Originally posted by ashtina82:
Hi to all,
Here goes my luv story...
I've knwn S for almost 3 yrs now....hw do i get to knw him?hmm....he accidentally msg d wrong person...he wanted to msg sum1 else but keyed in d wrong no....so frm der on we bcame frens.I was attached with my bf nw husband at dat time.....n we were havin probs.So basically he knws all d sHiT my hubby does....i didn't have any feelings for him at dat time bt he does.
After a few mths,i told him i was gettin married.He told me to tink carefully...am i makin d rite decision...i told him yes & he respected me.After i got married,i thought life wld b happier....probs started since i got pregnant.My hubby started to flirt ard...he dun care much for me n my baby.
Things got worse n worser....he started to abuse me.Den 1 day,i wanted to call up my old fren...i accidentally called him.We started to chat...catch up wit d old times & i started to confide to him once again.As time goes by,we started to 'go out'.....he told me he luvs me rite frm d start.Been waitin for me for almost 3 yrs....anyway,as time goes by,my feelings started to grow for him.
He did say he wants to marry me....dat is if he has d chance....
Bt i knw it's impossible....coz i'm still married...n my hubby wun let me go....
I even tried to file for a divorce..not bcoz of S...but bcoz i can't always live in constant fear...nt knwin when he's gonna hit me next....
Bt he juz wun let me go........so does S...he wun let me go too....nt ever again...
Even my parents wun let me divorce.....
I'm at lost...totally lost....i luv my baby.....n i luv S too....
Wat shld i do........
Marriage... Love... Society...
Do you notice how messy your situations have turn out to be? It didn't born this way - you made enough foolish choices to transform it that way.
Here's a huge thingy for your consideration: Do you think your liking for S is 'Love'?
You mentioned there wasn't any mote of feelings three years back; it was ONLY after you went through your wrecked marriage, had him to be there for you, with him declaring his actual feelings - before you grew to like him.
Don't you see this MORE like a passing-by 'rescue boat', instead of 'Love'? Especially your marriage began to get abusive?
How do you think it will be different if he never reveal his feelings to you? Or if there was never such a thing?
IMHO, this is an important variable.
***
I hope you do see yourself going through a series of crisis because, you ALLOWED circumstances to drive your options and churn out a load of chaos as a result. Being passive serve much reason for your plight as well; other forumites calls it the lack of courage, but I reckon it to be passiveness. Lack of courage means you DESIRE to do something strongly, but LACK the strength to implement (E.g. chasing a girl). Passiveness refers to the non-chalent, easier-on-emotions-route to undertake, which ultimately goes nowhere and probably end up in Limbo. You may even have opportunity placed right in front of you to leave, but opportunity is still often left untouched, while a lack of courage with correct opportunity would be grasp immediately. It is easier route because it buys you some time and wouldn't create much changes to your exisiting situations (People often resist changes and if you want to implement something, big changes are bound to happen). It is so much easier, say, if you were to remain in your marriage (appease your parents), suck all your dis-satisfaction into your mind (appease husband, fear of psychological affecting child-upbringing), etc.
You may not realise, you may have subconsciously chose to maintain in the relationship, despite finding no Love in it... just for the sake of it - whatever it means to you. To some, it could be the length of time together... your baby... society's bondage... parental influence... and all other external factors.
There are many people out there remaining in unfulfilling relationship for reasons other than Love. They often lament about how CMI their relationship is, but you still see them clinging onto their relationship, which makes many wonder why.
No... the fact is that it is they who chose to retain their relationship. Nobody else did... nobody else HAD the power, regardless of how you thought others might have the power to do so (This is the Second Law of Love).
***
I believe you have already decide what you want to do and I am not doing to change what you had already plan for yourself. I just want to offer my thesis to complement your self-reflection.
Actual Love or not... you decide. Once bitten twice shy? Will you exercise more wisdom in your decision? Or would your continue your foolishness even further? Marriage is never a game nor gamble - it is the fruit of a fulfilling relationship, awaiting to blossom beyond its boundary and reach for the sky.
Cheers
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