Aunt Agony II 290706

Originally posted by sassysapphire86:
I've been with a guy for the past 4 years, and im 21 years old now. But lately i have realized that i no longer have the same feelings i did when we first started going out. But at the same time, im so indebted to him, cus he gave me so much support when i was studying in the States, and he was in the Navy. Time difference, plus my busy schedule, plus the fact that i was hardly at home during weekends (partying), yet he stuck through and i appreciated having an anchor so rock-solid. Once i returned home, its been different, my feelings are different. Even he commented that i dont like to cuddle up anymore etc etc (you know..). And i come up with some lame excuse & yet he accepts it. I don't know where im headed. My parents wouldn't approve of him as hes not the academic sort, but my family is REALLY academics-oriented (Harvard, MIT, Cornell, and for me- Purdue). So i always tell myself that IF i want to end it, i better to it now before i'm in too deep.

Yet, i'm so confused because i don't want to throw away this relationship based on the fact that 'i don't love him anymore' & also because i don't want to hurt him. He's told me so many times, not to leave him ever, that he will marry me, & so much stuff that it really hurts me to even THINk that my feelings aren't there anymore. I need help & pronto!

Thanks ya`all. I really appreciate the time you took out to read a little part about my life.


You are probably subjected to your family's influence regarding their expectation of a son-in-law and that may constitute partial reason why you are demoralize about your own relationship (minus the fact that your relationship may be long and sunk into habitual/routine mode), but ultimately, the man whom you would be living with for the years to come is you... not your family.

They think what is best for you, but they ain't you - only you know what is suitable and best for yourself, for you are no longer a little girl and you must learn to make decision for yourself.

That would bring us to another point: if your feelings have vanished, I don't know if you could allow yourself to be with a man you have no feelings for. Chances are, it could be temporal; maybe you should allow yourself one good shot at rebuilding this relationship, before deciding that love is truly gone.

NEVER love for sympathy; that's extremely cruel for his growth in love. You don't want to have a scene when he embrace you... with you in his mind while your soul isn't around or worst, is with another guy. A decisive break up may tear him apart emotionally, but certainly, you don't want to waste more of his 'investment' unto something that is returning pseudo-dividends.

You could just be delaying the inevitable.

If you want to have a good shot at this, learn to talk about your relationship in a more wholesome picture, than engaging in conversation that spells fear or 'don't-leave-me-or-I-die' sort of thingy. It's negative communication and that usually backfire all efforts to change an impending doom. He must know that he has to help this relationship, by assisting you to have a good shot at rebuilding or it would probably be a one-person effort and you will succumb to passiveness after some time.

He must know that this relationship has hit an iceberg and repair must be done.

P.S: Humans are so often self-absorbed - they think so much about themselves that they wouldn't bother what their love truly needs. If love was enlightened, maturity would have understood that love that must go... will go... and that everything that coerced it to remain will be futile.

First sight of love... last breath of wisdom...

Cheers