Down with Flu... again

I FELL SICK!

AND the suspected virus is likely to come from Mr Douglas when we were sharing the same microphone during Sat's KBOX session.

Wah kaoz... why do I have such low resistance to Flu?

[Saturn going to conjunct Sun in 8th house... on 3rd August 2006 in 10 degree orb. I guess health is likely to suffer, esp FLU]

/me rub chin



Cheers

Aunt Agony II 201105

Originally posted by rammstein619:
It's been quite some time since I last broke up with my ex and I feel that I've already given myself enough "cooling time" , 6 months to be precise and I've decided to play the dating game once again....


Of course I have someone in mind and her Os are gonna be over in 3 days time but there's just one main problem which I should be most concerned about. There's this guy who has been chasing her for the past 2 years but to avail. From what I've heard so far , the last time he confessed his feelings for her , she rejected him nicely and she being open minded enough , accepted him back as a normal friend and it seems that he still hasn't stop in his pursuit for her heart. Right now the girl I like and him are close friends. The thing is , he is ahead of me by a lot of steps assuming that he still intends to pursue her.
Being open minded for a girl like her , she lets him send her home on some occasions , goes out with him but all is done within the constrains of a friendship and nothing more than that....

Basically I find it kinda hard to even arrange a group outing with her as she has her own schedules which I respect but all I'm hoping now is a series of group outings to make me get to know her better. I'm not eyeing for love or a relationship from her currently but at this moment , I regard her as someone whom is worth getting to know more about. He still has the hots for her and hangs out with her often since they stay near each other. Since I've known her for 2 years , one might say that I don't even need a group outing to woo her but over this period of 2 years , it's like I try to woo her for 2-3 months , then stop and then woo her again and then stop. Whenever I stop wooing is because I find it so hard just to even get to know her better given how much dedication she puts into her studies and that's why I'm banking on this period of time since It's after the O levels to get to know her better.

Okay back to that guy....

I think I'm quite good in anticipating his moves towards her. Take for example , when it was her birthday and a few hours before I was to meet her to give her present , I saw his MSN nick which read something like this , "I'm going out to study". Being an analytical and proactive person ,
I already had this damn strong feeling inside that he would also be there even though my friend refused to listen to my crap , in the end HE WAS INDEED THERE....
To cut a long story short , I gave her the present , waved and said "Hi" to him and left. Caught him telling his friend who was with him some stuff about me which kinda pissed me off a bit but that doesn't really bother me much.


So basically , how do I deal with a love competitor?

I've read in love books that the best way to win a girls heart with a love competitor is to be yourself which I really intend to be. By being yourself , there will always be a chance that that love competitor seeing me as a threat , forces himself to confess his feelings for her which 99.99% ends up in a rejection for whatever strange masculine reason he might have. Can anybody please enlighten me on how to deal with a love competitor? Your comments are very much appreciated....

Or should I just extent my "line of sight" to keep my options open?


Maybe it is just me (Or because of my Moon in Aries). I love competitions in the chase. I feel that if there isn't any competition in the chase, you are only experiencing half the deal. And the process should be more important than the result itself (that is to be with her). Don't be mistaken, I am NOT an aggressive lover and is more than willing to accept my Love's decision if it wasn't me. But because only through others, you see a bigger picture and your learning expand.

Being yourself is far to general to help you on anything. How is being yourself going to help you win the girl of your dreams? The key is to understand yourself... your strength/weakness analysis and using them to improve your advantage to secure your love. If you don't even understand yourself well enough, how do you even know what weapons to employ in love's warring field?

I will explain your situation through a marketing context.

What you are attempting to do is to somehow... persuade this customer (your love) to:

I) See you in different light and probably give you the chance to explore your 'brand'.

II) Gradually accept and see your 'brand' as premium.

III) Purchase your product (your love).

She isn't a loyal customer of your competitor. Like what you have mention, she is merely keeping an open mind to him. And it also goes to show that she will be receptive of new 'brands' like yourself. Since she isn't a loyal customer, it would be easier for her to do a 'switch' of 'brands', if the condition is right and there are REASONS why she should do it.

Having more 'advertisement exposure' (meeting her personally, chat on phone, sms, email, MSN, etc), doesn't necessary make him a superior brand and MORE importantly, doesn't mean that what your competitor is trying to sell to her... is what she is looking for AND form part of her needs.

Haven't we met enough salesman, trying all means to sell us their products that has little use to us? Or worst, not a need at all? They can go about blabbering all the positive usage of their product, but because we don't need them... we don't see a reason to part our cash (and in your case, her Love).

A good sales person understands his/her customer (your love) well. More often than not, people feel good making a purchase from a good salesman, not just his product. There is a relationship beyond that of a buyer and seller context. The service they provide makes a difference between all other products or 'brand' (Love).

Do you understand yourself well enough to package yourself in such a way that your strength is position in a manner where it is exactly what she is looking for in a guy?

This is to sell yourself... by being yourself.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 201105

Originally posted by Ecxentrique:
I have a relationship.. coming to almost 3 years. Recently, we are in this cooling off mode after she said (and i feel so too) that the passion seems to have died off and that we have become more and more like friends instead of lovers.

I don't want to give all this up and she suggested that we can try it all over as friends..

Now here is the complicated bit..

I think there is another guy in the picture. Its her colleague who has been quite nice to her and do things that make people wonder if he is after her.. every of her outing involves him but the guy did not really made any move yet, even knowing that we are already in the cooling off mode. She said that its not the guy and that our problem will still be there with or without him..

I am quite devoted and I don;t really want to give up this relationship. But some have said that its a bit foolish, and in a similar posting of a situation, the girl was also being called selfish..

during the cooling off, she was supposed to have thought abt things and how she wants to proceed with this, but after thinking for about 2 months there is no progress.. she still cant decide whether to give up the relationship or make up her mind to try over again. her excuse for not wanting to commit is that she dun feel the "feeling" anymore.. its like a stalemate and somehow we came to a middle ground of starting over as friends... not that i like this option either.. cos its like admitting that the relationship we had is as good as dead..

we are not getting any younger but i feel that her state of mind is still not ready to settle down.

wats the best course of action for me? i just dun want to give up but it seems like more and more we are heading that way..

appreciate some advice pls, probably from another angle things might be clearer..


Stagnation.

There is only one KNOWN method to get out of stagnation; which is literally make to a decision.

Why do we have stagnation?

Because we try to compromise our situation with an attempt to achieve a best of both world solution and realise that it never exist.

In all other situations, a win-win scenario may be possible, but hardly in Love. There are reasons why 'sacrifice' comes with Love - you don't hear it in the business world because in Business, everything thrives on self interest. Business don't sacrifice themselves for another firm's benefit. In similar tone, individualism don't and cannot co-exist in fulfilling relationship. What happens in Love is that we sacrifice certain things to obtain a mutual direction.

This mutual decision is what your relationship is seeking.

She is thinking. In fact, she is thinking very hard: That how could it ever be possible for her to love you the way she thought it was so intense in the past and to continue the relationship, despite feeling that it doesn't come naturally - so natural as to breathing. She could be engaging in emotional conflicts because her heart may have uncovered one shocking conclusion and that she may be fighting aggressively to reject this 'truth'.

Two months and no answer? Or time to delay the 'truth'?

Is time the deciding factor here? As in, does giving more time helps to accelerate you out of your stagnation?

Actually it doesn't, although it sounded as if it did.

The deciding factor lies in what she wants (I am pretty sure of what you want... to restore the passion and love in the relationship).

What she is looking for? What she wants?

Do you even know what she wants? OR do you think that you know?

Cheers

Aunt Agony 131105

Originally posted by laosu:

In my own perception, love isn't measured by how much one earns and shouldn't be measured by how much one earn. But then it could become a factor for arguments and of course in the end is how strong is your will to keep on believing that it won't affect the relationship.

Like I mention previously, both relationship (my ex and current gf), both expect about the same from me but from a different angle and attitude and my vision for myself in the future becomes different. My ex gave me nothing but pressure and stress and I couldn't look far enough to see which direction I should go whereas my current gf is more encouraging and and it gave me enough space and to look further thus I'm able to plan and move.

A marriage is not base on how many tables you hold for your wedding or how elabroate your wedding dinner is. You can spend $100,000 on a wedding dinner but what does that prove? Nothing. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and a life time course. You learn from your partner everyday, read them and understand them and when problem arise, see it as a test to the relationship and how well you can handle the test. If you don't study well and understand a certain subject, do you think you can pass the test? The answer is "NO".

Often people make a mistake of pointing the finger at the opposite party when problem arise in the relationship but how many people did actually try to think of their own shortcoming?

It's easier to preach then to action on it. I know almost everything I should do in a relationship but I can't deny that I'm a human afterall. Greed, demands, selfishness, all that are part of human desire and it's just a matter how greedy you are and how demanding you are.

If you have read before my past posts especially regarding my past r/s, I do learn a lot and try to correct my mistakes. Please take note, I mention "TRY". Even now I can't say I'm a perfect partner for my gf, I'm not even near perfect but rather far from it. Each day I learn from my current gf how to love her and how to love myself. Each day I proceed on in my life to make it better so that there'll be less problems to think of. But during these time I do still make mistakes. I'm not a saint, sometimes I can't see where I gone wrong, especially when it just happen. But day after day, I try hard to give myself more time to think of what happen and why it happened and sometimes if I were to think of it, I am at faults too.

Regarding to your last question, let me quote you a very good example. There's two apple right in front of you and you can only choose one. Apple A, in your own eyes, looks sweet, juicy and delicious and Apple B look more plain and not so nice. Someone picked up Apple B and took a bite and comment that it's very sweet and juicy and cruncy and when he took another bite from Apple A, all he commented is that this Apple A isn't nice at all. With all that comments coming, which apple will you think you'll choose?

I know deep in my heart that love can't be measured by anything, but I'm still learning not to measure love that way. Knowing and having the ability to do it is of two different matter, and again it's an effort for both instead of just a party. Love is not just a feeling shared. Imagine you and your partner are being tied together. She's one who is eager to move forward in life and keeps on moving but you on the other hand is slower or doesn't wanna move at all. Initially she might still feel it's ok to drag on for a while but how much longer can she drag? She'll feel tired and it'll become a burden, an obstacle. Same even for the other way round. Why you think some man had affairs outside even after they are married and have a good wife who stays at home and look after the family?

Anyway, there's too much factors to name it all out. I would be damned by other forumities if I were to name all out cause it'll be a long long list. [This post is directed at Aunt Agony II 121105]


Silly, actually the 'You' in my last question wasn't directly at you; it was a question for everybody. Probably that's why you got so defensive. Ok, I should just change to 'Us' next time.

Anyway, it's great since you returned me an essay with all your thoughts.

Higher learning of Love is to stimulate thinking and emotions.

***

Maybe I should just explain what I mean by 'Definition of a relationship' as I so frequently mentioned. In CloUdiSm context, definition of a relationship means and occurs during the inaugural stage of the relationship... the moment just before the couple gets together. We all come together in a relationship because mentally and emotionally, we have accepted the deal and package our partner 'present' to us. This whole package includes every single details about him/her... we decided that it was alright and we accepted the relationship. Naturally, if there was something repelling about the 'package', one wouldn't hesitate to reject the relationship.

This definition is keyed into our relationship during the transition. For example, one Leo Girl and Scorpio guy sees trust as essential in Love. This will extend out to honesty between one another, being open and constant communication. This is a shared definition and how the relationship maneuver depends largely on what this definition is defined at the beginning of the relationship. [I use your words... quote and explain my prior lines]

[quote]My ex gave me nothing but pressure and stress and I couldn't look far enough to see which direction I should go whereas my current gf is more encouraging and and it gave me enough space and to look further thus I'm able to plan and move.[/quote]

Your relationship moved the way it was defined by you.

To add mutual definitions, as the relationship moved on, it wouldn't cause much issues - the real knocks is when one tries to re-define existing ones or add new ones in their own effort subconsciously. We cannot prevent our environment from new psychological and emotional input... it is a natural phenomenon in Love. However, when too much amendment is made to this definition, the couple suddenly becomes so incompatible. [I use your words... quote and explain my prior lines]

[quote]Imagine you and your partner are being tied together. She's one who is eager to move forward in life and keeps on moving but you on the other hand is slower or doesn't wanna move at all. Initially she might still feel it's ok to drag on for a while but how much longer can she drag? She'll feel tired and it'll become a burden, an obstacle. Same even for the other way round. Why you think some man had affairs outside even after they are married and have a good wife who stays at home and look after the family?[/quote]

You are right about how a relationship would probably end in such classic context; you said it in layman's term... I merely explained it in theoretical format (CloUdiSm Fifth Law of Love - Package Law).

A realistic question would be: what are the chances of coming together IF the woman already knew that this man is moving at this pace of life? Actually, the chance is zero unless she has decided and 'keyed' it in into her definition that this doesn't matter to her and there are other factors that she is looking into Love other than this aspect.

Maybe one would ask, 'What if only AFTER one has entered into a relationship and discover this discrepancy? Then my question back would be 'Are you willing to make that a mutual definition or resist against it?' A successful relationship is when both sees a common direction and NOT merely gazing at each other. Of course, chances are, to accept new definitions, through new found knowledge could also meant an impossible task to some.

A scenario would be: Leo girl and Scorpio guy decided that Love was there, everything else seemed fine and got together. Gradually, Leo girl thought that Scorpio guy display traits of possessiveness and Leo girl dreaded possessive partners. New definitions are uncovered, waiting for acceptance - [Say, Love means intense time spent together, even at the expense of own lifestyle and Love means life without platonic friends of the opposite gender]. To a girl who loved her own space, friends and time - those new definitions are bound to be resisted fiercely. She could accept those deals and keep the relationship harmonious with less conflicts - but what are the chances?

This is what I wanted to convey - How Definition of Relationship would affect a relationship and in NNP's case, his girlfriend gradually realise how important is equal education and status is to her. It is interesting BECAUSE when she accepted the relationship 4 years back, the connotation of education didn't matter to her at all - so it goes to show that this is a NEW definition... generated as the relationship goes on. I am not saying that she doesn't have the prerogative to a better life - what I am saying is that how altering this definition would cause a split in a relationship, like we have seen in his case. NNP posted his own woes, unknown to him, this whole pile of chim-like thingy (written in my post) actually took place. Does anyone actually think that the one slap is the behaviour that deteriorate the relationship? It could be the catalysis, but certainly not the root.

P.S: This post is to simplify and clarify my own posts.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 121105

Originally posted by laosu:

Sadly, I do agree with what [Aunt Agony 111105] has said.
But let me add on something.
I still don't believe that education level could be a barrier, where you stop in your education shouldn't be a problem but problems sets in if your life stops there. True enough you do work hard and earn an honest living but then again her earning power will be so much higher than you when she comes out to work. I guess she already starting to sense that.

NNP, let me point out to you a cruel fact about being a man. Even if your gf has the same education level as you, she might too demand that you do better than her.

I too face the same problem as you two years back with my ex-gf. She has a lower education level than me but life is cruel. My earnings are never enough for her as she got a rather f**k up family. In the end she choose to give up this relationship and end up with someone richer than me (or at least the earning power is higher than me)

My current gf, has the same education level than me but she always urge me to do better and to plan for our future. Unlike my ex-gf, my current gf uses a different approach to make me move forward. Basically both are demanding the same thing from me but on a different approach. All my ex gave me is stress and the current gf is more like constantly encouraging me to move forward which is more effective.

Ultimately what I want to tell you is, whether or not you keep this r/s, do find ways to upgrade yourself to your own befinit and not to others. We have to keep moving ahead in order to be able to take care of our own life and then to take care of others. Not many girls in Singapore are willing to settle down with someone who can't see his own future. Remember, it's like a race, you have to be able to keep it up. Even if you are behind her, don't be too far behind as she'll start to feel like she's losing you. Your gf perhaps are already feeling that way and it's understandable that some mean friends or hers will laugh at you for being such a lowly person and as friends they would advise her to find someone better, someone with a brighter prospect. but then again, which friend wouldn't wan the best for the friend?

In a relationship, whatever happens, it's always a two sided thingy. It takes two hands to clap. Before you start to condemn her for her change of attitude, why don't you try to think back and reflect on your own self? Don't think of the things you did for her but rather think of the things you NEVER do for her. Have you given her enough security to make her feel that she can rely on you for the rest of her life (rely as in emotionally not financially)? A man who earns $2k a month can provide comfortable life as for now but to get married, buy house and start a family, do you think $2k is enough? The answer is "NO".

And think about this, if one day you two did get married, by the time she would have graduated and probably earning a salary of $3K and you still at $2K, even if you didn't live on her earnings but what will others say? You can tell me that it doesn't bother you what they say or tell me that she shouldn't be bothered by what other people say but the fact is, we are all humans and all these words does make an impact on a person's mind and pride. So, how will you react to it and how will she take it? Doesn't that make it more easy for problems to set in? And what if you both or either of you can't take it anymore? Divorce? Is that what you want ultimately?

Go think about it before you make any decision and I would advise that you two have a good talk alone with no other friends or disturbance. You want something from her but don't forget she'll want something from you too. Go find out what is it.


You are replying based on society's yardstick measurement of what a good relationship would be. Your relationship lived heavily on how people SEE in your relationship. Don't get mistaken - it is the right thing to improve oneself and I would encourage it... however, is this stir from within or wholly based on external causes?

Is Love measured by how much she earns more than you? Does that makes you lesser in any ways, if it happens? Does it necessary mean that if a guy earns more than a woman it makes a relationship more successful than those who don't? Or is their relationship lesser in any aspects?

This is our definition and perception in relationship: It matters to you because this is how you define your own Love.

I am sure you people may hear of stories or know personally of such scenarios (woman more successful in life than their man), but their relationship is still strong and passionate. The reason is very simple: their definition of their own relationship has gone beyond what THIS SOCIETY wants you to define in his own words.

***

I remember when I was so much younger (Pri school), I asked my mum this question:

'Mum, what if someone is too poor to get married? To hold a wedding seemed costly... does it means the couple will never be together? [I was shoOo young and thought that to be married formally, you must hold a dinner]

She replied - well, a marriage means you register your marriage with ROM. That makes you husband and wife. A restaurant dinner is customary.

'But everyone who get married would hold the dinner what - it means that getting married HAS to hold that restaurant dinner, isn't it.'

My mum smiled at me

'The wedding is only to acknowledge to everyone that you are getting married. But of course, it is not needed if you think it isn't necessary. Even though a wedding dinner is a once in a lifetime event, your marriage goes further than your wedding dinner.'

'But everyone is holding that dinner... it seemed that if you don't hold the dinner, you ain't married.'

***

I realise, even as a child, how powerful 'society' standard has effect on how we define and perceive Love. We define a good relationship BASED on material packages (Tiffany ring... good income.... background... status... lavish wedding dinner) to appearance (good looking... pretty... fashionable...) to 'standards' (Guys must be older than the girl, must earn more than his wife, must be same 'skin colour'... must be taller than their wife) to everything else that shouldn't have connection with Love, but is connected because we made it matter to us.

You mean if a quiet couple from humble background, merely ROM (No official celebration of sort), enough to lived by income and say woman is older than man... their relationship is LESSER that those who has everything that they don't? Despise having very loving relationship?? Then why does those couple have failing marriage DESPITE having excellent society's ‘standard of compatibility’

How much has this wicked society influence you? How has it affect your Love and Relationship?

This is something interesting to ponder about.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 121105

Originally posted by numby:
they like cannot get over them when break-up when the guy is has been toying wif the girls feelings...some girls r willing to do anything to get the guy back to her side...


Love can never be smooth sailing.

Bad guys are pawns of karma USED to further Love's cosmic lessons.

I believe the existence of 'bad' guys (and woman) is paramount. If Love was perfect - we will never, in our lifetime, discover the true meaning of Love. Sure, we all know that Spring is awesome... but have you seen Spring's ugly nature? Or the beautiful side of Winter? Without bad guys, how do we know the 'goodness' of nice guys?

There are reasons why certain people intrude into our lives. We, acting as a security guard deployed at the main gate - deciding who and who is allowed to enter. We form a relationship with those we chose from freewill - nobody force a knife upon our throat to accept those BGR.

In the end, we only have ourselves to be blame... the decision we made.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 111105

Originally posted by Not_nice_person:
i'm a guy and i have a gf of 4 yrs..thinking of breaking up wif her cause i cant tolerate her temper any longer.

I apologised so many times but she still dun want to accept..

I treat her so well, but tat;'s all i get :cry: why? issit because i'm of low education? i quit sc h ard sec 3 to work, but she is undergrad so she haf the right to put me down and treat me like dirt?


why people have a cert and they r so hao liao abt it? everytime she does something wrong, i keep quiet. I dun want to incur her and her complains and her frens sarport her not me, cause they see me of low education mah

guys, what wld u do if uwere in my shoes? why girls nowadays talk until like tat?


As you people begin to debate if his slap is justifiable or not... to me, it doesn't really matter. IMHO, NNP isn't a violent person by personality for if he is indeed one... such undesirable acts would litter throughout his 4 years relationship and NOT just that particular day.

However, there is an issue.

And is seemed that this relationship is divided by a splitting chasm; the once Love has mutilated by evolving definition and perception of what a good Love ought to be like. This is because our needs changes as we grow with time - what we originally seek may not be what we want ultimately... What we could give... may not be what they want eventually.

Low education doesn't matter in the past, but it seemed to matter right now. What happens is that she begin to see how 'equal status' is of growing importance to her - measured by society's standard. This is a generating need in making, vastly different from what you seek in your own relationship.

There is a contrast in definition; causing you two to look in separate direction. One of the worst thing in Love.

Believe in the beauty of willingness for it makes no meaning for a relationship to continue IF we bear such intense unhappiness and discontentment. If we are willing to remain in our Love, we must be convinced that there are reasons why we are still hanging around.

It seemed that you are losing that reason and she... uncovering new reasons to top her agenda: on her new expectations. The girl you INITIALLY fell for... has gone. Similarly, the guy she INITIALLY fell for... has vanished.

Love that has gone sour...

Cheers

Aunt Agony 091105

Originally posted by chong-ster:
i got to know this gal abt half a year ago... everything was fine btw us, and we were v close, but she told me she didnt want to get into a relationship for the next month or two. i was fine with it, and never bugged her to be with me or whatsoever.

she's been telling me she yearns to be with me, she wants to be my partner, but deep down inside, i think she doesnt mean it.

abt a month ago, she left me, and i knew it was because of a guy. but she claimed it wasnt because of him and she had no feelings for him. but i knew she was lying, because my friends saw them out, and told me abt it. i also read her text messages sent to/from him... she told him she missed him, missed his hugs/kisses etc...

i asked her about it indirectly (not telling her that i read her msgs) but she still claimed that she'd already given him up because she only feels for me. not long ago, she again, told me she loved me, but just today, i read her messages again, and she sent one to him. saying that she wanted to meet him for a while, to lock lips....

many times i told myself to hate her and move on, but everytime she talks to me or appears in front of me, i'll just hopelessly fall in love with her again. i know its bad of me to read her text messages, but... i just couldnt help it at all.

i dont know why she still come up with lies to keep me with her, when so obviously she also wants to be with the guy too. maybe its because she wants the best of both worlds. i know i hate her for doing this. and many times i've told myself to hate her to the core, but i just can't.

she knows i've given her my best and almost everything i have.. but she still doesnt want to be with me. im fine with it.. but which guy can accept a girl who keeps another guy with her too????

maybe im just hopeless and dead stupid.


You are deeply in Love with your own imagination... in the seas of delusion. Facts has already shown you the TRUTH, but because delusion is so powerful and kept you overwhelmed, every time when she employed deception through blatant lies - your mind CHOSE to believe those lying words because you think and feel that even if there is only 1% chance of it being the truth, that is still a possibility.

In astrology, this is what happens when Neptune gets afflicted - people get deluded and choose to dwell in those illusions.

If logics could save you, you would have already been saved.

Chances are, you are reluctant to release yourself off this bondage. You create an opening to introduce wounds into your heart and you refuse to patch the vulnerability.

Good scolding? You don't need to... and in fact, no amount of words would suffice.

What you need is to hurt yourself more... until the day when you realise that this 1% hope you are clinging on, is no more than just a false hope. You would only understand what it means by it was never meant to be right from the start... if you choose to leave where you are standing forever and never to return.

To return is to discover that you running in circles, back to where you are.

P.S: If this current emotional pain is not enough deter you, then ripped the wounds wider... until you are able to see reality.

Cheers

Aunt Agony III 061105

Originally posted by Airbus330Captain:
Thanks for your advices guys .. .

Well , all I can say is that I can imagine both of us being together happily , having a family together. I havent had that feeling for a long time. I ask you guys a question. If you see someone who is already attached (and the bf is someone you know as a friend) but you have strong feelings for her , what will you do ? Wait for her to break off depending on how strong their relationship are ? Forget it and move on or confess to her hoping that a miracle will happen ?

I believe love is selfish but what I really believe that even if I like her but she doesnt like me , love cannot be forced and if i really love her , I should be happy for her happiness, that is how I feel.


I know many people explains it this way, but technically speaking, this is a contradiction. If you believe that Love is selfish, you will not understand what is mutual respect and empathy for the woman you loved because selfishness only understand a self absorbed form of happiness (read Ayukat).

You are suffering heavy conflicts with the mind and heart; with one telling you to pursue your heart's desire and another reminding you about moral, ethics, conscience, norms, standards, etc.

I believe in all is fair in Love and War (with the exception of married potential for a married potential is much more complicated and definitely karmic). To me, being attached signified nothing, apart from trying to know each other better. BGR is indeed a 'get-to-know-more' about each other stage - even if your relationship is of many years. I have a known friend who realise that he knew so little about his gf... even after a 5 years relationship - especially the 'new' her. He was having a crisis of his own and only then, what he thought is either based on assumption or the past.

Time changed... people changed.... No one is the same one year back - we all evolved with time.

Do you gamble... say BlackJack? Do you ever realise that regardless of how your luck is like (good or bad), you will never raise above this particular amount of stake?

In your case, the stake is on a friendship.

Are you comfortable with this stake? Comfortable playing?

P.S: Love is sacrificial - best of both worlds normally don't exist in Love.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 061105

Originally posted by tsubasa82:
Went on a date with a gal a month ago. Everything was great, and we had sex after that. But after the sex, she told me that she only broke off with her bf like 2 mths before we got together. She's not ready for a relationship yet.
So i told her i'll wait till she's ready.

However, she started to become cold towards me when we're in front of friends. I felt that something's not right. Last monday, she told me to give up on her. She said i still don't understand her, but how am i supposed to understand her when she always try to avoid me? I've been trying to talk to her, but she doesn't respond. And she said that we're not suitable and i'm not her type. It's really like WTF.

I asked her why she had sex with me, was i just a substitute. She said that i hurt her by saying that. She did it with me because she really like me that time. But then it's like only 1 month ago.
Now, in front of friends i have to behave as if i'm alright. But deep down inside, i'm really devastated. It really didn't matter to me whether we had sex or not, i really like her.

I really don't know what to do. It's like quite impossible for me to be with her again.


She might have learnt that her Love for you isn't substantial. Perhaps it may only be liking or even using you as a substitute, but one truth remains: not ready for a relationship begins not after the sex part, rather, it existed all these while.

When one undergo an emotional turmoil from a failed relationship, there is a great tendency to seek emotional dependency from others. What happened is that we try to restore whatever damage our failed BGR has dealt to us, using other channels to redirect our emotional focus so that we could allow time to repair what is necessary. We want life as 'normal' as how we perceive what 'normal' means to us. You see people start hanging out with friends, indulge in new hobbies, bury themselves in books, work OT or even attempting to try out new Love partner to displace their past.

Sex probably provoked her thoughts deeper - about her own feelings. She might have gained certain thoughts that render her the inability to accept you into a relationship with her. Clouds of doubts began to disperse from her befuddled heart and she gradually began to understand more about herself. This understanding is the reason of her rejection.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 061105

Originally posted by Big Bot:
Just now while watching the stupid NKF drama series... I got a sudden Deja Vu like feeling... more a vision of the future kind of feeling...

I got a feeling that I'll be attending the wedding of the girl I love the most and the groom isn't me and she'll come to my side and wish me happiness...

How? I don't want such a thing to happen...


In the end, how much wounds we accumulate in Love reflects deeply on our mindset. Some people are bound to hurt badly in love not because God isn't fair... rather, their definition of what Love is to them conjured those illusionary injuries. It is illusionary because those are non-existence unless you are thinking along that direction - the wounds are self-summoning.

You see Love as a form of possession... a commodity in which your self desire overwhelmed every other factors. So much 'Self' that you loses 'Other' (Empathy) - the only way to achieve fulfilling relationship.

What makes you think that 'someone' is taking her away?

She has to be willing... allow that 'someone' the permission to be taken away, isn't it?

A perfectly satisfied woman cannot be seduced.

Cheers

深夜播的夜曲。。 how I feel in Love with Darkness

一群嗜血的螞蟻 被腐肉所吸引
我面無表情 看孤獨的風景
失去妳 愛恨開始分明
失去妳 還有什麼事好關心
但鴿子不再象徵和平 我終於被提醒
廣場上餵食的是禿鷹
我用漂亮的押韻 形容被掠奪一空的愛情

啊　烏雲開始遮蔽　夜色不乾淨
公園裡葬禮的回音 在漫天飛行
送你的白色玫瑰 環境凋零
烏鴉在樹枝上詭異的很安靜　　
靜靜聽 我黑色的大衣 想溫暖妳
日漸冰冷的回憶 走過的走過的生命
啊 四周瀰漫霧氣
我在空曠的墓地 老去後還愛妳

為妳彈奏蕭邦的夜曲 紀念我死去的愛情
跟夜風一樣的聲音 心碎的很好聽
手在鍵盤敲很輕 我給的思念很小心
妳埋葬的地方叫幽冥

為妳彈奏蕭邦的夜曲 紀念我死去的愛情
而我為妳隱姓埋名 在月光下彈琴
對妳心跳的感應 還是如此溫熱親近
懷念妳那鮮紅的唇印

那些斷翅的蜻蜓　散落在這森林
而我的眼睛　沒有絲毫同情
失去妳　淚水混濁不清
失去妳　我連笑容都有陰影
風在長滿青苔的屋頂　嘲笑我的傷心　
像一口沒有水的枯井 我用淒美的字型　
描繪後悔莫及的那愛情

In the solemn noon where the truth was released like a sudden gale,
It choked the passage where the mind attempts to process the message,
Packed jammed with news that was both mentally and emotionally stimulating,
The tear duct played its role to complement weeping thoughts,
Wishes from the Genie bottle appeared to have granted,
What original desire was warped into profound uncertainty,
And like the pursuer was being pursed,
When fate twist you like dough,
Heaven make sport of man,
Too fast too furious,
Balance and scales,
Running thoughts,
Delusion

230704



Masquerading behind a mortal outlook.
Lies a vampire within.
Ironically,
this vampire, who was once mortal,
stared hard at the reflecting pool
And sees nothing of his past.
Has the pool aged?
Or has his vision blurred?
Something amiss... or something that wasn't meant to be there?

P.S: How sinister... how dark... how bleak... how crazed... as my fingers danced through the keyboard in subconscious fatigue state. I am supposed to rest my mind, but it brought me here instead.

Reality and Fantasy... masquerading each other in their own realm.

I am inside my own world... yet again.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 031105

Originally posted by ^mR.yellow^86:
[b]some say people who attached to one guy/girl only even if you can't have him/her are touching, sad, but some say it's stupid. What about you guys' and gals' point of view? let's hear from you guys and gals. guys and gals might have the different opinion about it.

Originally posted by DrTech:


He's talking about people who can't let go... continually liking/loving the other party even though they know they can't have him/her...

It can be a good or bad thing...


How can it be a good thing when you resist the idea of moving on? To resist the notion of moving on is to resist growth.

There is one bitter truth about people waiting: there is simply nothing to look forward, so they wait. Most people, who claim to wait for someone, often practice this what I call 'looking for the horse while riding the donkey'. If Love had you SO 'devoted'... so deep till you are 'left with no choice' but to wait... you will probably spent the rest of your life waiting this for meaningless someone and missed out opportunity on other potential partners. The TRUE form of waiting; is just to wait placidly until something happen. But the fact is that ultimately, these people moved on, with time, because they discovered it was impossible from the start.

You THINK he/she is the one for you... do you think you are the ONE for him/her?

Don't kid yourself - to wait for someone has NOTHING to do with loyalty and since it has nothing to do with it, what is so touching about people waiting aimlessly? Loyalty and devotion only applies to people who are IN A RELATIONSHIP... for anything else, it is foolishness and unacceptance.

I used to have people who swore to wait by me... for their own emotional agenda. I knew it was baseless and told them please don't make such comments, but they insisted in their own emotional ways. I laugh... not thinking that they are stupid, but rather, intrigued by how Love works.

These people are currently in their own relationship, revelling in bliss happiness. And obviously, I am happy for them to be able to exercise those loyalty in their current relationship instead of someone like me.

If you see devotion as a good characteristic, shouldn't you spent those precious quality on someone that is WORTH your devotion and not cover them up with a white lie by claiming that you are simply waiting and equates that to devotion.

These self-gratifying thoughts are merely tools to remain you in waiting list.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 271005

Originally posted by Depressed...*sigh*:
Dear people,

I badly need advice as this problem has been haunting me in my head ever since.

Ok, there was this guy a year ago, he had a crush on me and I too, began developing some feelings for him.

The feelings grew and eventually, we really like each other. I am always absenting classes/late for school, but he doesn't seem to mind, well, that's what I think. He should know that too.

So the trouble begins..

There's this girl (she's my enemy, she doesn't like me, I doesn't like her) , she purposely sat close to him in class and tried to get friendly with him (funny how she isn't THAT close to him last time) I was jealous indeed and wasted a whole year staring daggers behind their backs.

The guy, of course, didn't get fresh with her. During this time, I was really hoping he knew that that girl was just trying to 'snatch' my boy from me. Oh btw, we didn't talk to each other, we just communicate with our body languages. But we understood each other perfectly.

Our classmates didn't like me and him to be together. Also, that girl and her friends has always been picking on me since sec sch days. I am a loner and of course, I suffered silently and painfully.

And now, she wants to take away my only happiness. I was really dejected and neglected my studies at the end.

Anyway, the guy didn't end up me..but, they are close together the last I saw them.

It's been a year, but I still feel very angry, upset and mostly, betrayed at how and why the guy did this to me. He should know that the girl was just trying to ruin me..sobs.

Please don't give me words like 'learn to let go'. I can't, really. Like I've said, it's been a year :/. I'm not so sure but I feel really lost and confuse that such a relationship can be ruined so easily..can anyone intepret what's going wrong here?

Btw, I gave him a note to call me if he still have feelings for me and so on. But he didn't reply :cry: Pls also note that his friends knows that he likes me but I don't understand why he can be so fickle to let go that easily. And why does he have to be so close to my enemy? :cry: I don't know whether he and my enemy are steads now. :cry: I can't believe God gave my happiness away to my enemy


You are assuming that YOUR guy, whom you have a crush on, will read you like a book? This is NOT EVEN the case for actual couple, for it often leads to miscommunication... so what makes you think that he can mind-read you? Whether he has feelings for you or not, this is still questionable. Remember that emotions can be fleeting; your intense liking for him doesn't mean he share the same intensity for you.

You are dwelling in this bottomless pit of self pity because of your constant refusal to get yourself out of your plight permanently. You tried to change what you don't feel good about yourself, but you are so conscious about how people view you. People may have look at you with an appraising eye, but does it matter? Are you allowing them the chance to judge you and with you accepting this judgment from them?

Who are these people to you? Do you ever realise that nobody have the power to harm you psychological and emotionally UNLESS you allow them to?

God didn't take anything away from you - God is teaching you some important lessons in your life that will LAST you until you breathe your last on Earth.

What happened in the past and everything else will work to bring you to the lowest state in life. Your self worth is tarnished and everything becomes bleak. The reason is because you let them degenerate yourself. So what if this guy is your crush? It doesn't mean that he has the power or position to destroy your self esteem... MOREOVER, he isn't your boyfriend. All this 'sacrifice' or torment is for a lost cause.

Are you going to continue this way? By allowing others, who are supposed to be the bunch of people that makes no meaning in your life... to govern your future? Look... these are the people whom want you to fail... don't want you to improve yourself... don't want you to succeed in any ways: why are you subconsciously listening to their hidden message they already intended to spread to you?

You are accepting what others have falsely claim of you, your ability, your strength... and most important of all: your potential. And your adversary will rejoice at your foolishness because you are an easy target: your mind is easy to conquer.

You don't need the eloquence to scold people or a huge temper for deterrence - you only need a good mindset to bring yourself out of this hell hole. You need an intense emotional drive to improve yourself - try making your man regret for his decision. You got to excel beyond his every imagination and got to picture in your head, one day, when he comes chasing you... You will look at him and tell him this:

'Probably one-two years back, I may have readily agreed... but now... I don't need you anymore.'

Remember, you don't have to bow your head and walk through life - it is a choice made.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 271005

Originally posted by StarPuppy:
Well...very often we have 2 people accidently bumping against each other, resluting a mess(maybe one of them sprain their legs etc) and they help one and another and they get to know each other better...guy ask gal for number..gal gives number...yada yada and they fall in love with each other after countless dates .etc
-This would be Fate

While created by man....
Would be the matchmaking services..where people are brought together by dating services created by man

My point is....Do you think that love by a couple is created by Fate or by Man? and give reasons on why you think so

P.S: Sorry if i dun sound too clear...i didn't had enough sleep last nite..

~+Cheers+~
StarPuppy


As again, this question bends towards spiritual aspect of Love: The moment when you start to question Love why and not direct this question towards a person - it becomes spiritual in nature.

We all begin life with vast inadequacy in Love because life is about learning Love in our own ways. If Love is a subject, all of us would have strength and weakness in different topic within the subject. The people whom we are bound to meet this lifetime presented lessons to 'tutor' us in Love aspects where we are weak in.

In face of Love, we all become emotionally naked. There is neither screen nor mask we often wear to the world. The lessons that Love brings would 'feel' hurtful because the shield we wield against strangers has vanished. We become vulnerable... like a child.

The naive often find themselves cheated.

The passive often find regrets.

The flirt often missed the good person.

And the list goes on.

The appearance of this particular person... our current cosmic lesson... is what people deemed as fate. But fate (being appearance of a particular person) has a double edge thingy to it: some relationships are karmic by nature. Karmic relationship are challenging relationship place to test our knowledge of Love and how we handle them. Chances are, karmic relationship will try to degenerate us. Don't ask me why some people always have karmic relationship - I can only tell you these certain group of people are likely to have abuse, misuse or have been cruel in Love in previous incarnation.

This is a constant.

Worsen by (this lifetime) personality, character traits and decision made.

These are variables.

And if enlightenment is gain (sometimes is merely time factor) - what that has previously served to degenerate us will build us instead. You know when you play those role playing games and when you encounter difficult monsters - these creatures somewhat have higher experience points. If we gain enough experience points, we level up... and become stronger than before.

Freewill is almighty in Love because the decision we made is actually freewill - it is within your span of control. You may not decide who you are going to meet this lifetime, but certainly, you have the choice if you want accept them into your learning cycle.

A man may have decided to try for the matchmaking services - but does he has control over the people whom he will meet? Not exactly. But, as again, he has a choice over the people whom he deemed as potentials to see if a relationship is possible between them.

A closed heart - even with all 'best fate', 'best people'... will fail if the freewill decision is to say no.

Which is more powerful?

You decide.

Cheers

Aunt Agony III 261005

Originally posted by changb57:
since the divorce rate is higher and nowaday marriage is so fragile,....then why married????

i fail once and i see that people change....what is the point of marriage then???? women are as bad as men....nowaday women also have affairs...what a world??? 8O



Why are you all getting so cynical about marriage JUST BECAUSE there is this current trend of increasing divorce?

Statistic means nothing if you work to be the exception.

A failed marriage doesn't mean you are a failure in Love - it simply means that there is something you failed to learn and got owned by the reality of marriage.

Will there come a time when Love becomes a subject and people have to take classes to understand them because self discovery and enlightenment becomes a myth?

I am telling you that the percentage of non-lasting BGR is even worst - then are you going to tell me that you will avoid Love forever?

I said this before: Most people get married because of circumstances, when in fact, it should be the fruition of your Love.

What is the meaning of Fruition?

I) Realization of something desired or worked for; accomplishment: labor finally coming to fruition.
II) Enjoyment derived from use or possession.
III) The condition of bearing fruit.

Lemme post some common scenario:

If you discover that your partner is someone not particularly suitable... will you break with him/her because of incompatibility? Chances are, you may - but problem comes in when this relationship is already 6 years and there isn't any major problem at all. It is generally harmonious and mutual family already acknowledge your presence and anticipating for a wedding.

There are pressures involved (parental, biological, etc). Then you go with the flow... of accepting the marriage and pushing these REAL issue into avoidance.

Is that fruition of Love? Or is it circumstances?

***

You have a relationship of five years, generally harmonious and have a healthy sex life. One fine day, the woman is pregnant. You are financially well-to-do and money isn't an issue to you. Chances are, you will get married.

Without getting into the morality of abortion and such: a shotgun marriage... is that fruition of Love? Or is it circumstances?

***

*Refer to Aunt Agony 261005*

If the topic starter were to accept the proposal... a marriage due to emotional insecurity.... is that fruition of Love? Or is it circumstances?

***

You don't have meaning in marriage... you MAKE meaning in YOUR marriage.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 261005

Originally posted by Wolfwoof^^:
Hi..i manage to cut into their 4yrs rs. She break up wif her x to be wif me. At 1st it was like honeymoon for us..those sweet sweet feelings for each other but i realise she havent forget about her x.. &..he keeps on pestering her. Her family also object to our rs. Somethings bcos of all tat pressure she face from her family, moodswings tends to get in.

When i saw her in such an angony..i tried to give her up. She just don't wana let me go.. Im honest & truthful to her & yet she said she got no confidence in me. Damn it realli piss me off..Im beginning to drift away from this rs but i still luv her.. IF ANYONE HERE HAS BEEN THROUGH THIS PLS ADVISE ME WHAT TO DO.. :(

I luv her..& i wana b wif her.. i even wana marry her but WTF i feel im drifting away.. I really don't knw what to do.. :cry:


What do you expect? A red carpet rolled over the ground to welcome your humble presence into her life? You may have conquered the fortress, but the land where all the peasants lived will resist against your rule. You think life is going to be easy after you have gotten her successfully? Especially when this four years relationship has sunk quite deep roots.

This is just the beginning of a certain nightmare. Probably only endurance can get you through; but it seemed that you are also lacking in this aspect.

If you want to get involved with a girl who is currently attached - to cut without letting her clear her mess... you end up being the one clearing the pile of sh!t. So you just got to decide if this is worthwhile for a relationship to continue with the mess. Well, you can pursue this Love with her trying to regain stability - but you will end up suffering because the emotional burden will fall on you.

You made your choice. How far would you hold on your choice? This could be a game of endurance. Do you have what it takes to play this game?

Cheers

Aunt Agony 261005

Originally posted by zichuan:
how do i encourage my gf that rushing me us to married is too fast pace for me? im 21 she is 22. im still young and intend to get married at 30, she threaten that she doesnt want to wait for me, our r/s has been about 5years now. i got no much feelings for her now. why is this happening? its like our feelings is so bitter now like best friends only. im still studying ite and intend to go into poly, but she rejects the idea that i go out to work and support for and save up for marriage. but im so young i still got the blood to enjoy my life first then settle down. now is like my plans is on hold because of her? when i tell her about my plans for us in the future she rejects the idea and said i had changed. i sometimes asked myself whether she is the true girl for me? will i married a woman in later part of my life i regret?


NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER... NEVER get married because of emotional insecurity like what you gf is suffering from. There may be a problem somewhere that triggers her insecurity, but getting married is NOT a solution.

And NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER... get married if you are not emotionally prepared. Not financially prepare is still secondary... not emotionally prepared is the doom bringer.

How you tell her? Communicate about your current inadequacy and that your reason for a latter marriage because is NOT because you don't love her anymore... more like you would want to ensure that she has a better life after marriage and not something hasty and screw up your greater plans. Communicate further to discover the source why she pushing for you for a marriage. There must be something that is edging her. :idea:

Cheers

Aunt Agony 251005

Originally posted by SoonKeong:
I had been attached for 2 years already, but overtime i realise my partner is really someone who dun suits me.

- She suddenly become very complacent and rarely call me up, and expecting me to be the one who always initiates things.
- She now always find lotsa excuses of her mistake and rarely own up, if not, dun even care about the whole matter.
- She used to push the extra effort to cheer me up, but now it has never been the case.

I think its not embarrassing to say in a commited relationship, sexual involvement is quite important. It pulls them together more closely, and infact alot of infidelity i heard about are because one partner doesnt give enough, or dun give for long period of time. My gf is one type who unfortnately dislike sex, although she do it with me, she never ask for it and sometimes we got into arguement because i feel that we are having less and less. Of course i do admit i desire sex, but i only do it with my gal. If even now the desire of her is not even there, how are we gonna survive when we get married?

I know now is her final year, she is really busy with her studies, but until like we meet 2 days per week? Sometimes i'm really lonely and need her, she is not around for me. She complains i not understanding enuff, but have she put into my shoe to think about it?

I'm really feel very very tired, i feel that its reaching a point where we wouldnt find happiness in this relationship, and topics are getting less and less. But we stay together because we are used to each other's company. I dunnoe what should i do now, sometimes meeting her seems like seeing a doctor, need to make appointment, if not dun even have time for me.

Last week, i sense that we are falling apart, so i ask her this: "If you can chose to beautify ur face or to chose me, which will you chose?". Ok, this question may seems stupid, but to me its a choice of priority as she also asked me before "will u chose between ur game and me?", and yes although i love my games, i still chose her. When asked that question, she keep saying how can compare, if compare must compare between people and people, pushing in many excuse which she loves to give. But hell, there's no third party wad! Only until she sense i'm getting angry, then she faintly reply me "you la..." I'm really sad at tt moment, its like the once main priority for me is not there anymore.

And from that day, we have silence war for 3 days until i give in and buy dinner for her. When i reach her hostel, she also dun have much topics to say with me. Ok, i'm quite the jealous type, and so nice of her super friendly friend called her. Usually after put down the phone, she used to tell mi who call and what was it about, but now, nothing. Not even the name of the super nice guy who called. When i was about to leave after realising there's nothing to talk about, she onli keep asking "nothing to say liao ar? nothing liao meh?". Huh? WTF? must i be the one always give in and hey i travel all the way to ur hostel buy dinner for u leh! Not even a thanks!

I really sense an end is near, what can i do?


In marriage wise, the root of the problem is probably closely related to sexual intimacy. Your perception of sex is what I call Series Monogamy - you will do it as long as she is your Love. So if you have three girlfriends in total, you are sexually faithful to each of them WHEN you in a relationship with them. It is also good to know that your act of Love comprises of emotional value - but you have to understand that our individual mental and emotional structure is different.

A woman doesn't need sex the way a man needs, vice vista. This is heavily modified by current circumstances. For example, stress affects one's sexual drive. In marriage sense, sex plays an important part, but as for BGR... it depends on your individual perception of sex in role of a relationship before marriage. Some people feel sex is sacrosanct before marriage - so to them, your view of sex as a form of love expression is invalid. Your girlfriend may already do it with you, but it doesn't mean she sees sex the way you see them. True, sometimes when, emotionally, she cannot connect with you, she cannot see herself doing it with you and thus it could be evidence of her fleeting Love, but unless she physically stays with you - in BGR sense, it is dangerous to see it this way.

Chances are: sex to her is like an activity... between couple - just like you playing computer games. You may like gaming and spent great deal of time playing them, but there are also times when you don't play it and even comes to a time when you get 'bored' of the activity and stop playing for a while. Does that mean you don't like playing computer games anymore? Not exactly.

However, your waning relationship may corroborate all these signs of disinterest she has for the relationship.

Have you communicated all these issues to her? Does she know that you are troubled over her behaviour (talk about the other thingy other than the sex part first)? In introspection, how do you see your relationship? To give it up because of incompatibility or to see if it is viable to patch the damage? What about her? Does she even think that there is a problem in her relationship? After you have a heart-to-heart talk with her, is she going to do anything? Or rather... does she want to do anything about it?

P.S: Here are some questions for you to consider. A talk is essential.

Cheers

Dream Agony 241005

Originally posted by Scape_Goat_Token:
lol, not that i need any advice, just want to ask opinions on how dreams can be so real n painful. i just woke up, from a dream. a dream that i wouldn't call a nightmare, but it was painful and weird in it's own way...

okie i will elaborate more on what i can rmb. mysteriously, i could not remember some key parts because when i recall the "story" doesn't seem to fit together. i feel like im teleported from places to places, scene to scene.

ok the first thing i rmb was i was in the car wif my dad. den halfway (if im not wrong, its the road of SG), he ask mi whether i wanted to know how to drive. so weirdly, i said yes. so in my dream (somehow), he managed to get the wheel to my side. i only controlled the wheel i think, den the pedal all these was still at his side. okie, this is a dream, it's not real. i mean, it's not possible in a car in reality. but lemme continue.

i remember the process of it quite well. my dad did not realli teach me anything. but more of, i remember times where i almost crashed into other cars, objects etc..i was feelign REALLI scared.

that wasn't the main point. somehow i was warped into another scene. this time i was in the same car with a girl. im not sure if im grown up. but i think i have not learnt how to drive yet in the car. so somehow we took turns to drive. i dun even remember what was the girls name. but i just rmb we had fun talking and feeling scared when the car was about to crash. the previous scene i was with my father on a road with im familair with, if im not wrong, it was the junction at bukit timah plaza. around there. but this time, im not sure if i rmb wrongly, but i rmb seeing farms...crops...and not much buildings around. then it started to rain..

im not sure about the rain, but i rmb things became gloomy from my perspective as the dream continue

okie then here comes the part of the dream which i could not remember.

i remember it was still raining, den i seperated from that girl and this time i was on a bicycle. in some condo lobby or something. i rmbed that i was searching for the girl or something. actualli i don't know, because this precious part of my dream was ripped off from my memory when i woke up. i felt cheated. then i remember i was cycling cyling. up and down stairs. (wah i became pro in my dream i din even noe). den i fell down due to the slippery rain but did not feel any pain (it's a dream mah..). i rmb clearly the watery steps, being flooded. and i lay there, with my bruises. and i desperately took out my handphone. even in my dream my hp is the same as in real life, dats strange. coz i rmb my hp being damaged and the bottom part became abit dislocated. cant describe here.

then i "woke up" again. this time i was in my house. yes, my actual house. den my first reaction was to find my hp and call that girl. somehow i had her number. i called, then i was frantically trying to rmb her name when the person asked me who i was looking for. i tried very hard to rmb (but the actual fact is, i din even know in the first place). so i asked something like, " does this household haf a daughter " or something like that....

den i rmb my aunt telling me, " i think there was someone who keep calling you while you were asleep the past 2 yrs ".....i wasn't shocked. den suddenly the fone rung in my dream and all of a sudden, the dream ended and i woke up.

i woke up, in tears. i dun know why. i felt like ive been part of a drama. but the sad fact is i don't remember how i seperated with the girl. i don't even know what happened. right now im itching to know what happened..., and worst still, despite not remembering her face, her name and everything. right now, i the person i miss the most is the person i don't even know.....and i cant believe it's someone from my dream. im 100% sure it's not someone i know in real life, it's a person introduced in my dream.

i don't even know why im typing this. it's still early and i just woke up. i felt so sorrowful that i had to type this out. does continuation of dreams exist? if so i wud like to go bac into this dream again tonight. but any1 experienced that b4? sry if this topic was kinda lame


Dreams are divided into three possibilities:

I) Predictive

II) Ri you suo si, ye you suo mong (Your dream is actually a weird story plot made from what you saw, thoughts that came and feelings that flow that day)

III) Your subconscious mind is trying to tell your conscious mind something.

***

If it belongs to (III) and have anything to do with Love:

You may not have any relationship before or if have, probably one bad past experience that causes you to (1) learn lots, (2) left bitter/regretful memories?

The scene with your dad speaks about a certain past you have went through or experience. Your dad represented the past. The car represented a relationship (may not be BGR, may be a crush, friendship, whatever). Driving represented a certain time frame during that relationship/phrase. The fear while driving represented a bad experience that time. It was an hidden fear, not projected out, but likely to be felt inside.

The scene with the unknown girl represented a love interest that you are likely not in a relationship with her or she belong to the category of regrets. The crash represented some kind of catalysis or climax that took place and changes the relationship/situation between you and her. Chances are, it is something that had happened to you in the past OR it is due to a kind of personality/inexperience nature in you that existed all along - something that you know you are lacking in.

You see torrent of rain in your dreams. It represented emotions. Your attempt to find her and cycling the stairs represented a certain challenge/difficult faced. Apparantly, the difficulty overwhelmed you and you seemed helpless. (Represented by a spoilt mobile). You felt no pain physically because this wound is likely to be emotional in nature. Emotional wounds have no marking and would not claim your life, but because you are lying on the ground, you know that you are injured somehow and needed some form of rescue.

When you have woken up, your phone represented Enlightenment. You have the girl's number because she is part of your enlightenment. Your inability to recall the girl's name represented Uncertainty. The woman that picked your call represented your current situation and Uncertainty hinders your way to the future. When your aunt told you that someone has been calling you… it is knowledge of something new, something that you never knew... but now you do. That's why when the phone ring, your dream stopped - having all this new found information, what are you going to do?

If I hit the nail, I think this may resemble closely to what had happened in reality.

Cheers