Aunt Agony 050805

Originally posted by BadzMaro:
There is this scenario..

There is this girl, he likes her alot. After going out for months, he decided to tell her that he likes her. But alas..he was not given a yes or no. Just a 'not now' . Thats cool, but the thing is , ever since he told her his feelings, she comes out more often with him then before. In fact , they go out so often that people think that they are together. When asked is she the gf..or is he the bf.. they both deny..but then they do things any couple in a r/s will do. They hold hands, light kisses etc.. but they are NOT together.. everytime if asked the question she will use the same answer. She doesnt go out with other guys but just with him for the next few months until she left for overseas to work for a while. She says she is the kind that will remain faithful even in a long distance relationship but the thing that is frustrating is why does she act the way she is towards him. She cant be using him as she is well off herself, playing his feelings? but she is always telling him which girl is pretty..or he should go after this or that girl.. it complicates matters for him as the girls thinks he got a gf already, but when he tells them he doesnt..they dun believe him. He told her that this has to stop as it is confusing him, but she insists saying that she doesnt want it to change...she wishes it to remain as it is..Some more there are at least 2 other guys going after her n she seems oblivious to it all. she keeps saying she really likes him.. but Like n Love is 2 different things dont u think?

Do you think the guy is being played in the balls or what ? what possible answer is there in this kind of situation! Just need some opinions and suggestions. cheers



Very likely, she already bends on having a non-committed relationship. She had already decided since the day you reveal your inner thoughts. This form of non-committed relationship is a variation to the usual kind we always thought one would be and in fact, this model can exist without the interference of guilt. This can co-exist with AOS (Art of Seduction) theories, for the only solo weakness of AOS is that its potential is severely limited with the clashing of conscience.

Conscience and Desire is like fire and water - either one give way, or you can find a way to balance it without reacting with one another.

Understanding this, you will also discover that you two see two different definitions in Love. You want something concrete... something practical like a relationship with the existence of love. She desires the feeling-of-the-moment - one who lives for the moment and treasure what's shown presently and not too much into the future.

She gauge the risk of a relationship (probably from experience from past relationship), and decide against taking it.

Then, her current experience with you is simply... beautiful.

This will arouse inner conflicts from within. The answer of 'Not now' is simply a poor excuse to buy her time. In fact, no amount of time will suffice. 'Not now' is simply a response from her to maintain the current status quo because this 'beautiful moment' may change if she decides to change the variable.

It's not a question of liking/love for you; she is in love with her own girly fantasy... imagination... romantic dream.

If you are looking for committed relationship, you probably have to start looking elsewhere, since there is no official attachment with her. I mention two different definitions - it is virtually impossible to switch definition as and when one feel like. When you begin something on a certain definition, very often, it stays with you until the final chapter (depending how you see this final chapter).

P.S: My best friend, often, begin her relationship from a non-committed/fulfilling love, but ended up claiming that she fell 'too deep in love' and seek for a committed version of it. She, later, finds misery, sorrow and much daunting challenges, seeking to drown the relationship.

I told her:

'You so SURE you begin on a non-committed relationship based on non-committed mindsets? And not hoping for a committed, good relationship, using non-commitment as a facade to shield yourself?'

She is a Pisces - the sign most vulnerable to self delusion, among the twelve zodiac signs.

Cheers