Aunt Agony 090308

Originally posted by j_dsowner:

okay i admit, i'm female and she's female.

she was my classmate in secondary school. she wasn't in my clique yet , only around secondary 3 she joined our clique cos we ended up in the same class again after streaming.

that was when we two became extremely close, like besties.

i fell in love with her during that period of closeness and we have remained close ever since.

only till the beginning of sec 4 i intro-ed her a guy whom i know [ cos i tot i liked that guy and i was hoping that the guy liked me ]

in the end i found out the guy was jio-ing her. and soon after i've received a msg from her that they stead liao.

and yea of cos i got deeply hurt and i'm not gonna emphasis too much on that cos it'll result me in self pity again.

and now it's been 2 years since they have been together and they are still together and the problem here is,

i'm still in alot of pain whenever i tik tat she is with him, and we quarreled quite a few times when she cldn't go out with me.

but then when she is with me i feel very happy as if she is the other person in my life.

and sometimes i really do feel like telling her the truth and stuffs like that. i regretted alot not confessing to her in the past cos i almost have a feeling that she had a little feeling for me too cos i did alot alot to touch her heart many times. that's why i felt that i had a chance, but of cos ruined by that guy.

and now i'm stuck on telling her the truth. [ take note i'm still besties with her even tho we're diff sch now ]

shud i tell her that i have feelings for her for 3 years already or just kip my heart shut and wait till .. when?

once i've imagined her wedding day in the future and i reali had thoughts that i will commit suicide on that day cos i know i will feel alot of pain if i have to attend her wedding.

i even pictured myself willing to undergo sex change just to be with her for the rest of my life.

so i'm still very confused whether i should continue being good to her and wait for her or just move on. [ but i know the second option is damn hard. ]

one thing i have not yet spoken about is how i feel towards her,

yes sometimes i really do think that maybe cos i just needed someone by my side and i may have mistaken it as love.

but the feeling was more than that. I always wanted to protect her from hurt from her stead. Whenever she's sad and stuffs like that i'm always there to cheer her up and make her smile. I always want the best for her, like her birthday i always think of ways and means to surprise her and make her happy on her birthday.

and for the sex change topic, i'm not someone who rushs into things without thinking. i just imagined myself in the future doing that just for her. but now i know i have no right to go for sex change because firstly, my family is one factor, even if my family accepts, there is still friends and relatives. there's alot of impact that will affect my life.

and yes i do want a happier future where we both can still be in contact with each other and close with each other [ without any more pain here on my side ] Forgetting her is no longer an option because she is a best friend whom i know will last for many years later. I've tried to talk more and socalise more with guys but i just feel that i'm always more comfortable being with girls.

I also admire girls who dare to chase other girls like speaking out their feelings and so on. they're just so brave and even if they got rejected [ i know some cases and heard of them too ] they still end up great friends with the person they like.

anyway i feel that i need to live my own life instead of living a life of hers. like always waiting for her to end school or end work to talk to her. always wait for her online at night to talk to her. alway wait for her to go offline den go slp.

don't u all think my life is a waste?

It's not just a lesbian thingy; it's coupled with an unrequited love/fettered by your socio-cultural environment, which suggested the likelihood of a karmic relationship. Your relationship with her is close to the point of obsession and her presence will probably heighten your unhealthy obsession towards her. This is one classic blueprint of a karmic relationship and generally bestow you nothing but misery. Thus, there is no way you can remain close, yet without you having to feel the pain because your suffering is derive from a combination of sexual identity crisis and delusion.

You are feeling intense because of your inability to resolve this sexual identity crisis and simultaneously, you are unable to liberate your suppressed emotions and live a free soul.

Therefore you must first understand that this crisis is very real and it's not something that goes away naturally by sleeping. You wore a mask for three years and shouldn't it be the time to get it all out once and for all? But surely, you must take into consideration that she might freak out and your friendship might never recover ever again.

You need to do what you need to and move on if things don't go your way. If she is only treating you as a good friend, all your 'affectionate gestures' will not be perceived by her romantically.

You need to have a stronger sense of self awareness and decide your route in life.

Only by knowing, would you be able to understand the path you opt to take eventually.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 050308

Originally posted by Joi_lin:

I am depressed for being so single, and can foresee myself being left on the shelf for the rest of my life. Really envious of people who are good and healthy relationships. I am already in my late twenties and didn't engage in the relationship for years. I feel I have already missed the boat in finding a partner as most of my colleagues are married or engaged. I feel there is a stigma attached to singlehood. But I do not want to walk into a dating agency and grab anyone who fancies me. To me, relationship must be mutual.

So many people around me already talking about babies, mother-in-laws etc.I feel so outdated. And often get questions about when are you getting a boyfriend? getting married? you already not young, do not be choosy, etc etc.

Sometimes, I do wonder if every woman on earth must get married. I somehow feel an unmarried woman has some inbalance in her life. Looking at some of the unmarried old woman I know, they seem to experience certain things like bad temper, insecurity, loneliness, defensiveness, extremely sensitive, etc. I just afraid I would end up being like that soon.

Many a time, I wonder what is wrong with me. I always feel awkward when I attend gatherings/ lunches whereby people talk about their other half. Usually people will find me pleasant , in other words, they think I am simple -minded, easy-to-please person. However, to the contrary,I am more opinonated and independent. Perhaps thats put people off. And after the first date, I didnt hear from the other party anymore. Then, again I wonder if i should act dumb, pretend to be agreeable to look more attractive to others, in other words act according to my looks. By the way, I am not even materialistic in the first place.

I just find it frustrating. Sometimes I think maybe when I hit the big 30, I do not want to socialise anymore. Everyone will be talking about partner/family issues which I can no longer understand.

I think I can make up part of growing singles, who are not welcomed.I already started to feel the stigma.

What do you guys think of women who are left on the shelf? Problematic?

Your worries are not unfounded - you are facing an intimacy VS isolation crisis (Erik Erickson), and if you are unable to find someone to share intimacy, you are apt to fall into isolation. It isn't simply just because you are single and alone, but because simultaneously, you do not have a solid cause in life to redirect your focus or fall back on.

And this is affecting your self image because now you reckoned that there might be 'something wrong' with you because it seemed that the world have entered into their next phase, while you are still stuck even at the first step of dating.

Everyone here is saying 'oh being single is good, because you have a lot freedom, time, etc.' But the problem is not about the lack of freedom and time to do what you want, but rather, the lack of ideals to burn out the abundance of time you have on hand. And thus, very naturally, your biological clock and your social environment will start pressurizing you till the edge of the cliff, until you take the plunge into isolation and give yourself up.

Being single is not problematic, but I do not agree that people should be single, if they have a choice not to. It's not a social stigma thingy that I am looking at (in fact, I am hardly a conformist); it's the individual growth factor that one will greatly miss out if he/she adopt singlehood, despite having decent choices.

In Love, there are several dimensions of 'afflictions', but not every affliction is 'fatal'.

Most afflictions are reversible, if you can diagnose the hindrance that is obstructing your path in Love and provided if you are determined to change your fate. I do not believe that you will be left on the shelf, if you are actively seeking to evolve yourself.

The difference between both genders is that women are generally passive towards finding the right one. They rather wait and die waiting, than having to appear desperate. Somehow, you probably believe that time and fate must work hand in hand mystically to create the possibility of love.

But I tell you, it is not a one size fits all approach because contrary to popular belief, fate do not come naturally to all (CloUdiSm classify phenomenon as Barren Affection).

***

Originally posted by Joi_lin:

I need to say most of my friends are female. Perhaps it is my environment. I do not know. I am not that extremely outgoing type and I dislike patronizing clubs and pubs. I do not like outdoor activities. Not that I have never tried before but it is really not my cup of tea.

***

The reason why your current situation does not improve over the years, it's because your current life does not change much. The equation is logical. If you want to witness improvement, you got to spur a drastic revolution. From your above statement, I conclude that you are probably more inclined towards a homely person or your interests are generally solitary activities.

What are your chances? Minimum?

Highest common factor on why people are still single over a long period of time - they dislike socializing with people outside their core group and generally prefer to 'swim' around familiar areas, doing the things they always do or being the person they always behave.

If you want to ignite the first spark of Love, you have got to allow yourself the opportunity to be able to provide you with the options to do so. You got to have more options or make more options for yourself. If you have new interest to indulge in, you allow yourself more opportunity to know new friends. If you have new cause to pursue in life, you will find more like-minded people who will share the same ideals (e.g. a religion). If you are willing to evolve yourself, say when you learn to better doll up yourself, you improve your self esteem naturally when you feel good inside and outside.

Every plus points you actively initiated, will translate into a positive outlook and you will naturally be attractive when you strengthen your self identity and learn not to be encumbered by all these worries.

Trust me, quality mates are not that difficult to find. The problem in most people is the lack of self awareness and the strategy they employ.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 030308

Originally posted by shadez:

I'm currently in a relationship and lately, i've been feeling emotionally drained inside. I see my girlfriend everyday but i don't really get sick of her, i actually enjoy seeing her daily as i miss her alot when she isn't with me.

Due to her school work, recently she has become very irate. She would blow up at me for nothing and sometimes, i feel like i'm her punching bag. I admit, i'm not a boyfriend who gives her alot of freedom, but i'm very sure that i try to meet her every demand. I fetch her from school everyday so that she has someone to share her day's events with...

We're arguing almost everyday, and 80% of the time, i'm the one giving in and apologising to her, trying to make things right. Whenever she stomps away from me in the heat of an argument, i feel really hurt as she doesn't even turn her head to see if i'm behind.

Sometimes, i try to do what she does, not looking back and walking away. But i found myself unable to do it. No matter if it was her fault or mine, i would always want her to be on good terms with me and therefore, would always make it a point to make things better.

If i were to judge myself, in my own opinion, i would think that i'm the softer party in this relationship. I can't bear to see us arguing but sadly, i feel that she can be very hard-hearted at times.

It's confusing to me, as i feel that she really loves me. When we are on good terms and she is happy, she would make me promise her that we'll never argue again. But in the end, another argument would sprout out.

We've had countless arguments on the phone, when we're outside. The thing i disliked the most, is that sometimes she'll say "whatever...".

I still love my girlfriend, and i'm emotionally drained. The thought of breaking up is unthinkable as i can't imagine myself to be without her. She has told me before that she can't live without me too. I've been together with her for almost 8 months already.

To whoever is reading this, if you had been in my situation in your life, would you care to share your opinion and resolve? Much thanks to anyone who helps.

Being in a relationship tells a lot about ourselves and often wondered why are we leading 'certain' relationship we never understand. Well, that's because you are trying to examine a problem within the structure of the relationship, when the root of it all lies with the self.

You have so much insecurity in you that could probably ping flood me out; you admitted that you are domineering and exercise control in her daily life - therefore, it's not really surprising to see frequent quarrels in your relationship because your insecurity is gnawing the life out of your Love.

You mentioned that you try to 'meet her every demand like fetch her from school everyday so that she got someone to share her day event with...'

Wait a second - doesn't it sound more like your demand?

***

Originally posted by shadez:

I see my girlfriend everyday but i don't really get sick of her, i actually enjoy seeing her daily as i miss her alot when she isn't with me.

***

Interesting how one would reposition their perception insofar of having the ability to fit the claim so nicely and yet logical - this self justification of what you think is good for the relationship is merely a product of your unevolved perception. If your relationship suffers and not benefit from your definition of what Love is to you, then you might have to review the entire relationship from scratch again.

The reason why you are always compromising on your part, even till the extend of lowering your dignity, is because you are afraid that one day she might just turn around and walk away forever. Your fear of leading life without her presence coerced you to accept any odds, regardless of how ridiculous or unreasonable it seemed.

Your behaviors are driven by fear, much less motivated by love.

The paradox in Love: the more you fear you will lose her, the more damage you will unconsciously deal to the relationship.

Cheers

Spring/Summer 2008

Just checked Hypebeast - Bape just launched their Spring/Summer, but nothing spectacular actually. Gone were the 06 Autumn/Winter shit, recalling Edison and his red chomper hoody. Oh well, he's probably more worried about his latest scandal than to be rocking in his gear I guess. Wondered if Nigo would still feature him in the catalog.

It will be launched 1 March, in Busyworks Hong Kong.



Panda hoody! Darren! Hiak!

Same goes for Headporter Plus 2008 Spring/Summer Collection Lookbook. But somehow I find these two pics quite disturbing.



I swear the above LS shirt had gotten the design from my table cloth. I swear.



And I swear this is going to be the next horror-hit movie poster 2008.

Moving forward: Supreme X Kermit (something that Destiny/ww might taken a fancy)



And this is the ultimate sia - Macdonald Double Quarter Pounder X Silly Thing



Cheers

Yuri in Singapore!

Taken outside wheelock. Sheesh!



Taken at Butter FactBer



Group picture outside Lucky Plaza! ^^

Aunt Agony 240208

Originally posted by lonely_boy_88

Well I guess this is the best place to tell my problem and hopefully you guys can give me some suggestions.

I am 20 this year already, since sec1 when im 13, I like this gal from the same cca as me, but different class, and she went to the same JC as me as well, though we took different sub combi and different cca, but all the way she has been the only girl i like.

but the problem is, it is not reciprocated, meaning tat she doesnt like me, she doesnt have any bf before also, I sort of confessed to her 2 times, once when we are in sec4, once when we are in JC2, but both times it was negative.

I know it is time to give up and move on, but I cant forget her. Its been like 6 years, I am still holding on to some hope I think. I tried moving on but I cant.

I have done things for her during this period too, I gave her presents, like during her birthday or occasions, I even made a MV for her, wrote a song for her too.

I know she doesnt like me, but I cant get her out of my mind.

Wat shld i do? =(

The reason for not moving on is simply because there isn't a reason substantial enough for you to drive forward.

No reason therefore no motivation.

You see, there isn't anyone (or anything) compelling enough for you to switch your affection. And because your history in love is pretty much a clean sheet, there is no way your heart can input a blank statement into something already blank. Honestly, your subconscious will tell itself '...since there isn't anyone else for me to redirect my affection and energy into, instead of leaving a void, by retaining my affection for her, at least my love life wouldn't feel that empty...'

I can tell you; it's a vicious cycle. When you narrow your vision, you will always walk straight, without having the ability to look beyond. Over a period of time, this anomalous way of life will become a habit and your rationale for behaving in that manner will be largely influence by implicit memory and habit; no longer churned from your original intention.

Many 'waiters' feed themselves with all sort of nonsensical reasons to remain, but the root of their senseless wait often reveals a very distinctive, self absorbed definition of love. Instead of evolving from their failure, they rather bathe themselves in various degree of delusion, thinking that their love is so overwhelming, that it kept them bounded, and they have must continue to wait in order to proof the validity of their Love.

I always laugh on this.

Because some people believed that this is a measure of Love and they reward themselves by waiting longer. Six years? Wah, he waited ten years - surely must have loved her alot. What you? Twelve years? Who is next?

I tell you, there is nothing but narcissism in that notion because this love is simply not reciprocated. Period. It's almost like you loving yourself, in a one player role playing game - being both the winner and loser. You conjured your own rule for the criteria for winning and losing, as you subconsciously decide that you win by waiting and lose by moving on.

You tied yourself up - learn to release your self captivity by understanding that Love cannot be forced upon another.

Cheers

Pasta de Waraku

Had dinner with muzzy at Pasta de Waraku. Always wanted to try and finally the opportunity has come.



It was basically good food. Absolutely.

I loved the shit I was ordering (shit, what did I ordered?) =D

Anyway, Wei Xiang and Kelvin came over to my house for a short visit. We had real long conversation - until Wei Xiang's wife started calling him. He passed me two tickets for 16 March event. (Jinwen/Melvin, if you are reading this, I believe you people might be involved too. Please put HR session after 5pm. The event will start from 3-5pm at Expo).

Haiyo, I think I am getting old - very naggy these days.

Going to hit my books tomorrow and Sunday - working to pwn my psychology and lifespan module TMA.

Freud? Piaget? Kohlberg?

YUNHAIER GOING TO OWN YOU BY MONDAY!

PUA (Nothing do with Jinwen)

Weiyong asked me to read about Venusian Art, but I think I must search a little more. Did some research and look through some video; Mystery is good and he looks better than Style.

But I will still dump shares on AOS - PUA seemed a little distant in my context and the focus is quite different.

Who cares as long as it works for you?

P.S: Sorry folks - I am having a private speech with myself.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 190208

Originally posted by Vitamin p

ugly girls confess=99% rejection

pretty girls=100% success?

is it true...

anyone has heard of stories of pretty gals being rejected after confessing?

Reframing it, it is as good as saying, if you are not good at Mathematics, you suck at logics.

Linear thoughts beget linear conclusion.

Love is multifaceted, multi-dimensional and multi directional - it is definitely not as linear as how you have expressed it. If your claims are correct, then Love is only entitled to the chick with the hottest bod with the prettiest face, as well as the dude with the most cash and assets.

Duh - since your tunnel vision did not incorporate other factors into consideration.

If you are dissatisfied with something about your situation, then you must learn to evolve your weakness and vulnerability into something more manageable. If you want to change your fate, then logically you must work to change it.

If not, you are just plain ranting and at the end of the day, it gets you nowhere.

To me, it seemed to me that you just want a boyfriend. But if you can’t even be bothered with yourself, I think the odds will be stacked much higher against you.

Without Self Love, there can be no Love.

If you cannot understand this philosophy, then you will never understand why Love always eludes you.

And it has nothing to do with ugly girl confession = 99% failure.

Cheers

IP&M Corp MTKG

The six (Sang is spiritually around, you just can't see her) most powerful people in Corporate Marketing.

Oh wait - there are only 6 people in total what.

Sheesh

I think I still can't get over the 'Four most powerful Corporal' title during my days in SBAB.

*Grins*

Aunt Agony 170208

Originally posted by browniebaobao:

i know what u are driving at.

i remember our conversation.

like wat u said, there's a blockage.. duno when then i can evolve and be conditioned..

Really appreciate all the replies here..

I know certain things really have to 慢慢来..

无奈.. 看到别人幸福时, 不禁感叹自己的幸福渺茫。

Actually it depends on how determined you are to change your own 'fate'. Either one decide upon calculated wait or you got to initiate a change to an existing chess piece that needs adjustment badly. Most people resigned to themselves without much of a fight and get subjected to all sort of environmental influences that they picked up unconsciously and adopt into their self belief. Eventually, these new assimilated information get entangled into their mindset and they form a distinctive negative outlook and definition towards Love & Relationship.

Such negativity actually promotes the notion of 'I-am-like-that-so-I-will-be-like-that' - which, imho, does little good to one's attitude, even to his/her life as a whole.

A relationship does not mark an end of a journey, but a beginning of a new experience, riding on a continuous growing process that began way back even before the person is attached. One does not learn about Love only when he/she is attached - rather, a relationship spring forth a series of test that seeks to assess your understanding of self love and individual evolution. If such training doesn't exist during your singlehood, then the price you pay for learning certain cosmic lessons will double during BGR and cost will triple (or more) if you are married.

Take your time to recover, but you must simultaneously seek to liberate this psychological bondage you have cramp yourself into. Adopt what's beneficial to you and remove those that only work to hinder your advancement. Only then you can see results in every aspects of your life.

Cheers

Vday (Voice Of Spring)

Today is the REAL Vday.

Actually the picture was snapped yesterday. It was also Vday - as in VOS-day.

You see, Valantine's Day far too commercialized - but it does provide a reasonably good excuse for one to reinforce their affection for another if they have not actively done so during the other 364 days.

Love is all about expression (Natal Chart will point to our 5th house).

And I can see Jinwen exhibiting his lovely smile for us.

When I was fourteen, I remembered Ugene wrote this in my Cloud Sutra (Mohan calls it my dwarven grudge book).

'Girl everywhere is a Princess, but mine is a queen...'

Now he's really with his queen. Yes. Queen.

And Princess belongs to Douglas. (Not literal though... Hehz).

Mine is just a muzzy that bites.

Oh well, I have thick hides - so I guess I can still stick around. =D

Aunt Agony 080208

Originally posted by wirdan21

I'm married-one year.things between me n my hubby are rocky right now.he cheated on me before.i'm very upset with him.so i met up with a guy fren just now.we checked into a hotel to watch dvds and just catch up with each other.i didnt have any motives or anything.i just need to spend some time with a fren,to pour out my sorrows.he started to get intimate with me and we ended up doing things that i'm not supposed to be doing-not the extent of having sex-.it wasnt like that last time.

now i'm feeling very guilty.i feel like i've done my hubby wrong.i've cheated on him havent i?haiz..i really dunno what to do

Merely one year into your marriage and it went so wrong - sometimes it really makes me wonder then why do either one of you end up marrying each other in the first place, since emotionally, the relationship isn't even ready to advance to the next level.

I don't seriously think anyone in the right frame of mind would initiate a 'catch up' with a friend in a hotel room. Obviously you weren't in the right frame of mind at that point of time, but I think you are far too naive to assume that it would an innocent catch up with him in a hotel room. And also, I reckoned that your friend is truly some wolf in sheep's clothing and it would do you good to eliminate contact with him.

Two wrong doesn't make one right - although you claimed that your husband cheated on you, still, that doesn't provide any prerogative to engage in any form of promiscuous activity to get even. Such behaviour will only fuel more misery in your marriage and ultimately benefit the 'external vultures' that seek to capitalise from your turmoil relationship.

Your friend is like vulture - circling around the sky, secretly hoping to see if there is any good chance for him to earn an uncommitted sexual relationship through your misfortune. He represents a classic cosmic lesson - that if our relationship is flawed and if we are not evolved spiritually, emotionally and psychologically, the cracks in the relationship will reveal to us our inability to handle crisis positively and trigger a karmic reaction, like how rain water would slipped through those crevices and flood your interior.

What done has been done - what you must do now is to (i) quit mourning, (ii) regain clarity, (iii) regulate your damage and loss.

I believe there's a need to speak with your husband and trash things out. Firstly, I think there's a critical need to understand the rationale behind his drifting. The possibilities are numerous, but if you don't seemed to understand it, this situation might just reiterate in the future.

Secondly, you probably have to establish if he still wants his marriage to work out - this goes the same for you.

Then, there must be a mutual decision to steer away anything that would breed disharmony OR disloyalty between husband and wife. I think there must be a common understanding that if this cannot be done, then there is no reason why one should still remain in the relationship, yet spare no effort to revive it.

Marriage is nothing like BGR; the need for greater maturity, wisdom and tact is much more crucial to ensure that you can enjoy a contented relationship. If one doesn't learn it in their BGR, they will then learn it in their marriage, at a much steeper price

Cheers

ERP Drift

I tell you, this is one of the funniest shit ever produce by Mr Brown yet again - ever since Mee Siam Mai Hum.

http://mrbrownnetwork.com/media/mb/tmbs-080204-2many2count_erp_drift.mp3

Cheers

Aunt Agony 030208

Originally posted by W8

Im currently with this "boyfriend" who im madly in love with....ill jus name him "W" 20M this yr..

He is trying to decide which gf to choose...between me...19f...and another girl....15f...

The other girl name is clara...they know each other last yr October..in game...

That game i intro W to play...he met her inside....

as time pass by...they train together...

i gt suspicious and i ask the girl if she likes W....

she say im accusing her of being the third party....

and told W about it...

W wants to break up with me in game..(stupid right?hai...)

reason...he is in stress...of family...studies...

clara's character was there...nick(swtraphsody) when he ask for break up...

she was interrupting when we were chatting...

i ask her not to bother us...she replied...

"its a free world...i say wat i like..."

and W kept on tell me that our break up doesnt involve her...

So we break up...after a few days...he said he miss me....i miss him too...i cant let go...(i know..im stupid..)

so we meet up again...and so call gt together..

but i told some of my friends tat i broke up with him...

but when ever i ask him...if we still together...he wont reply...

he ask me to wait for him to decide....so i waited....

we hug...we kiss...even after the break up...

then after a few months...until last few weeks....

i realise he is msg clara....i know they gt msg each other....

but i jus didnt let W know...coz i wan to trust him....

but now...i know he is going out with clara...

but i dunno if they gt meet up...coz im mostly around W..

(same sch...tats y..)

Now...i even did something stupid as sms the girl...

pretend as a guy....(i think im crazy...)

clara did replied me for a few times...but after tat..she stop...

even if i called her...she answer and said wrong no...

(i cant believe myself im doing all this....)

but i jus cant help it...tat i love him so much tat i dun wan to let go...

Now...i can confirm they are together...coz clara replied W that she is his girl....

and W trying very hard to keep it from me...msg and calls to clara...

im trying my best not to ask him...not to remind him...coz i know..if i stress him...everything will be over soon...

he once told me...when i found out about him msg clara..calling her babe and all tat...

he told me he wanted me to wait..even if he have another gf...so tat he will cherish me more next time....

i wanted to wait...i really do....but it hurts...shld i let the girl noe also?

but wat if she wont let him go? wat if she says stuff like i shld let him go...

i think im going crazy even im writing this here....coz im really frustrated with clara...

pls let me know wat i shld do....i dun wan to let go...coz i know i love him..and he still love me...

if not...he wont still be nice and sweet to me...he used to ignore me even when we r together...

i know becoz he 2 timing now tats y he treat me better..but it also means i have a chance right??

Pls....someone tell me wat to do....

Im scare of lonely...I dun have much friends to talk about personal stuff...

Im not close to my family...have financial problems...my father is having an affair coz he wants a son...

my sisters are all working and independent...im not close to them too....

wat can i do to get through a broken heart?

all i know is do my own stuff...but tat didnt help at all....

I accidentally come across your topic in Chit Chat and I am concerned regarding your negative domestic environment and the weak bonds you have with people. You probably don`t realized it, but that actually contributed subconsciously to your misery in Love, based on this intense fear of loneliness.

Your fear of being alone is real - this account for your resignation for not confronting your man about the `truth`, because you rather based your emotions on delusional background, thinking that your man will eventually choose you OR thinking that your situation will be better if you don`t do anything that would `seemingly` aggravate the situation.

But I can tell you that your boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend, is merely capitalizing on your inability to face the harsh truth and gradually twirl you around that little finger of his as he continues to fuel your illusionary love. This jerk of yours requested you to wait for him to have his share of loving fun before `returning` back to you and if you are willing to abide by this ridiculous rule, I must say that you are merely living in the shadow of your fear and not in light of Love - that your Love is but a composition of fear masquerading as Love.

As long as your Self identity remains a question - your relationship with people will hardly improve, which inevitable implied that your fear of loneliness will escalate.

You must find a source to determine this Self component - and it doesn’t come from any individual alone. It often derives from causes you seek to fight for. If you seek Love (BGR), when this Self component is missing, I can almost guarantee you that a series of karmic relationships await at the end of the juncture maliciously.

One cannot extend Love outwardly if it doesn`t finds it within him or herself.

I seriously reckon that you might want to try some sort of religious group for some network of support and friendship. You must first save your sanity and then remove your negative fear with robust initiative to change your plight.

Things cannot change if the variables are the same. Although we can`t touch the constant, but we have the freewill to dabble with things we can control.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 020208

Originally posted by hina_74

This is going to be a long story….. I need advice….

I am married for 8years with no kids.

All these 8 years, I carry the status of 'married' in paper.

This doesn’t mean my hubby doesn't love me, its just that we did not consummate our marriage – no sex at all. No he is not a gay!!!

We are like any dating couple – holding hands, sometimes watching movie together.

Things start to change for the past two to three years. He has been playing online games and spending more his time computer than going out with me. Other than normal meals and buying necessities, the rest of the time, he is hook on the computer.

Some of you may say that its ok since he is not going out to gamble or fool around. And he gives you freedom to do whatever thing you like, not many married women get this freedom. Yes I admit this freedom given but I believe in communication and spending a little more time together.

I told him before but he will just say that I am not going out to gamble, drink or fooling around, I am playing computer games. What is wrong with this ?

He still cannot see what is the problem.

5 months ago, our flats were sold – the agreement of selling the flats was decided by him. The reason is that property market was good and we can make big profit ( which we did).

There were no 'but' on this transaction and I have to sign on the dotted line.

I was too (emotionally and physically) tired to argue with him (the whole transaction took place when I was on business trip)

We moved to stay with my parents after the flat was sold.

Every night, he will just play his online game while I do my own things.

Up and until now the flat was sold, I have lost interest in this marriage.

I am beginning to feel like doing things alone and staying with friends are more happy than to be with my hubby.

Recently I met a guy, someone which I wanted to know him more. And if there is a chance I will like to develop a relationship with him.

Whenever I am with this guy, I feel guilty….guilty not towards my hubby but to this new guy.

This guy doesn’t know the above situation and I really wanted to tell him.

I wanted to tell this guy about the above situation and prepare for a divorce (which I have been thinking since the time I sold my flat, so whether this guy appear or not, it doesn’t matter)

Do you think after telling the whole situation above, I will still be able to be with the (new) guy ?

If you are in the shoe of this (new) guy, what will you think ?

It's unusual for a couple not to consummate their marriage - it's just something not very positive for a marriage without a healthy sex life and for your case, it's basically non-existence sex life.

It's likely that you might have subconscious untended/suppressed sexual frustration - which indirectly suggests the feeble natural bonding you have with your husband. Sex per se is not merely about reproduction - in fact, the act of intimacy actually boost the sense of closeness and to promote the 'language of love' - this spiritual union in love.

To me, there could be some unspoken issue/s regarding sexuality. It doesn't mean that he's likely to be a closet gay (although such possibility is possible) - what happens is that I know this case of a man who is suffering from Erectile Dysfunctional, but he has never told his wife about it. He started to avoid intimacy and submerge himself with work. This man slipped into denial mode and his marriage ended up rocky because the wife reckoned that he probably no longer loved her and thought that he shown signs of drifting - the classic scenario of late nights and the lack of intimacy.

Of course, the root of problem is never about Love - it's about communication.

I am not suggesting that your husband is suffering from ED, but rather - it seemed to me that communication between you and him appeared more like a dead line. Perhaps you have already grown used to such structure of communication that you gave up trying, even if you wanted to express your inner thoughts & feelings.

The selling of the flat is probably the catalysis.

Just wondering: do you even have any desire, however little, to salvage your marriage? Or is it a sure thing that you are leaving for good?

Cheers

Living Dead - Chronicles of Yunhaier (270108)

The miasmas air suspense the route ahead
Hid the truth of the scattering dead
Beginning of eternity when the sage has said
Thou shall not perish when you leap off the edge
But I reckon it was far too late
Only to uncover the lies programmed in my head
What was given – I ate.
Alas, I am truly dead.



Yunhaier 270108

The Bakery - Chronicles of CloUdiSm

The Bakery

You visit the bakery everyday.

Within the structure of the bakery, there is nothing you do not know. You knew where are the ovens, shop assistants, trays, cash machine and loaves of breads - so familiar that you knew the bakery very well and this familiarity even extends itself to all the nearby surrounding.

However, after several thousands days later, the bakery suddenly don't look quite the same. It's the same bakery, but it doesn't look quite right. So were the ovens, shop assistants, trays, cash machine and loaves of breads. It's the same, but it doesn't look quite right.

Were you looking from a different angle? Or were you discovering something new about the bakery?

You wondered what difference would that make, since you ate bread every single day and even if you switch the brand, it is still bread. A bread is a bread despite the brand.

Perhaps, it's not just about bread.

Is it that people are only interested in eating bread? Or are they concern about filling their stomach? Could it be that this is the only bakery you thought you knew along this street? What if there’s another shop over at the other end.

Would knowing any of these make any difference to the bakery?

Or the bread that was sold?

Actually neither.

Because the bakery don't consume the bread. Neither does the bread vice versa.

So intriguing that it hurts the mind with all the perplexing logics.

Aunt Agony 260108

Originally posted by Bz2t:

want to ask if anyone of u here have gf/bf staying very far from u. for me , im staying at sembawang but my gf is staying at tampines area .. this has made it very hard for us to meet up. we had many quarrels because of this.. blaming each other for not taking the effort to make enough time to meet up.

and also , she will be going to TP after taking her "O" level result and im schooling at NP :cry: with all the projects and school matters to handle .. im afraid that our r/s wld go from bad to worse. :(

we truely love each other but i think this r/s is going no where :roll: should we break up??? :|

Sembawang and Tampines considered long distance?

I think those leading LDR will probably laugh.

The greatest distance is often not that of the physical distance, but rather, it's the emotional distance between you and her.

If your relationship crumbles - it's probably too fragile within to survive in the harsh reality of Love.

Imho, even if she is just next block away from you, it will still fail.

Because you are just expecting things to fall nicely in place when you fall in love.

Like any other aspects of your life - if you don't put in the effort to upkeep and make it better, it will just perish gradually. Don't always hope for the best possible situation and the best possible mate - it never happens.

Our relationship are always imperfect - because we are imperfect ourselves.

We grow from imperfection and struggles, so as to polish our personality and character.

Cheers

Three Star Hotel in China

Here are some funny shit from the Menu of a 3-star hotel in China.



Butter many privates - this sounds like a title of some freakish alien-hentai, with lead named Butter with many privates.

France many privates - Ok, this is the sequel to the above hentai

Thousand enrich the special features three text cure - I think this is somewhat related to 千年人参 or 冰山雪莲. Maybe can cure 情花之毒。

Company three text cure - I think this powerful cure might can help company avoid tax.

Nepolean fries the idea powder - great. Now Nepolean is in the picture.

The bureau swallows to take the fish idea powder - I think the bureau shouldn't so desperately trying to plagiarise the fish's idea, insofar that it has to swallow it whole.

The row pig picks the rice / the bureau pig picks the rice - in this hotel, it's the pig that picks the rice - not you. And no, you can't pick the pig.



Fuck to fry cow river - What?? I have to fuck to fry in the cow river? Holy shit!

The pig picks the noodle soup - Now the pig picks my soup??

Fuck to burn the of - In order to burn 'the of', you must first screw... er... something.



And finally:

Elder brother the ground is second - I can safely say that the younger brother the sky is first.

ROFLMAO!

P.S: To view Chinese character, please go to 'View' > 'Encoding' > 'Unicode (UTF-8)

Lecture on Bus 22 (as of 22 Jan 08)

And so I recalled the verse I wanted to share:

All things arises and passes; never really own and never really lost



Cheers

Best Thai Food Ever (Offsite 07)

I swear that was the best Thai Food ever.













Just by looking at it, made me recalled fondly about this heavenly feast.

Bah toh yao la~!

Aunt Agony 170108

Originally posted by Hitakogi:

It all happen so suddenly, why does a gal heart change so fast?

she use to be very sweet towards me, she never fail to be there for me.

although we do have our different, our relationship was fine till she change her job.

I understand that Enviroment changes people, but i didnt realize it can

also change how a person feels and thinks about the realistic world.

She use to be a gal that wants to start a family with me, share my woes and happiness. After she change her job, her attitude changes towards me completely, she use to spend all her time with me, nowadays she rather spend more time on herself and her things rather on me. Altough she say she will marry me, we brought the ring, wedding package etc, but she dun wish to confirm me on the date.

Wat is she thinking?

I know its best to ask her, but what i get is "I dunno".

Ask her about our life after marriage,

She will say "dunno"

Ask her if she will be happy after our marriage,

she will say "dunno"

Is there a 3rd party?

I have no idea on this as she is in sales line,

After so many dunno, she ask me this "Will I ever leave her?"

if she dun bothers, why did she ask this?

She still spend her weekend with me, but the feelings is not the same as the past.

She tend to push me away and sometime dun even answer my call,

even if she answer my call, she will say, she call me back and hang up.

and its a call she will never return,

I could see alot of things and im not blind, but my feelings are blind

thru our years of relationship, I cant let go.

I understand if this continue, our life in marriage wont be happy and wont last.

but I was hoping after marriage, she will change.

Im in deep confusion, she dun allow me to walk into her life but she still say she will marry me.

Im in total lost...

Anyone can advise me?

You suffered from a classic problem in Love; the assumption and belief in the linear flow of Love as accordingly to the 'standard progression', in which a relationship will graduate into a marriage irrevocably.

Many couples talk about marriage - surely, when the relationship seemed to have progress beyond a year or two, such conversations are typical, especially when one has reached a 'marriageable age', as well as having other aspects of their life pretty much in control and stable (career, finance, etc).

However, these are but human speculation of what they think will happen - or more accurately put across: what they want it to happen.

Don't get me wrong; I am not suggesting that people shouldn't talk about marriage, but rather, our perception has been tuned to such a way that we are unable to accept any U-Turn policy that goes against this linear flow of thoughts.

Someone having the same set of problem asked me the same question before. I just told him this: 'Unlearn what you learn in Love previously and relearn everything again.'

He looked at me with this blank look, thinking that I was crazy or something.

I will tell you the same thing; however, in addition, I will explain why.

***

Love is freewill; true love cannot be forced upon by threat, violence, demand, anger, abuse, terror, fear, guilt or habit. If it does, the relationship will no doubt be intense and unfulfilling.

And you know what? This is but the very rudimentary understanding in Love - that we all must see the logic, in which Love is a choice and the choice made to stay in a relationship must be attributed to the individual's freewill. If not, misery will follow suit closely.

Therefore, what if your woman's choice is the desire to be 'out', despite wanting to be 'in' previously?

Would you still see the same rationale?

Chances are, you can't really answer me - because there will be fear in agreeing.

Love is never stagnant; like dough, it constantly remakes and renews itself. You believed that a change in environment brought about the change in her, thus the change in your relationship.

But the truth is that Love is an inside thing, not outside job.

If an environment could so effortlessly affect the Love in a person, it basically goes to suggest how enervated and languid this Love he or she claims to have. Or there might be litany of unspoken grievance or frustration felt within her, causing severe friction as it ran through her emotions for many years, unattended and uncommunicated.

Basically what I meant is that you know next to nothing about the sudden drip in your relationship. All these years, you probably assumed that you know what's going on, both inside and outside, and that everything is marching towards to the direction you have point out so prominently.

Your assumption in your relationship presumes that you are a loving couple.

Your assumption in your relationship presumes that she will always spend all her time on you.

Your assumption in your relationship presumes that she will always want to marry you. Never mind the future - her words will guarantee the future commitment as well.

Your assumption in your relationship presumes that you are the one for her. No one else has the prerogative to that.

Ironically, if your assumptions are all right - you won't be posting here.

That's probably the cusps of the problem; you think you knew your relationship, but it appeared more like a stranger to you when it blatantly placed right in front of your face and you suddenly realized you didn't recognise the shape, which you have always reckoned it to be your Love.

If you do not unblock this linear thought and relearn to love your relationship, like a child, all these assumptions will continue to widen, like the income disparity between the rich and poor in Singapore.

You relearn by:

I) Eliminate your linear mindset - Quit pressuring her with this marriage thing. Quit thinking that this relationship is already years in making. Quit thinking that your have invested far too much. Quit thinking that you are unable to live without her. Quit thinking that Love is irrevocable.

II) Communicate with her, as if you have never spoken before. She must be comfortable to speak to you without fear and you have to find some means for her to be able to exude that level of frankness. Basically have a heart-to-heart talk. Minus guilt-pressuring. minus overly emotional speech, minus finger pointing.

III) Understand your relationship from her perception. Enquire from different angles and seek to understand the struggles, which are not transparent in your vision, which might have taken place beneath your nose. Learn to learn your relationship from an alternative perspective and not view it like the way you always do.

You can only move forward, if you have establish the fact that her decision is still a 'yes' to this relationship - it must not be a diplomatic yes, but straight from the bottom of her heart. Then you can seek to address whatever problem that is degenerating this relationship and remove the source.

But if it isn't the case, then you might want to ascertain how much damage has been done and if there's a possibility that you can rectify the problem and overcome it.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 150108

Originally posted by abterror:

Hi all,

I would like to hear your opinion from both genders.

how many of you guys and gers have been thru all these?

And what is your perception of this.

Personally, I have been thru all these.

Some ppl will view it as great passion will lead to great anger.

I fought with my ex-gf b4. eg push and hold her down.

Sometimes it is anger and act of defence mechanism. (she has a very fiery temper)

But i will just put it aside the next day and view it as an act of communication.

But to her, she viewed me as an aggressive person.

On the other hand, the common practice now is

Guys is usually at fault, reason we are physically stronger.

And gentleman kind of expectation which is seeked from us.

So what is ur stand ladies and gentlemen.

Many point of views have been dished out; so I will quote something out from CloUdiSm.

In a relationship, there is a constant imaginary scale, affecting individual growth and the bloodline of the relationship to achieve a strange equilibrium. This equilibrium will seek to neutralise two souls into one functional relationship, forcefully alleviating or degenerating either party to equal out the other in terms of personality, character, mindset, esteem, confidence, perception, emotional state, sexual needs, material possession, etc.

What I mean is that if we chose an abusive partner who brandished a temper shorter than a troll's nose, for the relationship to continue functioning, this imaginary scale will either

I) Degenerate your level to that of this abusive partner; fight fire with fire (Mars influenced). Your relationship declines.

OR

II) You subdue her temper and evolve her personality with Love. You alleviates her condition and that of your relationship to your enlightened state; you fight fire with water (Venus influenced). Your relationship achieve a breakthrough - it grows.

I never believe in physical confrontation because there's never a need for it. There might be a need to teach maturity for those who sees reason in getting physical. That itself, requires a human revolution.

It's a self thing - not a Love thing.

Cheers

Chronicles of Yunhaier: Misogynist Self

I hate it when the misogynist in me is coerced out from my subconscious.

I remember the time when it was rampant in my thoughts. Running wild like geyser.

It was bad. Real bad.

Then I realized: the minute you fail to suppress evil - you become evil.

And I learn to contain it.

Then again, I wasn't entirely accurate as well: you see, there are times when I wondered if I am overly suppressed.

Till it sickly hits the puking point.

I am just someone very suppressed.

I have no voice.

Aunt Agony 080108

Originally posted by mir4cle:

there are many things we did which i dont wanna forget..i still remember vividly wad happened during our first combined training..then the chat sessions on msn..and e way u looked at me during our combined training meeting..i remember the funny way u asked me if i liked u..on christmas eve night..u wanted to ask me to b ur gf but i gave lots of lecture..but on christmas afternoon i said yes.our first date was at east coast park..we rented bicycles and then was the first time u sang to me. when i asked for time, u looked for ur hp instead of ur watch which was on ur hand..u gave a $2 note instead of the receipt to the uncle when returning the bike.on my birthday you gave me a necklace which u bought at heart to heart jewellery..christmas we went orchard..u lied to ur mum saying that u were with mark so she'd let u go out later.then our first hug outside my house and our first kiss under the mrt railway..i remembered exactly wad happened during ur birthday bbq..when joshua spoilt the surprise..u prayed to God, thanking Him for me..i remember e one u organised for me..u invited marilyn, someone whom i hadnt seen for years..it was a wonderful night..i remember forcing u to do all e things u don lk to do because i love u..i remember u kneeling down in front of me askin me to be ur gf again..it was on ur birthday..i cried because i thought i'd ruined ur birthday.u said i was the best thing that has ever happened to u. u cried because i smiled.i remember crying on e bus on ur shoulder because i was touched that you went on the bus and sent me home. whenever we quarrel, u always give in because u love me.. i know our love is mutual. im sorry it has to be this way too..but i know i can always count on you jus as how u can always count on me. you'd always be in my heart. i love u... im quite certain that it's u whom i will marry in e future. thanks for all these beautiful memories...

i really miss him...*cries*

it's not up to us to decide..it's due to religious reasons that we can't be tgt..it's hard to explain because u guys wont understand.. i didnt want to break up. it's due to some reasons that we HAVE to break up..we have to but im reluctant..

i've cried so much today...we're jus not meant for each other..i agreed on the breakup..but im reluctant to let go...if only i know the future..if only i know what would happen in e future..if only i knew why..but i can't...

i really wanted this relationship to work..but i guess..if we're not meant to be, we're not meant to be..

tell me...how to i get over him..? we've been tgt for 3 whole years alr..

Since you have posted this in AA; then naturally, you have to forgive me for an alternative view that you might not agree.

The death of a relationship fuel from religious conflicts, regardless of religions, is recorded in CloUdiSm, astrologically speaking, under Jupiter Afflictions. The components in such cosmic lessons are very similar - it does not discriminate or put distinction to any religion in particular.

So you believe that you two are not meant to be together?

Is it merely a product of your perception or do you somehow believed that God seemed to suggest along such path of impossibility?

All I know is that to love means to be in the heart of God.

Should your belief deny you this happiness you seek - then the question lies in your belief and not the happiness you encounter.

Cheers