Originally posted by Vilue:
When a guy say he want to talk to you about ur relationship problem, but when he sees you, he just keep slient? So what does that mean? He doesnt know how to start or he is just saying to for the sake of it?
My bf n me are going through this now. 1 mth ago, he just suddenly says he doesnt knowwhat he wants, doesnt know if there is a future for us. I told him that we should take time apart and think abt it. Of cos, during this period he still remain in contact with me. But whenever i ask him if he wants to talk abt our problem, he just says to give him more time and do things slowly.
I keep telling him we cant avoid our problem. If there is no future for us, then we should move on. He just says he knows but keep quiet. Even when we met, he didnt look me in the face when i asked him if he wants to talk about our problem. I keep telling him we should talk and even if he cant give any promises, at least he can be honest about it and not just give execuses and hide. Still he just says he knows and understand but didnt talk.
Im really clueless about what he is up to. He is afraid that i'm seeing someone else, yet he doesnt want to make an effort to talk. Just tell me he very very stress with work. Even if want more time, he cant say how long i have to wait for him to talk.
What does he wants?
Sometimes, they call this the caveman theory - when your man is unable to relate to you about his feelings and thoughts and you know that something is affecting him/the relationship. He is undergoing a transition where he needs to think about 'something' and this 'something' doesn't have a direct answer, more than it requires a decision (Especially worst if your bf is a Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius).
The reason why he stalls time and not letting you know is because he knows that this matter, whatever it may be, will place the relationship in new position, likely to be for ill. He thinks because he tries to accommodate his conscience, heart and mind... which resulted in serious conflict that render him the inability to say anything.
There is a battle within, struggling to find an answer or to accept a solution which fit the best of both worlds.
But there isn't.
The battle rages on.
***
To handle this, don't ASK him what happen; induce him to come out from his reclusive mental retreat through gradual verbal leading. He doesn't know what is he thinking about... you draw him out by dropping questions. But don't go about trashing things and interrogate him as if he murdered someone - you can begin the ball rolling first by relating and sharing your opinion of the relationship yourself. This will create a mood to talk about things and psychologically lure him into having an emotional talk with you.
Before you can open the hearts of others, you got to open yourself first. Then you can pop a few question of... 'Is it because I always neglect you...', etc. Leave the most critical questions last (E.g. you fell for someone else?).
Always check body language when you speak to him. You could zero in on issue which you think could be the source of his torment.
Cheers
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