Aunt Agony 180407

Originally posted by DaExodus:
It all started roughly 8 months ago when my then friend found out that her bf had cheated on her by going out with a girl from Thailand. She initiated the breakup and the bf confessed and thus their relationship ended.

Before that, me and her rushed down to some ulu place where the bastard is working, hoping to confront him but he was nowhere to be found. It was a heartbreaking sight to see her crying in the bus and my heart aches for her. I have always had special attention towards her despite knowing she had a BF, I kept the distance.

Months passed, we got closer together and I tried to spend as much time as possible with her, even skipping school and giving up my CCA to be with her. We eventually became very good friend and I am close to their family as well. Out of the blue, the ex BF came back and want to have a patch.

Well, she hated him and asked him to FXXX OFF but he is rather persistent. Leaving food outside her house, smsing her and want to meet her after her work or at her void deck. I was with her all along and the only correct thing I knew was for her to ignore him. He couldnt stop and it breaks my heart to see her crying again after so many months.

I met with that bastard and told him I would convince her to be just friend with him but he was still under the impression of him having a chance with her. At that point of time, the girl already knew my likings towards her.

Well, the scenario didnt get any better instead the bastard used what he is best at, emotional blackmail. He threatens to kill himself, off his phone and got me and her hurrying all over singapore to find him but at the end he would call her and say he didnt want to die or else he would not be able to see her again.

Den came the letters, reminding her of the fun times they spent together and such. And of cos, I was with her all these while when he did all these stuff.

The hatred in my friend's heart soon subsides and she begin to be less cruel towards him. I thought it was best that I no longer care and just play my part but things went underground pretty soon for them.

She accepted him as a friend but this bastard tells her he gets jealous whenever he sees me with her and my friend, not knowing how to say no would tell him that she is alone when she is with me. I was terribly upset by her lies. I was just right infront of her when she said that. I do not know why she would feel that way after the shit things he did to her. This bastard kept using things like " You never remember the things we did together.." to bait her back. Im so distressed that I have lost count of the times I cried.

Am I right to say that if she doesnt state her stand firm, that bastard would never move on and me and her would never get a chance just to even try? Fellow forumes, tell me what should I do? We are having lots of fun time together and everytime the sms tone came, I cant help but feel sour because 60% it would be the bastard smsing her. She is rather timid and we both agreed that she finds it very hard to be mean.

I asked my close friends for advice, one told me that I have to prove myself to be the better one for her. I am willing to do that, I have prepared letters, like what Noah did to Eillie in the film the notebook. I record down every single day of activities with her and plan to give it to her but her shadow of the ex mades me feel helpless.

I was thinking, since she cant say no directly to the bastard, I would contact him personally but I know I cant say "fxxx off and die".
I do not think that the bastard character would understand the meaning of loving her. I tried the approach of " If you love her, you wan her to be happy" earlier on but he doesnt seem to get it even to the extent of ME asking her to go back to him if she is happy but she doesnt want it.

I have given everything just for a hint of spark in this relationship and I know that we can make it.


It's probably a karmic relationship as she finds difficulties in severing the twisted emotional bonds of her previous love. This man understands her vulnerability and seeks to exploit relentlessly - both psychological reinforcement and classical conditioning of alternate punishments and rewards is just plain devious and effective.

I would classify her under AOS as Drama Queen - people who often find themselves playing the victim subconsciously as it deflects their boredom and introduces 'wild colours' in their otherwise insipid life.

Now I gonna say harsh things that may clash with your personality, ideals or principles, but I want you to consider my words carefully.

***

In your situation, the first thing you ought to learn is to QUIT being (or acting) as a nice guy. If this is the woman you wanna be with, cease acting noble and let love govern your action instead. What's with the 'meeting up with the bastard' with you trying to negotiate for his advantage? Are you trying to line the carpet for your woman to return back to him and celebrate your utter failure which you could have inevitable led yourself into?

I fondly recalled CloUdiSm regarding the theory of Leadership in relationship - And goodness! I read through your entire post and you NOT only allow yourself to wallop in self pity WITH her (which you should have demonstrate strength instead), you accepted whatever plot this man had devised and ended up being a pawn in this game of emotional blackmail and pseudo-attempt-suicide.

I would have laughed my ass off if I was the one advising the OTHER man instead.

You are suppose to lead your woman my dear! And not let her lead you as you absurdly accompany this emotionally unstable woman to some 'wondrous adventures' weaved by her ex-boyfriend' and ended up making both of you miserable. I can understand her being emotionally and psychologically tormented by the man, but you are not her! Surely I should see some WISDOM and COURAGE to alleviate her suffering and teach her to embrace a new direction?

I don't think it's about her living in the shadow of her ex-boyfriend more than YOU living in the shadow of that man, forever beneath his presence.

Dude, if you want to make things work, you got to learn to live the REAL you. Drop diplomatic, politically-correct approaches and all the what’s not that society has somehow taught you. You should have seen my visage when I read all that you have written. Especially spare me the 'asking-her-to-go-back-to-him-if-she-is-happy' because that's totally crap in my opinion. Completely wrong context - probably taken out from a typical movie script and you don't even know what you are saying.

Let me ask you a question objectively: if this happens to your good friend you have no feelings for, would you even ask your good friend to return back to such a guy? In other words, back to hell?

Chances are, you wouldn't. So why the exception for the woman you love?

Sheesh.

Cheers