Aunt Agony 110507

Originally posted by whenwilllifegetbetter:
This is kinda sad, but i feel like i have no friends at all...
I've been in NUS for 1 year already, and i haven't made any real friends. There are some 'regulars' that i sit with at lectures, tutorials, etc, but i've never gone out with them at all, not even for lunch, or after exams... and it doesn't help that we have this module system, where you see a different group of pple each semester... and worst of all, everyone around me seems to have a "clique" already, from their sec sch or jc, so nobody really wants to befriend me :cry:
i don't enjoy the company of my CCA mates, i just find them very silly and childish... i don't feel like laughing at their jokes. is there something wrong with me? i used to have some friends in jc, sec sch, but i noticed that each year, the number decreased, until now it'd zero :cry: i find myself getting more and more withdrawn each year... i had one friend in sec sch who was in my class for 4 years, and in sec 3 she told me that i used to be fun (in sec1&2), but i became less fun and more serious. I had another friend who was sort of best friends with me in lower sec, and then she sort of 'dumped' me towards the end of sec 2, and really left me all alone. And i think ever since then i've been avoiding getting close to anyone. But i know i'm over that now, i really,really, really wanna have close friends again, friends that i can go out and eat with, go shopping, watch movies, and just bum around with, share my problems with. the problem is, i don't know anyone that i would really want to have as a friend. I hate nus, i feel like an alien here, everyone is just so different... i felt that way in jc, but to a lesser extent. And now i keep discovering that people that i see in classes and cca,pple i used to know in sec sch, are organising outings and they don't even bother to ask me. :cry: but anyway it's not like i really enjoy their company... and i keep getting the feeling that everyone in nus looks down on me, cos i'm not very outspoken/glam/popular.
i'm so screwed. why do i not like doing the things that other people like to do? it seems that people in nus like to eat at fancy places, plan trips to hongkong,europe, etc. somehow i find that these things very extravagant, take up a lot of money, but not meaningful, or fulfilling... and i don't feel excited about going to europe,etc, yet all around me people seem so cheery about it. i don't get it! are they just being fake, and pretending to be excited, just to seem interesting? Or maybe travelling the world and eating at fancy restaurants is a joy that only rich pple(more than half of nus) can understand? Even with the money i earn from my vacation jobs, even though it's enough to do those things, i don't feel any excitement about those activities. i'msosad :cry: And speaking of vacation, this must be the worst vacation ever, cos i've got no friends to go out with... just work,work,work. and my family, although they are bearable, there's just no common ground for me to be close with them, we're all so different...
maybe there's soething wrong with me, maybe i should go see a shrink...
nowadays i just feel that life is so meaningless. is it possible to die from loneliness? as in loneliness of not having friends... see i'm so sad and lonely, i don't even care abt getting a boyfriend, i'd be happy just to have a few nice pple as close friends... what do you think i should do? how do i find nice pple to be friends with, when everyone i know doesn't seem like my kind? maybe i am too gloomy a person... if i had the money i'd leave the country and start afresh, cos' there's nobody here worth staying for. :cry:
P.S. sorry for the extremely long post.



People often seek for companionship with qualities similar to themselves - be it mindset, lifestyle, personality or even 'status'. Likewise, you should source for the same kind of friendship in that sense.

It's a vicious cycle - the more you reckon that people don't involve you in their activities or cliques, the more withdrawn you become. In that sense, you are the one that push people away, subtly, from you and not vice versa because everybody would be thinking that you prefer isolation but in actual fact, you don't.

And of course, the mind would take its defensive stance to protect itself, by believing that you do not 'need' them to survive in order to justify your rationale.

To evolve, you must take bold steps in implementing those changes.

i) Seek for self understanding. Do this exercise: jot down all your strength and weakness, likes and dislikes and include the things you are interested to pursue/learn/do.

ii) Seek for interest. By understanding what you like, you further yourself by pursing things that would generally make you happy and passionate about. The easiest way to make friends is when people have similar interest. And conversation is made easier in that sense, the initial scope of topics can revolve around the interest.

iii) Seek for acceptance. Understand that there are things you may not fancy, however, seek to understand that people are different. But being different doesn't mean you must project an extreme aversion to them. Walk in their skin and learn to see from their perceptive. In general, be more accepting to the people around you and at the same time, keep an open mind.

I hate cigg smoke, but that doesn't mean I avoid making friends with smokers. Seek to understand the importance of freewill and people's choice - accept the way things worked.

Cheers