Aunt Agony 080507

Originally posted by melody83:
Have a quarrel with my mum yesterday about i wanting to go to Bangkok with my friends (her and her bf) and my bf in Sep. But my mum strongly against it so she scolded me and my friend for inviting me to go Bangkok with her and her bf. Mum even said my friend "People hiao, u also hiao. People go tour with bf why must invite both of u?"

I really cannot stand my mum. i really don't see that there is anything wrong for going for a holiday with my bf. I already 24 and my bf 28. Me and him have been together for 4 yrs. And y must all this sort of nonsense be happening to me? Cannot go chalet, cannot go anywhere that must stay overnight. Cannot go bf's house cannot come back before 12 midnight. Everytime go out with bf very stress, always must go back on time. If fail to do so, she make sure she scold me till i cry for two days before her anger goes off. Although she gives me what i want, she control my freedom. I get things i wanted but not freedom! Even hid my passport so that i cannot get out of the country.

y, y must she be like that.. she knows my bf dun smoke, dun drink, never go pub and all these..

i really wanna to go holiday with my friends and bf



Your mum is probably paranoid - overprotective of her daughter as well as the dignity of the family's name, fearing that should one day [i]things[/i] just happened and you got pregnant due to lack of proper protection or common sense.

Your mum is a classic believer of 'I-trust-your-man-but-I-don't-trust-man-in-general'.

The panacea to this plight is of course a marriage.

But meanwhile, what you could do is to expand the boundary of what you can do and cannot do through proper dialogue, communication and trust. She probably needs to know much more about your boyfriend before she could decide if she feel safe putting her daughter in his hand. Probably tons of family dinner, causal meet up in your house, goodwill and stuff to familiarize your mother with this man you are dating.

From there, say if you must be back before 12 midnight, work to stretch until 1 a.m. Then maybe about 3 a.m. so on and so forth. Always let your mum know that your boyfriend will ensure the responsibility and safety to bring you back home well and intact.
When you rebel outrageously - chances are, it wouldn't go too well with your mum and she might even think that your rebellious act is instigated by your boyfriend. In the long run, it hurts goodwill and bonds.

You want your freedom, but your mum wants security. Can you work to balance the equation?

Cheers