilling having a relationship with me. She knows she was wrong but was lost and helpless then. She can only turn to him only. She falls deeper and their secret relationship moves up a gear. They starts doing what couple would do. Holding hand, hug and kiss follows, she become a 2-timer.

On Oct, she finds it hard to be a 2-timer, she start to lie. One lie led to two lies and two lie to four lie and follow. She lie about outing him to me and vice versa to him. Until one day, I found out about the lie, we had a big quarrel, still hiding about her secret relationship (she dare not say it) and could not find a good excuse for the lie. I break up with her (too angry but unintentionally). I ask her best friend to comfort her, telling her friend that I still love her and will patch with her shortly. She cried and told her best friend about the whole thing. Her best friend then tells me about it. The truth is very hurting to me and I just could not believe what have happen. I came to her and tell her to make a choice between that guy and me and give her some time to think about it. We had a good chat over the whole issue on why this thing happens, and I told her that I still love her. After a few days, she still chooses to be with me. I am happy and glad that she is still mine.

Aftermath of this terrible event is not easy. Although we are back together but things are not the same. Some problem still exists or happening.

1) I lose sleep easily, whenever she talk about him or dream about them.
2) I have lost my trust in her and I know that it will take a long time to rebuild the trust again. How to build trust from here?
3) As a guy, I find it hard to forget about the their intimate moment. Time will heal right, but it difficult to forget.
4) They are still colleagues and I am very worried that they might rekindle their old flame again or will she fall for another guy.
5) How do I know if she really loves me? She still forgets to sms and calls me as promise.


This 3rd party invasion says a lot about your relationship... causing a huge decimation to the structure of your relationship. It is likely due to years of subconscious... unresolved... uncommunicated concerns, which took enough time to breed and grow insidiously. These invisible damage establish an entrance for the guy to walk causally into her life easily and stole what originally seemed to be yours.

People often think that a relationship of six years spell stability in bold print, but many of such relationship become more brittle with time in BGR cycle. You cannot think that her claim of Love for you is sufficient to ensure truth and loyalty because your position has changed drastically. In fact, her Love for you is now questionable, and so is your relationship... all hanging on unsecured threads.

A sub-rosa relationship grew without your knowledge - Think about this: she actually ACCEPTED the temptation proposal and CONSCIOUSLY wants to be part of this underground relationship, WITH the INTENTION of masking the truth from you.

ACCEPTED... CONSCIOUS... and WITH INTENTION means she UNDERSTANDS the deal she is getting and the consequence of playing with Russian Roulette - someone will definitely be injured.

***

You are completely helpless; as if bounded by the inability to move your chess pieces. Your circumstances are completely against you - this matter has never been resolved at all and this guy still enjoys vast advantages. She has returned to you... but she has mentioned NOTHING about how she is going to play her cards now.

Isn't this one step forward and one back?

I) If you want this relationship to continue, she has to decide what she plans to do about him. Mainly… how to handle her dealings with him. (Is she going on complete ignore mode? Is she avoiding him at all? Does she still speak with him? Go out with him? Worst come to worst, is quitting the Job a possible option at all?) It is very easy to say 'I love you' one moment when guilt overwhelm her and succumb to the Art of Seduction when she returns to her work place. If she has decided her choice is you, she has to act likewise.

II) Choice is choice... but what is the root of this promiscuity? There are sure leaks, unspoken doubts or possible new implementations, which may contribute partially to this sudden third party invasion. Your current relationship isn't what it is now comparative to the past. Although, she may not have change completely, but certainly, unseen issues lurked around.

What are these? Have you found out what it could be?

P.S: These irrevocable damage stays throughout your BGR with her. The security seal that protects your trust has been tampered - there is no way you could restore those confidence to a full 100%. You got to live with that for eternity.

Cheers

Sigh

Mixed feelings.

Juxtapose emotions.

Coming from different dimensions.

Sometimes, I really hate trying to understand.

Too much empathy wounds a vampire like wooden stake through the chest.

And to discover that... I am as vulnerable as a common mortal, with the right weapon brandished by cruel reality.

Sigh.



Silence

Aunt Agony 041205

Originally posted by projectlime:
hey people...

i really got nobody to turn to. im really hoping all the fellow forum pals here can give me some advices..............

too cut the story short, i was wit this girl 2years ago. and of coz we broke up 2yrs ago. 2yrs later, we met and got into a relationship again.. at first, it really seems wow, the best love story every. breakup, without any contact, 2yrs later, contact back and get back together. really fall in love back again. (i noe it have happen before to others, but its just really 'wow' for me)

now, im beginnig to feel lesser feelings for her. no, i shouldnt say that. i mean, i dont really noe wat i feel now. but whenever i go out, i didnt think of her much. but i still check girls out and hopefully wanting to get to know some. i dont know whether its lust, or i really cant relate wit her and take it anymore. sometimes on the phone, we really dont have any idea at all wat to talk about!! maybe one of th reason is, we cant do alot of things together. and its really hard to communicate if ya dont really have anythin in common iwt that person.. yea? and also THE REAL PROBLEM IS, her family DOES NOT noe aabout our relationship and they cant! its the same 2yrs ago.. her parents are divorced n shes leavin wit her mom and sis. i understand especially wit this situation that the mom tend to be more protective. and of coz wit rship.. sayin theres no need to get into 1 at such a young age. shes gonna be 16 on 2006. lets dont talk about 2yrs ago but now. i been puttin it up wit it, acceptin the fact that we gotta be careful while we are out, HAVE to get back by 7pm. have to tell her sis or mom that shes goin out wit her GIRLfren..ALWAYS. ya noe, i really need a girl that can be there for me whenever i really need her. be there to pull me up when im down. and of coz ill be there for her no matter wat. my life aint that sweet and im still figurin shit out.. shes a beautiful beautiful girl, almost evey guys perfect girlfriend choice and i really fall in love wit her. but my feelings are all tangled up now. mixed feelings.. and, why will a normal man/guy like me still look at other chicks (sometimes less prettier) and tryin to know them when i already got a really pretty girlfren at home, who is all mine! i dont understand myself anymore.. sex is not reali importantt to me.. and yes, we did do all the things couples do before. so its really...... i dont know man. what should i do? i dont wana break up.. (im really afraid it gonna hurt us both, alot! rmber 2yrs ago we had some surreal love) but on the other end, im still like lookin out for chicks tryin to know some if possible. am i a physcho, lust for sex maniac or wat? (but i noe im not ah... haiz)

sorry if its too long. but please give me some positive. how long it is, i will read everythin. somethin positve please.. i will really ppreciate all your kind comments and reply here. thanks and have a ncie day. peace....


You are questioning your own agenda on why other woman could still interest you despite you being in a relationship and having a seemingly perfect girlfriend.

My question is 'why not?'

A perfect girlfriend... what is a perfect girlfriend? Is looks the measurement to a perfect girlfriend? Or is it personality? Or is it her contribution to the relationship?

In fact, its none of the above. A perfect girlfriend/boyfriend is a state of perception; you can have a gf that has 101% quality of a good girlfriend in the eyes of many, but because you measure with different yardstick, emotionally, it isn't... despite being yes logically.

Why did you patch back? Are you sure is Love and not because of a certain regret that this relationship ended (2 years ago) due to some reasons and you felt that it could actually last (or generate more fulfilment) longer than expectation? Your attempt to patch effectively means that you are turning your shoulder once again... and looking back usually equips with certain profound truth.

You are coming clean with yourself emotionally: reason to accept this relationship may not be Love and as time passed, we evolved. The same old her back then, may be quite different now... even though she may look the same. And the old factors that you subconsciously detested, (i.e seemingly underground relationship) surface once again.

Let me take a calculated shot: isn't this part of the reason why this relationship failed in the past? Those issues which you have mentioned? I am quite sure none of these thingy improve very much since then.

Having similar constants and variables... albeit it comes in different aesthetic package. But sad to say, the new aesthetic component has very little lasting effect. Subconsciously, you are teleported two years back, but emotionally, you may not have realise, during this two years... you have actually moved quite abit... far enough to realise that looking back could be a mistake afterall.

Time heals... and it actually heals and level you up to such extend that people of the past shouldn't even have any relationship-dealing with you. Your freewill accepted the proposal, so now you face your own confusion.

P.S: There isn't anything wrong in checking other woman out. But it is indeed a problem when it becomes a complication to you, because you know yourself better than I do. Do take some time off to think review your relationship and most importantly, yourself. You don't want to drag on a relationship just because you don't want history repeats without the right reason to remain in them. Simply because if you don't have the right reasons to remain in them, it will end when your emotional balloon burst and reality slaps at your face.

Are you a Leo?

Cheers