Originally posted by wirdan21
I'm married-one year.things between me n my hubby are rocky right now.he cheated on me before.i'm very upset with him.so i met up with a guy fren just now.we checked into a hotel to watch dvds and just catch up with each other.i didnt have any motives or anything.i just need to spend some time with a fren,to pour out my sorrows.he started to get intimate with me and we ended up doing things that i'm not supposed to be doing-not the extent of having sex-.it wasnt like that last time.
now i'm feeling very guilty.i feel like i've done my hubby wrong.i've cheated on him havent i?haiz..i really dunno what to do
Merely one year into your marriage and it went so wrong - sometimes it really makes me wonder then why do either one of you end up marrying each other in the first place, since emotionally, the relationship isn't even ready to advance to the next level.
I don't seriously think anyone in the right frame of mind would initiate a 'catch up' with a friend in a hotel room. Obviously you weren't in the right frame of mind at that point of time, but I think you are far too naive to assume that it would an innocent catch up with him in a hotel room. And also, I reckoned that your friend is truly some wolf in sheep's clothing and it would do you good to eliminate contact with him.
Two wrong doesn't make one right - although you claimed that your husband cheated on you, still, that doesn't provide any prerogative to engage in any form of promiscuous activity to get even. Such behaviour will only fuel more misery in your marriage and ultimately benefit the 'external vultures' that seek to capitalise from your turmoil relationship.
Your friend is like vulture - circling around the sky, secretly hoping to see if there is any good chance for him to earn an uncommitted sexual relationship through your misfortune. He represents a classic cosmic lesson - that if our relationship is flawed and if we are not evolved spiritually, emotionally and psychologically, the cracks in the relationship will reveal to us our inability to handle crisis positively and trigger a karmic reaction, like how rain water would slipped through those crevices and flood your interior.
What done has been done - what you must do now is to (i) quit mourning, (ii) regain clarity, (iii) regulate your damage and loss.
I believe there's a need to speak with your husband and trash things out. Firstly, I think there's a critical need to understand the rationale behind his drifting. The possibilities are numerous, but if you don't seemed to understand it, this situation might just reiterate in the future.
Secondly, you probably have to establish if he still wants his marriage to work out - this goes the same for you.
Then, there must be a mutual decision to steer away anything that would breed disharmony OR disloyalty between husband and wife. I think there must be a common understanding that if this cannot be done, then there is no reason why one should still remain in the relationship, yet spare no effort to revive it.
Marriage is nothing like BGR; the need for greater maturity, wisdom and tact is much more crucial to ensure that you can enjoy a contented relationship. If one doesn't learn it in their BGR, they will then learn it in their marriage, at a much steeper price
Cheers
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