Aunt Agony II 160805

Originally posted by Kimosabe:
See, I have this boyfriend, he's fantastic. He cares for me and we've been going out now for about ten months plus. Here's the crappy part, which might actually be my fault from the very beginning.

I was at his desktop, and I saw the ICQ conversations they had. Rather explicit. But hey its ok, i mean they were attached at that time. Her pictures at the chalet and other things about them were still there. Also, her stuff toys were displayed in his car. In the boot now, but still there.

Here's the thing --- I don't doubt his love, but it seems that everywhere I look, I always see 'her'...you understand? Like, our anniversary is on the same date, which I think regarding that part I've talked his ears off. He's gotten a little grumpy about me bringing her up all the time. But nothing's been done.

I want him to do what HE wants to do about it, he says he's too lazy to recall what's from her and what's not from her, and asked me why am I the kind of girl that wants him to curse her to death and burn everything. I don't....I just want something we both share.

I don't know...this may just be some stupid issue...he says he doesn't see it as an issue and when I try to talk it out he just keeps quiet and looks at me or plays with something else...what is actually going through his head? I need a guy's point of view, and a solution real quick, before I really unknowingly ruin the relationship.

I was so stupidly affected that I even wrote a song for him...here :


Does she hold you the way I do, Does she whisper sincere 'I Love You's',
Does she listen to everything and respect what you say;
Does she smile the way I do, Does she give you what you need,
Does she see what others don't see in you;
If the answer is 'yes', Then my dear I must confess,
That my heart is silently breaking in two;
But despite all that I fear, I'm still happy when you're near,
You should know by now that all I need is you;

(**) I only hope that I will never make you cry, I only wish that I could be that good and special like how she was, But I guess in time my love will show its truth, For I give it all, everyday, Anytime and anyway; That's all I can do, give it all to you;(**)

Does she brush your hair aside, just to look into your eyes;
Does she kiss you on the cheek the way I do;
Does she swallow her pride, Does she hold you justified,
Does she play those silly games you like with you;
Does she really trest you right, Doe she yearn everyday to hold you tight,
Does she cry and out of everyone, she only runs to you?

Ok, cheesy....but help...


Seeing is believing.

Regardless of how rational one might be, a visual contact with something unpleasant, will force your conscious mind to push the undesired message into the subconscious mind, as part of a defensive mind. The heart doesn't have a 'subconscious' version of it, thus you don't feel well inside whenever such things appear in front of you.

It is NOT that you don't trust - but every thingy that signified his ex-gf, question your trust - as if poking it with a needle. You won't bleed from it, but you feel so uncomfortable, shuffle and shift away. It would be perfectly fine IF the visual contact wasn't frequent, but if it is as frequent as everytime you go out with him/go to his house, something about her pops up and reminds you/him of her, I can feel your helplessness, with your mind trying to convince yourself of the trust in the relationship and your heart frowning with sadness.

***

You can help yourself by equipping with a more positive and mature mindset, by keeping a broader prespective outlook. Sometimes, a guy doesn't bother with such details because everything is but black and white to him. If he loves you, he is with you; anything that represent a hidden message is ignored because the message ain't picked up by him (photo, etc). Realise that he has chosen to be with you - this is what that matters. He made the choice to begin the relationship... with you.

Secondly, he can HELP you, by keeping all this items that could affect you... somewhere private. He doesn't have to throw away (and if you demand so, a quarrel is very likely), but at least RESPECT you enough to put it away from view. He is entitled his own memories of his past relationship, so you RESPECT him for that.

Compromise mutually and don't habour too much on the SELF component.

Cheers