Aunt Agony 290706

Originally posted by Claudia_2006:
Hi everyone

What I am going to share with you is something that is bothering me recently. I am not asking for trouble here but I really do not know where to turn to. I cannot share this with my friend. As you read on, you will see what I mean.

I am happily married to the nicest guy who holds a stable job, is loving and caring. Other than working, he spends all this time with me and tries to do things for me and with me. He is all that any woman will want to marry. I am glad and I know I am lucky and blessed.

But in recent weeks, I am bugged with this thought. The thought of having a fling outside. Yes, in the past, I used to have many boyfriends and I changed boyfriends like nobody's business. All my friends had a hard time remembering who I was going out with.

It sounds fun and crazy and it was indeed fun to have new guys every now and then. But soon I realised that I did not like this kind of lifestyle. It just wasn't me. I decided that I was after all still very much conservative and I longed to settled down with somebody stable and loving.

Soon I met my husband. He is not the romantic kind that will surprise me with roses and presents. He is the homely kind that likes to stay at home with family to have dinner and watch TV. This is the perfect kind of husband -- the stay-at-home kind of man. He even helps out with housechores and groceries.

Everything, except sex life, is perfect after we got married. Due to the nature of his work, he is highly stressed and doesn't perform much in bed. Even when we were newly wed, we didn't make love more than once a week.

Recently, as mentioned earlier I have been thinking about having an affair outside. I don't think it has to do with my low sex life with my husband, or rather, I don't really know either.

When this thought first came to me, it was not so much of having sex with other men. I didn't think of having one night stand or something. But rather, I was more into having a fling, a short time relationship. I suddenly miss infatuation. I miss the strong emotion that I used to have when seeing new guys.

I have been married for a short while only, definitely less than 7 years. So this shouldn't be a 7 years itch kind of symptom. It is bugging me and I dare not share with any of my friends, even the girls. Because the whole world think that I have a perfect husband and they will scream my head off for sharing this with them, instead of helping.

I hope to hear some advice here or find out where I can get helped.

Thank you for your time reading this.


We are all born sexual. Sex is definitely essential to a holistic living in a marriage, but on the other hand, we live in webs of suppressive conditioning which work to restrain the flow of sexual energy, the recognition of impulse and need and the fulfilling sexual interaction with others.

Your higher consciousness relates about your wild past and that you know it isn't something you will seek ultimately. That creates the suppressing condition because circumstances is waging war against this higher consciousness, in which you knew for sure that if you succumb to your past behaviour, you will face torment and suffering. At the greatest cost, you could also lose your marriage.

I believe you are not nymphomania; just that sexual frustration will definitely lead to emotional frustration. The combination of two - devoid of romance and sexual fulfillment often blurs our vision in love and that we began to question ourselves: if we have make the right decision, why are we feeling empty?

You must understand that we are unique individuals, with separate sets of needs. Therefore, if these needs are not met, we seek to fulfill them.

Even in a seemingly impeccable marriage/relationship, there are invisible imperfection we must seek to amend. If you allow this frustration to grow, (and with critical planetary crisis) you will implode from within and lose your position to control your situation.

Your emotion is 24 times stronger than your mind. Should there be a day when you lose your mind - you lose yourself.

Not possible? Nothing is absolute - I give you one possible scenario: when alcohol is involved (Under intoxicated mode, Neptune influence, Moon takes over our consciousness and we become another person).

***

I believe that we must constantly preview and renew our relationship. Even we have probably the best relationship ever, if we do not seek to work on it, all will crumble in time to come.

We must humble ourselves, with maturity and wisdom, and recognize that there are indeed issues we have to resolve. These are definitely touchy issues that could trigger him into defensive mode, but it is always better to discuss mutually and be open with what's wrong, than to pretend that all is going well until all hell break loose. When frustration breeds unconsciously, we resolved them through communication - this is the only proven-to-work method (which is widely known, yet not commonly practiced).

Currently, you may have the strength to reason with yourself and resist infidelity, but how sure are you to know that this strength will shield you forever?

When you talk to him, please note you probably need many... many... many... many of such session before things get better. Remember:

I) It's a sharing session, not a trashing one.

II) DON'T EVER GET PERSONAL.

III) If he is triggered into aggressive mode, just listen to his views. Speak in summary and keep things short. Work on it the next round.

IV) If he triggered into defensive mode, speak objectively than emotionally. Tone to be gentle and avoid sounding like you are admonishing/picking on him.

V) Seek for possible solutions mutually.

VI) Never forget that you love him and he loves you. Knowing is not enough, people likes to be told that they are loved. If things are tricky, always remember this point.

I wish you well.

Cheers