Aunt Agony 020706 (ShrodingersCat X yunhaier)

Originally posted by hunter:
hi

i am in a fixed.

i think i fell for one of my colleague.
nvr hv i hd that kind of feeling before towards a girl.
the only exception being my wife.

i cant help it, each time or rather every day when i see her, i feel happy and wanted/hv the urge to go up to her and talk to her. sometimes, i just steal glances at her. Sometimes, she will come over and talk to me and I always look towards that.

I know I shouldnt even be thinking about it but i cant help it.
my feelings for her is strong. I really show concern to her.
when she's sick, i ask her to take a day off as i cant bear to see her 'suffer'.
my wife doesnt know and i tell no one.

i feeling very lousy. both she and i are married.
she's the type of girl whom i like and wanted to marry. unfortunately, the woman i married is not my type but we married anyhow because of the special feel we hv for each other. Pls dun be mistaken, I still love my wife very much.

It's just that i cant shake off the 'feel' for this colleague of mine.

i do not know whether she knows i like her or not but women usually have very good instincts. If she knows, then she is putting up a very good show as she doesnt show any annoyance or trying to avoid me. In anycase, she cant avoid me totally cos i am her immediate superior.

I tried not to have such feelings but i just cant seem to be able to 'erase' her fm my mind. I keep thinking about her. I feel the 'lost' when she's on leave. in fact, i hv the urge to hold her and care for her.

i am threading on dangerous ground.

Can the expert advise what shd i do?


Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:

I think first of all, one must accept that regardless of whether you are married or not, you WILL find people who are attractive to you. We are only humans, and if you think you will NEVER see someone you might find likeable, then you have no preparation to face an encounter like this. In fact, I always think it is good to have someone you enjoy looking at while at work. It helps u to want to go to work.

Secondly, I think you need to first address the 'home ground' issue. You may love ur wife now. But trust me, it is very easy for human beings to make 'excuses' to themselves. The moment your wife (also being human presumably) does something that irritates you or frustrates you, you will start to 'explain' to yourself that the whole marriage thing appears to have problems. Previously, you might be pissed off but forgive more easily. But now, you have a reason to not forgive and forget that easily. So what to do?? I agree w above poster that during weekends when not 'affected' by outside attraction, to plan something special for your wife and 'fill' up whatever emptiness you feel inside ur heart and try to enjoy the time spent w ur wife as much as u can. Basically protect ur home ground, make it a pleasant place for yourself
Thirdly, don't think about ... 'this type' and 'that type' Its VERY limiting. Most human imagination have a 'type' that they think is 'ideal' What they don't realise that simply because something don't fit the 'type' doesnt mean it isnt IDEAL for themselves. Most guys would say 'their type' is the type of wife that is sweet, demure, good natured acceptably pretty.. bla bla..but most men don't marry women like this primarily becos MOST women arent sweet, demure, good natured all the time.

For an inexplicable reason, my husband suggests you tell ur wife. (hmmm! He says he would tell me) I think if your wife is that type that can understand what's happening :). This might make both of u closer even! Hee... human nature is something that can be rather unpleasant. Helps if both of u learn to stand on the same line to fight against it.



I remembered a planetary influence on Love after marriage; it slipped off my mind. Regardless, this is blatantly a karmic relationship. Both are unavailable and you are like trying to help yourself, but circumstances is not very helpful to your solutions.

If circumstances is not helping you, you got to enlighten yourself on why you should maintain professional image and not pursue this potential sub-rosa relationship before it escalate beyond control. It has to be from within because only self enlightenment could save you from degenerating.

Anyone could tell you anything - but I am pretty sure nothing gets into you because it seemed to me that you are resisting it. Somewhere in your subconscious, you may probably and secretly hope that circumstances may lead to something-but-not-yet-destructive-to-your-marriage, but lemme tell you this is the first step to a wrecked marriage.

ShrodingersCat made a very crucial point (you must read her post carefully) - And to place the icing on the cake; you thought you are generally 'manageable' because it is probably only one sided. If she happens to revealed to you that she has fallen for you - probably only divine intervention could save you from this karmic debt.

Knowing about your situation is only one thing - what have you planned to do is another.

One year and you are still stuck in this confusion?

It speaks much about your reluctance and refusal to keep things professional while hoping for 'something' isn't it?

Think about it.

Cheers