Aunt Agony II 290507

Originally posted by jefflim:
hi jus happened to chance upon tis forum.. been reading up a little here n there abt the life exp from the ppls in this forum.

tonight, im feeling kinda down atm..

to think of it, its been more than 2 yrs.. 2yrs of waiting..

have u ever waited for some1 that you eventually know she/he wont be yrs in e end..
put her in e 1st place, above everythin else. to me, she is even more impt to me than myself.. in my heart she's a impt person to me. the most impt in fact..

ive met her in sch. it was not love at 1st sight. i liked her bcuz .. umm.. i dun reali koe.but she does have a strong character, which is some what diff from the girls i know. when u love some1, it doesnt need a reason ye?

but to her.. i jus came to realised there's no place in her heart for me..
im jus so insignificant to her. its like she can jolly well do w/o me.

when i realised im in love with her, i din express to her. bcuz she had a bf of 5yr den.. i knew i had no chance. moreover im jus a normal lookin guy with nth to be proud of.

waited n waited.. i finaly let her koe of my feeling..i got rejected..

when she broke up with her bf, i was beside her . accompanying her.. tryin to cheer her up.. i thought i wld have a chance ..

when she was down with chicken pox, i was there for her too, bought her stuffs to eat even tho it takes 1.5hr for me to reach her hse..

til.. she met another new guy.. and got together in less than 1mth.. dat was one of the bottom low of my life. i din koe what to do or what can i actualy do..
jus feel so dead..

ive tried to stop contacting her.. stop going to sch bcuz im afraid tat the feeling wil be back whenever i c her. tried working myself to 3-4am in the morning b4 going home feeling weary n too tired to think of anythin..

jus when i tot i cld do it.. she sudenly told me that guy was jus playin with her.. she was feeling sad n down. i jus couldnt bear to c her in such a state, so i went back to her. accompanying her..

we became the best fren, going out alot.. smsing.. chatting on phone.. she wld alwiz tel me how she was doing n whats happening in her life
i sort of knew we might not be together in the end, but i jus cant make myself give her up. i love her alot, reali.

now that she's out working.. she's changed alot.. not that playful as she used to be. to be honest, i dun like girls who clubs or smoke.. but i kept telling myself that if i love her, i shld accept everythin. i eventually did. simply becuz i like her too much.. the change in her, makes me like her alot more..

thoughout the 2 yrs, ive changed alot for her.. my bad points that she was initially not happy with. i tried reali hard to change em.. eventually i succeeded. and she knew i changed for her..

and so.. it went on..

for some reasons, now adays she seem restless when she's tokin to me and replyin my sms. its like very mian qiang.. i duno whats wrong.. ive tried tokin to her, askin her what went wrong.. but she jus told me ytd that she find we have nth much to tok now adays..

ive tried to create topic.. it jus doesnt happen.. it takes 2 hands to clap , isnt it?

honestly im contented jus to be her best fren n to be by her side til she found some 1 who love her more than i do, a gd bf. i learn to let go when that time comes..

she's a nice girl.. she reali is.. actualy she told me a couple of times to give up.. i jus cant do it.
im feeling tired.. reali tired

going ns in a few wks time.. everythin might jus end.. jus cant help to feel so sad that no matter what i do, its jus useless..
i know im gonna miss her badly in there.. n to put it bluntly, i dont think she wil even care..

thnx for reading..everythi is inside me for so long..i jus wanted to let it out so that i wil feel better.. hopefuly..

if she ever see tis, i jus wan her to koe that to me she's a very impt person. no matter where i am, i sincerely hope that she wil find her happiness 1 day with smiles on her face every single moment of her life.


Always the second consideration, but never the choice - despite that, in comparison to how long you have literally invested, somehow it seemed a 'pity' to let go.

It becomes an accumulative effect and like gambling, the more money you lose, the more you felt that you can't halt, albeit you are bleeding profusely. You said you are tired, but you can't stop - that's an oxymoron.

Truth is that you reject the impossible notion and clung on like a furtive shadow, praying that somehow, miracles may happen and transform that lurking shadow into a man of flesh and blood one day.

Will that day ever happen? That's pretty much idealistic.

This woman may view you as a good friend, but romantically, it's way out of question. Being nice and all that stuff are great, but sometimes, it's more than just being a doormat in love. Of course, it may be noble to make claims as such in your last paragraph, but only time can tell if this will carry through. So many 'good guys' grew disillusioned, once believed in similar mindset, only to realized that they being 'good' is but a facade.

An aimless wait is probably one of the most depressing thingy ever. I say strike out and forge your own destiny in love. You are probably better off with someone who can and knows how to appreciate you as a whole - find her.

Cheers