Aunt Agony 230507

Originally posted by Vampire X:
I know its wrong, but I can't help it. I must be crazy. My boyfriend X is a nice chap, however he often cares alot on his face. Sometimes, due to some occasions which will make him lose face, he will scold me & ignore me for a while, and always point that I am wrong. I did told him about my view but he still think I am wrong. He always find my behaviour wrong & impolite & trying to correct me. An example is when a stranger accidentally knock onto me from behind (which I am unable to notice at all) , my boyfriend X will say I am wrong not to let people walk first. Sometimes I cannot stand the way he treat strangers nicer than me.

Recently, I have a bit of liking on my colleague Y who is a very nice guy. He often sms me to encourage me. I will smile when I see Y sms but I always tell myself I cannot "hiew" Y as I already got a boyfriend. I cannot have a chance to be in the kind of temptation at all. I should be loyal to my bf but frankly speaking my bf often ignores me when he is busy at work. He seems to be able to live without me. But still he is with me for 5 years and I should not be in love with someone else. I am confused. Can anyone help me?


Your man is a traditional man, being relatively conservative in his approach with affection and appreciation. Man like him tends to display a 'reverse' order in attitude towards their relationship as they generally buy the self belief that love means having to discipline... the way parents do to their child and tell them that's love for them. They will probably relate this typical story: 'If I didn't care for you, you think I even bother to scold you?'

The traditional man also sees himself as the provider and his ability to provide comes from his career. He may seemed nonchalant when it comes to his work, because he's fighting a war out in the corporate world, attempting to improve his market value, job prospect, salary, promotion, learn new skill sets and everything else that could give him any form of opportunities to become a better provider in the long run... insofar as to be able to provide a better life for his SO (significant other) and his future kids.

Unfortunately, in that perceived 'near-perfect' macro picture, the traditional man often omits the finer brush details and neglected the woman's emotional needs. And if he subconsciously decides that the length of the relationship itself, which is actually false pride, could surmount most challenges, that sort of mindset could cost him a hell of a price to pay.

There are times when a woman would be equally happy even if their man merely sits with her, while watching her favourite show together and devouring that tub of ice cream.

I won't say that Y is definitely a viable candidate for you to leap ship, but surely, he enlightens your long-suppressed heart and mind by revealing the frustration you experienced in your current relationship.

Would you have faced this conundrum if your relationship is blissful? Not likely or at least you wouldn't be so affected.

Looking deeper; why is your relationship so unfulfilling for you? Is it because you are NOT communicating enough to build that basis understanding and expectation of what a relationship should be like? Chances are, your man has no idea of what you are feeling absolutely, despite leading the relationship for five years, as it appears to me like you are very accepting about the unnecessary evil that is causing your unhappiness.

It would probably be worse if his parents are exuding such qualities as well - those sublime early childhood influences might just linger far too much.

Before you execute him from your life - give him a fair trial. At least, imho, if your situation improves, you might still want this relationship ultimately. Date him out and give a solid heart-to-heart talk. Make this matter a known case and at least see if there's a mutual agreement/solution to resolve it.

Cheers