Aunt Agony II 180407

Originally posted by chardz:
This is how my stories goes with a girl which i cant forget. The girl which makes a deep cut in my heart.

I knew this girl from my friend 2 years ago, after that we soon began to sms and soon to telephone. Than, we started studying together at a cafe, and after 3 months, i suddenly fall in love with her. How deep is my love towards her, i did not realise it till we broke up. Although we often quarrel, often hearing the word "break up" never once was true, till that day. She's the one who insist of breaking up but because of my patience, soon she decided to give it a try again. This is the wrong steps i made, and soon the sad story continues..

She had done me wrong before, by kissing with other guy during clubbing, but admited wrong and i also forgive her. Falling in love with other guy and admitted, again i forgive her. I never once was angry or thinking of taking revenge to her faulty. I never also once, bring it up to agitate her cause i believe in second chance. I gave her the freedom, which most of us here wouldnt give. I would allow her to go out with other guy 1 on 1 date, although i knew that the guy is interested in her. But cause i believe letting her try outside, before she knew that the one who is beside her is the one who really treasure her. Its sometimes funny that you'll know that by doing this is a risk yet you try it, maybe because you are hoping into a more serious relationship. But what i knew about her, her seriousness with me, her love towards me wasnt really true. Till now i am unable to face the reality that she leave me alone to clear up the trust i built all this years with her. When she said she wanted to leave me cause her feelings is not there anymore, i couldnt believe the fact and decided to check into a more details. Found out that she like another guy, whom she met and went out when i was away overseas. She told me before that she went out with this guy, but cause of my trust and the words she said " i wont like this guy one " i allow her. But who knows she leave me because of this guy. A guy who will love her, will sacrifice everything for her just to make her happy. A guy who is with her for years, when she needed him he'll always there. A guy who trusted her so much, and even though she break her trust again and again, he is willing to forget and forgive just like that. That is what she did to me for a guy who just appear infront of her just like that. Thats why i curse those people who spoil relationship of others. Till now, she is with the guy maybe happily, or maybe sadly. While me? I am running away everyday, sadness, sorrow. She knew that she and the guy will not end up well, but still she wanted to give it a try. I find it really really stupid for doing that. However also found myself so stupid to protect her again and again but she ignored it and take it for granted. Told myself a few times to leave her, maybe she'll learn her lesson one day. But as times goes by, my love towards her become decreasing and soon it'll fade away. But till now, my heart is fully with her. I began to reduce my sleeping hour, cause i hate sleeping as it give me nightmare of her and the guy laughing at me. I am unable to concentrate on anything i do, cause everything i do i will think of her. There was once, my friends asked me if one day she come back to you will you accept her. Till now, i told myself, i will. And i will even love her more and more. I will even do anything for her. I will forgive her and continue loving her.

Maybe sometimes we say that loving something is stupid, being loved by someone is better. I prayed, and asked her back. I dont want to get anything better, i just want her back by my side. I just want to love her.

:(



You are like an inebriated fool who has gambled and lost all his chips, while still having delusions that you are the God of Gambler.

You are narcissistic - you’re the kind of lover who only bothers about your love for her and disregard how it really feels on her side. You want her back... you want to love her and all those thingy that strongly hinted signs of being needy - that's truly anti seductive.

I like the way you handle trust - the absolute belief which I apply it myself. But when you know your trust is being trampled like cavalry troops on grassland, to be destroyed by the hooves of the stallions after the monstrous horde has passed, that's no longer trust - it's about being absurd and stupid.

She can cheat you, but that's because you continuously gave her the key and permission to trash you emotionally, leaving you scarred for life.

Looking deeper, your sign of being needy is a sign of poor emotional development. I do not know you personally and cannot pinpoint exactly, but several people came to me with different cases, but they all had the same essence of problem like yourself - the need to have a relationship or to love a particular person in order to find meaning in themselves.

The truth is that you can't derive anything from a relationship as the value and ultimate meaning in life is life itself. You can't go like 'oh my life sucks and only you could make it perfect' because that makes you clingy and that isn't a complementary effect to your overall emotional, psychological and spiritual growth.

Your love is too self absorbed - too much self pity scattered in large dosage across your post. I read your post and all I could see is 'I...' 'I...' 'I...'. It would very interesting if I get to speak to your ex-girlfriend because if I were to hear from her side of the story and relate the truth back to you, it would probably abrogate whatever little esteem and dignity you had left.

She is already a woman - she needs a man... not another woman.

Cheers