Aunt Agony 081005

Originally posted by tsh:
Hi

I met him in college when I was 25 and he was 18. We worked very well in group together, and so became good and pure friends to each other. Because we both came to Australia to study, so we helped each when one was in need. We had so many things in common and we enjoyed our accompany together. Living abroad, we had to work very hard to pay for our study expenses. We shared sorrows and happiness in student life together.

I admired him because of his maturity he has more than his age. I admired him because he has a very good heart to others and to me, because he is a hard working person, because he is considerate, caring, and sensitive man and because he was so nice to me. I admired him because of his strong ambition in career and confidence to achieve things he wants for his life. He admired me because I am a confident woman, because I have good knowledge. He admired me because I am a caring, considerate, sensitive person who always likes to help others.

The last semester of college, we felt something different b/w us. When we finished our 2 - year course, we realised we had been fallen in love. I always asked myself how I could love a man when he is 7 yrs younger than me. But there is sth different about him that you can't tell he is 7 yrs younger. Both of us made a good couple and every one said the same although others know that I am older, they still supported us. We went to uni. I took my MBA course and he went for Bachelor of Accounting. We continued our relationship. He loved me a lot, always made me happy. I was very happy in this relationship. The only thing I have is the sadness of not being recognised sometimes to people who relate to him. But then he always came back and comfort.

The second year in uni went pass. He won the lottery Green Card. He left for US. I had tears everyday when living without him. He was still calling me and supporting me during that time to complete my MBA, then looking for work.

One day he said to me, go to look for another man and don’t wait for him because I am now 29. He will not come back to marry me because he has a lot of things to achieve in life. He needs to build his career, and this is not fair for me to wait for him. When the time he plans to marry, it will be the time he is 30 and I am 37. He feels bad if I am waiting for him and there is no future that guarantee for this relationship. The beauty of a woman will be gone. I said yes and cried in tears and tears, days and nights. But it could not go that way. We still keep in touch and expressing our feelings. He came back comforting me over the phone. We talked once or twice a week and emailed almost everyday. After he left for two yrs, the feelings are still there.

Then he decided to come back Australia to take his personal things left. We came back again. We spent our holidays together and live in romance. It was so sweet when coming back together again. Then he left for US. I remained in Australia. A few months later, I mentioned about our future together when he graduates, he said:

"Well about your idea...I do not know...I do not mean to say that but I have to say that. I want you to open your option open like, u know. If you find someone suitable more than me, you should try to know him. If you wait for me, it will be too long. You cannot expect me to be together with you as soon as I graduate. I have a lot of things to do with my life and family. I know your age need to be settled down and marry but my age is not. I am only 23. I have a lot of things to achieve in my life and I have a lot of responsibilities for my family. So, I am always happy for you whatever is good for you. But I am sorry for you also that I cannot fulfil your wish."

I replied email and said, I just share my wish to home and of course will not expect to marry in tow years (while in fact I do). He said “thanks and ended note “love you”.

But I have cried every night now and then. A BROKEN HEART after receiving the email. Finish work, I am scared to come home because I will miss him desperately. I just feel so many men here want me. I have a good education, a good career, good manners, beauty, and faith. Looking for another man is not hard. But why I cannot have a man I want. He loves me I know and I know he is the only one that loves more than others. I love him too. Why we cannot be together?

This is the second time he told me. I have to make decision for my life. I love him and still want to be with him. But there is no future together as he already said. What I am looking for in this relationship when I see no support. My age is 30. It is not too old. If he supports me, I don’t mind waiting for him yrs and yrs. When I mention about our future, it just makes him feel worse and he becomes stressed and tempered to me. I feel I am just a shadow and a tail in his life. Should I wait for him and continue to be the shadow? What if one day he achieves his goals, will he still think of me when I am about to be in 40. He may marry s/o and I miss my spring time waiting for a man as a shadow without hope.

What should I do as I still love him so much, and I know he still loves me too. I don’t want to end this, but what if one day I am 37 seeing him marry a young woman in 20s. I would have a BROKEN HEART and will not go back to my youth anymore. I will not be able to have children with another man any more? Things at work seem to be easy for me to handle, why my personal life, I can not make a decision for myself? I just feel I cannot go out with man when your heart is with another. I will miss the time we were together sharing sorrows and happiness in student life. Should I wait for move on my life?

Thank you for reading my love story. I cannot share this with others my love story as I don’t want to be seen blind in love. Only people who experienced will understand how I feel now. Please give me some advice if you can.

st



This is a conundrum of Love that requires you to make decisions that is intrinsically sacrificial, for it is neither right nor wrong... neither good or bad - a mere decision that will determine where you would steer your love life into.

To wait or not to wait?

You got to understand from his point of view; he doesn't want you to wait because he cannot afford to bear the responsibility of you spending your best moments waiting endlessly for a man who has just began to step into the working society... his initial phrase to prove his worth through his career. Most men hate to lay promises that they ain't sure they could uphold and thus often chose to avoid or give them up completely.

The Love that has blossomed in school is easy to maintain; minus the mental pressure of age barrier, what's there to hinder is only innocent stress of school work and there isn't a need to consider any other factors unlike now - where reality has sunk in. True Love has no boundary, but the fact is such that we have to consider this hateful reality and not be delusional about the simple ideology of Love.

You loved him and he loved you, but it doesn't mean that it would be suffice for a relationship to continue on forever. It was sweet memories no doubt, devoid of any complication, which is why you find it so difficult to give it up. Afterall, you may not find such love ever again, even by keeping your options open to other guys.

Still, by waiting, chances are, it would be futile. This is a difficult relationship; not only by vast age gap, but it has become a long distance relationship even if he decide to pursue. Let's be realistic and not dwell too much about the small exceptional miraculous work of fate – it could be time to wake up from our sweet dream?

Keep your option open and not eliminate every other potential out there - it would be an unhealthy mindset to habour (worst if you are a Taurus, Leo, Scorpio or Aquarius). If it is meant to be, it is meant to be. I remember someone, who meant something to me previously, once said this to me:

'...At least the relationship didn't soured...'

I think this is something you could be thankful for and not cry because it is over, but rather, smile because it happened.

Cheers