Originally posted by hina_74
This is going to be a long story….. I need advice….
I am married for 8years with no kids.
All these 8 years, I carry the status of 'married' in paper.
This doesn’t mean my hubby doesn't love me, its just that we did not consummate our marriage – no sex at all. No he is not a gay!!!
We are like any dating couple – holding hands, sometimes watching movie together.
Things start to change for the past two to three years. He has been playing online games and spending more his time computer than going out with me. Other than normal meals and buying necessities, the rest of the time, he is hook on the computer.
Some of you may say that its ok since he is not going out to gamble or fool around. And he gives you freedom to do whatever thing you like, not many married women get this freedom. Yes I admit this freedom given but I believe in communication and spending a little more time together.
I told him before but he will just say that I am not going out to gamble, drink or fooling around, I am playing computer games. What is wrong with this ?
He still cannot see what is the problem.
5 months ago, our flats were sold – the agreement of selling the flats was decided by him. The reason is that property market was good and we can make big profit ( which we did).
There were no 'but' on this transaction and I have to sign on the dotted line.
I was too (emotionally and physically) tired to argue with him (the whole transaction took place when I was on business trip)
We moved to stay with my parents after the flat was sold.
Every night, he will just play his online game while I do my own things.
Up and until now the flat was sold, I have lost interest in this marriage.
I am beginning to feel like doing things alone and staying with friends are more happy than to be with my hubby.
Recently I met a guy, someone which I wanted to know him more. And if there is a chance I will like to develop a relationship with him.
Whenever I am with this guy, I feel guilty….guilty not towards my hubby but to this new guy.
This guy doesn’t know the above situation and I really wanted to tell him.
I wanted to tell this guy about the above situation and prepare for a divorce (which I have been thinking since the time I sold my flat, so whether this guy appear or not, it doesn’t matter)
Do you think after telling the whole situation above, I will still be able to be with the (new) guy ?
If you are in the shoe of this (new) guy, what will you think ?
It's unusual for a couple not to consummate their marriage - it's just something not very positive for a marriage without a healthy sex life and for your case, it's basically non-existence sex life.
It's likely that you might have subconscious untended/suppressed sexual frustration - which indirectly suggests the feeble natural bonding you have with your husband. Sex per se is not merely about reproduction - in fact, the act of intimacy actually boost the sense of closeness and to promote the 'language of love' - this spiritual union in love.
To me, there could be some unspoken issue/s regarding sexuality. It doesn't mean that he's likely to be a closet gay (although such possibility is possible) - what happens is that I know this case of a man who is suffering from Erectile Dysfunctional, but he has never told his wife about it. He started to avoid intimacy and submerge himself with work. This man slipped into denial mode and his marriage ended up rocky because the wife reckoned that he probably no longer loved her and thought that he shown signs of drifting - the classic scenario of late nights and the lack of intimacy.
Of course, the root of problem is never about Love - it's about communication.
I am not suggesting that your husband is suffering from ED, but rather - it seemed to me that communication between you and him appeared more like a dead line. Perhaps you have already grown used to such structure of communication that you gave up trying, even if you wanted to express your inner thoughts & feelings.
The selling of the flat is probably the catalysis.
Just wondering: do you even have any desire, however little, to salvage your marriage? Or is it a sure thing that you are leaving for good?
Cheers
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