Aunt Agony 080706

Originally posted by Insightist:
Met a girl a yr ago. Met her at an outing with my friends. She wasnt a head turner, a lil on the heavy side but had an attractive and confident personality. We exchanged numbers and a week only were we together. The first date ended well, subsequently, she steered the relationship rather rapidly which often left me confused and tired. I was what she was looking for, but for me, i wouldnt mind being together if we had similar interests and chemistry. Everything happened so fast that whatever beliefs i had in what a proper relationship should start and be were compromised. Overtime, through the months we were together, we quarreled often. Many a times i was left thinking if all these were worth it. She knew i would be leaving for overseas studies, and many a times the fact broke her heart which nearly left me stressed out myself...

I feel so responsible for her. I had to go overseas whether she liked it or not. It was my last chance for greener pastures and an oppportunity to make ig good once more. She constantly needed assurance if she was in my plans for the future. She feared she wasnt in it. Honestly, im confused if she's the one. Since the day we were together, there have been too many differences which really left me confused. Everytime we quarreled n made up, i secretly prayed and hoped God n time would lay the path out for us. The only thing i could do for her was to be as honest and truthful and responsible with my words. She's from a rather complicated background but all has been settled. She's financially tight that often left me worrying for her when she spends unnecessarily. Frequently i am often thinking of ending it all, but somehow i feel guilty to think of such thoughts. What is it with me? Before, all my previous relationships when the slightest hint of uneasiness about the relationship i would have ended it there and then. But i dunno what's holding me back. Her relatives all feel that she has found the right one and often they nag at her to treasure what she has. It has left alot of pressure on me. Whenever marriage is brought up, i try my ways and means to evade it. There's so many things i ahve not accomplished n done that i feel i want to experience them before thinking about settling down. Also, because of all these, i oftenlook at other girls. Thinking that i should deserve a better one.

Is it because of my past experiences in life that has left me compromising the best for second best? that all the mess i have brought upon myself? Why? I needed to let it all out....i feel im gonna implode. Help.


One week of knowing each other and you leaped into your relationship? (Uranus influence)

How wise could that be?

Your differences and minding it now is because of that risk you took without having to understand the woman you are having. It is like purchasing a product out of folly/heat of passion and realising it doesn't fulfil your needs.

The foundation of relationship is weak (CloUdiSm classify it as Morning Foundation). And that obviously, whenever any complications are forecasted, you wouldn't have that fighting spirit to overcome it.

A relationship easily gain is easily lost.

She needed someone like you, but it may not be the case for you. Cruel to say, this must be mutual and if it isn't, it would be difficult for the relationship to grow beyond a certain level. Obviously you feared the topic of marriage because you are feeling the 'cognitive dissonance' and that you feared to stamp promise onto something you may not fulfil them.

Forget about the notion of marriage if your relationship can't even stand by itself.

She is trying to gain security through marriage - which is a fool's decision if one thinks that marriage is the panacea to relationship conundrums and that everything will settle by itself.

You are already thinking of exiting (or getting someone better) - I don't think even think that your Love is substantial to deter you from doing that. Once you have resolved your moralistic view, you would probably dash out immediately and this relationship would cease to exist.

If you know that you don't want this woman and that all reasons are supporting it, give it up before she weave more dreams and hopes towards a relationship that was never meant to be. Don't paint your woman a artistic picture of Love when in fact you are not truthful on your side of inner communication and feeding her with commas and question marks in your tale. I am pretty sure this suppression of yours has revealed nothing of what you have posted here to her.

You may want to talk about this, with maturity and wisdom and decide what you want for yourself, for her and for this relationship.

Cheers