Aunt Agony 140805

Originally posted by sweetevil:
Is a guy who uses verbal abuse on his gf, worth holding on? Many times, i have been verbally abused whenever we argued with each other even over the slightest things. We quarrel almost anything under the sun and moon. I am sick and tired of the way he treats me when he loses his temper not because its my fault, you know it takes 2 hands to clap, but sometimes he gets really over sensitive and just simply never learned to close one eye on puny matters. He always thinks he is in the right even though he is really in the wrong. I am really sick and tired to have to keep forgiving him and is it true that promises are meant to be broken? Just because I can everytime stomach every mean things he said to me, that he can take it for granted? We've been together for almost 5years and I'm his first girlfriend.

After the argument, often he would apologized and always giving me 'broken' promises that he will not use vulgarities on me anymore. Time and time again, I would just forgive him since because I still love him. People tend to change over the years, either for the better or for the worse. His attitude changed for the worse, definitely and if you asked me if I am still happy with this relationship, I'll say a Yes and a No. He still does shower me with love and care and i do feel pampered. He often talked to me about our future and what he wants the best for us. He impressed me with his matured and future insights. Now, looking back I am so worried and a little afraid to spend my life with him because I do not want my husband to talk to me that way. It is really hard to change a leopard's spot, right? If he can treat me like this now, what would be the future? His temper and attitude is getting out of hand, but I can say that I am numbed already because I used to cry so much and even resort to using pen knife to inflict the pain on body.. but not anymore now.. coz i know It's not worth it.

My friends used to tell me he is not good enough for me in terms of looks. But why should I care? I love him for who he is and not what he is. He does has his own good points like always putting himself into other's shoes, sensitive(but too much can really kill me), and he is filial to his parents(family orientated, husband type of material) and etc, which i see most young guys nowadays lack in these qualities. If a guy really loves his gf, he shouldn't even be using vulgarities in the first place right? When my guy friends tell me that I should let go of this relationship and wait for someone better, someone who treasures me more. Because if he treats me this way, that means he is not afraid to lose me right? But on the other hand, he is so protective yet loving, he doesnt likes guys to stare at me. Whenever other guys are looking at me, he will give stare back at them and give the "DONT-FCUKING-STARE-AT-MY-GF" attitude, which can be quite undesirable especially in the public and we will end up quarrelling because of 'they staring at me and because I wear too revealing clothes which I don't think it is all that revealing. I will be so embarrased and sad.: He's serving the nation now and next year would be his last year. My friends told me that if he is still in the army he should even treasure me more? I think any other normal girlfriends will not stand his boyfriend mistreating her right? Moreover, he is doing national service now. I do have guy friends who like me, but I know my limits. He is not romantic i dont mind but I prefer my boyfriend to be romantic. I dont know what I want : Perhaps, I should be contented with what I have.

Can you guys tell me what is true love? To me, true love is also about accepting your partner's flaws, but he sees it otherwise. He thinks that if you love him/her, you should try to change yourself for the better. Well, thats true. I did try my best to change for the better. I hate it so much when he keep asking me to change my attitude when we quarrel. I mean who doesnt gets furious and sarcastic with his remarks when one is angry? I admit when i get really angry, I would be really sarcastic but more often that not I will try not to argue with him and stomach his temper towards me

Please give me some advice on what I should do or should not do. It will be greatly appreciated.


It seemed that you are perfectly fine with him EXCEPT his excessive usage of profanity during arguments and wounded you verbally. Plus a tint of possessiveness to spice things up a little.

He is probably the kind of guys who doesn't knows how to win a verbal conflict through other means, thus his dependence on strong vulgarities to:

I) Enhance strength through words

II) Psychologically 'win' you over through power.

***

Knowing the reasons why isn't sufficient, here, you are facing a man who is oblivious to his fault, or at least, doesn't think that it is really affecting his relationship. Because he doesn't feel threaten in a way, there is no need for him to make improvement and he expects you to suit to him (even to accept him for who he is... is basically a mindset change to suit him isn't it?).

This is usually very common behaviour in any first relationship. For you who have been through three relationship, your experience and everything else probably tells you that 'Hey, this guy may have this fault, but by comparing all three, he is so much better.' while your guy is merely 'this is WHAT I feel...'

Too self absorbed for his own good.

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You are afraid to move on; not exactly because of the relationship, but rather, you fear that you may make a wrong decision to leave him.

He has to know that what he is doing is degenerating the relationship. If this message is send across firmly, fear will set him to evolve. I am a firm believer of negative-positive; only when one is about to lose something before he would do anything to secure it.

By then, it may mean nothing to you and may have decide to leave the relationship. Your decision will definitely surface by then.

Cheers