Aunt Agony 251005

Originally posted by SoonKeong:
I had been attached for 2 years already, but overtime i realise my partner is really someone who dun suits me.

- She suddenly become very complacent and rarely call me up, and expecting me to be the one who always initiates things.
- She now always find lotsa excuses of her mistake and rarely own up, if not, dun even care about the whole matter.
- She used to push the extra effort to cheer me up, but now it has never been the case.

I think its not embarrassing to say in a commited relationship, sexual involvement is quite important. It pulls them together more closely, and infact alot of infidelity i heard about are because one partner doesnt give enough, or dun give for long period of time. My gf is one type who unfortnately dislike sex, although she do it with me, she never ask for it and sometimes we got into arguement because i feel that we are having less and less. Of course i do admit i desire sex, but i only do it with my gal. If even now the desire of her is not even there, how are we gonna survive when we get married?

I know now is her final year, she is really busy with her studies, but until like we meet 2 days per week? Sometimes i'm really lonely and need her, she is not around for me. She complains i not understanding enuff, but have she put into my shoe to think about it?

I'm really feel very very tired, i feel that its reaching a point where we wouldnt find happiness in this relationship, and topics are getting less and less. But we stay together because we are used to each other's company. I dunnoe what should i do now, sometimes meeting her seems like seeing a doctor, need to make appointment, if not dun even have time for me.

Last week, i sense that we are falling apart, so i ask her this: "If you can chose to beautify ur face or to chose me, which will you chose?". Ok, this question may seems stupid, but to me its a choice of priority as she also asked me before "will u chose between ur game and me?", and yes although i love my games, i still chose her. When asked that question, she keep saying how can compare, if compare must compare between people and people, pushing in many excuse which she loves to give. But hell, there's no third party wad! Only until she sense i'm getting angry, then she faintly reply me "you la..." I'm really sad at tt moment, its like the once main priority for me is not there anymore.

And from that day, we have silence war for 3 days until i give in and buy dinner for her. When i reach her hostel, she also dun have much topics to say with me. Ok, i'm quite the jealous type, and so nice of her super friendly friend called her. Usually after put down the phone, she used to tell mi who call and what was it about, but now, nothing. Not even the name of the super nice guy who called. When i was about to leave after realising there's nothing to talk about, she onli keep asking "nothing to say liao ar? nothing liao meh?". Huh? WTF? must i be the one always give in and hey i travel all the way to ur hostel buy dinner for u leh! Not even a thanks!

I really sense an end is near, what can i do?


In marriage wise, the root of the problem is probably closely related to sexual intimacy. Your perception of sex is what I call Series Monogamy - you will do it as long as she is your Love. So if you have three girlfriends in total, you are sexually faithful to each of them WHEN you in a relationship with them. It is also good to know that your act of Love comprises of emotional value - but you have to understand that our individual mental and emotional structure is different.

A woman doesn't need sex the way a man needs, vice vista. This is heavily modified by current circumstances. For example, stress affects one's sexual drive. In marriage sense, sex plays an important part, but as for BGR... it depends on your individual perception of sex in role of a relationship before marriage. Some people feel sex is sacrosanct before marriage - so to them, your view of sex as a form of love expression is invalid. Your girlfriend may already do it with you, but it doesn't mean she sees sex the way you see them. True, sometimes when, emotionally, she cannot connect with you, she cannot see herself doing it with you and thus it could be evidence of her fleeting Love, but unless she physically stays with you - in BGR sense, it is dangerous to see it this way.

Chances are: sex to her is like an activity... between couple - just like you playing computer games. You may like gaming and spent great deal of time playing them, but there are also times when you don't play it and even comes to a time when you get 'bored' of the activity and stop playing for a while. Does that mean you don't like playing computer games anymore? Not exactly.

However, your waning relationship may corroborate all these signs of disinterest she has for the relationship.

Have you communicated all these issues to her? Does she know that you are troubled over her behaviour (talk about the other thingy other than the sex part first)? In introspection, how do you see your relationship? To give it up because of incompatibility or to see if it is viable to patch the damage? What about her? Does she even think that there is a problem in her relationship? After you have a heart-to-heart talk with her, is she going to do anything? Or rather... does she want to do anything about it?

P.S: Here are some questions for you to consider. A talk is essential.

Cheers