Originally posted by OrionB:
I have procrastinated long enough, I was always hesitating if I should write in here and share my r'ship dilemmas, and also gathering valuable advices frm the people roaming the forum at the same time. But I guess it's time, or I'll never be truly happy in my relationship.
One thing for sure, I admit that I am a possessive girlfriend. To what extent, maybe you guys can decide for me?
A typical scenario would be I am displease whenever he's around girls. I could just start an argument over little things that concern his girl-friends. Is this normal? Or am I being overly-possessive? Sigh. I know he isn;t the type who would turn his back against me, but still, knowing that he is around girls just make me feel ultra uncomfortable. What's with me? He tries to pacify me sometimes, and after awhile I would brush it away and be back to normal. But it comes back again.
I think I have highly fluctuating moods.
Another thing is that, I am extremely unhappy whenever he neglects me or something like that. For eg, if he replies a tad late (via sms most of the time), or if he forgets something such as bringing smth he said he would bring during our date, I'll be utterly upset.
This is childish, I know. But I can't seem to run away from this nature in me! One moment, i resolve to be selfless, that love should not be selfish, that i should trust him blah blah, and the next day, my willpower dissolve and I am back to the immature me.
There were times I blurted out hinting that we should just end the relationship, but somehow or other, we managed to resolve our problems at that point of time and continued being together. But that was only temporary before my childish act comes running back to me.
Friendships were never like this, only relationships. My previous one was the worst one ever, I don;t noe if it affected me into how I am today.
But that's not the point, I just want to know how should I (the possessive one) handle the relationship? Or should I set my partner free? I know he feels suffocated at times. Haiz.
I sometimes wonder if I should had step into a relation at all in the first place. Right now, whenever I feel like letting go, pain stops me completely. It's too hard to say break up. It hurts like crazy.
You lead a very intense relationship because you are unable to tame your emotions and yet allow it to consume you absolutely. Your failure to evolve has little to do with willpower; possessiveness can only be dissolve through wisdom and higher enlightenment. And ironically, pain exalts possessiveness. Therefore without the presence of wisdom, it's often reiterated cosmic lessons.
No amount of induced pressure can dispel this emotional juggernaut - you will only heighten your frustration and deepen the intensity of your struggle. There are many possibilities as of how did you acquire this poison in life, but regardless of circumstances, one thing remains common: possessive is almost like an emotional Trojan residing inside of you, perpetually seeking to introduce 'communism' with every relationship you encounter, as you see your partner as a form of commodity/possession, subconsciously working to deprive of your relationship of maturity, space and growth (it's worst if you are heavily bogged down by several fixed aspects in your natal chart).
The truth is that you will eventually ravage your own relationship with your bare hands as your emotional affliction take step to dominate - akin to demonic possession. You find yourself usurping the crown of power and tilt the equilibrium towards you in full swing, albeit the division of power is originally split equally between the couple.
***
Allow me to banish some myth in which you would probably see yourself in:
I) "I am possessiveness because I am afraid of losing someone I love. And it's only right because it's somebody I love.'
The truth is that you indulge yourself in fear - so much fear that the essence of love is hardly even present. The word 'Love' is very much desecrated by the notion of fear, like a malicious spirit lurking behind a corrupted idol. If I could reframe the context, it will look like this:
"I am possessiveness because I am fearful. And it's only right because I fear.'
And I tell you because of ONE negativity, your entire life actually work to compromise and bends, sometimes illogically and breaking structures, outwardly to support this fear.
Let me illustrate a linear example that comes back in one circle:
> Because you fear, you are possessive.
> Because you are possessive, you exert militaristic control.
> Because you militaristic control, you rob space & growth of your love.
> Because you rob space & growth of your love, the foundation of your relationship is feeble.
> Because your foundation of your relationship is feeble, your relationship does not have the natural mechanism to fend off crisis.
> Because your relationship is unable to fend off crisis, it perishes or decimate greatly.
> Because your relationship perishes or decimate, it triggers more fear.
> And the cycle repeats.
In reality, the above relationship is much more complex - the connection is usually more radical, affecting all aspects of your life.
Just because of ONE negative condition in life - Fear.
***
II) 'Being possessive is natural'
That's completely bull - Possessiveness is an affliction that disguised itself behind many 'noble' intention/s. The noble intention is but a facade.
***
In my years of doing relationship analysis, I can tell you that people suffering from possessiveness never truly shake away from this. Most people live with this affliction till they expire from earth and thus, they will never experience the true happiness of love - forever chain up in primary dimension of love... never promoting.
There are only three ways to eliminate this Scorpio-classic: I will tell you the third pointer
Achieve human revolution – You first learn to discard your old self and learn to accept growth in love - not deny them. You learn to confront your fear and not having to succumb to it by having to compromise your circumstance to patch this negativity. Be religious and spiritual; pray with conviction to the higher entity you believe in or communicate to your inner self in sincere dialogue to evolve and the strength to remove this affliction that prevents you from attaining true happiness.
Cheers
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