Aunt Agony II 121105

Originally posted by laosu:

Sadly, I do agree with what [Aunt Agony 111105] has said.
But let me add on something.
I still don't believe that education level could be a barrier, where you stop in your education shouldn't be a problem but problems sets in if your life stops there. True enough you do work hard and earn an honest living but then again her earning power will be so much higher than you when she comes out to work. I guess she already starting to sense that.

NNP, let me point out to you a cruel fact about being a man. Even if your gf has the same education level as you, she might too demand that you do better than her.

I too face the same problem as you two years back with my ex-gf. She has a lower education level than me but life is cruel. My earnings are never enough for her as she got a rather f**k up family. In the end she choose to give up this relationship and end up with someone richer than me (or at least the earning power is higher than me)

My current gf, has the same education level than me but she always urge me to do better and to plan for our future. Unlike my ex-gf, my current gf uses a different approach to make me move forward. Basically both are demanding the same thing from me but on a different approach. All my ex gave me is stress and the current gf is more like constantly encouraging me to move forward which is more effective.

Ultimately what I want to tell you is, whether or not you keep this r/s, do find ways to upgrade yourself to your own befinit and not to others. We have to keep moving ahead in order to be able to take care of our own life and then to take care of others. Not many girls in Singapore are willing to settle down with someone who can't see his own future. Remember, it's like a race, you have to be able to keep it up. Even if you are behind her, don't be too far behind as she'll start to feel like she's losing you. Your gf perhaps are already feeling that way and it's understandable that some mean friends or hers will laugh at you for being such a lowly person and as friends they would advise her to find someone better, someone with a brighter prospect. but then again, which friend wouldn't wan the best for the friend?

In a relationship, whatever happens, it's always a two sided thingy. It takes two hands to clap. Before you start to condemn her for her change of attitude, why don't you try to think back and reflect on your own self? Don't think of the things you did for her but rather think of the things you NEVER do for her. Have you given her enough security to make her feel that she can rely on you for the rest of her life (rely as in emotionally not financially)? A man who earns $2k a month can provide comfortable life as for now but to get married, buy house and start a family, do you think $2k is enough? The answer is "NO".

And think about this, if one day you two did get married, by the time she would have graduated and probably earning a salary of $3K and you still at $2K, even if you didn't live on her earnings but what will others say? You can tell me that it doesn't bother you what they say or tell me that she shouldn't be bothered by what other people say but the fact is, we are all humans and all these words does make an impact on a person's mind and pride. So, how will you react to it and how will she take it? Doesn't that make it more easy for problems to set in? And what if you both or either of you can't take it anymore? Divorce? Is that what you want ultimately?

Go think about it before you make any decision and I would advise that you two have a good talk alone with no other friends or disturbance. You want something from her but don't forget she'll want something from you too. Go find out what is it.


You are replying based on society's yardstick measurement of what a good relationship would be. Your relationship lived heavily on how people SEE in your relationship. Don't get mistaken - it is the right thing to improve oneself and I would encourage it... however, is this stir from within or wholly based on external causes?

Is Love measured by how much she earns more than you? Does that makes you lesser in any ways, if it happens? Does it necessary mean that if a guy earns more than a woman it makes a relationship more successful than those who don't? Or is their relationship lesser in any aspects?

This is our definition and perception in relationship: It matters to you because this is how you define your own Love.

I am sure you people may hear of stories or know personally of such scenarios (woman more successful in life than their man), but their relationship is still strong and passionate. The reason is very simple: their definition of their own relationship has gone beyond what THIS SOCIETY wants you to define in his own words.

***

I remember when I was so much younger (Pri school), I asked my mum this question:

'Mum, what if someone is too poor to get married? To hold a wedding seemed costly... does it means the couple will never be together? [I was shoOo young and thought that to be married formally, you must hold a dinner]

She replied - well, a marriage means you register your marriage with ROM. That makes you husband and wife. A restaurant dinner is customary.

'But everyone who get married would hold the dinner what - it means that getting married HAS to hold that restaurant dinner, isn't it.'

My mum smiled at me

'The wedding is only to acknowledge to everyone that you are getting married. But of course, it is not needed if you think it isn't necessary. Even though a wedding dinner is a once in a lifetime event, your marriage goes further than your wedding dinner.'

'But everyone is holding that dinner... it seemed that if you don't hold the dinner, you ain't married.'

***

I realise, even as a child, how powerful 'society' standard has effect on how we define and perceive Love. We define a good relationship BASED on material packages (Tiffany ring... good income.... background... status... lavish wedding dinner) to appearance (good looking... pretty... fashionable...) to 'standards' (Guys must be older than the girl, must earn more than his wife, must be same 'skin colour'... must be taller than their wife) to everything else that shouldn't have connection with Love, but is connected because we made it matter to us.

You mean if a quiet couple from humble background, merely ROM (No official celebration of sort), enough to lived by income and say woman is older than man... their relationship is LESSER that those who has everything that they don't? Despise having very loving relationship?? Then why does those couple have failing marriage DESPITE having excellent society's ‘standard of compatibility’

How much has this wicked society influence you? How has it affect your Love and Relationship?

This is something interesting to ponder about.

Cheers