Aunt Agony 310507 (Continued from AA 290507)

Originally posted by jackdaniels:
I was watching TV when he suddenly blurted the inevitable statement: “It’s not that I do not want a relationship. Just that right now I want to focus on my career.” The confession could be linked to a conversation a few minutes earlier. He asked me to move in with him. I told him it isn’t a viable option for me because I barely have time to wash my own dishes, much less make myself useful around his place. Now we all know when somebody tells you that, it isn’t the case of him or her not wanting a relationship. It just means they don’t want a relationship with YOU.

I didn’t ask for a relationship neither did I hint of wanting one. All I did was watch TV. And that’s exactly what I should go back doing. Everything else is too much trouble.

If you believe astrology is more than myth, at times I see more of a Sagittarian in Mr G and the Capricorn in myself. He claims to prefer seeing the world, as for me, seeing too much may not be a good thing. Because I do it alone I come back different each time. Even when you have a story to tell, no one would understand because they weren’t there.

I go around like a pauper and do overland instead of airplanes. The romanticism of such an act moves people but it stops right there. Few carry the notion further. If you would like to, I’m sure you can do it too. Only material pursuits get in the way. Most people choose cars, clubs and chicks over spending on travel.

I believe Mr G does view me more than just a sex buddy. He reminded me not to use that term because we were never there. It makes him uncomfortable. It’s natural for feelings to develop after a period of time.

But what really matters now is he left without saying good bye.

And what happened with Mr G last week stank. For the first time in a long time I was left alone on the bed. For the first time at all I was ignored when I said goodbye. I could’ve yelled, screamed, thrown a hissy fit but that would bring me nowhere. Frankly, it didn’t feel good as a female. I feel used. Mr G probably thinks I am very loose. Easily discarded before re using again. But am I in a position to blame him?

Was Mr G relieved that the midnight f&%k was gone or was he hollow from being alone again? For someone like me, it’s usually easy getting answers but he has a sombre air about him. So much so I knew better to shut up and leave than push him further. Suddenly I tittered on the high wire of morphing into the exact replica of twenty some things I discarded before. Monster nightmares who didn’t know how to take no for an answer and didn’t understand the rules of one night games. I do not wish to become that way.

Even as I think about this, whether he is in Singapore or overseas remains a question. All he could tell me today was take good care of myself. What I didn’t understand was, why he needed to do it. Why he had to initiate contact at all. Why not just leave it as it is and not bother me again. Was he feeling sympathetic? Did he think he was being kind? Was he thinking of staying connected so we can go through the same routine if he ever comes back? If I meant nothing why couldn’t we just screw each other and let it be? Why did he have to bring me out on dates, hold my hand, laugh a lot and simply being? Am I reading too much into things? Is this a biological curse? For time immemorial I have all the questions and barely any answers.

At the end of it all, I am left feeling that the world isn’t nice. Nobody cares if you get stiffed or if your feelings get bruised. Mr G left and I would’ve done the same. Beyond telling me to take care there is nothing he can offer. I cannot even perform a satisfying shout out, woman to man, for fear of having it come back at me one day in this line of work. If they say the loving is a battlefield and he went away wounded, then I am left dead.

I think he wants to play with me. Wants to give me false hope. Wants to see how much I’ll grovel. It's probably wiser not to play this game. Saying goes it’s one thing if you don’t know what to do, but if you know what to do and don’t do it, then you’re double-dumb.

No use rationalising this.
No point in longing for what’s been left behind.
Perhaps I received return for whatever I brought to it.

Always keep back ups because there will always be another. Always.


Initially, he probably thought that he was lucky - to be about hook up a young lady and end up making out with her. Surely, both lust and emotional void were present, serving as catalysis for this scenario to take flight. There are unresolved needs and therefore actions will be taken to satisfy them – under Freudian theory, this is the ID component and in astrology, that’s govern by Mars.

Your befuddlement stemmed from your personal justification in your case. Beyond those well-articulated words, you painted a phantasmal outlook that has failed to take on substance and conjure a ‘form’ (a relationship). It remains as hollow as you first uncovered, akin to a maw of blackness, constantly mutating and evolving from some macabre shade of darkness. You tried to figure out the undulating shape - gradually you realized it has no definite structure and everything existed solely on how you deemed fit – all areas and perimeters are perpetually reframing.

Strangers? Both yes and no.

Causal Friends? Both yes and no.

Good friends? Both yes and no.

BGR? Both yes and no.

Sex buddy? Both yes and no.

And it doesn’t matter how long this list were to be as either one of you can conveniently make length, width or height adjustments to fit the puzzle.

Then it comes to the part about 'something more than just bed buddy'; the journey has come to a juncture where you had no other alternatives but 'coerced to believe' that this must be something more than just sexual, simply because he display acts of 'asking dates, holding your hands, laughing a lot and simply being'.

Humans often justify their own existence on Earth by claiming that they have a 'mission' during their short stay here. But what if the truth is such that life is but a meaningless cycle to debunk conventional ideology? You will probably encounter scores of people upbraiding you that it's not like that because there MUST be a reason for our existence. There must be.

As confused as yourself, he might even query himself on whether he still see you as a sex-buddy or has he really fell in love. In fact, my analogy in the above paragraph might just happen - both of you felt that there must be something more to it as the situations has turned out to be this way and there MUST be a reason. There must be.

But is there anything more? Apparently, it may not be.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 290507

Originally posted by jefflim:
hi jus happened to chance upon tis forum.. been reading up a little here n there abt the life exp from the ppls in this forum.

tonight, im feeling kinda down atm..

to think of it, its been more than 2 yrs.. 2yrs of waiting..

have u ever waited for some1 that you eventually know she/he wont be yrs in e end..
put her in e 1st place, above everythin else. to me, she is even more impt to me than myself.. in my heart she's a impt person to me. the most impt in fact..

ive met her in sch. it was not love at 1st sight. i liked her bcuz .. umm.. i dun reali koe.but she does have a strong character, which is some what diff from the girls i know. when u love some1, it doesnt need a reason ye?

but to her.. i jus came to realised there's no place in her heart for me..
im jus so insignificant to her. its like she can jolly well do w/o me.

when i realised im in love with her, i din express to her. bcuz she had a bf of 5yr den.. i knew i had no chance. moreover im jus a normal lookin guy with nth to be proud of.

waited n waited.. i finaly let her koe of my feeling..i got rejected..

when she broke up with her bf, i was beside her . accompanying her.. tryin to cheer her up.. i thought i wld have a chance ..

when she was down with chicken pox, i was there for her too, bought her stuffs to eat even tho it takes 1.5hr for me to reach her hse..

til.. she met another new guy.. and got together in less than 1mth.. dat was one of the bottom low of my life. i din koe what to do or what can i actualy do..
jus feel so dead..

ive tried to stop contacting her.. stop going to sch bcuz im afraid tat the feeling wil be back whenever i c her. tried working myself to 3-4am in the morning b4 going home feeling weary n too tired to think of anythin..

jus when i tot i cld do it.. she sudenly told me that guy was jus playin with her.. she was feeling sad n down. i jus couldnt bear to c her in such a state, so i went back to her. accompanying her..

we became the best fren, going out alot.. smsing.. chatting on phone.. she wld alwiz tel me how she was doing n whats happening in her life
i sort of knew we might not be together in the end, but i jus cant make myself give her up. i love her alot, reali.

now that she's out working.. she's changed alot.. not that playful as she used to be. to be honest, i dun like girls who clubs or smoke.. but i kept telling myself that if i love her, i shld accept everythin. i eventually did. simply becuz i like her too much.. the change in her, makes me like her alot more..

thoughout the 2 yrs, ive changed alot for her.. my bad points that she was initially not happy with. i tried reali hard to change em.. eventually i succeeded. and she knew i changed for her..

and so.. it went on..

for some reasons, now adays she seem restless when she's tokin to me and replyin my sms. its like very mian qiang.. i duno whats wrong.. ive tried tokin to her, askin her what went wrong.. but she jus told me ytd that she find we have nth much to tok now adays..

ive tried to create topic.. it jus doesnt happen.. it takes 2 hands to clap , isnt it?

honestly im contented jus to be her best fren n to be by her side til she found some 1 who love her more than i do, a gd bf. i learn to let go when that time comes..

she's a nice girl.. she reali is.. actualy she told me a couple of times to give up.. i jus cant do it.
im feeling tired.. reali tired

going ns in a few wks time.. everythin might jus end.. jus cant help to feel so sad that no matter what i do, its jus useless..
i know im gonna miss her badly in there.. n to put it bluntly, i dont think she wil even care..

thnx for reading..everythi is inside me for so long..i jus wanted to let it out so that i wil feel better.. hopefuly..

if she ever see tis, i jus wan her to koe that to me she's a very impt person. no matter where i am, i sincerely hope that she wil find her happiness 1 day with smiles on her face every single moment of her life.


Always the second consideration, but never the choice - despite that, in comparison to how long you have literally invested, somehow it seemed a 'pity' to let go.

It becomes an accumulative effect and like gambling, the more money you lose, the more you felt that you can't halt, albeit you are bleeding profusely. You said you are tired, but you can't stop - that's an oxymoron.

Truth is that you reject the impossible notion and clung on like a furtive shadow, praying that somehow, miracles may happen and transform that lurking shadow into a man of flesh and blood one day.

Will that day ever happen? That's pretty much idealistic.

This woman may view you as a good friend, but romantically, it's way out of question. Being nice and all that stuff are great, but sometimes, it's more than just being a doormat in love. Of course, it may be noble to make claims as such in your last paragraph, but only time can tell if this will carry through. So many 'good guys' grew disillusioned, once believed in similar mindset, only to realized that they being 'good' is but a facade.

An aimless wait is probably one of the most depressing thingy ever. I say strike out and forge your own destiny in love. You are probably better off with someone who can and knows how to appreciate you as a whole - find her.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 290507

Originally posted by jackdaniels:
Just writing in here hoping to feel better after pouring it out.

A little less than 2 years ago, I chanced upon Mr G through a shared project at work. Though there were no sparks and we hardly made conversation initially, one encounter probably initiated what carried on and happened the next 2 years. Things began rather strangely, I've never looked upon him as someone who might be my type. He is older and the sort who communicated more with mandarin and dialect, I am younger, and what you would call, the "ang moh type."

I was going through a difficult period of my life back then, having to cope with family and financial difficulties plus looking after my then bed ridden father who was passing from terminal cancer. That was when I started going out with Mr G.

I have no clear idea why I enjoyed going out with him, it was probably the annonymity of being with a person who didn't understand me or was very far apart from the realities of life that were hanging over me... I considered our dates momentary escapism. For a few hours each time, I left everything behind and went around a Mr G I didn't care for. He didn't care for me. And I found myself lured to this company. It was easy. There were no heavy discussions about life and problems, just conversation about the simpler things and some laughter.

A month or so later, we slept together. A few months later, my father passed. And Mr G left for work overseas. I have no idea really what things meant back then but I assumed it was over. My problems were over. And Mr G was gone. And so the affair ended.

Between the 3 months we dated and slept together, the relationship between us was a push and pull. I suppose. Initially, I'd been nicer. Sometimes asking him out for a movie but he didn't sound interested so I assumed we are hanging around each other for the sex. Soon afterwards he began calling me in the after noons, sometimes everyday, sometimes making a meal, sometimes wishing I stayed over and sometimes wanting to go out the same day even after we parted. Then he left. But found me a job with him overseas. I chose not to join him. And left traveling by myself. I didn't know why he wanted me to join him back then. The cynical side of me imagined he wanted a free bed partner and he wanted my company due to the loneliness overseas. When he called me during my backpacking days and asked why I couldn't seem to share the adventurous things I did with him, the better part of me believed he had feelings. Nothing happened in the end. He came back to Singapore. And so did I. And we carried on. We borrow our company; an occasional visit or drink. Momentarily leaving the realities of our separate lives behind and simply laughing about unimportant things.

We carried on behaving like friends in public. Other times intimate in private. Things were complicated because we ran in the similar public circles. Even after a year of sleeping with each other repeatedly every week, he was nervous, sometimes shy when we are out together. In private, he drank a lot. We bumped into each other at work and were formally introduced as colleagues. The irony of being asked if we knew each other before hand at the office when a few days before the introduction we'd been fucking each other's brains out was a little too dramatic for me to handle. Not knowing how to behave around him at work, I threw in the towel and left before the project began.

I left traveling again. The new year passed. I had no idea exactly what I was running from. I probably liked Mr G a plenty but had no idea how to reconciliate my liking with all that has happened. The same thing happened. He was alright, sometimes offering to pick me up or send me off, other times calling and saying he misses me. I came back. We started again. After a year of being strangers, he suddenly held my hand one time. I had no idea what that meant but he was quiet when he did it and so was I. We did nothing but slept with each other. Often nothing was being said since I told him he doesn't have to feel obliged to make conversation after sex if he didnt want to.

Because nothing was being said, I rarely knew what Mr G feels most of the time. Only recently after I came back from a last trip, he was often quieter but doting. Many times holding me very tightly throughout the night until I fell asleep. Other times he would sleep away on a couch, quiet, by himself old music humming in the background.

I realise at times that Mr G, is ultimately a loner at his best, solo from the view he loves. His private, desolate appeal was probably what kept me going back. Or perhaps it was the night, and a city in deep slumber that rustles a certain lonely quality, elusive and hollow, that brought me back to the same circle again and again. Sleeplessness from working erratic hours and probably loneliness. The need for closeness. Physical intimacy. I have no idea.

I don't know if he has anyone else in another country or if we were nothing. The pleasures of having experienced whatever encounter we had, was always deterred by spontaneous dates with others. When I would drive out into the same kind of night, with another someone, in search of filling the void left behind by Mr G whenever he wasn't around. I am beyond wanting relationships. Or the fun filled conventions of being in one. It tires me. It is exhausting. I have seen friends going through disappointments and anguish all for nothing in the end. And I do not want to go through it again. I have nothing to offer in a relationship neither do I know how to behave in one.

I don't know why I do it if Mr G meant anything at all. I'm not expecting him to consider anything serious with me because I am probably not worth his time. The last time we were out, he took my phone and saw the messages from my previous date. He didn't say anything. If he called and I was out with friends, he would coolly tell me to go keep my friend company. But continue sending me messages till I was home. He never asked me out on Valentines. Just wishing me happy valentines day the day before and sends me messages asking if I was home on Valentines.

Today he is back overseas. There wasn't difficult leaving and he'd given me the news after he arrived over there though I knew he was making a trip for work.

A few weeks before, I'd asked him what this was all about. He told me we are more than close and he wanted to mean something to me. But couldn't ask me for more because I do not want a relationship. He'd said the same thing a year ago, that he didn't want a relationship. (That is man speak for not wanting a relationship with me. I understand.)

And he asked why I never seemed to call him. That he wanted surprises. He was right about that. I never once called him or initiated contact throughout the time we spent together. Even if I were to cancel on him last minute, he had no temper. Just wishing me goodnight and to enjoy my evening, have my fun. It felt like I meant nothing to him because he was so unaffected. Afterwards he said there was nothing he could do because he isn't the type of person to keep pestering me if I didn't want to go out.

So now he is away. And I have no idea what would happen next. Probably a looming knowing this has finally ended. The last time we met, for the first time in my entire life, I'd been left alone on the bed while he slept on his couch. Afterwards ignoring me when I said goodbye. I'm not blaming anybody much less him. For a woman who has closed his doors repeatedly, I probably deserved it.

We will probably come and go in each other’s lives without warning. These intermittent encounters will continue leaving me with a hint of longing until the day I stop seeing him.

Just wondering what any of you would've done if you were in my shoes.


You wondered how illogical this situation has evolved into as you gazed through every aspect of this perplexing equation, trying to resolve it with your own means. Then you realised that there seemed to be several ways of 'solving' your quagmire and you took a couple of different approaches, but eventually, no matter how different those working steps you tried time and again, it brings you back to square one - same answer.

Therefore, the real question: Is there something wrong with the working steps? Or does the issue lies with the equation?

***

Two people, though shrouded by similar fear of commitment, would still have their own inner needs. This need is real and like an unstable molecule, it will seek another molecule to bond and achieve stability. A relationship is still a possible option even if sex is introduced before a relationship (likely, you probably might actually have a couple of short-term flings born out of such context), but there's this subconscious aversion to commitment as a whole. Somehow, it's seemed better to remain aloof and to keep a considerable emotional distance as the both of you 'unanimously and tacitly agreed' on this a classic sex-buddy relationship.

I agree with CuriousOrange as he may begin to view you more than a sex buddy, but imho, like yourself, he finds it arduous to abnegate current status quo and introduce the dreaded 'commitment thingy'. Because I bet he knows that once he brings this relationship to the next level, he will risk losing everything. Possibly even the sex buddy relationship.

Why would anyone encumber themselves with additional responsibilities while enjoying the same rewards? Crudely put - he could milk all the sex he needs from you without actually having to 'pay the price' of maintaining a relationship. Therefore, it makes no economical sense to execute such decision.

Perhaps, it could be same for you too?

Spiritually barren and yearning for deeper companionship, but unwilling to sacrifice individualism and selfishness - running in circles with context like 'More than just friends - of course we are - but never a relationship.' There's too much travelling (a Sagittarius's love) and running away... too many avenues for escapist and avoidance behaviour. As such, one would seek for instant gratification when the need arises and vanished before the bill comes - the root of void remains.

This love model fails before it even started and to continue with a failed model is like having to work out the question with a wrong equation.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 270507

Originally posted by littlecow:
Hi...i have been having a problem..need some help...
There's a guy i like and he always show his interest in me...but there one thing is i found out that he's actually attached...all along he had been telling me that he's not attached this n that...and there's one time he went oversea with a fren(who is actually his gf) but he just told me that is a gal and is his best pal...he can just go out with me, watch movie and having dinner...like he need not have to accompany his gf...i'm actually wondering what is he thinking...should i "confront" him? My best fren ask me to confront him straight away.


Since you know that he's unavailable, you could keep this friendship a causal one (non-romantic). He may have shown interest, but that has not translate to any declaration of intentions to pursue a relationship with you, so it's still pretty much ambiguous.

There are many possibilities and it's still too early to deduce. I suggest what you could do is to preserve current status quo and maintain it. Then take your own time to find out more about this guy you are dating.

Also, always remember that albeit he could request to date you, but you can also reject his date.

As for the confrontation, I see it as mundane - especially since you are not his gf. Just keep your eyes wide-open when you are dealing with him. Who knows? Gradually, you might just realized that he isn't suitable for you to begin with in the first place and you will probably know what to do by then.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 260507

Originally posted by James1:
How long you take to forget someone you like deeply and how?

I just visited my ex at her place equipping myself with a boutique of roses hoping she would give me one more chance but ultimately it turns out the other way.
When she saw me holding a flowers in my hand, she immediately turns away and rejected instantly saying it's all over.
Reasons for breaking up is due to my foolishness and childness for constantly comparing myself with her ex, kept digging her past sex life. It's all too late to realize everything, now she only wanted to treat me as a friend and not more than that. How? devastated, confuse, hurt and etc, all i can do is only accept it unwillingly. She's my first love and the longest duration among all my ex. We had been together for 6 months...

How to swallow this pain? Friends suggest not to think so much but it don't last long, everytime when I was doing nothing, the memory always flash back and we had go almost every places in singapore and each time I visit the places with friends, I tend to think back the memory.



On the scale of life meter, this is you:

-4

And this is her:

+5

If you prefer to live in your past and deny the existence of your future, then your scale will continue to regress until the day when you find yourself completely out of tune with reality. You will continue to regress as long as you allow yourself to be bounded by 'rationales' that provide you ample excuses to be stagnant.

You knew you that you were not matured back then and acquired a costly lesson. Why not bring that lesson with you (since you had already 'paid' that lesson) and strive to excel towards a next possible relationship?

Your ex-girlfriend will not bother about whether you are moving on or not. Here you are telling us about how depress you are and how she meant a world to you and there she is revelling in the gaiety of her new life. Then perhaps you should have that maturity to be accepting and learn to proceed forward instead of back-tracking your route.

Seriously, doing silly things like popping by with a bunch of roses just further your losses and counting.

Mend your wounds first by being accepting about your situation. Only then you could allow yourself the condition to recover.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 230507

Originally posted by =hAze=:
is it really that necessary to ask the 'Can u be my gf/bf?' question?
what if the guy/gal didn't ask but already take it as it is?
are they considered gf and bf like that?



Not necessary, but whatever he does, it must be blatant.

Some guys, on pretext of being shy, kept it silent. Similarly, some players use that sort of ambiguous modus operandi to fool around.

But whatever it is, if a man initiate chase to his woman, he should also have the balls to close his 'deal' and learn to say 'I love you.'

If a man has no guts to tell a woman he loves her, perhaps the woman should just accept the other man who does just that.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 230507

Originally posted by Vampire X:
I know its wrong, but I can't help it. I must be crazy. My boyfriend X is a nice chap, however he often cares alot on his face. Sometimes, due to some occasions which will make him lose face, he will scold me & ignore me for a while, and always point that I am wrong. I did told him about my view but he still think I am wrong. He always find my behaviour wrong & impolite & trying to correct me. An example is when a stranger accidentally knock onto me from behind (which I am unable to notice at all) , my boyfriend X will say I am wrong not to let people walk first. Sometimes I cannot stand the way he treat strangers nicer than me.

Recently, I have a bit of liking on my colleague Y who is a very nice guy. He often sms me to encourage me. I will smile when I see Y sms but I always tell myself I cannot "hiew" Y as I already got a boyfriend. I cannot have a chance to be in the kind of temptation at all. I should be loyal to my bf but frankly speaking my bf often ignores me when he is busy at work. He seems to be able to live without me. But still he is with me for 5 years and I should not be in love with someone else. I am confused. Can anyone help me?


Your man is a traditional man, being relatively conservative in his approach with affection and appreciation. Man like him tends to display a 'reverse' order in attitude towards their relationship as they generally buy the self belief that love means having to discipline... the way parents do to their child and tell them that's love for them. They will probably relate this typical story: 'If I didn't care for you, you think I even bother to scold you?'

The traditional man also sees himself as the provider and his ability to provide comes from his career. He may seemed nonchalant when it comes to his work, because he's fighting a war out in the corporate world, attempting to improve his market value, job prospect, salary, promotion, learn new skill sets and everything else that could give him any form of opportunities to become a better provider in the long run... insofar as to be able to provide a better life for his SO (significant other) and his future kids.

Unfortunately, in that perceived 'near-perfect' macro picture, the traditional man often omits the finer brush details and neglected the woman's emotional needs. And if he subconsciously decides that the length of the relationship itself, which is actually false pride, could surmount most challenges, that sort of mindset could cost him a hell of a price to pay.

There are times when a woman would be equally happy even if their man merely sits with her, while watching her favourite show together and devouring that tub of ice cream.

I won't say that Y is definitely a viable candidate for you to leap ship, but surely, he enlightens your long-suppressed heart and mind by revealing the frustration you experienced in your current relationship.

Would you have faced this conundrum if your relationship is blissful? Not likely or at least you wouldn't be so affected.

Looking deeper; why is your relationship so unfulfilling for you? Is it because you are NOT communicating enough to build that basis understanding and expectation of what a relationship should be like? Chances are, your man has no idea of what you are feeling absolutely, despite leading the relationship for five years, as it appears to me like you are very accepting about the unnecessary evil that is causing your unhappiness.

It would probably be worse if his parents are exuding such qualities as well - those sublime early childhood influences might just linger far too much.

Before you execute him from your life - give him a fair trial. At least, imho, if your situation improves, you might still want this relationship ultimately. Date him out and give a solid heart-to-heart talk. Make this matter a known case and at least see if there's a mutual agreement/solution to resolve it.

Cheers

Michelle's 21th Birthday

I was just wondering how many of you would turn your head, just to have a better look at it.

Yeah, a busty cake... literally... on Michelle's 21th birthday.

And I got stalked by a damn cat.... zzz!

Cheers

Aunt Agony 190507

Originally posted by projectlime:
To People Who Are Sad Due To Breakups.

i just read a couple of quotes over there.. some are pretty meaningful ones.

you know, at this point in time, i think im just about to break-up sooner or later. (im still hoping it will NOT)


*my girlfriend.... she told me that she got nomore feelings for me anymore. SHE WANTS A BREAK. WE TAKING A TIME_OFF now. and its not about another guy, which i believed. i tried talking to her best friend, which is my sort of my friend also, asking if she can advice me. She told me that my girlfriend really want me to understand and let go. i was devasted.. i was so so blur and dun really understand, i asked her, what does she mean by she got no feelings for me anymore? if she is sick of me, why cant she just tell me straight to my face? what really makes the feeling goes away? you know.. at least tell the chief WHY you like or dislike his food.....

the friend told me to just understand that my gal no longer have anymore feelings for me. if i really love her, i should let her go.............

hey people, i've seen my fair share of breakups and i keep thinking i can get over it, if it will to happen to me. but im so sad and heart broken right now, i really dunno what to do. somebody pls help me... is there still hope? theres always hope... but is there any this scenario? or should i just... "if you love her, let her go. if she comes back, its meant to be" ?
the thing is, i dont want to...i seriously still love her. another thing the friend pointed out is that my gal told her that we have really nothing else to talk about anymore. i agree that sometimes we do have long silent and dunno wat to do times. but i love this girl and i want to make it work... im serving ns now. trying to get my bike. and im thinking of the fun thing we can do in the future... so we will have more things to talk about too. i really want to be with her... in fact, i think of marrying her. YES, i'm 20, she's 17 only. you know wat, you can judge me or watever, but i really enjoy my time with her. she's someone i really cherished. I THINK SHE IS REALLY SPECIAL.

help me... tell me what to do. PLEASE........ im in so much agony right now


There are always reasons for breaking up; the difference is whether that reason is conveyed to you verbally or not. But eventually, you will realise that the reasons given are not as important as the execution and the desire to leave. That's probably akin to death, where there's little meaning in analyzing a person's death since even if you have the answer, the poignant lost is permanent. There's nothing you could do to resurrect that dead soul other than using the case study to prevent future mishap.

I won't go about trying to explain the possibilities because there are indeed quite a number of it.

You probably have two choices:

i) One is to seek her out and understand the real underlying reason behind the break-up (even so, you might not get the real thing). Of course, she will likely not agree to your request if you are completely unstable.

ii) Gather your stuff and move on, knowing that even if you do meet her and such, there's little you could do since you can't force love out of anybody or to be in a relationship with you.

Cheers

Triple Kill with Jug

Just a random game. Hehz... =D

The Almost Perfect Man

~*~Gwenda™~*~ says:
wel. he has similar qualities like u = GOOD wat
~*~Gwenda™~*~ says:
u r the almost perfect man ma

***

HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAA!

OMG... first time someone I knew, threw me that sort of complement.

I am not exhilarating due to flattery, but in wide-eyed amazement.

/me poke Candy. =D

AND TODAY MARKS THE END OF MY JOB WOE!!!!

MUHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA!

Grand Opening of Bape Store in Taipei

Address: BAPE STORE TAIPEI
1F. No.99 Section 4, Ren-Ai Rd.
Taipei, Taiwan
TEL #: +886-2-8771-8380

Opening this Sat 19th May 2007 at 1100 hrs. ^_^

Aunt Agony 170507

Originally posted by FBI:
starpup shld know this gal..

anyway.

Knew this gal from a close fren.. and almost half a year. A v nice person.. from wat i observed is that she's always busy.. but there are still some space left for me and her friends.

lets call this gal "v"

recently this close fren told me that the class dislikes her and bla bla..

lied to him that i never like her but in my heart i do.. i dunno why i'm lying to myself

She's the type of gal where there are lots of guys after her (from wat i observed from her friendster)..

This is this guy that likes her for quite some time.. aite lets call him "F".

"F" have been wooing her for half a year? and still going. but the thing is "v" doesn't like "f" and she likes another guy (for quite a long time too).

and how abt me? i do like her abit.. nono i think is quite alot.

BUT!! i didn't confess to her.

Actually we can b considered best friends.. she shares her prob with me especially that "f" guy.

"f" is a v stubborn and persistent dude. Even thou got rejected by "v" and she even told him that she has someone else.. "f" doesn't give up! At times i do tell 'v" that.. "hey jus accept him?" but "v" doesn't like someone who keeps bugging her.

So i asked "v" abt that guy she likes.. i told her to drop him some hints and stuff so that he knows.. sort of encouraging her. Well i don understand why i am encouraging her.. is it because i'm her best fren thats y i don wish to see her sad or is it because i like her thats y i think that as long as she is happy with that guy, i am too?

Told me b4 that right now only studies and relationship after her "o" level.

Actually i'm not wooing her at all.. i don think that i will confess to her.. i think is because i felt low confidence? or mayb my competitors were too strong. So i felt that she will b happier with other guys rather then me.

That guy she likes:

1. is tall

2. study in poly

3. quite handsome

4. able to give her happiness rather then me (IMO)

but me?

i'm short, doens't have any good future (for now).

Sometimes she's jus emo.. abt the guy she likes.. abt why that guy didn't really bother her and stuff..

how i wish i can tell that guy to stop hurting her anymore.. i don wish to see her sad.

"yi bei zi de hao peng you hai shi yong gan de qu zhuo ta de lin yi ban?"


Thanks for reading.



Man's ego always hinders one's progression in love; I am citing your passé and extremely cliché point four: somebody else is able to give her happiness better than you do.

I heard that excuse a thousand times and I am seriously interested in knowing how are you going to gauge and decide if it was true in the first place?

In introspection, isn't this claim a product of your inferior complex rather than reflecting an actual truth?

***

This is a choice between security and freedom.

People like you opt for security - you are a best friend and wouldn't want to do anything that would jeopardise your status quo. In familiar wavelength, it's the same with an employee mindset - earning a decent salary and already warming up a good seat in the corporate hierarchy.

Many often talk about starting their own business - who actually did?

Singaporeans often complained about the government, but ended up dropping votes for the very party they hate.

These are everyday analogies that effectively describe people who desire security much more than freedom.

And therefore asking that 'someone', who desire security, to move away from certainty and to pursue something risky is often justified with excuses like 'I think he can provide her better than I do/I got a family to feed and I can't start business/I hate the garmen, but I rather not take the risk by voting alternative party/etc.'

And the fact is that there is always a mountain taller than another. There's always someone else better than you do and someone even better than the next guy. The concept of 'providing' is but relative to our perception and mindset.

If I were to tell you that real love transforms people into strength and if you are unable feel the strength to experience metamorphosis and evolve into someone powerful, then perhaps, this love is pretty much surreal. You cannot say that this quiet affection for this lady is Love, other than plain admiration or young infatuation.

In Love, the battle is always against yourself - not people outside you.

Cheers

Original Fake Tarot Cards

Come this autumn/winter season... OF will represent:

Original Fake Tarot Cards!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!

Woohoo!

WOOHOO! SECOND INTERVIEW ON FRIDAY!

END THIS JOB WOE!!!!

Aunt Agony 140507

Originally posted by justguyz:
Anyone facing the same problem? I'm with my lst gf for more than 3 years and we still did not make love. Its so sad. I think the best moment to make love is the honey moon stage. Now its over. I feel so sad and feelingless. We pet only. I think i will still be petting even after marriage. I love her and will marry her. But seems like the more I wait the more i'm more tired. Now I understand why there is bad guy. I'm used to a 100% good guy that treasure relationship very seriously. But when i have this gf, i've changed over the years. I respect her decision to only sex after marriage. BUt who respected me? I so surpised. I can have ONS with someone I just knew and I cannot even make love to my gf! Life SUCK YA!? In my working place I can get as many gers as i want. I can even choose. But because of my gf, i resist them. I felt stupid to be nice guy! I have a short relationship with one ger but i broke up beocoz i stil love my gf even though I know I cannot make love to her. I ask her why we cannot make love and argued. She cried and told me to look for other gers! I nearly fatinted. All my loves wasted...I thought making love is a nature thing for couple... U make love to gf beocoz u love her. So she is telling me not to love her? sigh... Currently i'm very close to a pretty ger. How to resist her? I know my gf cannot live without me. But I'm sick of being fatihguy. Goodguy die earier. anyone can advise me? I'm evil now becoz of what my gf's decision affected me. I love my gf but i wanted to play around too. I'm going crazy! PLease help!!

Confused justguyz
End of nice guy, future playboy wannabe



Frustration flowed from unsatisfied needs.

But from your description, it served more like a justification to chase another pretty face.

Chances are, even if there was sex in this relationship, the appearence of this fresh beauty will sure to tousle your relationship and the exact result would occur. Simply because the root of issue is convoluted to appear like a problem with sexual frustration, but actually, it's more about keeping a weakening facade for three years as you pretended to be 'someone' you are not.

If you are still unable respect your woman's choice after three years, then perhaps you should probably change your title to '3 years... never truly love gf'

One single need... and that's all it takes to overwhelm you and everything good about the relationship, her and your future together. Also, it's extremely unfair to say that she would be sexually frigid after marriage - that's so one-sided presumption.

***

Love? It's kind of complicated, kid -
But I'll tell you this.
The second you're willing
To make yourself miserable
To make someone else happy -
That's love right there."

" Is that why I eat all my vegetables
When my mother tells me to?"

Cheers

Aunt Agony 130507

Originally posted by Coffee Gabriel:
Ok, it goes like this..

When I first came to this company, every morning, there will be a guy opening doors and letting me out of the lift first like a gentleman. I thought nothing of it as I thought he was just being courteous.

Recently, I felt lonely & I suddenly thought if this guy. So I searched my company's database & got hold of his company's number (he worked just next door to me, we r in a industrial bldg) & I called the company not knowing who wld answer my call & trying my luck.

Alas, he was the one that answered! I pretended to ask him how much it is for fixing the comp & he told me that he wld get back to me, so i gave him his number & i asked for his name, let's call him John. So I also gave him my name (he does nt know who am i yet, he didn't see my face yet) so i waited but no calls back, so i called again. This time is his friend who picked up & i pretended to hurry them up wif the cost charges & he told me the same, he wld get back to me.

No answer back to me, also.

But I didn't give up, so the next day I called them again and asked for John. Then he finally told me he dun do home based fixing, so i was thinking, ' oh, why didn't u told me so? why must drag & drag?' Anyways, I hanged up but I really wanted to know him so when lunch hr came, I called the no. again & was stammering all the way....

But he was good, he was coaxing me (so sweetly) to talk slowly..so i finally said something like, ' you wanna go lunch wif me?' Actually, I was hoping for the worst but surprisingly, he said 'yes' so readily & say ok we meet now & I was soooo elated!

ok, so fast forward to the lunch eating session..I was determined to drill him so I asked him from 'do you have a gf' to 'if any outings, pls call me!' Sad to say, he told he's attached but he seems to be lying..cause when he told me abt his things, he soo conveniently left out what he does wif his gf..weird. Anyways, he bought me a drink and I offered to pay but he said 'nah it's ok'Anyways, the only thing that he seemed to be not lying is that he's busy wif his work & school exams that's all.


So i got his hp no. & he got mine. After lunch ended & we go our separate ways, I smsed him saying if he thinks the canteen food is boring, i can help him taupau from the kopi tiam instead. He smsed back saying thanks, it's troublesome, no need, thanks anyways...

After I got his message, I did my work & a few hrs later, I smsed him saying if he needs somebody at his side, he can always call me up, ok dun stress you le..indirectly offering myself la in this case...then no reply was made frm his side.

After all these, whenever I see him, I avoided eye contact wif him & from my corner of my eye, he seems to be like staring at me..question is..

Shld I continue the chase or give up?


Does it matter whether the Sales person is a man/woman as he/she turns you off with hard selling?

Problem lies not in the gender, but in the 'sales tactics'.

Nevertheless, one pat for you to muster the ability to initiate courage and pursue the man you are interested in.

And like all rejections - both subtle and direct - who cares? Not as if you will lose anything. Remember, you started with nothing and even if you ended up with nothing eventually... reasonable what - anything more is a bonus.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 110507

Originally posted by whenwilllifegetbetter:
This is kinda sad, but i feel like i have no friends at all...
I've been in NUS for 1 year already, and i haven't made any real friends. There are some 'regulars' that i sit with at lectures, tutorials, etc, but i've never gone out with them at all, not even for lunch, or after exams... and it doesn't help that we have this module system, where you see a different group of pple each semester... and worst of all, everyone around me seems to have a "clique" already, from their sec sch or jc, so nobody really wants to befriend me :cry:
i don't enjoy the company of my CCA mates, i just find them very silly and childish... i don't feel like laughing at their jokes. is there something wrong with me? i used to have some friends in jc, sec sch, but i noticed that each year, the number decreased, until now it'd zero :cry: i find myself getting more and more withdrawn each year... i had one friend in sec sch who was in my class for 4 years, and in sec 3 she told me that i used to be fun (in sec1&2), but i became less fun and more serious. I had another friend who was sort of best friends with me in lower sec, and then she sort of 'dumped' me towards the end of sec 2, and really left me all alone. And i think ever since then i've been avoiding getting close to anyone. But i know i'm over that now, i really,really, really wanna have close friends again, friends that i can go out and eat with, go shopping, watch movies, and just bum around with, share my problems with. the problem is, i don't know anyone that i would really want to have as a friend. I hate nus, i feel like an alien here, everyone is just so different... i felt that way in jc, but to a lesser extent. And now i keep discovering that people that i see in classes and cca,pple i used to know in sec sch, are organising outings and they don't even bother to ask me. :cry: but anyway it's not like i really enjoy their company... and i keep getting the feeling that everyone in nus looks down on me, cos i'm not very outspoken/glam/popular.
i'm so screwed. why do i not like doing the things that other people like to do? it seems that people in nus like to eat at fancy places, plan trips to hongkong,europe, etc. somehow i find that these things very extravagant, take up a lot of money, but not meaningful, or fulfilling... and i don't feel excited about going to europe,etc, yet all around me people seem so cheery about it. i don't get it! are they just being fake, and pretending to be excited, just to seem interesting? Or maybe travelling the world and eating at fancy restaurants is a joy that only rich pple(more than half of nus) can understand? Even with the money i earn from my vacation jobs, even though it's enough to do those things, i don't feel any excitement about those activities. i'msosad :cry: And speaking of vacation, this must be the worst vacation ever, cos i've got no friends to go out with... just work,work,work. and my family, although they are bearable, there's just no common ground for me to be close with them, we're all so different...
maybe there's soething wrong with me, maybe i should go see a shrink...
nowadays i just feel that life is so meaningless. is it possible to die from loneliness? as in loneliness of not having friends... see i'm so sad and lonely, i don't even care abt getting a boyfriend, i'd be happy just to have a few nice pple as close friends... what do you think i should do? how do i find nice pple to be friends with, when everyone i know doesn't seem like my kind? maybe i am too gloomy a person... if i had the money i'd leave the country and start afresh, cos' there's nobody here worth staying for. :cry:
P.S. sorry for the extremely long post.



People often seek for companionship with qualities similar to themselves - be it mindset, lifestyle, personality or even 'status'. Likewise, you should source for the same kind of friendship in that sense.

It's a vicious cycle - the more you reckon that people don't involve you in their activities or cliques, the more withdrawn you become. In that sense, you are the one that push people away, subtly, from you and not vice versa because everybody would be thinking that you prefer isolation but in actual fact, you don't.

And of course, the mind would take its defensive stance to protect itself, by believing that you do not 'need' them to survive in order to justify your rationale.

To evolve, you must take bold steps in implementing those changes.

i) Seek for self understanding. Do this exercise: jot down all your strength and weakness, likes and dislikes and include the things you are interested to pursue/learn/do.

ii) Seek for interest. By understanding what you like, you further yourself by pursing things that would generally make you happy and passionate about. The easiest way to make friends is when people have similar interest. And conversation is made easier in that sense, the initial scope of topics can revolve around the interest.

iii) Seek for acceptance. Understand that there are things you may not fancy, however, seek to understand that people are different. But being different doesn't mean you must project an extreme aversion to them. Walk in their skin and learn to see from their perceptive. In general, be more accepting to the people around you and at the same time, keep an open mind.

I hate cigg smoke, but that doesn't mean I avoid making friends with smokers. Seek to understand the importance of freewill and people's choice - accept the way things worked.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 080507

Originally posted by melody83:
Have a quarrel with my mum yesterday about i wanting to go to Bangkok with my friends (her and her bf) and my bf in Sep. But my mum strongly against it so she scolded me and my friend for inviting me to go Bangkok with her and her bf. Mum even said my friend "People hiao, u also hiao. People go tour with bf why must invite both of u?"

I really cannot stand my mum. i really don't see that there is anything wrong for going for a holiday with my bf. I already 24 and my bf 28. Me and him have been together for 4 yrs. And y must all this sort of nonsense be happening to me? Cannot go chalet, cannot go anywhere that must stay overnight. Cannot go bf's house cannot come back before 12 midnight. Everytime go out with bf very stress, always must go back on time. If fail to do so, she make sure she scold me till i cry for two days before her anger goes off. Although she gives me what i want, she control my freedom. I get things i wanted but not freedom! Even hid my passport so that i cannot get out of the country.

y, y must she be like that.. she knows my bf dun smoke, dun drink, never go pub and all these..

i really wanna to go holiday with my friends and bf



Your mum is probably paranoid - overprotective of her daughter as well as the dignity of the family's name, fearing that should one day [i]things[/i] just happened and you got pregnant due to lack of proper protection or common sense.

Your mum is a classic believer of 'I-trust-your-man-but-I-don't-trust-man-in-general'.

The panacea to this plight is of course a marriage.

But meanwhile, what you could do is to expand the boundary of what you can do and cannot do through proper dialogue, communication and trust. She probably needs to know much more about your boyfriend before she could decide if she feel safe putting her daughter in his hand. Probably tons of family dinner, causal meet up in your house, goodwill and stuff to familiarize your mother with this man you are dating.

From there, say if you must be back before 12 midnight, work to stretch until 1 a.m. Then maybe about 3 a.m. so on and so forth. Always let your mum know that your boyfriend will ensure the responsibility and safety to bring you back home well and intact.
When you rebel outrageously - chances are, it wouldn't go too well with your mum and she might even think that your rebellious act is instigated by your boyfriend. In the long run, it hurts goodwill and bonds.

You want your freedom, but your mum wants security. Can you work to balance the equation?

Cheers

Feast my Eyes

Original Fake X Takara Choro-Q Bearbrick

Puma clyde X Vaughn Bode Cheech Wizard!! OMG! But I don't think I can find this dope shit in SG. Damn!

Cheers

Aunt Agony 040507

Originally posted by LagooN:
Is There Any Wrong Saying To A Girl That You Love Her..?
I And Her Get Along Quite Well When We Are Friends.
But One Fine Day That When I Told The Girl That I Like Her.
She Felt Angry And Ignore Me.
Is There Really Anything Wrong Done By Me..?
Why Did The Friendship Of Us Get Affect Too By The Proposal..?
Ever Since That Day Onward.. She Treat Me Like An Enemy.
So.. Wanted To Know Why Is This So.. Hope To See All Of Your Opinion.
Thank You.


Congrats for getting your feelings out; it's just a pity that she didn't like you the way you did for her.

At least you know about her stand and position - you can't really force love out of somebody if she doesn't sees you romantically as a potential partner eventually.

Trying and fail beats not trying and still fail; the former notion alone is several notch higher than people falling into the latter.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 300407 (Updates from old case)

Originally posted by The_Legend_Killer:

I agree. I think i am just a pawn that she is playing with. Just don't understand why she do not love me or even care for me. For what I have done, she is just leaving for good. Why can't we maintain as friends? She just left SG without informing me or leave anything for me?

Love is so cruel. Why?


(*Case is based on AA 131205 and AA 131205 II*)


I realized people who love using this statement - love is cruel - possessed that kind of archetype personality that somehow reckon that their life drew divine interest in making things miserable for them or making them 'protagonist' in this 'love serial drama' watched by higher entities.

Some people simply loved to portray themselves as sentimental for the wrong reasons.

It started out as a sexual transaction and now you are lamenting that she doesn't love you? And you still question why she doesn't love you?

Do you even see the irony of your statement? Or do you truly believe that you are sentimental or you want people to think that you are?

***

This is probably a Neptune phenomenon: of men completely luckless with woman dates, ending up in some whorehouse, got intimate with the one drab there and ended up getting emotional over her.

The general sequence in dating is as follows:

Interest > Attraction > Seduction.

In paid sex, it apparently gives you the illusion of being in the seduction stage. The man is empowered when the woman becomes sexually submissive. If he has the money, it seeming remove the need for stirring interest and forging attraction and you still get sex. The new found emotions in these inexperienced men were mistaken as 'approaches' in the dating scene and gradually, the unhealthy obsession transformed itself on subconscious level, seeing the transaction not merely a transaction, but as a 'point of contact' where love will foster from there on.

Don't bite off from than you can chew – there’s nothing else you should do or get involved beyond that of sexual favours you get from her.

Start dating REAL WOMAN. If you are telling me that this is love for you, then start taking REAL ACTION.

Cheers

Freedom of Expression and Creativity

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence

This will be part of my core belief from now on.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 270407

Originally posted by Scania N113CRB luver:
Greetings ! I've been feeling like this for quite a few days already . Here is what i felt.

My ex GF has a new BF now. Im feeling happy for her, since she found someone whom she really love and its very obvious to me that the guy loves her alot too . I really happy for her.

However , whenever i see her happy being with her BF together , i cant stop myself from thinking about what i had done in the past that hurt her . I felt angry and upset about what i had done to her in the past. I just simply cant forgive myself about what i had done . I keep forcing myself to think that its all in the past and now that she has a nicer BF than me , i should just feel happy for her . But i got really upset whenever i sees her and the memory and images of what i had done just came back all of a sudden . I just keep bugging me.

Why am i feeling this way? :cry:



Your thoughts are regressing; they are considering the 'what if'.

Your mind is telling you 'Hey Scania, if you didn't treat her this way, things might not turn out like that you know?' There might be a little anguish residing in your emotions, as you probably deemed that you are also capable of treating your woman right and shower her with a little bit more love.

But the fact is that more often than not, we won't know what's wrong until we witness dire consequences and regret. Or at times, it's not just some things which you may not have done well.

Perhaps your fate with her has ended and what's left of this seeming 'glorious civilization' is a 'book' inscribed with of all its 'history'. The 'city' is gone no doubt, but what you could do is to study its 'downfall' and see if you create make a bigger and stronger 'civilization' in the future.

Understand what you may not have done well and work to improve upon it the next time round. No point crying out spilled milk as it stagnant our growth. Muster a little courage and strike out.

Cheers

New Kaws April Tee

New Kaws April Tee!!!!!!!!

Aunt Agony 230407

Originally posted by Skibi:
Today I bought a book with high expectation. When I open it and discover that I have been cheated, I got angry and throw the book in the cupboard(lucky never tear to pieces). But later I regret because although it is not accurate it still has some use.

Sigh...who has a good solution to control anger? Take deep breath or go outside for a walk?


Go spiritual. That's the only way I know to handle anger.

Our temper is govern by the state of Mars in our natal chart. Everyone has different degree of temper because we all have different placing of Mars. When Mars is afflicted (especially by Signs of Aries and Scorpio), our animalistic instinct tends to blow out of control and subjected to the tendency of inflicting 'damage' on things/people to mollify our moods.

Human is but a higher being with a conscious mind. When you loses your conscious self, what's left is the rudimentary animal self that is common to all beings in the animal kingdom.

Then you become an animal.

Damaging your book is nothing - what's worst is when you hurt someone with your temper so badly that the wounds become permanent. You can always buy a new book another day, but you can never piece back a shattered relationship.

I recalled an old case in Aunt Agony, where this guy lost the woman he loved because of his foul temper. His realization only came when he lost her forever. Albeit he vowed to correct his flaws, by going through anger management course and stuff, it's too late to save his relationship, although it's never too late to save himself.

Do you need be like him before you truly evolve?

Go spiritual. Seek advice from your religious leader if you need to. I would also suggest you drop by Borders and purchase a book on anger management.

Cheers

你好叉day

I am the two faced guy. (Not literally though)

CHOMPER GONNA EAT YOU!!!!!

Aunt Agony 200407

Originally posted by machiko:
I've been thinking a lot, and my friend advised me that

In choosing a bf/gf, it has to be on an intellectual basis before it is made on an emotional basis.
"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
"The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently.. it just loves to love!"
"Therefore we have the responsibility to have to point in the right direction"

And so comes my question.
What if there aren't those "in love" type feelings, but that person is the ideal type that makes sense as the perfect partner..
Maybe now we don't feel that way but a few years down the road we might change how we think and what we want in life.
Along with that, opportunities only come in once in a lifetime. If the decision isn't made now, the chances are that this person will not be there in the future.

I am very much a romantic, and I do know that feelings are not the most reliable.. especially when the demands of reality set in.

Any words of advice?
What do you think is important in finding a good partner? For my case, a serious boyfriend..
What are realistic factors that I need to keep in mind?



CloUdiSm recognised love as a separate entity from a relationship. Love transcends all forms and BGR is merely one dimension of how Love can manifest into. Ironically, the existence of a relationship might not be, though it should have been, a relationship based on unadulterated, altruistic model of love. The higher octave of Venus lies Neptune and that's where the divine power of love perched itself beyond all marked boundaries, incarcerated by previous self doubts, fear and all elements of negative forces and would transform itself into one hell of a formidable force. But the sad truth is that most couples hardly reach there - often slaughtered by realities of life like a doomed infantry amid heavy crossfire.

I wouldn't say finding a good partner is much more important than finding a good formula and equip yourself with the right wisdom to ensure a fulfilling relationship. Everybody have different successful love formulas, but what works for people may not absolutely mean it's the same for you. People always talk about jerks seeming 'winning' the game of love, but I can tell you Mr Nice Guy can also win being Mr Nice Guy - it's only a matter of strategy. I can tell you the factors influencing our fate and destiny in love, in which you could form your own secret equations, based on your personal life and make the best out of things.

As a general rule, the reason why other’s love secret to success may not always be 100% applicable:

i) We all have different but stated amount of cosmic lessons to overcome this lifetime.

ii) We have different and various degrees of karmic bonds with different people, which will trigger off our cosmic lessons in life and reverberate different results based on our freewill (Law of Cause and Effect).

The four elements, also known as Quadruplicity, are the basic unit of life and quoted in CloUdiSm (Elements Of Relationship), it is also the four factors that pervade every love relationship - Fire, Air, Earth and Water. In qualities it refers to Willingness, Communication, Trust and Understanding, but as factors of a relationship:

Fire rules Lifestyles.

Water rules Heartware.

Air rules Communication

Earth rules Material Possession.

Every love is subjected and affected by the theory of Quadruplicity. Theoretically speaking, a lack/concentration of either element would upset the overall balance and harmony of the relationship. But realistically speaking, most relationships have uneven mix of these thingy.

From the effect of Quadruplicity, it will generate two phenomenons - Complementary/Similar effect, but generally a mixture. Similar effect refers to two people with similar qualities/conditions in themselves that spark off reasons of attraction. It promotes harmony, but sameness.

E.g. We both have a liking for sports, sun and the sea.

Complementary effect refers to qualities/conditions in themselves that complements one another that spark off reasons of retention. It promotes conflicts, but higher awareness.

E.g. I am a blur queen and he's more streetwise. But at the same time, I am thrifty while he's a spender.

Going back to answering your question of 'How do we know who is right for us as a partner' - seek for the one with enough similarity to forge attraction, yet not too much to limit mutual exploration and one with enough complementary qualities to compensate, yet not too much to create overwhelming conflicts.

You must go through your baptism of fire to learn about the 'correct equation' needed for you to have a decent, fulfilling relationship. There's only so much you can learn from others and nobody, other than yourself, can give you the best strategy in your game of love.

P.S: Our life calculates the introduction of karmic or benefic bonds based on previous incarnation and current planetary movements. Most of the time, we can't actually prevent the manifestation of our cosmic lessons, but what we can do is to outsmart our cosmic lesson by having the wisdom to learn FASTER than the time it takes for our cosmic lesson to teach.

In school, the most intelligent fellow will probably perform the best. In love, the accolade goes to the one with the highest wisdom.

Cheers

F.I.L In H.K

VISVIM COMING TO HONGKONG! Location near B.W.S!!!! =D

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 180407

Originally posted by chardz:
This is how my stories goes with a girl which i cant forget. The girl which makes a deep cut in my heart.

I knew this girl from my friend 2 years ago, after that we soon began to sms and soon to telephone. Than, we started studying together at a cafe, and after 3 months, i suddenly fall in love with her. How deep is my love towards her, i did not realise it till we broke up. Although we often quarrel, often hearing the word "break up" never once was true, till that day. She's the one who insist of breaking up but because of my patience, soon she decided to give it a try again. This is the wrong steps i made, and soon the sad story continues..

She had done me wrong before, by kissing with other guy during clubbing, but admited wrong and i also forgive her. Falling in love with other guy and admitted, again i forgive her. I never once was angry or thinking of taking revenge to her faulty. I never also once, bring it up to agitate her cause i believe in second chance. I gave her the freedom, which most of us here wouldnt give. I would allow her to go out with other guy 1 on 1 date, although i knew that the guy is interested in her. But cause i believe letting her try outside, before she knew that the one who is beside her is the one who really treasure her. Its sometimes funny that you'll know that by doing this is a risk yet you try it, maybe because you are hoping into a more serious relationship. But what i knew about her, her seriousness with me, her love towards me wasnt really true. Till now i am unable to face the reality that she leave me alone to clear up the trust i built all this years with her. When she said she wanted to leave me cause her feelings is not there anymore, i couldnt believe the fact and decided to check into a more details. Found out that she like another guy, whom she met and went out when i was away overseas. She told me before that she went out with this guy, but cause of my trust and the words she said " i wont like this guy one " i allow her. But who knows she leave me because of this guy. A guy who will love her, will sacrifice everything for her just to make her happy. A guy who is with her for years, when she needed him he'll always there. A guy who trusted her so much, and even though she break her trust again and again, he is willing to forget and forgive just like that. That is what she did to me for a guy who just appear infront of her just like that. Thats why i curse those people who spoil relationship of others. Till now, she is with the guy maybe happily, or maybe sadly. While me? I am running away everyday, sadness, sorrow. She knew that she and the guy will not end up well, but still she wanted to give it a try. I find it really really stupid for doing that. However also found myself so stupid to protect her again and again but she ignored it and take it for granted. Told myself a few times to leave her, maybe she'll learn her lesson one day. But as times goes by, my love towards her become decreasing and soon it'll fade away. But till now, my heart is fully with her. I began to reduce my sleeping hour, cause i hate sleeping as it give me nightmare of her and the guy laughing at me. I am unable to concentrate on anything i do, cause everything i do i will think of her. There was once, my friends asked me if one day she come back to you will you accept her. Till now, i told myself, i will. And i will even love her more and more. I will even do anything for her. I will forgive her and continue loving her.

Maybe sometimes we say that loving something is stupid, being loved by someone is better. I prayed, and asked her back. I dont want to get anything better, i just want her back by my side. I just want to love her.

:(



You are like an inebriated fool who has gambled and lost all his chips, while still having delusions that you are the God of Gambler.

You are narcissistic - you’re the kind of lover who only bothers about your love for her and disregard how it really feels on her side. You want her back... you want to love her and all those thingy that strongly hinted signs of being needy - that's truly anti seductive.

I like the way you handle trust - the absolute belief which I apply it myself. But when you know your trust is being trampled like cavalry troops on grassland, to be destroyed by the hooves of the stallions after the monstrous horde has passed, that's no longer trust - it's about being absurd and stupid.

She can cheat you, but that's because you continuously gave her the key and permission to trash you emotionally, leaving you scarred for life.

Looking deeper, your sign of being needy is a sign of poor emotional development. I do not know you personally and cannot pinpoint exactly, but several people came to me with different cases, but they all had the same essence of problem like yourself - the need to have a relationship or to love a particular person in order to find meaning in themselves.

The truth is that you can't derive anything from a relationship as the value and ultimate meaning in life is life itself. You can't go like 'oh my life sucks and only you could make it perfect' because that makes you clingy and that isn't a complementary effect to your overall emotional, psychological and spiritual growth.

Your love is too self absorbed - too much self pity scattered in large dosage across your post. I read your post and all I could see is 'I...' 'I...' 'I...'. It would very interesting if I get to speak to your ex-girlfriend because if I were to hear from her side of the story and relate the truth back to you, it would probably abrogate whatever little esteem and dignity you had left.

She is already a woman - she needs a man... not another woman.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 180407

Originally posted by DaExodus:
It all started roughly 8 months ago when my then friend found out that her bf had cheated on her by going out with a girl from Thailand. She initiated the breakup and the bf confessed and thus their relationship ended.

Before that, me and her rushed down to some ulu place where the bastard is working, hoping to confront him but he was nowhere to be found. It was a heartbreaking sight to see her crying in the bus and my heart aches for her. I have always had special attention towards her despite knowing she had a BF, I kept the distance.

Months passed, we got closer together and I tried to spend as much time as possible with her, even skipping school and giving up my CCA to be with her. We eventually became very good friend and I am close to their family as well. Out of the blue, the ex BF came back and want to have a patch.

Well, she hated him and asked him to FXXX OFF but he is rather persistent. Leaving food outside her house, smsing her and want to meet her after her work or at her void deck. I was with her all along and the only correct thing I knew was for her to ignore him. He couldnt stop and it breaks my heart to see her crying again after so many months.

I met with that bastard and told him I would convince her to be just friend with him but he was still under the impression of him having a chance with her. At that point of time, the girl already knew my likings towards her.

Well, the scenario didnt get any better instead the bastard used what he is best at, emotional blackmail. He threatens to kill himself, off his phone and got me and her hurrying all over singapore to find him but at the end he would call her and say he didnt want to die or else he would not be able to see her again.

Den came the letters, reminding her of the fun times they spent together and such. And of cos, I was with her all these while when he did all these stuff.

The hatred in my friend's heart soon subsides and she begin to be less cruel towards him. I thought it was best that I no longer care and just play my part but things went underground pretty soon for them.

She accepted him as a friend but this bastard tells her he gets jealous whenever he sees me with her and my friend, not knowing how to say no would tell him that she is alone when she is with me. I was terribly upset by her lies. I was just right infront of her when she said that. I do not know why she would feel that way after the shit things he did to her. This bastard kept using things like " You never remember the things we did together.." to bait her back. Im so distressed that I have lost count of the times I cried.

Am I right to say that if she doesnt state her stand firm, that bastard would never move on and me and her would never get a chance just to even try? Fellow forumes, tell me what should I do? We are having lots of fun time together and everytime the sms tone came, I cant help but feel sour because 60% it would be the bastard smsing her. She is rather timid and we both agreed that she finds it very hard to be mean.

I asked my close friends for advice, one told me that I have to prove myself to be the better one for her. I am willing to do that, I have prepared letters, like what Noah did to Eillie in the film the notebook. I record down every single day of activities with her and plan to give it to her but her shadow of the ex mades me feel helpless.

I was thinking, since she cant say no directly to the bastard, I would contact him personally but I know I cant say "fxxx off and die".
I do not think that the bastard character would understand the meaning of loving her. I tried the approach of " If you love her, you wan her to be happy" earlier on but he doesnt seem to get it even to the extent of ME asking her to go back to him if she is happy but she doesnt want it.

I have given everything just for a hint of spark in this relationship and I know that we can make it.


It's probably a karmic relationship as she finds difficulties in severing the twisted emotional bonds of her previous love. This man understands her vulnerability and seeks to exploit relentlessly - both psychological reinforcement and classical conditioning of alternate punishments and rewards is just plain devious and effective.

I would classify her under AOS as Drama Queen - people who often find themselves playing the victim subconsciously as it deflects their boredom and introduces 'wild colours' in their otherwise insipid life.

Now I gonna say harsh things that may clash with your personality, ideals or principles, but I want you to consider my words carefully.

***

In your situation, the first thing you ought to learn is to QUIT being (or acting) as a nice guy. If this is the woman you wanna be with, cease acting noble and let love govern your action instead. What's with the 'meeting up with the bastard' with you trying to negotiate for his advantage? Are you trying to line the carpet for your woman to return back to him and celebrate your utter failure which you could have inevitable led yourself into?

I fondly recalled CloUdiSm regarding the theory of Leadership in relationship - And goodness! I read through your entire post and you NOT only allow yourself to wallop in self pity WITH her (which you should have demonstrate strength instead), you accepted whatever plot this man had devised and ended up being a pawn in this game of emotional blackmail and pseudo-attempt-suicide.

I would have laughed my ass off if I was the one advising the OTHER man instead.

You are suppose to lead your woman my dear! And not let her lead you as you absurdly accompany this emotionally unstable woman to some 'wondrous adventures' weaved by her ex-boyfriend' and ended up making both of you miserable. I can understand her being emotionally and psychologically tormented by the man, but you are not her! Surely I should see some WISDOM and COURAGE to alleviate her suffering and teach her to embrace a new direction?

I don't think it's about her living in the shadow of her ex-boyfriend more than YOU living in the shadow of that man, forever beneath his presence.

Dude, if you want to make things work, you got to learn to live the REAL you. Drop diplomatic, politically-correct approaches and all the what’s not that society has somehow taught you. You should have seen my visage when I read all that you have written. Especially spare me the 'asking-her-to-go-back-to-him-if-she-is-happy' because that's totally crap in my opinion. Completely wrong context - probably taken out from a typical movie script and you don't even know what you are saying.

Let me ask you a question objectively: if this happens to your good friend you have no feelings for, would you even ask your good friend to return back to such a guy? In other words, back to hell?

Chances are, you wouldn't. So why the exception for the woman you love?

Sheesh.

Cheers

Chomper Indulgence

New member to my Chomper indulgence! =D

Cheers

A Surprised Gift

My advance birthday present. (Now is still sign of Aries - still damn far from sign of Leo. Don't ask me why; things just happened).

It's the same tee as that one I posted from Hypebeast several moons ago in my blog. =D






I will check out the chomper beanie tomorrow.

Meanwhile, pray hope that Daddy would recover as soon as possible - it's kinda heartwrenching.

Sigh.

Cheers

Aunt Agony III 140407 (Continued from AA II 140407)

Originally posted by MarryMe:

wa kao, wise old man. how i wish my english as good as yrs. thanks. I understand but it's easy to listen but hard to do la. everyday i tell myself dun give up. take things easy. but very hard u know. especially when weekend comes. There so many new places coming up in Singapore yet I can't go with someone special. YEt thses places are crowded with loving couples and families. Even want to go overseas holiday also no one to go with. Got a stupid quote say, you are only young once, make full use of it. Seems like my youth will be wasted perhaps whole life also wasted. i dunno what i do to deserve all these.


Then you will always be a ranter for eternity - not someone that initiate and bring forth positive changes in your life.

I don't understand why would you have to 'benchmark' (this is currently the most 'in' word to use) yourself to couples you see on the street? Why does your self worth equate merely to the realms of relationship? You mean without love you are but a worthless piece of trinkets?

I cannot determine your self worth for you; if that's all it takes for you to have a wrapped, debilitated state of self esteem, it would be difficult for you to succeed anything in life. Your defeatist mindset will ruin whatever good work you try to introduce.

I merely posted one reply in your topic and immediately I see you go 'Oh no, cannot... very difficult... no way...' sort of reply-answer.

Not very difficult to see how far you could fare, not just in love, but also in life (as seen clearly in your other post).

Think hard about it.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 140407

Originally posted by MarryMe:
I'm really afraid. I'm getting older by the day and I am still single. I am so tired of waiting already. I want very much to get married. I do not want to be 50 and visiting the red light district. Yet no matter what I do, I simply cannot get attached. I have tried to "woo" many girls yet everyone of them seems to be waiting for someone better or show lack of interest. What is wrong with you girls? Most either continue further their studies or simply working or always waiting and concentraing on your careers. What is it with the society that everyone is so preoccupied with "success"? Am I not good enough? I am so fed up about life that everyday when I am alone I get so angry with people. Now I am becoming more selfish and cannot be bothered about other pple becos of this. I do not wish to be such a person but it seems like everyone is so selfish. Whatever happen to the good ol' days of love and simplicity? I really hate you girls. Hope you all rot in hell when you are single and old and unwanted. What am I to do? Is it so difficult to get attached?


Glancing at your previous topic and connecting it to this, I can't help but to perceive you as a ranter.

You probably tried to work hard, but met with some dismaying results. From there, you got disgruntled and got rancorously resentful. I don't know how it actually seemed to you, but I don't think your mindset is improving your situation any bits.

You are like a man who gazed into the mirror and had no problem with what you see in the reflection. However, unknown to you, the enigma derive from your blind spots; areas where you can't see it yourself but definitely it's there. Yes, you may twist and turn in all direction hoping to spot the blemishes, but there's only a limit on how much vision a one piece mirror could offer you.

A woman walked by and easily spotted the maculation you failed to see. In your mind eye, you reckoned that you had no noticeable flaws that would fail your attempt in the chase, but obviously, that isn't the case. Rejections follow and gradually you grew bitter. The poison increased in intensity and soon, to protect both the fragile ego and our brittle mind, you had to rationalize it to be the fault of woman.

If you hate woman so much that you wished them 'single and old and unwanted', then why would you 'need' them so much?

Perhaps the fear of loneliness is inflicting you with insanity - you are largely driven by desperation, not maturity, and a terribly lack of wisdom.

Perhaps if you embrace humility and work yourself from within, you might be able to achieve better result.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 140407

Originally posted by Nuad:
i have talked to many of my friends, alot of them seem to comment that singapore girls are now very wild, most of them complain that they (s'pore girls) are all now very materialistic, and um "open".

obviously this is generalizing, and i didnt really agree with them. until a few incidents concerning some female friends of mine.

well A , she was my good friend in secondary school, i actually liked A back then, its a ultra cliche liking-my-best-friend story (which was not successful). but i digress

i used to think she was angelic and the perfect girl next door.

its about 4 years later and we still are in contact, but some time last year when i was in camp(ns) for an open house, i was doing some duties when i recieved a call from a mutual friend of ours, he told me he needed to borrow some money, about $500, it was 530 in the morning, i was tired and pissed so i immediately refused. then i asked him why, he told me A was pregnant. his tone was serious, and i immediately squatted down on the ground and was thinking "WHAT!?" or "GAH!" i cant really remember.

well my mind linked it all up, to be pregnant , youd have to have had sex,
IMPOSSIBLE, i thought that was not possible with her, even worse i found out that she had gotten pregnant with an ex boyfriend, after they had broken up some months ago.

well its naive of me to think that she wouldnt have sex, but for me its shocking because i always picture her as the girl in secondary school.

but this may have happened because of lingering feelings with her ex, or so i thought, until oneday i went out with sec school pals for a gathering, i was walking with her in east coast, and she was telling me her escapades in clubs (i shall not elaborate), i was listening bewildered, what had possesed this once sweet girl?

then alchohol came, she started throwing herself at a guy. one of my good friends.

i took some of my friends who were more in contact with her aside, they said when they went clubbing with her once, she was dirty dancing with 2 guys at once, strangers.

and apparently she had went pretty far with that guy she was throwing herself at, at a chalet once held.

i slowly let it sink in, and the image of that girl i had once was destroyed no matter how i wanted to deny it.

so im wondering, are my friends right? are singapore girls like this? this is only one instance i admit, but she was the last i would expect that would be this way.and there i have other female friends like this too, perhaps i am too naive and this is the common thing?
or was i just holding some fantasy of her perfectness too much in my mind?



Beheld her as a woman embodied with angelic quality and perfection, but that's merely your perception. I am dead sure that your 'still-kept-in-contact' is but causal and superficial. Nothing too deep inside.

Chances are, you are not very close to her as well.

And that goes to show that you probably know next to nothing about her inner self, growth, experience and development of four years after graduation from secondary school.

Many things would have happen within this time frame and your perception of her is still the little girl at the age of sixteen. Of course there's much 'impression discrepancy' which you would need to update.

P.S: This has nothing to do with Singaporean Girls. Logically speaking, she cannot represent the entire woman folk as this is another isolated case. You may have a more prudent way of what woman should be and I am sure some woman wouldn't disagree with you, but that doesn't mean that your view is absolute to everyone.

Different people have different cosmic lessons in their life. That's how it always has been and will be.

Cheers