Aunt Agony 201105

Originally posted by Ecxentrique:
I have a relationship.. coming to almost 3 years. Recently, we are in this cooling off mode after she said (and i feel so too) that the passion seems to have died off and that we have become more and more like friends instead of lovers.

I don't want to give all this up and she suggested that we can try it all over as friends..

Now here is the complicated bit..

I think there is another guy in the picture. Its her colleague who has been quite nice to her and do things that make people wonder if he is after her.. every of her outing involves him but the guy did not really made any move yet, even knowing that we are already in the cooling off mode. She said that its not the guy and that our problem will still be there with or without him..

I am quite devoted and I don;t really want to give up this relationship. But some have said that its a bit foolish, and in a similar posting of a situation, the girl was also being called selfish..

during the cooling off, she was supposed to have thought abt things and how she wants to proceed with this, but after thinking for about 2 months there is no progress.. she still cant decide whether to give up the relationship or make up her mind to try over again. her excuse for not wanting to commit is that she dun feel the "feeling" anymore.. its like a stalemate and somehow we came to a middle ground of starting over as friends... not that i like this option either.. cos its like admitting that the relationship we had is as good as dead..

we are not getting any younger but i feel that her state of mind is still not ready to settle down.

wats the best course of action for me? i just dun want to give up but it seems like more and more we are heading that way..

appreciate some advice pls, probably from another angle things might be clearer..


Stagnation.

There is only one KNOWN method to get out of stagnation; which is literally make to a decision.

Why do we have stagnation?

Because we try to compromise our situation with an attempt to achieve a best of both world solution and realise that it never exist.

In all other situations, a win-win scenario may be possible, but hardly in Love. There are reasons why 'sacrifice' comes with Love - you don't hear it in the business world because in Business, everything thrives on self interest. Business don't sacrifice themselves for another firm's benefit. In similar tone, individualism don't and cannot co-exist in fulfilling relationship. What happens in Love is that we sacrifice certain things to obtain a mutual direction.

This mutual decision is what your relationship is seeking.

She is thinking. In fact, she is thinking very hard: That how could it ever be possible for her to love you the way she thought it was so intense in the past and to continue the relationship, despite feeling that it doesn't come naturally - so natural as to breathing. She could be engaging in emotional conflicts because her heart may have uncovered one shocking conclusion and that she may be fighting aggressively to reject this 'truth'.

Two months and no answer? Or time to delay the 'truth'?

Is time the deciding factor here? As in, does giving more time helps to accelerate you out of your stagnation?

Actually it doesn't, although it sounded as if it did.

The deciding factor lies in what she wants (I am pretty sure of what you want... to restore the passion and love in the relationship).

What she is looking for? What she wants?

Do you even know what she wants? OR do you think that you know?

Cheers