Aunt Agony

Originally posted by sun baby:
I have been with guy coming a year. He used to by my ex 4 years ago. We had not been contacting each other for almost 3 years until last year I heard that he was married.

We were both chatting late into the night one day while we are drinking on our ends. He told me he has not gotten over me after so long. I expected it as he was very much deeply in love with me 4 years back. Then I questioned his marriage. He finally admitted that it was out of responsibility not simply because of settling down early (an excuse he gave me earlier on). To my horror, he told me his wife's adultery. Something which he had been keeping from everybody and not even sharing with his closest buddy. He forgiven his wife. He wanted to salvage the marriage. Well, I never agree with his actions totally. His wife claimed that he did not have time to accompany her. However this young man here is always working late into the night to earn more money and trying to provide her with a better future. Seriously I think that his wife is brainless. Btw, his wife is 2 years older than him.

From the day I was aware of his wife's adultery, I told him he should not have forgiven his wife and it was really pointless to carry on this marriage. He would definitely regret should there be a day he thinks into the past or his wife committed the same mistake for the second time. I do not know if my reaction was right or not. My best friend told me I should not be the one to tell him that else he may think that I wish to be with him. Is she right or am I wrong? I just got so heated up at that point of time to know that his wife is "bullying" him this way. She does not deserve him at all.

One evening, while he was on his way home from work, he called me. He told me how stupid he was. He should not have forgiven her. He should have asked her to go. Finally I agreed with him. He decided to divorce her. We got together a month later after his decision to divorce her. We were very loving at the beginning. However, things happened between us.

I became intolerant over his past. I doubted his love for me since he could marry another woman easily when he had not forgotten me 4 years ago. He told me it was out of responsibility. Something which I am aware all the while. I really don't understand how he could have moved on in life with another woman so easily. Is it only through the strength of another woman or diverting his love for me onto another woman, then he would be able to move on in life or getting over me totally? Can't he just do it by his own effort? If I had not reappeared into his life, would he divorce his wife? How much does it show when he forgives his wife and asked her back when she committed that grave mistake? Can I entrust myself onto this guy who is so soft hearted in a relationship? What if his wife were to come back one day? I am getting so lost in this relationship. I am totally faithless.

Should I leave him in search of my own happiness? If there is a day when we are ready for marriage, how much will I mind? Will I run away from the big day? He is really nice towards me but his past keeps haunting me. I don't know how to let go his past and to walk happily the path ahead of us with him. There's bounce to be something unpleasant between us every day over his past.

Till now I don't understand the logic of thinking of a man especially my guy here. What is going through his mind from the moment he accepted his wife as his gf when we broke up. Btw, they were together barely 3 months after we broke up. Is it really true that man can't do without a woman? He doesn't think that being with her after we broke up is wrong. Only the marriage is a mistake. However, does not he realize that by accepting another woman into his life after we broke up reflected a lot of things?

Guys out there. Please analyze the whole thing for me. To let go or not?


What sort of mindset have you brandished yourself, when you have restore contacts with him and learned about his marriage?

Lady, you are trending on hazardous ground.

You are not very sure of your doings and actions, which resulted in this deep confusion right now. You may have advised him based on what/how you feel about his ex-wife's attitude, but certainly, you are not exactly the best candidate to make such comments. You will subconsciously influence his decision because he has a terrible soft spot for you. And I don't know that if you know the scale of influence (of your words), you have on him.

It's tremendous.

Your emotions are illusionary - you feel anguish when he ended up with a woman, whom you probably thought he should deserve someone better, but on the other hand, when you are presented with the option of coming back together, somehow, your heart don't really want to take him in, thus the bone picking about his past.

If love has saturated your soul, you would have look beyond his past the moment you accepted this relationship. After all, you have all the first-hand, accurate information and knowledge about his past isn't it? So when you have accepted him, you would have accepted whatever that has happen. Then why are you 'minding' it only after one month later?

The truth is that you might have already moved on these three years without him. His appearance may have conjure flashback in your memories and stir your emotions, but it may be fleeting and insubstantial. Definitely not concrete enough to build another round of relationship with him.

If your man doesn't have the wisdom to make choices for his relationship and in turn, allow circumstances to make decision for him, then he has to live with the choice opt by fate. Getting married based on responsibility? Then suffer the consequence of marrying someone anything other than love. Remember, you don't have to fill in that gap just because he has heeded your advice to leave his wife.

You are not liable for anything, even he has given up his marriage for you (should that be the truth).

P.S: Never turn your shoulders and retrace your route. It only allows karmic relationship to glee sadistically and afflicts your life.

Cheers