Originally posted by boyboy18:
i love this ger very much,wooin her in e process,but her studies and results r better then mine.Another guy who also wooin her,his studies r also better then mine.Im so confused?should i continue wooing her or give up?because that really pressurised me
People question your love for her, probably due to your age and thinking-wise because you are threatened over the fact that her studies is better than yours?
Only people who doesn't know much about themselves thinks that this is against them.
You mean when you chase her, you tried to impress her through the show of your academic knowledge and such?
Obviously not - then why do you have to implicate non-related issue, negatively, into consideration?
A guy, probably only better in studies, step into the competitive circle and you want to give up already?
You have already lost this girl... to yourself.
Cheers
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Quiet Days
Probably it is the dawn of Virgo; there isn't much extreme Agony around to share and upload into this blog of mine.
Quiet days I called it; especially after a series of blasting problems, then, usually there will be a moment of calmness after. Maybe it is the beginning of a new school term for University... people are just getting into their new phrase of life, moving on from past experience and embracing the new stuff that is to come. The guys probably just finished two odd years of Army... with complete freedom into this new lease of life, unlike the 'caged' regimental lifestyle previously.
Quiet days like these... are these days really quiet without agony?... Like the moon vanished from the sky in a moonless night?
Are we truely happy? Portraying a expression of what is felt exactly within... to the world?
In a quiet night... is the night truely spared from the still quietness?
无人的黑夜里。。。到底有多黑。。。到底有多静呢？
Mousy mouse is so happy.
Can we be like the mouse? Especially in our quiet days when our minds wanders too far into limbo?
Can we rekindle our old innocence?
Quiet days... so quiet... so cynical... so bitter... so beautiful...
Peace
Quiet days I called it; especially after a series of blasting problems, then, usually there will be a moment of calmness after. Maybe it is the beginning of a new school term for University... people are just getting into their new phrase of life, moving on from past experience and embracing the new stuff that is to come. The guys probably just finished two odd years of Army... with complete freedom into this new lease of life, unlike the 'caged' regimental lifestyle previously.
Quiet days like these... are these days really quiet without agony?... Like the moon vanished from the sky in a moonless night?
Are we truely happy? Portraying a expression of what is felt exactly within... to the world?
In a quiet night... is the night truely spared from the still quietness?
无人的黑夜里。。。到底有多黑。。。到底有多静呢？
Mousy mouse is so happy.
Can we be like the mouse? Especially in our quiet days when our minds wanders too far into limbo?
Can we rekindle our old innocence?
Quiet days... so quiet... so cynical... so bitter... so beautiful...
Peace
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Aunt Agony 280805
Originally posted by dejour:
my guy is getting too close to his on-line friend...
she keeps on sms-ing him...
today i saw his sms which appears and say : I'm not feeling well today.. so cant talk to u ok???
this happens at my place.. once i saw it i hid in the toilet n cry...
Getting close to an online friend; I presume that, technically, she is a stranger? Or at least a virtual friend and that's about it?
You are feeling sad because he is getting close a girl OR that fact that he has been chatting with a stranger girl?
Nevertheless, since you have knew about this, you may like to talk about it with him? Not neccessary to trash things out and demand a proper explaination, rather, to ease your suspicion and air things. You may be sensitive, feeling threaten over the existence of the relationship or you may found out something more about your Love... nobody knows for sure.
Don't hide and cry... then pretend you have no knowledge of anything. It will do you worse than to muster some courage to talk about things sensibly.
Cheers
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Review of GS
Since they are going to show 绝对superstar today, might as well display the picture we took at Mediacork.. i mean mediacorp. This is the gathering of GS forces - now currently cease to exist anymore. Well, although it was a whole load of crap, but you can never imagine the friendship forge through the SHIT we went through. This is known as the GS experience... horrible piece of hellhole we all went through, only to discover what this matrix is all about.
I called it a tale of love, hatred, betrayal, deception, lies, loyal, truth and justice.
It was an exhilarating experience; with me standing firm to pick up the destruction cause by the 斯凯文 - a great evil glooming over our depressing state of life. Lives by itself is already a sad state, with his introduction, which I thought would worsen our current state... only served to build us stronger, with everlasting bonds.
Ironically, the four of us represented the second generation of slaves fighting for a lost cause, while John represented NP's arms of Song Composing. We are there, supporting Mr Derrick or more commonly and affectionately known as Wei Jian when he was up on stage, fighting for a place to the next round of 绝对superstar.
Finally, I have this wonderful blog to pen down all the suppressed emotions I had with GS. Mr 斯凯文 probably never realise this: the amount of negativity passed down through his action, behaviour and psychological mindset has made SO many good people under him, questioning about their own innate ability, confidence and character. I can never think of another person, who is as highly skilled as him, employing the art of emotional blackmail, self pity and deception - he is like the apex of evil... the Lord of the Lies.
To create a false imaginary fantasy about himself, hoping to gain recognition and awe from 'students' whom have very little experience with the outside world; effectively, he have conjured and created his own world... his own realm where he put himself at the pedestal of honour and fame, thinking that he could probably own the world and inject reality into this non-existence world of his.
All his so called 'plans, strategy and stuff' are nothing but coins into the wishing well - it never come true. He is so typical MLM spoke person - full of hot-air coming out his lips, without substances... promises that were never meant to be fulfilled... and thousands of excuse to shield himself from all the mistakes he had made. Imagine all the SHIT he had painted on people... I had to remove his doing and restore people back to where they came from... imagine all the tears that came falling and I had to lend a shoulder and wipe them off... imagine all the rubbish he said... I have to rebuilt the negativity he has placed on others to create positivity in them once again.
He once said he was the 清洁工人.... I think I am the REAL 清洁工人。
Below is the photo we took when we went over to Victoria Concert Hall to support Craig. This is the residue left - a group of close knitted friends. Once again, from here, you could also see that the shit he gave, merely strengthen all of us. (And if 斯凯文 ever see this... PLEASE... please... don't think that you did a saint-like good deed and try to console yourself that it was a good job after all the deception you have given everyone. I can sense it in my bone that you will probably think this way... duh! What's new?)
I always tell Douglas that IF GS was what it seemed to be, we will be rocking the music scene by now. 24 绝对superstars... we have about 4 that have their fate brush across GS. DUH! Go figure.
Somehow I feel so apologetic over people whom came into GS; people like Pammy (now happily in Aussie) and Ivy, who probably had their worst working experience... ever (direct quote from Ivy). And 斯凯文 still owns Ivy couple of hundreds... sigh... how the hell am I suppose to help her to recover the sum? See? None of my business... but somehow, I am implicated. I presume it is my Scorpio Mars in 11th house.
There is no way I could fully pen down everything that has took place in GS, that completely disgusted me in plain comtempt. (Like shown in the pic above) Now that 斯凯文 has gone back to his old love, the destruction he has cause through his wild path has come to a weird ending cum conclusion. People shrugged thinking about it, but I stand tall firmly - reinforced my CloUdiSm belief which he tried so hard to null it's existence.
His distorted views on friendship and love is truely crap and it's amazing that he wanted to impact some of these 'corrupted mindsets' into me. I may not be exactly, chronologically, fringin` old, but my thoughts were beyond that of my peers. I am afterall, the 姐妹 yunhaier with 4 years of Aunt Agony experience. Duh. *Bat an eyelid*
I admit I was shaken and even question myself, casting doubts all over CloUdiSm. I realise that there was only one voice I could heed... for this voice never will never lie to me. It is our own voice... the voice from within.
Anyway, most escape his clutches. Now, we only have his monetary debts to settle AND probably the karmic relationship he is having with taurean Mich. How will God help her this time? Will the power of her Church save her from the clutches of Evil? Or will the evil 斯凯文 succeed in his attempt to bring her away from God's words?
P.S: Douglas didn't steal you arse-wart. Mind you, part of the loot was my phone as well. For him to steal my stuff is almost unthinkable. Duh. There is such a thing known as mutual trust and all my good friends will never resort such level to ruin a relationship with me. At least this is the untold/unwritten rules of a friendship - which you never had. Of course! YOU made used of everyone that came into your life, what love and friendship can you speak of?
Cheers
I called it a tale of love, hatred, betrayal, deception, lies, loyal, truth and justice.
It was an exhilarating experience; with me standing firm to pick up the destruction cause by the 斯凯文 - a great evil glooming over our depressing state of life. Lives by itself is already a sad state, with his introduction, which I thought would worsen our current state... only served to build us stronger, with everlasting bonds.
Ironically, the four of us represented the second generation of slaves fighting for a lost cause, while John represented NP's arms of Song Composing. We are there, supporting Mr Derrick or more commonly and affectionately known as Wei Jian when he was up on stage, fighting for a place to the next round of 绝对superstar.
Finally, I have this wonderful blog to pen down all the suppressed emotions I had with GS. Mr 斯凯文 probably never realise this: the amount of negativity passed down through his action, behaviour and psychological mindset has made SO many good people under him, questioning about their own innate ability, confidence and character. I can never think of another person, who is as highly skilled as him, employing the art of emotional blackmail, self pity and deception - he is like the apex of evil... the Lord of the Lies.
To create a false imaginary fantasy about himself, hoping to gain recognition and awe from 'students' whom have very little experience with the outside world; effectively, he have conjured and created his own world... his own realm where he put himself at the pedestal of honour and fame, thinking that he could probably own the world and inject reality into this non-existence world of his.
All his so called 'plans, strategy and stuff' are nothing but coins into the wishing well - it never come true. He is so typical MLM spoke person - full of hot-air coming out his lips, without substances... promises that were never meant to be fulfilled... and thousands of excuse to shield himself from all the mistakes he had made. Imagine all the SHIT he had painted on people... I had to remove his doing and restore people back to where they came from... imagine all the tears that came falling and I had to lend a shoulder and wipe them off... imagine all the rubbish he said... I have to rebuilt the negativity he has placed on others to create positivity in them once again.
He once said he was the 清洁工人.... I think I am the REAL 清洁工人。
Below is the photo we took when we went over to Victoria Concert Hall to support Craig. This is the residue left - a group of close knitted friends. Once again, from here, you could also see that the shit he gave, merely strengthen all of us. (And if 斯凯文 ever see this... PLEASE... please... don't think that you did a saint-like good deed and try to console yourself that it was a good job after all the deception you have given everyone. I can sense it in my bone that you will probably think this way... duh! What's new?)
I always tell Douglas that IF GS was what it seemed to be, we will be rocking the music scene by now. 24 绝对superstars... we have about 4 that have their fate brush across GS. DUH! Go figure.
Somehow I feel so apologetic over people whom came into GS; people like Pammy (now happily in Aussie) and Ivy, who probably had their worst working experience... ever (direct quote from Ivy). And 斯凯文 still owns Ivy couple of hundreds... sigh... how the hell am I suppose to help her to recover the sum? See? None of my business... but somehow, I am implicated. I presume it is my Scorpio Mars in 11th house.
There is no way I could fully pen down everything that has took place in GS, that completely disgusted me in plain comtempt. (Like shown in the pic above) Now that 斯凯文 has gone back to his old love, the destruction he has cause through his wild path has come to a weird ending cum conclusion. People shrugged thinking about it, but I stand tall firmly - reinforced my CloUdiSm belief which he tried so hard to null it's existence.
His distorted views on friendship and love is truely crap and it's amazing that he wanted to impact some of these 'corrupted mindsets' into me. I may not be exactly, chronologically, fringin` old, but my thoughts were beyond that of my peers. I am afterall, the 姐妹 yunhaier with 4 years of Aunt Agony experience. Duh. *Bat an eyelid*
I admit I was shaken and even question myself, casting doubts all over CloUdiSm. I realise that there was only one voice I could heed... for this voice never will never lie to me. It is our own voice... the voice from within.
Anyway, most escape his clutches. Now, we only have his monetary debts to settle AND probably the karmic relationship he is having with taurean Mich. How will God help her this time? Will the power of her Church save her from the clutches of Evil? Or will the evil 斯凯文 succeed in his attempt to bring her away from God's words?
P.S: Douglas didn't steal you arse-wart. Mind you, part of the loot was my phone as well. For him to steal my stuff is almost unthinkable. Duh. There is such a thing known as mutual trust and all my good friends will never resort such level to ruin a relationship with me. At least this is the untold/unwritten rules of a friendship - which you never had. Of course! YOU made used of everyone that came into your life, what love and friendship can you speak of?
Cheers
Aunt Agony 240805
Originally posted by Confuse2005:
Hi! there's something that has been bothering me for wks, hopefully u guys can provide some advise.
I've known her for 3 yrs but only really close to her for the past 4 mths. It's all started when her father had passed away ( her mum passed away 10 yrs ago)and her best friend is away overseas for study. So for that period of time, a few of us take turn to keep her company so that she won't feel alone and down.
At the same time, during this difficult time her boss gave her some hard time and difficult assigment and we were even closer as I'm the only one in the group who is working. I try to be there and give her advise whenever she is bitter abt her situation. We meet and sms/msn almost everyday. I'm not sure when but then I find myself thinking about her often. And slowly I find myself develop feeling for her. U may asked what's the problem but then the problem is I'm a female.
Though I never have a relationship before I'm sure I'm not a lesiban till now (I'm still not sure) Yes, I did have a crush on my female sec school teacher but then it's just a growing up phase.
The worse thing is I try to match her w/ my guy friend (she doesn't know) so whenever I can I try to drag my friend along for dinner with her.
But my heart feel like bleeding inside.....
I feel like betraying my friend....arghhh.....
I didn't how far did I cross over the line till last wk when she at the last min did not make it for dinner , I called her and tell her I'm angry. When she asked me why... I was speechless.... She's right, I dun have the right to be angry.
From tt day onwards, I try to distance myself from her but then today she msn abt her problem. And all the advise went out of the window.... Haiz......
And the most "fan" thing is I will be going on holiday with her and the other friend in another 3 weeks time. (Btw, my guy friend will be tagging along) I'm not sure how to face her....
Should I still continue to be her friend or do I just avoid her as much as I can.....
Pls help as this is affecting my mood and work.... I do not have enough leave or I really want to take some time off and organise my thought....
Lesbianism.
You did recognise that you had a 'growing up' phrase during secondary school, but how sure are you that it is merely a growing phrase that you have GROWN out of it... or is it something deeper?
I had a causal friend, who is a closet lesbian - which means she never knew that she was one UNTIL so much later (20++). When she did enter her first lesbian relationship, all these suppressed emotions just exploded.
There are a few questions, in which I hope, you can answer me:
I) How is your relationship with your mother?
II) Ever fall for guys before? Any previous relationship?
III) What's your astrological sign?
P.S: If it is possible, how is your home environment like? Your early childhood (first 13 years of your life)? Any significant conflicts with dad as well?
Cheers
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Aunt Agony 230805
Originally posted by Love Story:
I hope I'm not sounding cynical and disillusioned with love, but I think that if an emotion and a feeling for somebody (specially one that is so "deep-seated" as love) can be erased with such considerable ease it must have never existed. A separation between two people in love could be for the silliest of reasons, but if that erodes love from between them, it would be best to think that love never existed or rather never blossomed between the two. Wise men say photographs can loose color, flowers can loose fragrances and even memories can fade, but true love can only grow!
More often than expected, one falls in love with the idea of being in love. Love as glorified by poets draws the common man's inherent curiosity to unimaginable extents. One starts to romanticize the beautiful flowers, the stars, the puppies and practically every thing picturesque, almost becoming an eternal romantic. Candle-lit dinners, ballets, the partner's best friend and a date for the most happening party in town tempt, so much so that one can barely resist falling in love. The congenital insecurity human beings are blessed with, to a certain level suppresses with this feeling of love. Subconsciously or unconsciously, each one of us is in with love, and so looks out for fulfillment of their expectations and dreams and this craving to be pampered by somebody, giving birth to a Shakespearean Orlando deep within their heart.
Now that you are familiar with love for love, ask yourself, whether you are actually in love with the person who you think you love, or just in love with the idea of being in love!
A need for psychological and emotional satisfaction.
Being in Love by itself produce a chemical called PEA that is released by the brain, which the body reacts and showed signs through sweaty palms, increase heart beat, butterfly stomach, etc - all signs of being in love (Especially Love at First Sight or LAFS for short). At the same time, a overall feeling of happiness and contentment is felt as well.
In psychology, we always work to achieve the same positive result as we did previously. Say, if getting 100 marks for spelling earned me praises from my parents, which made me feel good about my ability, esteem and confidence, I would do what it takes to repeat that behaviour, in turn, repeat the same positive experience I would incur.
CloUdiSm states that all relationship moved through a general cycle - although not ALL moved the same directions, but generally, most followed through this system: Honeymoon-growth-stagnant-declining. Some begins from a negative score, going through stagnation before honeymoon, etc. The possibilities are endless, however, it is almost guaranteed, that somewhere within the relationship, one would experience a short/decent frame of time involving Honeymoon period.
This is THE golden age of a relationship - where personality conflicts and problems are working its way to the cracks of the surface, revealing its ugly nature. But before that could take place, we are happily above it, revelling in total blissfulness.
***
Being in Love or with the person?
It depends on ignorant innocence or knowledge.
If we talk about repeating our positive experience, being in Love, gives you an self actualization... the reason of existance. A good relationship keep the body, mind and heart stable, healthy and an overall wellness. If we venture deeper, being in Love fulfilled a portion of what the soul needs - the reunification of your 'other half'. These are the unseen reasons why human continue to seek Love, for there are NO known substitute... a monopolised market.
Love, by itself, is a simple and pure, just like our Love for our pets, while knowledge paints us the colours in our relationship.
And because knowledge grant us colourful picturesque as we gain knowledge through communication, we see all sides of our Love. It is unlike the Love of our pets, for we are unable to commuicate with them verbally and Love is kept as it is - Love and Simple. Fullstop.
By knowing more about our Love, in turn, OURSELVES - do we think that Love has gone complicated and no longer functioning the way it used to be?
Or are we deluding ourselves, thinking that it is better to Love without knowledge than to earn those colours and strive to bring out those colours to its fullest potential?
We LOVE because we desire to see ourselves in our own portray, drawing our own pictures with glisters and colours... learning the better combination of two separate paints put together... learning WHAT will work and what don't... learning that the Sun isn't painted as black and WHY... and the list goes on forever because we are eternal students of Cupid.
We Love because we want to learn more about ourselves... the angle where the mirror never reveal to us.
It is the knowledge that we seek.
Cheers
I hope I'm not sounding cynical and disillusioned with love, but I think that if an emotion and a feeling for somebody (specially one that is so "deep-seated" as love) can be erased with such considerable ease it must have never existed. A separation between two people in love could be for the silliest of reasons, but if that erodes love from between them, it would be best to think that love never existed or rather never blossomed between the two. Wise men say photographs can loose color, flowers can loose fragrances and even memories can fade, but true love can only grow!
More often than expected, one falls in love with the idea of being in love. Love as glorified by poets draws the common man's inherent curiosity to unimaginable extents. One starts to romanticize the beautiful flowers, the stars, the puppies and practically every thing picturesque, almost becoming an eternal romantic. Candle-lit dinners, ballets, the partner's best friend and a date for the most happening party in town tempt, so much so that one can barely resist falling in love. The congenital insecurity human beings are blessed with, to a certain level suppresses with this feeling of love. Subconsciously or unconsciously, each one of us is in with love, and so looks out for fulfillment of their expectations and dreams and this craving to be pampered by somebody, giving birth to a Shakespearean Orlando deep within their heart.
Now that you are familiar with love for love, ask yourself, whether you are actually in love with the person who you think you love, or just in love with the idea of being in love!
A need for psychological and emotional satisfaction.
Being in Love by itself produce a chemical called PEA that is released by the brain, which the body reacts and showed signs through sweaty palms, increase heart beat, butterfly stomach, etc - all signs of being in love (Especially Love at First Sight or LAFS for short). At the same time, a overall feeling of happiness and contentment is felt as well.
In psychology, we always work to achieve the same positive result as we did previously. Say, if getting 100 marks for spelling earned me praises from my parents, which made me feel good about my ability, esteem and confidence, I would do what it takes to repeat that behaviour, in turn, repeat the same positive experience I would incur.
CloUdiSm states that all relationship moved through a general cycle - although not ALL moved the same directions, but generally, most followed through this system: Honeymoon-growth-stagnant-declining. Some begins from a negative score, going through stagnation before honeymoon, etc. The possibilities are endless, however, it is almost guaranteed, that somewhere within the relationship, one would experience a short/decent frame of time involving Honeymoon period.
This is THE golden age of a relationship - where personality conflicts and problems are working its way to the cracks of the surface, revealing its ugly nature. But before that could take place, we are happily above it, revelling in total blissfulness.
***
Being in Love or with the person?
It depends on ignorant innocence or knowledge.
If we talk about repeating our positive experience, being in Love, gives you an self actualization... the reason of existance. A good relationship keep the body, mind and heart stable, healthy and an overall wellness. If we venture deeper, being in Love fulfilled a portion of what the soul needs - the reunification of your 'other half'. These are the unseen reasons why human continue to seek Love, for there are NO known substitute... a monopolised market.
Love, by itself, is a simple and pure, just like our Love for our pets, while knowledge paints us the colours in our relationship.
And because knowledge grant us colourful picturesque as we gain knowledge through communication, we see all sides of our Love. It is unlike the Love of our pets, for we are unable to commuicate with them verbally and Love is kept as it is - Love and Simple. Fullstop.
By knowing more about our Love, in turn, OURSELVES - do we think that Love has gone complicated and no longer functioning the way it used to be?
Or are we deluding ourselves, thinking that it is better to Love without knowledge than to earn those colours and strive to bring out those colours to its fullest potential?
We LOVE because we desire to see ourselves in our own portray, drawing our own pictures with glisters and colours... learning the better combination of two separate paints put together... learning WHAT will work and what don't... learning that the Sun isn't painted as black and WHY... and the list goes on forever because we are eternal students of Cupid.
We Love because we want to learn more about ourselves... the angle where the mirror never reveal to us.
It is the knowledge that we seek.
Cheers
Saturday, August 20, 2005
中文的一天 （200805)
突然一种怪觉。。。 可能这是读或看了太多东东，脑海里一堆烂质询 。一个人走偏天下，但走的当儿，发现美好风景不常在。有可能是遗失的美好。。。但也不算是遗失吧。人都在成长，思想都在不停的传变。现在寻找的东西，跟往日大不相同。
我有变吗？就算有，也不过如此。
英文说 'Evolving'. I suddenly realise how much I value simplicity unknowingly.
Have you ever thought of the possibility where you never knew the depth of your Love? Like you can never discern how deep the sea is by just looking at it?
I Love HAM! ^_-
Cheers
Chronicles of CloUdiSm
我有变吗？就算有，也不过如此。
英文说 'Evolving'. I suddenly realise how much I value simplicity unknowingly.
Have you ever thought of the possibility where you never knew the depth of your Love? Like you can never discern how deep the sea is by just looking at it?
I Love HAM! ^_-
Cheers
Chronicles of CloUdiSm
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Aunt Agony IV 170805
Originally posted by StarPuppy:
everyone in this world have their rightful "one" for them...even the most ugliest guy will find the right girl for him
but i dunno why i always have this feeling or rather principles...
If a girl likes me,i will reject her...Why? "yi shan bi yi shan gao"(there will always be someone better)
I know people will say everyone is not perfect....why choose me?there is someone better than me....the girl should not just settle for 2nd best...i dunno why i have this kind of thinking...although i wish i want the person to be with me
Cheers
~+StarPuppy+~
It's your psychological and emotional structure.
There are people (i.e. my best friend) who reject better looking people for a more inferior version, because of reasons like 'Not so good looking... so won't zao sai me (or similar kind)' And the best part, personality wise, a version close to what we call a 'bad guy (huai nan ren).
The fact is, they CHOOSE negativity over positivity. In astrology, sometimes, people are just looking for karma to slam right into their face.
This is a complete no linked logic regarding looks and qualities say faithful. What? Better looking people have less character? Or people with seemingly screwed up personality can't find other mates? Crap. If you look a little closer, it is their lower esteem and psychological mindset that are unable to accept things that AS GOOD AS THEY ARE. And in fact, they are very above average people in most aspects. Even though they may NOT be that good, but surely and certainly, they overrated their negativity.
They don't see and feel good about themselves, hovering around inferiority complex, so they feel that can only accept partners with obvious flaws.
Girl should not settle for 2nd best? How you know you are 2nd best?
You eliminated YOURSELF without any conclusion.
There is still a fringing` long way before you will level up. Alot of tuning needed.
Cheers
everyone in this world have their rightful "one" for them...even the most ugliest guy will find the right girl for him
but i dunno why i always have this feeling or rather principles...
If a girl likes me,i will reject her...Why? "yi shan bi yi shan gao"(there will always be someone better)
I know people will say everyone is not perfect....why choose me?there is someone better than me....the girl should not just settle for 2nd best...i dunno why i have this kind of thinking...although i wish i want the person to be with me
Cheers
~+StarPuppy+~
It's your psychological and emotional structure.
There are people (i.e. my best friend) who reject better looking people for a more inferior version, because of reasons like 'Not so good looking... so won't zao sai me (or similar kind)' And the best part, personality wise, a version close to what we call a 'bad guy (huai nan ren).
The fact is, they CHOOSE negativity over positivity. In astrology, sometimes, people are just looking for karma to slam right into their face.
This is a complete no linked logic regarding looks and qualities say faithful. What? Better looking people have less character? Or people with seemingly screwed up personality can't find other mates? Crap. If you look a little closer, it is their lower esteem and psychological mindset that are unable to accept things that AS GOOD AS THEY ARE. And in fact, they are very above average people in most aspects. Even though they may NOT be that good, but surely and certainly, they overrated their negativity.
They don't see and feel good about themselves, hovering around inferiority complex, so they feel that can only accept partners with obvious flaws.
Girl should not settle for 2nd best? How you know you are 2nd best?
You eliminated YOURSELF without any conclusion.
There is still a fringing` long way before you will level up. Alot of tuning needed.
Cheers
Aunt Agony III 170805
Originally posted by Steph84:
Guy 1: u love him more, but he is lazy n aimless... dun feel secure with him at all.... however feel comfortable with him..
Guy 2: have got the bread and is hardworking and more mature..... u like him...
who'd u choose??
You see, it is a problem of choices and slight suitability issues.
Suitability as in deciding which is the best partner... with the best potential... and the least potential problematic kind... prior to an actually relationship.
But if you ONLY have one option, you would probably settle for that one. Even if you may hestitate on Guy 1, but definitely, if he did the 'right' things to woo you, you will probably end up with him.
This is the problem of choices, which goes to question yourself: you sure you definitely have to choose between the two?
Confusion between two guys often signify two things: you don't really know what you are looking for and because you don't know what you are looking for, you stall and wonder. You can ask most of your friend about this and a general group of them would tell you Guy 2 is better... a safer bet.
If you never knew what you are actually looking for in a person, you will always have this problem... the problem of choices.
Cheers
Guy 1: u love him more, but he is lazy n aimless... dun feel secure with him at all.... however feel comfortable with him..
Guy 2: have got the bread and is hardworking and more mature..... u like him...
who'd u choose??
You see, it is a problem of choices and slight suitability issues.
Suitability as in deciding which is the best partner... with the best potential... and the least potential problematic kind... prior to an actually relationship.
But if you ONLY have one option, you would probably settle for that one. Even if you may hestitate on Guy 1, but definitely, if he did the 'right' things to woo you, you will probably end up with him.
This is the problem of choices, which goes to question yourself: you sure you definitely have to choose between the two?
Confusion between two guys often signify two things: you don't really know what you are looking for and because you don't know what you are looking for, you stall and wonder. You can ask most of your friend about this and a general group of them would tell you Guy 2 is better... a safer bet.
If you never knew what you are actually looking for in a person, you will always have this problem... the problem of choices.
Cheers
Aunt Agony II 170805
Originally posted by TidusX:
To anyone whose reading this long problem of mine, whether u got an answer to my problem or not, i really appreciate ur effort. Thank you very very very much...
I'm a poly student and i got to know this girl around end of january. we started off well and got close to each other pretty soon. i could tell that she was intrested in me becoz i asked certain qus and her reply was obvious. there was once she was sick but insisted on going somewhere far for dinner with me... but i did not tell her abt my feelings becoz i wanted to get closer to her and then reveal my feelings. i thought this would ensure i could get her.
However as time passes, she got colder towards me. despite sacrificing alot of time for her and showering her with gifts. her time is spent on her other friends, guys and girls. instead of me. i couldnt take it anymore and i revealed my feelings for her. she then said she knew this was coming and she didnt wanted to be in a relationship. her actions before were very much showing she was intrested in me...
but god knows when she started changing and before i could realise it, she was treating me like a normal friend. she treats her friends very well, so i often got mistaken. but there is the difference in ur actions if u're intrested in someone or u're treating ur friend well. and i could tell that difference.
we arent as good as before but i've always been very dedicated to her and i never asked for her to sacrifice anything back. i just hope she could accept me... but she never did. i used to have academic and sports excellence but its now deterioating... i'm considered an achiever, and my performance now is really a big disaster. i just cannot focus on anything i do... still, my mind is sticking onto her...
i often miss her very much. every moment. the last thing before i sleep i think of her... so is the first thing i thought of when i wake up... i go to sch, listening to class, walking, eating, playing... virtually everything i do, she's in my mind... i've let her know abt how i missed her, but she doesnt have any response to it... she never reveals her feelings for me whether she likes me or not even though i asked her. if she doesnt, why not just tell me and let me give up. if she does, why not let me know and be with me... i used to msg her everyday and when sometimes she msgs me first... but she doesnt now. and i tried not msging her for a week and she doesnt even bother to msg me! she's now with another guy friend and she seems to be in good terms with him...
i'm feeling really bad and i dont know what to do. i've been telling myself to give up on her but i just couldnt do it. i've told myself to go for her one last time, if it doenst work out well, then lets forget it... but everytime it worked out somewhere in the middle. not bad and not good. i just dont know wat to do now... the worst feeling is when u're not very good with her, and not too bad, hanging somewhere in the middle... we used to be very good... but now we're not... someone please tell me what should i do...
She already state that she prefer to be single. She acknowledge your liking for you, but retain silence regarding her feelings.
IMHO, you are treading on very dangerous terrain. Dangerous, not as in life-threatening kind; more like every slight movement would create a chain of reaction. She probably holds some kind of feelings for you, but it isn't strong enough to justify a relationship. There could be some unseen body language or situation that took place and she deemed it as either anti-seductive (minus marks) or unsuitable.
It's great when you have the fighter spirit to try and win the affection of your Love, but knowing your circumstances is critically essential. You can't just fight to win your way out, thinking that if you don't do it now, everything will be gone forever. This is precisely the kind of mindset that sets to deteriorate your relationship with her and tighten the intensity. Isn't it... like now?
If you could hear the stand in her heart, you would hear things like 'Sigh... I already told him that...'
You may not need to give up, but certainly, you need to take step one HUGE step back and retrace your route. To bash up a wall literally is incredibly foolish, thinking that you would break it down and advance forward. Move backwards and do some observation first. It would enlighten your mind because you begin to understand more. Eventually whether you feel you want to respect her decision or not... by then, you should have a rough idea.
Cheers
To anyone whose reading this long problem of mine, whether u got an answer to my problem or not, i really appreciate ur effort. Thank you very very very much...
I'm a poly student and i got to know this girl around end of january. we started off well and got close to each other pretty soon. i could tell that she was intrested in me becoz i asked certain qus and her reply was obvious. there was once she was sick but insisted on going somewhere far for dinner with me... but i did not tell her abt my feelings becoz i wanted to get closer to her and then reveal my feelings. i thought this would ensure i could get her.
However as time passes, she got colder towards me. despite sacrificing alot of time for her and showering her with gifts. her time is spent on her other friends, guys and girls. instead of me. i couldnt take it anymore and i revealed my feelings for her. she then said she knew this was coming and she didnt wanted to be in a relationship. her actions before were very much showing she was intrested in me...
but god knows when she started changing and before i could realise it, she was treating me like a normal friend. she treats her friends very well, so i often got mistaken. but there is the difference in ur actions if u're intrested in someone or u're treating ur friend well. and i could tell that difference.
we arent as good as before but i've always been very dedicated to her and i never asked for her to sacrifice anything back. i just hope she could accept me... but she never did. i used to have academic and sports excellence but its now deterioating... i'm considered an achiever, and my performance now is really a big disaster. i just cannot focus on anything i do... still, my mind is sticking onto her...
i often miss her very much. every moment. the last thing before i sleep i think of her... so is the first thing i thought of when i wake up... i go to sch, listening to class, walking, eating, playing... virtually everything i do, she's in my mind... i've let her know abt how i missed her, but she doesnt have any response to it... she never reveals her feelings for me whether she likes me or not even though i asked her. if she doesnt, why not just tell me and let me give up. if she does, why not let me know and be with me... i used to msg her everyday and when sometimes she msgs me first... but she doesnt now. and i tried not msging her for a week and she doesnt even bother to msg me! she's now with another guy friend and she seems to be in good terms with him...
i'm feeling really bad and i dont know what to do. i've been telling myself to give up on her but i just couldnt do it. i've told myself to go for her one last time, if it doenst work out well, then lets forget it... but everytime it worked out somewhere in the middle. not bad and not good. i just dont know wat to do now... the worst feeling is when u're not very good with her, and not too bad, hanging somewhere in the middle... we used to be very good... but now we're not... someone please tell me what should i do...
She already state that she prefer to be single. She acknowledge your liking for you, but retain silence regarding her feelings.
IMHO, you are treading on very dangerous terrain. Dangerous, not as in life-threatening kind; more like every slight movement would create a chain of reaction. She probably holds some kind of feelings for you, but it isn't strong enough to justify a relationship. There could be some unseen body language or situation that took place and she deemed it as either anti-seductive (minus marks) or unsuitable.
It's great when you have the fighter spirit to try and win the affection of your Love, but knowing your circumstances is critically essential. You can't just fight to win your way out, thinking that if you don't do it now, everything will be gone forever. This is precisely the kind of mindset that sets to deteriorate your relationship with her and tighten the intensity. Isn't it... like now?
If you could hear the stand in her heart, you would hear things like 'Sigh... I already told him that...'
You may not need to give up, but certainly, you need to take step one HUGE step back and retrace your route. To bash up a wall literally is incredibly foolish, thinking that you would break it down and advance forward. Move backwards and do some observation first. It would enlighten your mind because you begin to understand more. Eventually whether you feel you want to respect her decision or not... by then, you should have a rough idea.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 170805
Originally posted by rammstein619:
If you have following up on my previous post , you all should know what's going on in my life.
Okay here's a new problem....
About a 3-4 weeks ago , I was helping out with some logistics work as an active volunteer at an event organised by one of the CDCs at East Coast Park. Basically I was suppose to pack food for the participants at the event and as I was in the midst of packing those foodstuffs , I so happened to turn to my right....
I saw this girl who looked exactly like my ex. Hell she looked EXACTLY like my ex. Obviously I freaked out at first because I thought it was really my ex but then upon looking closer , she wasn't.
Then during National Day , I was at one of those heartland celebration event with my buddies. Basically all of us are volunteers and as such , we volunteer our services to the CDC when the need arises. Yup , I saw her again. Apparently she belongs to another group of volunteers but still under the CDC as well. My group of volunteers and her's are kinda "closed knitted". I finally decided to tell this to my friends.
ME : Eh you know got one girl in your group of volunteer that looks exactly like my ex?
Friend : Who?
ME : Don't know lah....but she looks exactly like her. You just substitute my ex's spectacles with those black frame ones and you get her!!!!
Friend : Which girl?
The entire thing goes on and on , constant teasing by my friends and me defending myself blar blar blar....
:arrow: I just wanna know , how would you justify true love between a couple when one of them looks EXACTLY like the other half's ex?
If you say there is true love involved , then I can also argue that you're just taking advantage of the fact she looks EXACTLY like your ex girlfriend and as such , you're just using her as a substitute. Since she looks EXACTLY like your ex , you will most probably use her to satisfy yourself emotionally....
This may sound a bit weird but nonetheless things like these do happen sometimes....
Cheers
You are entirely right.
The 'double impact' is a way to fill emotional gaps ESPECIALLY when your partner ended the relationship, with you refusing and resisting it. Substitute is probably a better word; because she is so alike, you will end up looking at her while retaining the experience/perception you have with your ex UNTIL say you get to know the real her.
Still, when you question yourself, you usually have no answer. BUT definitely, these are the style/kind of girls you would fall for, so that is probably a reason by itself.
The only way to know your answer... is when you have enter into a relationship with her and with time assistance, all will be clear. But are you going to 'use' this to answer your own doubts? Kinda evil if you were to ask me... but well... I always see my friend's ex and current partner, somehow, they give me similar feel (there are exception obviously). They are not always similar in looks, but the feel is very close.
P.S: I recalled an old CloUdiSm love law: If we always do what we always do, we always get who we always get.
Cheers
If you have following up on my previous post , you all should know what's going on in my life.
Okay here's a new problem....
About a 3-4 weeks ago , I was helping out with some logistics work as an active volunteer at an event organised by one of the CDCs at East Coast Park. Basically I was suppose to pack food for the participants at the event and as I was in the midst of packing those foodstuffs , I so happened to turn to my right....
I saw this girl who looked exactly like my ex. Hell she looked EXACTLY like my ex. Obviously I freaked out at first because I thought it was really my ex but then upon looking closer , she wasn't.
Then during National Day , I was at one of those heartland celebration event with my buddies. Basically all of us are volunteers and as such , we volunteer our services to the CDC when the need arises. Yup , I saw her again. Apparently she belongs to another group of volunteers but still under the CDC as well. My group of volunteers and her's are kinda "closed knitted". I finally decided to tell this to my friends.
ME : Eh you know got one girl in your group of volunteer that looks exactly like my ex?
Friend : Who?
ME : Don't know lah....but she looks exactly like her. You just substitute my ex's spectacles with those black frame ones and you get her!!!!
Friend : Which girl?
The entire thing goes on and on , constant teasing by my friends and me defending myself blar blar blar....
:arrow: I just wanna know , how would you justify true love between a couple when one of them looks EXACTLY like the other half's ex?
If you say there is true love involved , then I can also argue that you're just taking advantage of the fact she looks EXACTLY like your ex girlfriend and as such , you're just using her as a substitute. Since she looks EXACTLY like your ex , you will most probably use her to satisfy yourself emotionally....
This may sound a bit weird but nonetheless things like these do happen sometimes....
Cheers
You are entirely right.
The 'double impact' is a way to fill emotional gaps ESPECIALLY when your partner ended the relationship, with you refusing and resisting it. Substitute is probably a better word; because she is so alike, you will end up looking at her while retaining the experience/perception you have with your ex UNTIL say you get to know the real her.
Still, when you question yourself, you usually have no answer. BUT definitely, these are the style/kind of girls you would fall for, so that is probably a reason by itself.
The only way to know your answer... is when you have enter into a relationship with her and with time assistance, all will be clear. But are you going to 'use' this to answer your own doubts? Kinda evil if you were to ask me... but well... I always see my friend's ex and current partner, somehow, they give me similar feel (there are exception obviously). They are not always similar in looks, but the feel is very close.
P.S: I recalled an old CloUdiSm love law: If we always do what we always do, we always get who we always get.
Cheers
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Aunt Agony IV 160805
Originally posted by MidiLand:
Hey there, my gf's ex called her EVERYDAY! and when she doesn't pick up his call, he will question WHY! and my gf is kinda scared of him.. i juz feel that he is so rude to her, EVEN me myself can't bear myself to do tat! And sometimes he will go to her place, and put smth on her table ( coz her windows is nv lock but gt grill la..) Been keeping quiet bout it but the more i keep quiet, the miserable i tend to be.. any suggestion for me?
Why must your gf respond to him?
He probably in state of denial; thinking that he still have hopes with her.
And because she responded to him, be it negative/positive, he took it as a respond, which means he probably have a slight chance to get back to her.
This guy is probably a little extreme: I have three unorthodox levels, increasing in intensity.
I) Let her have one final talk with him. Let them settle this themselves. She has to let him know that they are OVER and it's IMPOSSIBLE for them to be together because she NO LONGER loves him. There will probably be strong resistance and conflicts, therefore it is advisable to meet in the day instead of night. She make her ideas known to him, and tells him that if she feels harassed again, byebye - level two is activated. (This is positive)
II) Complete ignore. No respond of ANY kind, even if he threaten suicide. He place his gift, it is left at where it is. Tell all your family and whoever, that nobody is suppose to touch that thingy and instruct to leave it where it is. This should settle it, if not... (This is neutral)
III) Extreme. Maintain level two, just that she become extreme and seek ways to destroy that ego of his. Smash his present outside the house and leave it that way. Still avoid contact and if circumstances is such that she has to speak, employ strong body and verbal language to fight her way through. (This is negative)
You should also give her some time to get through this mini drama. Don't pressure her to solve everything; the issue here is WORK TOGETHER to end this drama. She is probably trying to do her own method, but if it doesn't work, it is time to come together and find some solution mutually
Cheers
Hey there, my gf's ex called her EVERYDAY! and when she doesn't pick up his call, he will question WHY! and my gf is kinda scared of him.. i juz feel that he is so rude to her, EVEN me myself can't bear myself to do tat! And sometimes he will go to her place, and put smth on her table ( coz her windows is nv lock but gt grill la..) Been keeping quiet bout it but the more i keep quiet, the miserable i tend to be.. any suggestion for me?
Why must your gf respond to him?
He probably in state of denial; thinking that he still have hopes with her.
And because she responded to him, be it negative/positive, he took it as a respond, which means he probably have a slight chance to get back to her.
This guy is probably a little extreme: I have three unorthodox levels, increasing in intensity.
I) Let her have one final talk with him. Let them settle this themselves. She has to let him know that they are OVER and it's IMPOSSIBLE for them to be together because she NO LONGER loves him. There will probably be strong resistance and conflicts, therefore it is advisable to meet in the day instead of night. She make her ideas known to him, and tells him that if she feels harassed again, byebye - level two is activated. (This is positive)
II) Complete ignore. No respond of ANY kind, even if he threaten suicide. He place his gift, it is left at where it is. Tell all your family and whoever, that nobody is suppose to touch that thingy and instruct to leave it where it is. This should settle it, if not... (This is neutral)
III) Extreme. Maintain level two, just that she become extreme and seek ways to destroy that ego of his. Smash his present outside the house and leave it that way. Still avoid contact and if circumstances is such that she has to speak, employ strong body and verbal language to fight her way through. (This is negative)
You should also give her some time to get through this mini drama. Don't pressure her to solve everything; the issue here is WORK TOGETHER to end this drama. She is probably trying to do her own method, but if it doesn't work, it is time to come together and find some solution mutually
Cheers
Aunt Agony III 160805
Originally posted by Delta 5:
Jus thought I would tell you guys my situation...
I am 21 yrs of age and even though I have the freedom to go out and be with my friends, I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DATE ANYONE... :? Luckily I have not really met someone that I really like, only the occasional crush but I feel this sucks big time... wat to do my parents threaten to cut funding for my University if they noe I am dating Me giving tuition jus enough to cover expenses, not school fees... Yup once I went to catch a movie with my good friend (jus like a sister to me) and who else should I see while sending her home but my parents! They were not too happy and grilled me continuously when I went home. Seems like they only approve of me having guy friends and one-on-one outings with gals is a big no-no... But I know better than to argue or quarrel with them as my studies depend on their funding(actually I readily fight for my rights in other issues)... Just feel so controlled; like a caged bird... :(
Anyone faces a similar situation here?
Seriously, nobody can stop you from falling in love, even your parents. If you do fall in love and a potential relationship could have blossom, you parents can't stop you.
Over this 21 years, you have breed a rather unhealthy way of love development. This forceful attempt to dismember your connection with the female counterparts will probably affect you one way or another. You have VERY strong parental influence and this can be for ill.
Please note that your parents will always see you like their little baby, regardless of how old you are. You don't have to rebel openly, but you must communicate and the trust factor must be spoken as part of your communication topic. Your parents have to know this - it DOESN'T mean that when they release the chain on you, you will immediately (either one/more of the following):
I) Date girls (macham zombie see human)
II) Have a girlfriend within weeks (macham zombie attack human)
III) Have engage in sex and make a girl pregnant (macham zombie 'makan' human)
The release of bondage is merely the passport to self actualization, where you can begin from there, BUT it DOESN'T MEAN something has happen and you want to passport for approval. The trust factor is very important; you need to be very firm on saying that you have GROWN up and it's time for you to make decision for YOUR life.
Ensure them this is not a sign of rebellious nature, rather to call for greater trust between parents and child. You got to be firm in this, or they will see that you are uncertain and will strengthen their beliefs (whatever it may be).
P.S: Likely, position and aspects of Saturn, Moon, I.C and M.C very powerful and prominent. Your parents reminded me of PAP - think money can solve everything... zzz.
Cheers
Jus thought I would tell you guys my situation...
I am 21 yrs of age and even though I have the freedom to go out and be with my friends, I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DATE ANYONE... :? Luckily I have not really met someone that I really like, only the occasional crush but I feel this sucks big time... wat to do my parents threaten to cut funding for my University if they noe I am dating Me giving tuition jus enough to cover expenses, not school fees... Yup once I went to catch a movie with my good friend (jus like a sister to me) and who else should I see while sending her home but my parents! They were not too happy and grilled me continuously when I went home. Seems like they only approve of me having guy friends and one-on-one outings with gals is a big no-no... But I know better than to argue or quarrel with them as my studies depend on their funding(actually I readily fight for my rights in other issues)... Just feel so controlled; like a caged bird... :(
Anyone faces a similar situation here?
Seriously, nobody can stop you from falling in love, even your parents. If you do fall in love and a potential relationship could have blossom, you parents can't stop you.
Over this 21 years, you have breed a rather unhealthy way of love development. This forceful attempt to dismember your connection with the female counterparts will probably affect you one way or another. You have VERY strong parental influence and this can be for ill.
Please note that your parents will always see you like their little baby, regardless of how old you are. You don't have to rebel openly, but you must communicate and the trust factor must be spoken as part of your communication topic. Your parents have to know this - it DOESN'T mean that when they release the chain on you, you will immediately (either one/more of the following):
I) Date girls (macham zombie see human)
II) Have a girlfriend within weeks (macham zombie attack human)
III) Have engage in sex and make a girl pregnant (macham zombie 'makan' human)
The release of bondage is merely the passport to self actualization, where you can begin from there, BUT it DOESN'T MEAN something has happen and you want to passport for approval. The trust factor is very important; you need to be very firm on saying that you have GROWN up and it's time for you to make decision for YOUR life.
Ensure them this is not a sign of rebellious nature, rather to call for greater trust between parents and child. You got to be firm in this, or they will see that you are uncertain and will strengthen their beliefs (whatever it may be).
P.S: Likely, position and aspects of Saturn, Moon, I.C and M.C very powerful and prominent. Your parents reminded me of PAP - think money can solve everything... zzz.
Cheers
Aunt Agony II 160805
Originally posted by Kimosabe:
See, I have this boyfriend, he's fantastic. He cares for me and we've been going out now for about ten months plus. Here's the crappy part, which might actually be my fault from the very beginning.
I was at his desktop, and I saw the ICQ conversations they had. Rather explicit. But hey its ok, i mean they were attached at that time. Her pictures at the chalet and other things about them were still there. Also, her stuff toys were displayed in his car. In the boot now, but still there.
Here's the thing --- I don't doubt his love, but it seems that everywhere I look, I always see 'her'...you understand? Like, our anniversary is on the same date, which I think regarding that part I've talked his ears off. He's gotten a little grumpy about me bringing her up all the time. But nothing's been done.
I want him to do what HE wants to do about it, he says he's too lazy to recall what's from her and what's not from her, and asked me why am I the kind of girl that wants him to curse her to death and burn everything. I don't....I just want something we both share.
I don't know...this may just be some stupid issue...he says he doesn't see it as an issue and when I try to talk it out he just keeps quiet and looks at me or plays with something else...what is actually going through his head? I need a guy's point of view, and a solution real quick, before I really unknowingly ruin the relationship.
I was so stupidly affected that I even wrote a song for him...here :
Does she hold you the way I do, Does she whisper sincere 'I Love You's',
Does she listen to everything and respect what you say;
Does she smile the way I do, Does she give you what you need,
Does she see what others don't see in you;
If the answer is 'yes', Then my dear I must confess,
That my heart is silently breaking in two;
But despite all that I fear, I'm still happy when you're near,
You should know by now that all I need is you;
(**) I only hope that I will never make you cry, I only wish that I could be that good and special like how she was, But I guess in time my love will show its truth, For I give it all, everyday, Anytime and anyway; That's all I can do, give it all to you;(**)
Does she brush your hair aside, just to look into your eyes;
Does she kiss you on the cheek the way I do;
Does she swallow her pride, Does she hold you justified,
Does she play those silly games you like with you;
Does she really trest you right, Doe she yearn everyday to hold you tight,
Does she cry and out of everyone, she only runs to you?
Ok, cheesy....but help...
Seeing is believing.
Regardless of how rational one might be, a visual contact with something unpleasant, will force your conscious mind to push the undesired message into the subconscious mind, as part of a defensive mind. The heart doesn't have a 'subconscious' version of it, thus you don't feel well inside whenever such things appear in front of you.
It is NOT that you don't trust - but every thingy that signified his ex-gf, question your trust - as if poking it with a needle. You won't bleed from it, but you feel so uncomfortable, shuffle and shift away. It would be perfectly fine IF the visual contact wasn't frequent, but if it is as frequent as everytime you go out with him/go to his house, something about her pops up and reminds you/him of her, I can feel your helplessness, with your mind trying to convince yourself of the trust in the relationship and your heart frowning with sadness.
***
You can help yourself by equipping with a more positive and mature mindset, by keeping a broader prespective outlook. Sometimes, a guy doesn't bother with such details because everything is but black and white to him. If he loves you, he is with you; anything that represent a hidden message is ignored because the message ain't picked up by him (photo, etc). Realise that he has chosen to be with you - this is what that matters. He made the choice to begin the relationship... with you.
Secondly, he can HELP you, by keeping all this items that could affect you... somewhere private. He doesn't have to throw away (and if you demand so, a quarrel is very likely), but at least RESPECT you enough to put it away from view. He is entitled his own memories of his past relationship, so you RESPECT him for that.
Compromise mutually and don't habour too much on the SELF component.
Cheers
See, I have this boyfriend, he's fantastic. He cares for me and we've been going out now for about ten months plus. Here's the crappy part, which might actually be my fault from the very beginning.
I was at his desktop, and I saw the ICQ conversations they had. Rather explicit. But hey its ok, i mean they were attached at that time. Her pictures at the chalet and other things about them were still there. Also, her stuff toys were displayed in his car. In the boot now, but still there.
Here's the thing --- I don't doubt his love, but it seems that everywhere I look, I always see 'her'...you understand? Like, our anniversary is on the same date, which I think regarding that part I've talked his ears off. He's gotten a little grumpy about me bringing her up all the time. But nothing's been done.
I want him to do what HE wants to do about it, he says he's too lazy to recall what's from her and what's not from her, and asked me why am I the kind of girl that wants him to curse her to death and burn everything. I don't....I just want something we both share.
I don't know...this may just be some stupid issue...he says he doesn't see it as an issue and when I try to talk it out he just keeps quiet and looks at me or plays with something else...what is actually going through his head? I need a guy's point of view, and a solution real quick, before I really unknowingly ruin the relationship.
I was so stupidly affected that I even wrote a song for him...here :
Does she hold you the way I do, Does she whisper sincere 'I Love You's',
Does she listen to everything and respect what you say;
Does she smile the way I do, Does she give you what you need,
Does she see what others don't see in you;
If the answer is 'yes', Then my dear I must confess,
That my heart is silently breaking in two;
But despite all that I fear, I'm still happy when you're near,
You should know by now that all I need is you;
(**) I only hope that I will never make you cry, I only wish that I could be that good and special like how she was, But I guess in time my love will show its truth, For I give it all, everyday, Anytime and anyway; That's all I can do, give it all to you;(**)
Does she brush your hair aside, just to look into your eyes;
Does she kiss you on the cheek the way I do;
Does she swallow her pride, Does she hold you justified,
Does she play those silly games you like with you;
Does she really trest you right, Doe she yearn everyday to hold you tight,
Does she cry and out of everyone, she only runs to you?
Ok, cheesy....but help...
Seeing is believing.
Regardless of how rational one might be, a visual contact with something unpleasant, will force your conscious mind to push the undesired message into the subconscious mind, as part of a defensive mind. The heart doesn't have a 'subconscious' version of it, thus you don't feel well inside whenever such things appear in front of you.
It is NOT that you don't trust - but every thingy that signified his ex-gf, question your trust - as if poking it with a needle. You won't bleed from it, but you feel so uncomfortable, shuffle and shift away. It would be perfectly fine IF the visual contact wasn't frequent, but if it is as frequent as everytime you go out with him/go to his house, something about her pops up and reminds you/him of her, I can feel your helplessness, with your mind trying to convince yourself of the trust in the relationship and your heart frowning with sadness.
***
You can help yourself by equipping with a more positive and mature mindset, by keeping a broader prespective outlook. Sometimes, a guy doesn't bother with such details because everything is but black and white to him. If he loves you, he is with you; anything that represent a hidden message is ignored because the message ain't picked up by him (photo, etc). Realise that he has chosen to be with you - this is what that matters. He made the choice to begin the relationship... with you.
Secondly, he can HELP you, by keeping all this items that could affect you... somewhere private. He doesn't have to throw away (and if you demand so, a quarrel is very likely), but at least RESPECT you enough to put it away from view. He is entitled his own memories of his past relationship, so you RESPECT him for that.
Compromise mutually and don't habour too much on the SELF component.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 160805
Originally posted by milktea:
Hi.....im posting here in the hope that i would be able to get some useful advice.
I have a close friend whom i have known for nearly 3 yrs. He confessed to me 2 yrs ago that he did like me alot and hope that things btw us can progress beyond merely friendship. I was surprised at that time and i reacted by pretending that nothing ever happened and tried to avoid him for a few months....hoping that his feelings would change thru time.
However....a few months back, i sort of had this nagging feeling that he stil had some feelings for me as he kept asking me out and wanted to spend his bday alone with me. And he started giving me gifts with very obvious meanings....but the thing is ....i dun feel anything for him at all even after all these yrs. I have tried dropping obvious hints such as asking him to go get a gf, refusing to spend valentines with him etc but he juz doesnt seem to get it....hence recently.....i have become very mean to him on purpose, doin things that i dun even do to ppl that i dun like.....now i feel so guilty cos he seemed to be rather hurt by wat i said and what i did.....
i really hope that he doesnt waste any more time on me........how do i bring across my point and not risk hurting him or losing him as my fren? pls advise... :(
UNDERSTAND that 'hurting him' is NOT your choice... It's HIS CHOICE.
You CAN'T stop him from loving you.
You CAN'T stop him from doing things to try and win you over (annoyed you as a result).
You CAN'T do anything to change his initial reason of liking.
Because it is his choice, when you have already did what you could to reject him, then just leave it. You don't have to ignore him purposely, when you can be VERY disinterested, with the exception of avoiding any virtual reply (i.e. SMS, MSN, etc). Reply with a one liner if circumstances is such that you have to speak, strong disinterested body language and such.
No man would have the endurance to withstand complete disinterest before they surrender. You must realise that it shouldn't bother you at all BECAUSE you don't like him and so whatever he wants to do, it's his business. The factors is such that you can't change them, so avoid thinking that because he can't move on from you, you are implicated into this as well. It isn't so unless you think that it will.
Cheers
Hi.....im posting here in the hope that i would be able to get some useful advice.
I have a close friend whom i have known for nearly 3 yrs. He confessed to me 2 yrs ago that he did like me alot and hope that things btw us can progress beyond merely friendship. I was surprised at that time and i reacted by pretending that nothing ever happened and tried to avoid him for a few months....hoping that his feelings would change thru time.
However....a few months back, i sort of had this nagging feeling that he stil had some feelings for me as he kept asking me out and wanted to spend his bday alone with me. And he started giving me gifts with very obvious meanings....but the thing is ....i dun feel anything for him at all even after all these yrs. I have tried dropping obvious hints such as asking him to go get a gf, refusing to spend valentines with him etc but he juz doesnt seem to get it....hence recently.....i have become very mean to him on purpose, doin things that i dun even do to ppl that i dun like.....now i feel so guilty cos he seemed to be rather hurt by wat i said and what i did.....
i really hope that he doesnt waste any more time on me........how do i bring across my point and not risk hurting him or losing him as my fren? pls advise... :(
UNDERSTAND that 'hurting him' is NOT your choice... It's HIS CHOICE.
You CAN'T stop him from loving you.
You CAN'T stop him from doing things to try and win you over (annoyed you as a result).
You CAN'T do anything to change his initial reason of liking.
Because it is his choice, when you have already did what you could to reject him, then just leave it. You don't have to ignore him purposely, when you can be VERY disinterested, with the exception of avoiding any virtual reply (i.e. SMS, MSN, etc). Reply with a one liner if circumstances is such that you have to speak, strong disinterested body language and such.
No man would have the endurance to withstand complete disinterest before they surrender. You must realise that it shouldn't bother you at all BECAUSE you don't like him and so whatever he wants to do, it's his business. The factors is such that you can't change them, so avoid thinking that because he can't move on from you, you are implicated into this as well. It isn't so unless you think that it will.
Cheers
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Aunt Agony 140805
Originally posted by sweetevil:
Is a guy who uses verbal abuse on his gf, worth holding on? Many times, i have been verbally abused whenever we argued with each other even over the slightest things. We quarrel almost anything under the sun and moon. I am sick and tired of the way he treats me when he loses his temper not because its my fault, you know it takes 2 hands to clap, but sometimes he gets really over sensitive and just simply never learned to close one eye on puny matters. He always thinks he is in the right even though he is really in the wrong. I am really sick and tired to have to keep forgiving him and is it true that promises are meant to be broken? Just because I can everytime stomach every mean things he said to me, that he can take it for granted? We've been together for almost 5years and I'm his first girlfriend.
After the argument, often he would apologized and always giving me 'broken' promises that he will not use vulgarities on me anymore. Time and time again, I would just forgive him since because I still love him. People tend to change over the years, either for the better or for the worse. His attitude changed for the worse, definitely and if you asked me if I am still happy with this relationship, I'll say a Yes and a No. He still does shower me with love and care and i do feel pampered. He often talked to me about our future and what he wants the best for us. He impressed me with his matured and future insights. Now, looking back I am so worried and a little afraid to spend my life with him because I do not want my husband to talk to me that way. It is really hard to change a leopard's spot, right? If he can treat me like this now, what would be the future? His temper and attitude is getting out of hand, but I can say that I am numbed already because I used to cry so much and even resort to using pen knife to inflict the pain on body.. but not anymore now.. coz i know It's not worth it.
My friends used to tell me he is not good enough for me in terms of looks. But why should I care? I love him for who he is and not what he is. He does has his own good points like always putting himself into other's shoes, sensitive(but too much can really kill me), and he is filial to his parents(family orientated, husband type of material) and etc, which i see most young guys nowadays lack in these qualities. If a guy really loves his gf, he shouldn't even be using vulgarities in the first place right? When my guy friends tell me that I should let go of this relationship and wait for someone better, someone who treasures me more. Because if he treats me this way, that means he is not afraid to lose me right? But on the other hand, he is so protective yet loving, he doesnt likes guys to stare at me. Whenever other guys are looking at me, he will give stare back at them and give the "DONT-FCUKING-STARE-AT-MY-GF" attitude, which can be quite undesirable especially in the public and we will end up quarrelling because of 'they staring at me and because I wear too revealing clothes which I don't think it is all that revealing. I will be so embarrased and sad.: He's serving the nation now and next year would be his last year. My friends told me that if he is still in the army he should even treasure me more? I think any other normal girlfriends will not stand his boyfriend mistreating her right? Moreover, he is doing national service now. I do have guy friends who like me, but I know my limits. He is not romantic i dont mind but I prefer my boyfriend to be romantic. I dont know what I want : Perhaps, I should be contented with what I have.
Can you guys tell me what is true love? To me, true love is also about accepting your partner's flaws, but he sees it otherwise. He thinks that if you love him/her, you should try to change yourself for the better. Well, thats true. I did try my best to change for the better. I hate it so much when he keep asking me to change my attitude when we quarrel. I mean who doesnt gets furious and sarcastic with his remarks when one is angry? I admit when i get really angry, I would be really sarcastic but more often that not I will try not to argue with him and stomach his temper towards me
Please give me some advice on what I should do or should not do. It will be greatly appreciated.
It seemed that you are perfectly fine with him EXCEPT his excessive usage of profanity during arguments and wounded you verbally. Plus a tint of possessiveness to spice things up a little.
He is probably the kind of guys who doesn't knows how to win a verbal conflict through other means, thus his dependence on strong vulgarities to:
I) Enhance strength through words
II) Psychologically 'win' you over through power.
***
Knowing the reasons why isn't sufficient, here, you are facing a man who is oblivious to his fault, or at least, doesn't think that it is really affecting his relationship. Because he doesn't feel threaten in a way, there is no need for him to make improvement and he expects you to suit to him (even to accept him for who he is... is basically a mindset change to suit him isn't it?).
This is usually very common behaviour in any first relationship. For you who have been through three relationship, your experience and everything else probably tells you that 'Hey, this guy may have this fault, but by comparing all three, he is so much better.' while your guy is merely 'this is WHAT I feel...'
Too self absorbed for his own good.
***
You are afraid to move on; not exactly because of the relationship, but rather, you fear that you may make a wrong decision to leave him.
He has to know that what he is doing is degenerating the relationship. If this message is send across firmly, fear will set him to evolve. I am a firm believer of negative-positive; only when one is about to lose something before he would do anything to secure it.
By then, it may mean nothing to you and may have decide to leave the relationship. Your decision will definitely surface by then.
Cheers
Is a guy who uses verbal abuse on his gf, worth holding on? Many times, i have been verbally abused whenever we argued with each other even over the slightest things. We quarrel almost anything under the sun and moon. I am sick and tired of the way he treats me when he loses his temper not because its my fault, you know it takes 2 hands to clap, but sometimes he gets really over sensitive and just simply never learned to close one eye on puny matters. He always thinks he is in the right even though he is really in the wrong. I am really sick and tired to have to keep forgiving him and is it true that promises are meant to be broken? Just because I can everytime stomach every mean things he said to me, that he can take it for granted? We've been together for almost 5years and I'm his first girlfriend.
After the argument, often he would apologized and always giving me 'broken' promises that he will not use vulgarities on me anymore. Time and time again, I would just forgive him since because I still love him. People tend to change over the years, either for the better or for the worse. His attitude changed for the worse, definitely and if you asked me if I am still happy with this relationship, I'll say a Yes and a No. He still does shower me with love and care and i do feel pampered. He often talked to me about our future and what he wants the best for us. He impressed me with his matured and future insights. Now, looking back I am so worried and a little afraid to spend my life with him because I do not want my husband to talk to me that way. It is really hard to change a leopard's spot, right? If he can treat me like this now, what would be the future? His temper and attitude is getting out of hand, but I can say that I am numbed already because I used to cry so much and even resort to using pen knife to inflict the pain on body.. but not anymore now.. coz i know It's not worth it.
My friends used to tell me he is not good enough for me in terms of looks. But why should I care? I love him for who he is and not what he is. He does has his own good points like always putting himself into other's shoes, sensitive(but too much can really kill me), and he is filial to his parents(family orientated, husband type of material) and etc, which i see most young guys nowadays lack in these qualities. If a guy really loves his gf, he shouldn't even be using vulgarities in the first place right? When my guy friends tell me that I should let go of this relationship and wait for someone better, someone who treasures me more. Because if he treats me this way, that means he is not afraid to lose me right? But on the other hand, he is so protective yet loving, he doesnt likes guys to stare at me. Whenever other guys are looking at me, he will give stare back at them and give the "DONT-FCUKING-STARE-AT-MY-GF" attitude, which can be quite undesirable especially in the public and we will end up quarrelling because of 'they staring at me and because I wear too revealing clothes which I don't think it is all that revealing. I will be so embarrased and sad.: He's serving the nation now and next year would be his last year. My friends told me that if he is still in the army he should even treasure me more? I think any other normal girlfriends will not stand his boyfriend mistreating her right? Moreover, he is doing national service now. I do have guy friends who like me, but I know my limits. He is not romantic i dont mind but I prefer my boyfriend to be romantic. I dont know what I want : Perhaps, I should be contented with what I have.
Can you guys tell me what is true love? To me, true love is also about accepting your partner's flaws, but he sees it otherwise. He thinks that if you love him/her, you should try to change yourself for the better. Well, thats true. I did try my best to change for the better. I hate it so much when he keep asking me to change my attitude when we quarrel. I mean who doesnt gets furious and sarcastic with his remarks when one is angry? I admit when i get really angry, I would be really sarcastic but more often that not I will try not to argue with him and stomach his temper towards me
Please give me some advice on what I should do or should not do. It will be greatly appreciated.
It seemed that you are perfectly fine with him EXCEPT his excessive usage of profanity during arguments and wounded you verbally. Plus a tint of possessiveness to spice things up a little.
He is probably the kind of guys who doesn't knows how to win a verbal conflict through other means, thus his dependence on strong vulgarities to:
I) Enhance strength through words
II) Psychologically 'win' you over through power.
***
Knowing the reasons why isn't sufficient, here, you are facing a man who is oblivious to his fault, or at least, doesn't think that it is really affecting his relationship. Because he doesn't feel threaten in a way, there is no need for him to make improvement and he expects you to suit to him (even to accept him for who he is... is basically a mindset change to suit him isn't it?).
This is usually very common behaviour in any first relationship. For you who have been through three relationship, your experience and everything else probably tells you that 'Hey, this guy may have this fault, but by comparing all three, he is so much better.' while your guy is merely 'this is WHAT I feel...'
Too self absorbed for his own good.
***
You are afraid to move on; not exactly because of the relationship, but rather, you fear that you may make a wrong decision to leave him.
He has to know that what he is doing is degenerating the relationship. If this message is send across firmly, fear will set him to evolve. I am a firm believer of negative-positive; only when one is about to lose something before he would do anything to secure it.
By then, it may mean nothing to you and may have decide to leave the relationship. Your decision will definitely surface by then.
Cheers
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Aunt Agony II 130805
Originally posted by pleaz:
hi all.. been spectating here for awhile and seen that some people give really good advice, so i'm trying my luck here.
been really frustrated these days, actually months.. but i don't show it. deep down inside i feel like talking to someone, but i have no one that trustworthy to turn to.
here goes:
we have been going out together for about 8 months already, and she was my first although i've known about her ex since we got together. At first, I couldn't accept it, as he was so much older than she or i was.. and I can't help getting the feeling that he got into it just to use her for it. She claimed that they went out for almost 3 years. Are all men like that? 10 years difference to me is alot, probably because of my conservative up-bringing.. but this kinda stuff really sickens me.. no offence but it seems that way to me..
I thought that i would get through it and accept it. I know, as what most of you would say: If you love her, then you would accept her for who she is. I've tried to, but sometimes it comes back to irk and bother me. so much so, that I know that I'm starting to drift away from her. I really do love her, and i want to feel the same way as before when we first went out.
Problem is, recently he contacted her. I had this burning urge to @%#$ him, but she said just leave him alone. Actually, since the day she mentioned about him, I had wanted to get him, to seek 'revenge' for hurting her so badly.. and coming in-between our relationship. Although I do not know him at all, and he is much older than I am.
Why i say he is coming in between us, is that sometimes.. some actions that i do 'remind her of him', and that gets her all depressed and sensitive.
At first it was worse, she didn't dare to trust me. She was afraid that i'd do the same to her. Sometimes when we get intimate, i can sense that she is still affected and hurt by him... and she does not give her all
i really don't know much about her past, as i do not dare question far for i fear of hurting her again. I know that she regrets it badly. She said that she made that choice, and that now she's paying for it. It pains me to see her in such misery.. I wished i could do something... something for the both of us. I really want to go furthur with her.
I know that it's alittle messy.. that's the state of my mind, but i hope you get the picture. so my question is: How do i get over this? I feel that the only way is to confront him and give him a piece of my mind, but i know that's almost impossible. I want him out of the picture forever. I wish that memories can be erased, the past can be forgotten.
thanks for reading.
You are so hasty... in trying to get her to move on. As a result, you are getting hurt along the way; she is already hurt. She is trying customise to her new circumstance, trying to leave her shadow and walk where the light leads her, while you, being overly affected by her past, subconsciously draw her back because you focus too much onto looking what's behind the relationship and not demonstrate all the goodness that lies in front of your potential love.
Your anger is probably due to lack of exposure in the vast nature of Love relationship. Conversative... or green and unexposed? Afterall, she is your first relationship - alot of emotional message are coming in everyday akin to the junk mail we get. You are beginning to explore, in deeper meaning, the essence of what love brings. You realise that in Love, that are alot of things we can't just do that logical way we would like things to be. (When we are hungry... we eat... when we are tired... we sleep).
Tell me how is that going to change for the better when you confront the man and probably give him a good trashing?
Anger is a retaliation from the injustice felt by you - not exactly something about her and actually, you don't understand her position very well. She WANTS to get on with life, achieve happiness from her new relationship and not over her mundane past. She needs alot of time to nurse her wounds - this is no doubt. Every wound needs a healing phrase; she is of no exception.
Give her all the time in the world to recover emotionally - what you ought to do is to show that she made a correct decision in being with you and your behaviour must work to accelerate her healing. All the little mistrust, lack of affection is NORMAL - don't see it as a sign of unloving. Where are the essential sincerity and respect we always talk about?
Concentrate on trying to build a relationship, not trying to problem solve something that is ALREADY over. You are not experiencing a problem - in fact, it is the beginning of trying to assist your crippled mate forward... and not trying to going back home to fetch a crutch and walk again. Think about distance back and forward - isn't it much tedious to do things that way?
P.S: Love takes time to develop. Whatever you are doing, sometimes reminds her of him; don't get this to heart... it will take some effort and time for her to discover that the real pleaz.
Cheers
hi all.. been spectating here for awhile and seen that some people give really good advice, so i'm trying my luck here.
been really frustrated these days, actually months.. but i don't show it. deep down inside i feel like talking to someone, but i have no one that trustworthy to turn to.
here goes:
we have been going out together for about 8 months already, and she was my first although i've known about her ex since we got together. At first, I couldn't accept it, as he was so much older than she or i was.. and I can't help getting the feeling that he got into it just to use her for it. She claimed that they went out for almost 3 years. Are all men like that? 10 years difference to me is alot, probably because of my conservative up-bringing.. but this kinda stuff really sickens me.. no offence but it seems that way to me..
I thought that i would get through it and accept it. I know, as what most of you would say: If you love her, then you would accept her for who she is. I've tried to, but sometimes it comes back to irk and bother me. so much so, that I know that I'm starting to drift away from her. I really do love her, and i want to feel the same way as before when we first went out.
Problem is, recently he contacted her. I had this burning urge to @%#$ him, but she said just leave him alone. Actually, since the day she mentioned about him, I had wanted to get him, to seek 'revenge' for hurting her so badly.. and coming in-between our relationship. Although I do not know him at all, and he is much older than I am.
Why i say he is coming in between us, is that sometimes.. some actions that i do 'remind her of him', and that gets her all depressed and sensitive.
At first it was worse, she didn't dare to trust me. She was afraid that i'd do the same to her. Sometimes when we get intimate, i can sense that she is still affected and hurt by him... and she does not give her all
i really don't know much about her past, as i do not dare question far for i fear of hurting her again. I know that she regrets it badly. She said that she made that choice, and that now she's paying for it. It pains me to see her in such misery.. I wished i could do something... something for the both of us. I really want to go furthur with her.
I know that it's alittle messy.. that's the state of my mind, but i hope you get the picture. so my question is: How do i get over this? I feel that the only way is to confront him and give him a piece of my mind, but i know that's almost impossible. I want him out of the picture forever. I wish that memories can be erased, the past can be forgotten.
thanks for reading.
You are so hasty... in trying to get her to move on. As a result, you are getting hurt along the way; she is already hurt. She is trying customise to her new circumstance, trying to leave her shadow and walk where the light leads her, while you, being overly affected by her past, subconsciously draw her back because you focus too much onto looking what's behind the relationship and not demonstrate all the goodness that lies in front of your potential love.
Your anger is probably due to lack of exposure in the vast nature of Love relationship. Conversative... or green and unexposed? Afterall, she is your first relationship - alot of emotional message are coming in everyday akin to the junk mail we get. You are beginning to explore, in deeper meaning, the essence of what love brings. You realise that in Love, that are alot of things we can't just do that logical way we would like things to be. (When we are hungry... we eat... when we are tired... we sleep).
Tell me how is that going to change for the better when you confront the man and probably give him a good trashing?
Anger is a retaliation from the injustice felt by you - not exactly something about her and actually, you don't understand her position very well. She WANTS to get on with life, achieve happiness from her new relationship and not over her mundane past. She needs alot of time to nurse her wounds - this is no doubt. Every wound needs a healing phrase; she is of no exception.
Give her all the time in the world to recover emotionally - what you ought to do is to show that she made a correct decision in being with you and your behaviour must work to accelerate her healing. All the little mistrust, lack of affection is NORMAL - don't see it as a sign of unloving. Where are the essential sincerity and respect we always talk about?
Concentrate on trying to build a relationship, not trying to problem solve something that is ALREADY over. You are not experiencing a problem - in fact, it is the beginning of trying to assist your crippled mate forward... and not trying to going back home to fetch a crutch and walk again. Think about distance back and forward - isn't it much tedious to do things that way?
P.S: Love takes time to develop. Whatever you are doing, sometimes reminds her of him; don't get this to heart... it will take some effort and time for her to discover that the real pleaz.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 130805
Originally posted by ashtina82:
Hi to all,
Here goes my luv story...
I've knwn S for almost 3 yrs now....hw do i get to knw him?hmm....he accidentally msg d wrong person...he wanted to msg sum1 else but keyed in d wrong no....so frm der on we bcame frens.I was attached with my bf nw husband at dat time.....n we were havin probs.So basically he knws all d sHiT my hubby does....i didn't have any feelings for him at dat time bt he does.
After a few mths,i told him i was gettin married.He told me to tink carefully...am i makin d rite decision...i told him yes & he respected me.After i got married,i thought life wld b happier....probs started since i got pregnant.My hubby started to flirt ard...he dun care much for me n my baby.
Things got worse n worser....he started to abuse me.Den 1 day,i wanted to call up my old fren...i accidentally called him.We started to chat...catch up wit d old times & i started to confide to him once again.As time goes by,we started to 'go out'.....he told me he luvs me rite frm d start.Been waitin for me for almost 3 yrs....anyway,as time goes by,my feelings started to grow for him.
He did say he wants to marry me....dat is if he has d chance....
Bt i knw it's impossible....coz i'm still married...n my hubby wun let me go....
I even tried to file for a divorce..not bcoz of S...but bcoz i can't always live in constant fear...nt knwin when he's gonna hit me next....
Bt he juz wun let me go........so does S...he wun let me go too....nt ever again...
Even my parents wun let me divorce.....
I'm at lost...totally lost....i luv my baby.....n i luv S too....
Wat shld i do........
Marriage... Love... Society...
Do you notice how messy your situations have turn out to be? It didn't born this way - you made enough foolish choices to transform it that way.
Here's a huge thingy for your consideration: Do you think your liking for S is 'Love'?
You mentioned there wasn't any mote of feelings three years back; it was ONLY after you went through your wrecked marriage, had him to be there for you, with him declaring his actual feelings - before you grew to like him.
Don't you see this MORE like a passing-by 'rescue boat', instead of 'Love'? Especially your marriage began to get abusive?
How do you think it will be different if he never reveal his feelings to you? Or if there was never such a thing?
IMHO, this is an important variable.
***
I hope you do see yourself going through a series of crisis because, you ALLOWED circumstances to drive your options and churn out a load of chaos as a result. Being passive serve much reason for your plight as well; other forumites calls it the lack of courage, but I reckon it to be passiveness. Lack of courage means you DESIRE to do something strongly, but LACK the strength to implement (E.g. chasing a girl). Passiveness refers to the non-chalent, easier-on-emotions-route to undertake, which ultimately goes nowhere and probably end up in Limbo. You may even have opportunity placed right in front of you to leave, but opportunity is still often left untouched, while a lack of courage with correct opportunity would be grasp immediately. It is easier route because it buys you some time and wouldn't create much changes to your exisiting situations (People often resist changes and if you want to implement something, big changes are bound to happen). It is so much easier, say, if you were to remain in your marriage (appease your parents), suck all your dis-satisfaction into your mind (appease husband, fear of psychological affecting child-upbringing), etc.
You may not realise, you may have subconsciously chose to maintain in the relationship, despite finding no Love in it... just for the sake of it - whatever it means to you. To some, it could be the length of time together... your baby... society's bondage... parental influence... and all other external factors.
There are many people out there remaining in unfulfilling relationship for reasons other than Love. They often lament about how CMI their relationship is, but you still see them clinging onto their relationship, which makes many wonder why.
No... the fact is that it is they who chose to retain their relationship. Nobody else did... nobody else HAD the power, regardless of how you thought others might have the power to do so (This is the Second Law of Love).
***
I believe you have already decide what you want to do and I am not doing to change what you had already plan for yourself. I just want to offer my thesis to complement your self-reflection.
Actual Love or not... you decide. Once bitten twice shy? Will you exercise more wisdom in your decision? Or would your continue your foolishness even further? Marriage is never a game nor gamble - it is the fruit of a fulfilling relationship, awaiting to blossom beyond its boundary and reach for the sky.
Cheers
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Aunt Agony 110805
Originally posted by seancannot:
My GF and I patch up after not seeing her for almost 11 months...
I was happy intially that I am seeing her almost everyday again... but somehow I just feel she do not love me ... the betrayal hurts as well (she was seeing some other guy during those 11 mths ...)
I missed her so badly but now she is back ... I feel like initating a break up i dunno y.... just feel that her heart is not with me ba ... wat the point of being togehter... guess the intensity is not there anymore
Of cos if I were to break up... I will fall into the misery of loneliness... I suppose I can concentrate on improvign myself and getting a new job and maybe a new gf may just come along... who knows
I still love her and I will be sad to leave her but I feel if we go on it will be worse ba given I could never meet her expectations and needs
When you recover it without reasons, you realise that this gain becomes nothing and your lost, too, has fade away its meaning. Confusion sets in because what you thought you had treasured the most, now became something insignificiant. You questioned yourself why... having no answer.
You are experiencing a transformation of mindset, which is telling you that Love and Relationship is but two separate entities. Love, technically, never dies and like energy, it is only transferable - channeling into another source of emotions, like hatred, acceptance, etc. A relationship is but a choice; something that you choose whether you want to begin or not. A relationship is heavily integrated into the subject of Love, but contrary to popular belief, loving someone doesn't always mean you have to be in a relationship with someone. (Law of CloUdiSm)
When you have moved on with your life and having to retrace your steps and bring yourself back to where you previously stop is silly. Everything changed when the gale took place - even if the land remains, nothing is exactly the same. You realise this because you are beginning to get used to your new life, the motion of moving on and being teleported back into the past only serve to remind of your long-ceased relationship.
Because your constant and variables has changed, nothing will appear the same.
Being lonely and knowing what's better for yourself is critical. Being lonely is never permanent and very often, it's merely a state of mind and circumstances. You change those elements, loneliness is gone in an instant (with some ample effort), but when you delay what is deemed as the inevitable - a dead relationship, usually, just will just stay that way throughout your attempt to revive it.
You are beginning to see how futile it is - what you must learn from this relationship, grasp it tight and well. Other than that, release your clutches.
Cheers
My GF and I patch up after not seeing her for almost 11 months...
I was happy intially that I am seeing her almost everyday again... but somehow I just feel she do not love me ... the betrayal hurts as well (she was seeing some other guy during those 11 mths ...)
I missed her so badly but now she is back ... I feel like initating a break up i dunno y.... just feel that her heart is not with me ba ... wat the point of being togehter... guess the intensity is not there anymore
Of cos if I were to break up... I will fall into the misery of loneliness... I suppose I can concentrate on improvign myself and getting a new job and maybe a new gf may just come along... who knows
I still love her and I will be sad to leave her but I feel if we go on it will be worse ba given I could never meet her expectations and needs
When you recover it without reasons, you realise that this gain becomes nothing and your lost, too, has fade away its meaning. Confusion sets in because what you thought you had treasured the most, now became something insignificiant. You questioned yourself why... having no answer.
You are experiencing a transformation of mindset, which is telling you that Love and Relationship is but two separate entities. Love, technically, never dies and like energy, it is only transferable - channeling into another source of emotions, like hatred, acceptance, etc. A relationship is but a choice; something that you choose whether you want to begin or not. A relationship is heavily integrated into the subject of Love, but contrary to popular belief, loving someone doesn't always mean you have to be in a relationship with someone. (Law of CloUdiSm)
When you have moved on with your life and having to retrace your steps and bring yourself back to where you previously stop is silly. Everything changed when the gale took place - even if the land remains, nothing is exactly the same. You realise this because you are beginning to get used to your new life, the motion of moving on and being teleported back into the past only serve to remind of your long-ceased relationship.
Because your constant and variables has changed, nothing will appear the same.
Being lonely and knowing what's better for yourself is critical. Being lonely is never permanent and very often, it's merely a state of mind and circumstances. You change those elements, loneliness is gone in an instant (with some ample effort), but when you delay what is deemed as the inevitable - a dead relationship, usually, just will just stay that way throughout your attempt to revive it.
You are beginning to see how futile it is - what you must learn from this relationship, grasp it tight and well. Other than that, release your clutches.
Cheers
Friday, August 05, 2005
Aunt Agony II 050805
Originally posted by snowygal:
short version of my story
i suspected him seeing somoene else.. there were plently of classic signs displayed by him.
he kept quiet when i questioned him..
he wants to break up.
We do have our issues... for example he wants me to have personal growth... to do things on my own when he is not free.. . he needs his so called space.
anyway..the thing is we are seprated now.
went thru hell of time. it has been 2 weeks. oh nearly forgot to mention..we both are not very young... late 20s -30s. he is slightly younger by a few mths
we do still keep in touch.i know its something i shouldn't be doing.
he called on monday 1 august. we talked amicably. he said he hasn't been a good bf. and we both agreed we took things for granted. asked if i wanna join him for a movie we promised to watch b4. he wants to stay as friends and even commented that even though the status has change...he will still be around , encouraging me :roll: and that we will still go for movies, dinners. He wants to be different according to him.. He doesn't wan to be like other guys where by once the relationship has ended... the guys disappear as well. He dun wan to be like those guys. :?
i asked why did he called.. he said to see if i am okay, and that he wants to hear my voice. arrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh.
once again he called few nites ago. got a shock. he said he just wanna chat with me. after talking few mins.. i told him off..that i cannot really recover if he keeps on appearing like that. He asked if he should go away for awhile. i just kept quiet. Am i stupid or wat. Deep down i know he may be even f..king the girl..and yet i am still talking to him..allowing him to control my feelings!!!
wat does he wants?
He knows that he has some form of emotional hold onto you.
Friends after a relationship? This is a tricky part because its difficult to discern if it's for real or an excuse to ensure the emotional hold onto you.
You must realise that you have all the powers to save yourself.
Freewill to ignore/avoid him.
When you pick up his call/go outing/etc - you are consciously assimilating unhealthy hope into your soul. But your mind is enraged and you react fiercely upon his seemingly vile intention.
I remember an old law in CloUdiSm: One should only remain friends with one another AFTER one has actually moved on.
Think about it.
Cheers
short version of my story
i suspected him seeing somoene else.. there were plently of classic signs displayed by him.
he kept quiet when i questioned him..
he wants to break up.
We do have our issues... for example he wants me to have personal growth... to do things on my own when he is not free.. . he needs his so called space.
anyway..the thing is we are seprated now.
went thru hell of time. it has been 2 weeks. oh nearly forgot to mention..we both are not very young... late 20s -30s. he is slightly younger by a few mths
we do still keep in touch.i know its something i shouldn't be doing.
he called on monday 1 august. we talked amicably. he said he hasn't been a good bf. and we both agreed we took things for granted. asked if i wanna join him for a movie we promised to watch b4. he wants to stay as friends and even commented that even though the status has change...he will still be around , encouraging me :roll: and that we will still go for movies, dinners. He wants to be different according to him.. He doesn't wan to be like other guys where by once the relationship has ended... the guys disappear as well. He dun wan to be like those guys. :?
i asked why did he called.. he said to see if i am okay, and that he wants to hear my voice. arrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh.
once again he called few nites ago. got a shock. he said he just wanna chat with me. after talking few mins.. i told him off..that i cannot really recover if he keeps on appearing like that. He asked if he should go away for awhile. i just kept quiet. Am i stupid or wat. Deep down i know he may be even f..king the girl..and yet i am still talking to him..allowing him to control my feelings!!!
wat does he wants?
He knows that he has some form of emotional hold onto you.
Friends after a relationship? This is a tricky part because its difficult to discern if it's for real or an excuse to ensure the emotional hold onto you.
You must realise that you have all the powers to save yourself.
Freewill to ignore/avoid him.
When you pick up his call/go outing/etc - you are consciously assimilating unhealthy hope into your soul. But your mind is enraged and you react fiercely upon his seemingly vile intention.
I remember an old law in CloUdiSm: One should only remain friends with one another AFTER one has actually moved on.
Think about it.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 050805
Originally posted by BadzMaro:
There is this scenario..
There is this girl, he likes her alot. After going out for months, he decided to tell her that he likes her. But alas..he was not given a yes or no. Just a 'not now' . Thats cool, but the thing is , ever since he told her his feelings, she comes out more often with him then before. In fact , they go out so often that people think that they are together. When asked is she the gf..or is he the bf.. they both deny..but then they do things any couple in a r/s will do. They hold hands, light kisses etc.. but they are NOT together.. everytime if asked the question she will use the same answer. She doesnt go out with other guys but just with him for the next few months until she left for overseas to work for a while. She says she is the kind that will remain faithful even in a long distance relationship but the thing that is frustrating is why does she act the way she is towards him. She cant be using him as she is well off herself, playing his feelings? but she is always telling him which girl is pretty..or he should go after this or that girl.. it complicates matters for him as the girls thinks he got a gf already, but when he tells them he doesnt..they dun believe him. He told her that this has to stop as it is confusing him, but she insists saying that she doesnt want it to change...she wishes it to remain as it is..Some more there are at least 2 other guys going after her n she seems oblivious to it all. she keeps saying she really likes him.. but Like n Love is 2 different things dont u think?
Do you think the guy is being played in the balls or what ? what possible answer is there in this kind of situation! Just need some opinions and suggestions. cheers
Very likely, she already bends on having a non-committed relationship. She had already decided since the day you reveal your inner thoughts. This form of non-committed relationship is a variation to the usual kind we always thought one would be and in fact, this model can exist without the interference of guilt. This can co-exist with AOS (Art of Seduction) theories, for the only solo weakness of AOS is that its potential is severely limited with the clashing of conscience.
Conscience and Desire is like fire and water - either one give way, or you can find a way to balance it without reacting with one another.
Understanding this, you will also discover that you two see two different definitions in Love. You want something concrete... something practical like a relationship with the existence of love. She desires the feeling-of-the-moment - one who lives for the moment and treasure what's shown presently and not too much into the future.
She gauge the risk of a relationship (probably from experience from past relationship), and decide against taking it.
Then, her current experience with you is simply... beautiful.
This will arouse inner conflicts from within. The answer of 'Not now' is simply a poor excuse to buy her time. In fact, no amount of time will suffice. 'Not now' is simply a response from her to maintain the current status quo because this 'beautiful moment' may change if she decides to change the variable.
It's not a question of liking/love for you; she is in love with her own girly fantasy... imagination... romantic dream.
If you are looking for committed relationship, you probably have to start looking elsewhere, since there is no official attachment with her. I mention two different definitions - it is virtually impossible to switch definition as and when one feel like. When you begin something on a certain definition, very often, it stays with you until the final chapter (depending how you see this final chapter).
P.S: My best friend, often, begin her relationship from a non-committed/fulfilling love, but ended up claiming that she fell 'too deep in love' and seek for a committed version of it. She, later, finds misery, sorrow and much daunting challenges, seeking to drown the relationship.
I told her:
'You so SURE you begin on a non-committed relationship based on non-committed mindsets? And not hoping for a committed, good relationship, using non-commitment as a facade to shield yourself?'
She is a Pisces - the sign most vulnerable to self delusion, among the twelve zodiac signs.
Cheers
There is this scenario..
There is this girl, he likes her alot. After going out for months, he decided to tell her that he likes her. But alas..he was not given a yes or no. Just a 'not now' . Thats cool, but the thing is , ever since he told her his feelings, she comes out more often with him then before. In fact , they go out so often that people think that they are together. When asked is she the gf..or is he the bf.. they both deny..but then they do things any couple in a r/s will do. They hold hands, light kisses etc.. but they are NOT together.. everytime if asked the question she will use the same answer. She doesnt go out with other guys but just with him for the next few months until she left for overseas to work for a while. She says she is the kind that will remain faithful even in a long distance relationship but the thing that is frustrating is why does she act the way she is towards him. She cant be using him as she is well off herself, playing his feelings? but she is always telling him which girl is pretty..or he should go after this or that girl.. it complicates matters for him as the girls thinks he got a gf already, but when he tells them he doesnt..they dun believe him. He told her that this has to stop as it is confusing him, but she insists saying that she doesnt want it to change...she wishes it to remain as it is..Some more there are at least 2 other guys going after her n she seems oblivious to it all. she keeps saying she really likes him.. but Like n Love is 2 different things dont u think?
Do you think the guy is being played in the balls or what ? what possible answer is there in this kind of situation! Just need some opinions and suggestions. cheers
Very likely, she already bends on having a non-committed relationship. She had already decided since the day you reveal your inner thoughts. This form of non-committed relationship is a variation to the usual kind we always thought one would be and in fact, this model can exist without the interference of guilt. This can co-exist with AOS (Art of Seduction) theories, for the only solo weakness of AOS is that its potential is severely limited with the clashing of conscience.
Conscience and Desire is like fire and water - either one give way, or you can find a way to balance it without reacting with one another.
Understanding this, you will also discover that you two see two different definitions in Love. You want something concrete... something practical like a relationship with the existence of love. She desires the feeling-of-the-moment - one who lives for the moment and treasure what's shown presently and not too much into the future.
She gauge the risk of a relationship (probably from experience from past relationship), and decide against taking it.
Then, her current experience with you is simply... beautiful.
This will arouse inner conflicts from within. The answer of 'Not now' is simply a poor excuse to buy her time. In fact, no amount of time will suffice. 'Not now' is simply a response from her to maintain the current status quo because this 'beautiful moment' may change if she decides to change the variable.
It's not a question of liking/love for you; she is in love with her own girly fantasy... imagination... romantic dream.
If you are looking for committed relationship, you probably have to start looking elsewhere, since there is no official attachment with her. I mention two different definitions - it is virtually impossible to switch definition as and when one feel like. When you begin something on a certain definition, very often, it stays with you until the final chapter (depending how you see this final chapter).
P.S: My best friend, often, begin her relationship from a non-committed/fulfilling love, but ended up claiming that she fell 'too deep in love' and seek for a committed version of it. She, later, finds misery, sorrow and much daunting challenges, seeking to drown the relationship.
I told her:
'You so SURE you begin on a non-committed relationship based on non-committed mindsets? And not hoping for a committed, good relationship, using non-commitment as a facade to shield yourself?'
She is a Pisces - the sign most vulnerable to self delusion, among the twelve zodiac signs.
Cheers
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Aunt Agony 020805
Originally posted by cutegenie:
I don't wish to jump into conclusion as well... but I feel really disappointed when he watch porn everyday. I try to talk him out several times about how unhappy and hope that he will watch lesser like what he promises me when I first know about his activities at home.
But when I access to his PC again, the window that poping out and also the real player's history have shown all the evidence that he did not watch lesser but he try to hide all this from me. Not that I want to dig and protrude onto his privacy. He have the real player and the pop out window to blame. Upon talkings, arguments and quarellings he still did it. And if he really appreciate me, why then he keep making me repeatedly for the sake of porn???
He told me that he is a human, he need those porn. And said that all guys are the same, where to find a guy who don't watch it... He stick to his own perception and will carry on with the porn. That's why I said, he can forsake everything for those porn... and that he appreciate it more than anything else...
The difference is probably 'watch' and 'indulgence.' Almost all guys will probably come across some form of porn some way or another, but having to indulgence them is another thing.
Having a good sex life doesn't mean it would reduce one's usage of porn indulgence like drinking Pepsi doesn't mean it will reduce your craving for Coke.
Addiction.
This is more like a psychological issue than a choice thing. And because it's psychological, unless he realise that it is doing him some form of harm (damage to current relationship), his behavior will continue. Because he sees it as a norm, probably everyone is doing it, so why can't he? This belongs to the same category as one who tries to change their partner to quit smoking. Every Joe and Jane on the street is puffing away - so why can't he? He will persist until he realize that the 'cost' of indulgence is far too costly and becomes unhealthy.
Cheers
Monday, August 01, 2005
Aunt Agony 010805
Originally posted by soulness:
normally if a guy troubled, we say taht there are only 2 possibilities
its either regarding (i)career/money or (ii)woman/relationship
so which one do u think is more important to u? why?
one of my fren once told me that guy can only be troubled by career matters not girls.. if ur gfs/wives is givng u problem then its an indication that the relationship is not healthy. in order not to allow it to afffect ur career, u shld come out of the relationship and proceed to the next girl..
sound abit mcp right? haha well wat u ppl think? share some of ur thougth here pls :)
Everything is integrated into matters of Love, directly or indirectly, but how much priority and percentage it stands, it depends largely on the individual. Some people cannot 'survive' very long without some form of relationship - especially Libra. Some people can probably sacrifice alot of their relationship, for good or ill, especially Pisces. And the list goes on.
I feel that the emphasise on money in Singapore is kinda OVER-emphasise.
Don't get me wrong, money is indeed an important aspect in a relationship. But somehow man have this biased preception that with money and car, everything just come smoothly or easily.
This is a load of bullsh!t.
And very often, you read the papers and probably hear stories from your friends: couples fighting over wealth and over their falling marriage. This happens even to people who ain't very rich. I am so sure of this: generally, these people do hold such mindsets in their definition - the overly materialistic views on love. Marriage fails for MANY reasons, but for wealth wrestle and tussle, it makes you wonder it's for love or money.
You see, guys who don't have much wealth to sell themselves to potential gf/wife KNOWS that they ain't rich and if the ladies are materialistic themselves, they wouldn't end up with them. There are few exceptions to this (regarding materialistic wife/gf and poor guy): very common scenario includes
I) Dating since school days - reality makes a person evolve, when one steps into society.
II) Marriage that are NOT based on love - many thingy falls under this category. Shotgun... paid foreign bride, etc.
Because 'poor guys' are poor, they make-up for the lack of wealth by being more loving and all positive aspects in a relationship, while those who revel in overly-materialistic views on love tends to substitute wealth for love, affection and all positive aspects in a relationship. (A rich guy probably have no qualms about spending big money to buy expensive gifts, treats and such - but is every girl looking for such extravagant enjoyment? Taurus, Capricorn and Virgo probably yes. And having a scenario to say sorry probably equal to a Tiffany ring, flowers and everything. Meaningless when you substitute material things for behavior and actions that needs no pricetag. It's definitely a useful tool, but guy with wealth tends to depend on it so much, that it will have declining impact with more similar usage).
Poor guys (inclusive of self proclaim ones) needs that shang jing xin - someone who has goal, works towards them and achieve it gradually. When your motivation to succeed in life and career is driven by love's desire, you will find yourself doing better. You may not earn a five figure monthly sum, but it makes meaning to the existence of your relationship, constantly warding off the challenges put forth and I am sure with all the efforts and correct mindsets, you will survive decently, financially. Do you know how powerful your mind, heart and soul put together is? I was taught by a few gurus when I was very young (Late Primary) and I seen how powerful this combination will transform a human. Guys with shang jing xin are very charming, however, sad to say, a general group of 'poor guys', who doesn't have this quality, laments and blame that it is because they are 'poor', thus the reason for their current state.
Again, excuse or seriously the ultimate truth?
Remember the message you are sending your Love is not wealth - it's how you are working for your relationship - the effort input. I remember my ex-marketing lecturer used to tell me 'People don't buy products, people buy benefits.' I don't understand what he meant until much later - E.g. when you are hungry, at home and all the food stores are quite a distance away from you, you will probably call Pizza Hut or any delivery service NOT because you want to eat their food, rather you buy the quality of 'Convenience'. It makes sense because it is relevant.
P.S: When you put relevance in Love, it makes your relationship invincible because you harmonized it with reality and love's idealogy and belief. You know and do what's working for your relationship and you bring out the 'Giving' element to it's fullest.
Cheers
normally if a guy troubled, we say taht there are only 2 possibilities
its either regarding (i)career/money or (ii)woman/relationship
so which one do u think is more important to u? why?
one of my fren once told me that guy can only be troubled by career matters not girls.. if ur gfs/wives is givng u problem then its an indication that the relationship is not healthy. in order not to allow it to afffect ur career, u shld come out of the relationship and proceed to the next girl..
sound abit mcp right? haha well wat u ppl think? share some of ur thougth here pls :)
Everything is integrated into matters of Love, directly or indirectly, but how much priority and percentage it stands, it depends largely on the individual. Some people cannot 'survive' very long without some form of relationship - especially Libra. Some people can probably sacrifice alot of their relationship, for good or ill, especially Pisces. And the list goes on.
I feel that the emphasise on money in Singapore is kinda OVER-emphasise.
Don't get me wrong, money is indeed an important aspect in a relationship. But somehow man have this biased preception that with money and car, everything just come smoothly or easily.
This is a load of bullsh!t.
And very often, you read the papers and probably hear stories from your friends: couples fighting over wealth and over their falling marriage. This happens even to people who ain't very rich. I am so sure of this: generally, these people do hold such mindsets in their definition - the overly materialistic views on love. Marriage fails for MANY reasons, but for wealth wrestle and tussle, it makes you wonder it's for love or money.
You see, guys who don't have much wealth to sell themselves to potential gf/wife KNOWS that they ain't rich and if the ladies are materialistic themselves, they wouldn't end up with them. There are few exceptions to this (regarding materialistic wife/gf and poor guy): very common scenario includes
I) Dating since school days - reality makes a person evolve, when one steps into society.
II) Marriage that are NOT based on love - many thingy falls under this category. Shotgun... paid foreign bride, etc.
Because 'poor guys' are poor, they make-up for the lack of wealth by being more loving and all positive aspects in a relationship, while those who revel in overly-materialistic views on love tends to substitute wealth for love, affection and all positive aspects in a relationship. (A rich guy probably have no qualms about spending big money to buy expensive gifts, treats and such - but is every girl looking for such extravagant enjoyment? Taurus, Capricorn and Virgo probably yes. And having a scenario to say sorry probably equal to a Tiffany ring, flowers and everything. Meaningless when you substitute material things for behavior and actions that needs no pricetag. It's definitely a useful tool, but guy with wealth tends to depend on it so much, that it will have declining impact with more similar usage).
Poor guys (inclusive of self proclaim ones) needs that shang jing xin - someone who has goal, works towards them and achieve it gradually. When your motivation to succeed in life and career is driven by love's desire, you will find yourself doing better. You may not earn a five figure monthly sum, but it makes meaning to the existence of your relationship, constantly warding off the challenges put forth and I am sure with all the efforts and correct mindsets, you will survive decently, financially. Do you know how powerful your mind, heart and soul put together is? I was taught by a few gurus when I was very young (Late Primary) and I seen how powerful this combination will transform a human. Guys with shang jing xin are very charming, however, sad to say, a general group of 'poor guys', who doesn't have this quality, laments and blame that it is because they are 'poor', thus the reason for their current state.
Again, excuse or seriously the ultimate truth?
Remember the message you are sending your Love is not wealth - it's how you are working for your relationship - the effort input. I remember my ex-marketing lecturer used to tell me 'People don't buy products, people buy benefits.' I don't understand what he meant until much later - E.g. when you are hungry, at home and all the food stores are quite a distance away from you, you will probably call Pizza Hut or any delivery service NOT because you want to eat their food, rather you buy the quality of 'Convenience'. It makes sense because it is relevant.
P.S: When you put relevance in Love, it makes your relationship invincible because you harmonized it with reality and love's idealogy and belief. You know and do what's working for your relationship and you bring out the 'Giving' element to it's fullest.
Cheers
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