Aunt Agony 241005

Originally posted by LiEr:
Here’s a pretty lengthy story…

I got to know 2 guys (A and B, these 2 guys are frens too) from one of my girl pals. I wasn’t very close to them initially, but despite that, I had a slight ‘crush’ on B as he was a pretty quiet guy who seemed to be always deep in thoughts. My fren in turn was close to A and had some sorta ‘fling’ going on.

However, due to a misunderstanding, they ceased contact. As I wanted to help them get back together, I started talking to A to find out what actually happened. After sometime, A confessed that he had fallen for me. I was like ‘How the hell can you forget a girl so fast and fall for another girl within such a short time?’ Despite that, I chose not to stay a distance from him as I really treasured this fren and wanted to help him. He always seemed to have problems (family, friends, school). I told him that all of them actually cared about him a lot, cos he complained that nobody cares about him. It just whether he allowed ppl to care about him. If he refused to let anyone care about him, how can he say that ppl do not care about him?

There was a point in time I realized that I had a ‘crush’ on A. He could be very sweet sometimes and provided a listening ear to me too. I sorta ‘flirted’ with him, but as I thought rationally, I realized that I could be misleading him and thus I stopped. I didn’t want to get into a relationship as I had personal problems too. A knew about it, but still wanted to treat me as his ‘gf’. Then I realized that his whole family knew about my existence. I was very pressured and questioned him on why he had to mislead everyone into thinking that I was his gf. In addition, he also began to say ‘disgusting’ things, like asking me to sleepover at his house (for a few times already). Each time he said that, I gave him a piece of my mind and resisted violently as I thought he was insulting me.

As I began to know him further, I realized that he might not be the one for me after all. I could foresee all the problems ahead of us (Eg. My fren might get the wrong idea that I snatched her guy away, and both A and me just had conflicting personalities). A was very very very very very stubborn and just could not understand. All he wanted was for me to be his ‘special’ fren, where we can hold hands…etc. I was really disgusted and felt like he was treating me like some cheap woman. I kept explaining to him that if he still wanted to treat me as a fren, he ought to stop all these nonsense. He still could not get it and went on with his nonsense. Eventually I told him that Im gonna stay a distance away from him as I did not want him to carry on like this. He agreed initially, but would continue to msg me all over again after few days of MIA. This carried on for a few weeks and I was totally sick and tired of it till I used vulgarities on him. Each time I stopped contacting me, he would still continue to msg me out of the blue.

During this period, I hung out with my fren, B and a guy fren of ours regularly. It seemed like double dating, although we are not couples. After sometime, my fren went steady with our guy fren. B and I also got to know each other better and I really enjoyed his company. He was an amusing guy but yet seemed matured and understanding. I realized that I was falling for him and I knew it was not just a crush. However, I still maintained my position and bear in mind that I was not gonna get into a relationship.

As time went by, B and I realized that we have fallen for each other. However, our problems remained. If we continued to bring our friendship to a higher level, B would seem to have ‘betrayed’ his fren A as he knew that A liked me. As for me, A was still bugging me (I used the word ‘bugging’ cos he kept on smsing the same old stuff and despite many explanation, he still could not understand).

A found out that B and I have been contacting and said that B was interested in me. The word seemed to have gotten out and their whole group of friends and A’s family knew about it. B wanted to talk to A to clear things out, but B refused to give him a chance to do so. Until recently, A finally agreed to talk to B. But the talk didn’t help much, as A kept asking B to continue to woo me and said that all these don’t matter to him. When asked, A said that he had already given up and would forget about all these problems. He also told B that he knew 5 new girls recently, which I think he was trying to show B that he had forgotten about me.

At the same time, A also sms me that he heard from his frens that I am interested in B and has been wooing him. WTF lor… what rubbish. I might be interested in B, but im not DESPERATE for guys. I wonder what else they have been gossiping about.

A’s elder brother heard about these problems from another mutual fren, and before even bothering to find out the actual whole story, he immediately labeled me as a b*tch. He asked me to stay away from A. I mean, he didn’t even find out who was the one who was bugging and refused to give up. I didn’t even contact A (as I’ve mentioned earlier), how can A’s elder brother assume that I was the one bugging A? A’s elder bro did a lot of name-calling and insulted me, and I really had mixed feelings about it. Do I really deserve all these?

My questions are:

1) Was I wrong to have misled A at the beginning?
2) What would happen if B and I were to develop our current friendship into a relationship?
3) What should I do now?? Should I ask A out for a talk? Or should I clarify things with A’s elder brother? But if I really were to ask A out for a talk, im worried that it might be fruitless, cos A is too stubborn

sad........... :( :( :( :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :(



I don't understand why you must implicate issues that are completely out of the boundary... the boundary that marks your Love affair. Although it can be quite hurting for people to insult, you knew very well that his brother is firstly not only an outsider in whatsoever 'affair' you deemed this as, but also knew nuts regarding anything at all. Do you even have to take this insult personally and affect you emotionally? I don't think it's necessary.

You rejected A - this is an action made and reinforced. Anything that revolves around him... seriously, why do you EVEN have to CONSIDER at all? If nothing goes into his thick skull, remember you don't have to make him understand. It is not your duty to.

This potential relationship with B - it depends on how you wish to manoeuvre your direction. And this decision is made based on your OWN feelings and thoughts... and NOT includes those thingy about A. If Love overwhelms future obstacles which you have forecasted (Going overseas and study), a relationship is possible.

P.S: When we were young, our parents bought us toys. We all know that toys are something that would be dumped, donated or given away when we are much older. Despite knowing this fact, toys were STILL bought.

A relationship doesn't always have to consider its length to be meaningful.

Cheers