Aunt Agony 131105

Originally posted by laosu:

In my own perception, love isn't measured by how much one earns and shouldn't be measured by how much one earn. But then it could become a factor for arguments and of course in the end is how strong is your will to keep on believing that it won't affect the relationship.

Like I mention previously, both relationship (my ex and current gf), both expect about the same from me but from a different angle and attitude and my vision for myself in the future becomes different. My ex gave me nothing but pressure and stress and I couldn't look far enough to see which direction I should go whereas my current gf is more encouraging and and it gave me enough space and to look further thus I'm able to plan and move.

A marriage is not base on how many tables you hold for your wedding or how elabroate your wedding dinner is. You can spend $100,000 on a wedding dinner but what does that prove? Nothing. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and a life time course. You learn from your partner everyday, read them and understand them and when problem arise, see it as a test to the relationship and how well you can handle the test. If you don't study well and understand a certain subject, do you think you can pass the test? The answer is "NO".

Often people make a mistake of pointing the finger at the opposite party when problem arise in the relationship but how many people did actually try to think of their own shortcoming?

It's easier to preach then to action on it. I know almost everything I should do in a relationship but I can't deny that I'm a human afterall. Greed, demands, selfishness, all that are part of human desire and it's just a matter how greedy you are and how demanding you are.

If you have read before my past posts especially regarding my past r/s, I do learn a lot and try to correct my mistakes. Please take note, I mention "TRY". Even now I can't say I'm a perfect partner for my gf, I'm not even near perfect but rather far from it. Each day I learn from my current gf how to love her and how to love myself. Each day I proceed on in my life to make it better so that there'll be less problems to think of. But during these time I do still make mistakes. I'm not a saint, sometimes I can't see where I gone wrong, especially when it just happen. But day after day, I try hard to give myself more time to think of what happen and why it happened and sometimes if I were to think of it, I am at faults too.

Regarding to your last question, let me quote you a very good example. There's two apple right in front of you and you can only choose one. Apple A, in your own eyes, looks sweet, juicy and delicious and Apple B look more plain and not so nice. Someone picked up Apple B and took a bite and comment that it's very sweet and juicy and cruncy and when he took another bite from Apple A, all he commented is that this Apple A isn't nice at all. With all that comments coming, which apple will you think you'll choose?

I know deep in my heart that love can't be measured by anything, but I'm still learning not to measure love that way. Knowing and having the ability to do it is of two different matter, and again it's an effort for both instead of just a party. Love is not just a feeling shared. Imagine you and your partner are being tied together. She's one who is eager to move forward in life and keeps on moving but you on the other hand is slower or doesn't wanna move at all. Initially she might still feel it's ok to drag on for a while but how much longer can she drag? She'll feel tired and it'll become a burden, an obstacle. Same even for the other way round. Why you think some man had affairs outside even after they are married and have a good wife who stays at home and look after the family?

Anyway, there's too much factors to name it all out. I would be damned by other forumities if I were to name all out cause it'll be a long long list. [This post is directed at Aunt Agony II 121105]


Silly, actually the 'You' in my last question wasn't directly at you; it was a question for everybody. Probably that's why you got so defensive. Ok, I should just change to 'Us' next time.

Anyway, it's great since you returned me an essay with all your thoughts.

Higher learning of Love is to stimulate thinking and emotions.

***

Maybe I should just explain what I mean by 'Definition of a relationship' as I so frequently mentioned. In CloUdiSm context, definition of a relationship means and occurs during the inaugural stage of the relationship... the moment just before the couple gets together. We all come together in a relationship because mentally and emotionally, we have accepted the deal and package our partner 'present' to us. This whole package includes every single details about him/her... we decided that it was alright and we accepted the relationship. Naturally, if there was something repelling about the 'package', one wouldn't hesitate to reject the relationship.

This definition is keyed into our relationship during the transition. For example, one Leo Girl and Scorpio guy sees trust as essential in Love. This will extend out to honesty between one another, being open and constant communication. This is a shared definition and how the relationship maneuver depends largely on what this definition is defined at the beginning of the relationship. [I use your words... quote and explain my prior lines]

[quote]My ex gave me nothing but pressure and stress and I couldn't look far enough to see which direction I should go whereas my current gf is more encouraging and and it gave me enough space and to look further thus I'm able to plan and move.[/quote]

Your relationship moved the way it was defined by you.

To add mutual definitions, as the relationship moved on, it wouldn't cause much issues - the real knocks is when one tries to re-define existing ones or add new ones in their own effort subconsciously. We cannot prevent our environment from new psychological and emotional input... it is a natural phenomenon in Love. However, when too much amendment is made to this definition, the couple suddenly becomes so incompatible. [I use your words... quote and explain my prior lines]

[quote]Imagine you and your partner are being tied together. She's one who is eager to move forward in life and keeps on moving but you on the other hand is slower or doesn't wanna move at all. Initially she might still feel it's ok to drag on for a while but how much longer can she drag? She'll feel tired and it'll become a burden, an obstacle. Same even for the other way round. Why you think some man had affairs outside even after they are married and have a good wife who stays at home and look after the family?[/quote]

You are right about how a relationship would probably end in such classic context; you said it in layman's term... I merely explained it in theoretical format (CloUdiSm Fifth Law of Love - Package Law).

A realistic question would be: what are the chances of coming together IF the woman already knew that this man is moving at this pace of life? Actually, the chance is zero unless she has decided and 'keyed' it in into her definition that this doesn't matter to her and there are other factors that she is looking into Love other than this aspect.

Maybe one would ask, 'What if only AFTER one has entered into a relationship and discover this discrepancy? Then my question back would be 'Are you willing to make that a mutual definition or resist against it?' A successful relationship is when both sees a common direction and NOT merely gazing at each other. Of course, chances are, to accept new definitions, through new found knowledge could also meant an impossible task to some.

A scenario would be: Leo girl and Scorpio guy decided that Love was there, everything else seemed fine and got together. Gradually, Leo girl thought that Scorpio guy display traits of possessiveness and Leo girl dreaded possessive partners. New definitions are uncovered, waiting for acceptance - [Say, Love means intense time spent together, even at the expense of own lifestyle and Love means life without platonic friends of the opposite gender]. To a girl who loved her own space, friends and time - those new definitions are bound to be resisted fiercely. She could accept those deals and keep the relationship harmonious with less conflicts - but what are the chances?

This is what I wanted to convey - How Definition of Relationship would affect a relationship and in NNP's case, his girlfriend gradually realise how important is equal education and status is to her. It is interesting BECAUSE when she accepted the relationship 4 years back, the connotation of education didn't matter to her at all - so it goes to show that this is a NEW definition... generated as the relationship goes on. I am not saying that she doesn't have the prerogative to a better life - what I am saying is that how altering this definition would cause a split in a relationship, like we have seen in his case. NNP posted his own woes, unknown to him, this whole pile of chim-like thingy (written in my post) actually took place. Does anyone actually think that the one slap is the behaviour that deteriorate the relationship? It could be the catalysis, but certainly not the root.

P.S: This post is to simplify and clarify my own posts.

Cheers