Aunt Agony II 310506

Originally posted by nici:
A sad thing in life is to meet someone who means a lot to u, only to find out in the end dat it was nv meant to be.

I am in a r/s for 5yrs, and we are planning to register for ROM this June.

Actually last yr, we nearly broke up. Because I found out that he had been cheating behind me for months.

Due to his pleas and promises, I decided to stay on, because I am too attached to him. We stay together and my life revolves all around him. How am I going to survive without him?

If he had not cheated on me, I will feel like I am the luckiest woman in the world, because I am getting married. But now I just felt that we are getting married for the sake of marrying; as everyone around is anticipating for this rightful day to arrive.

However, I met A, he was my ex-colleague. My contract just ended (temp job) and now everyday I am thinking of him... I tried to refrain myself from doing so, but the more I try, the more I think of him.
Maybe it's an infatuation.

At work, we rarely talk, even during lunch time. The weirdess thing is I dare not have direct eye contact with him. The moment I look into his eyes, I felt very awkward and uneasy. Is that a sign of in love?

I can't really recollect when and how this starts.

At work, he is really nice to me. even we seldom chat, most of the time our communications is abt work.

He is very attentive to needs. Like pulling a chair for me when mine is taken up, volunteered to run little errands that he shouldn't be doing... eg. scanning documents on my behalf as i am new to that environment. He's a great help at work, with him around, I will never get bulllied or pushed around by others.

When I was seriously down with a fever and flu + cough, he will msg m telling me to take care and must rest more, sleep early, drink more water....

I admitted I was touched... cuz my bf whom i m staying with, don't even bother at all.

A is also very observant. He notices my attires and asked if my wardrobe only consists of dark coloured clothings. I laughed.... There was once during lunch, he complimented me on the way i hold the chopsticks... I blushed... I was like huh?? :oops: :roll:

He buys me lozenges everyday to soothen my coughs and is like shielding me from all dangers and difficulties. I can't help falling into it.

My last week at work, my bf was deployed for an overseas business trip for a week.

I meet up with A twice, for dinner and the other for supper.

Cuz i knew that we will never have the chance again.... when my bf is back.
He knew that I have a bf, and I told him abt my ROM, because I do not want to lead him on or to toyed with his feelings. He seemed shocked and distraughted.

In MSN, I confessed to him that I like him.. and it was terrible that instead of missing my bf whom at the point of time was abroad, my mind was preoccupied with A. I never thought that i will like another person other than my significant other, and moreover within such a such period of 2 months.

I knew I shouldn't fall in love with him, but I just can't help it.

A didn't make any confession until when i asked him through MSN, because, face to face, we avoided talking abt r/s....

Now, I or rather we are merely waiting for my ROM day to come.......

But from the scenarios as stated above, is A really interested in me? Or is it that I am over-sensitive... because my 5yrs r/s lacks of the care and concern since it's already 5yrs; most of the things my bf already take for granted. That's why I am so drawn towards A?

I am going abit crazy thinking of A and my present r/s. Should I get married for the sake of marrying or should I get free?

Maybe my feelings for A is an infatuation.........

But as what A advised me, if i were to make a decision, I am making it for myself and future. Not because of his existence... He even says that we may not be suitable. Is he backing off because he doesn't want to get involved in this mess?

But i can't stop thinking of him day and nite. The feeling is really undescribable.


Your Man

You are so married to security that it is beginning the blur the lines that distinct between love and 'else-other-than-love'. You are a domestic woman, which love has taught you to stay behind the scene, love and be supportive of your man. You gave him all the freewill to do anything he wants (which is a good thing), but you should never compromise what you have given to him, by retrograding your principles and thoughts to fit him and create a distorted picture of Love (e.g. who hasn't cheated? - this is a extremely negative mindset to adopt).

He has cheated and repented, apparently. And you had forgave him as well. If it is one isolated case, fair enough. BUT...

[quote]'...He got himself involved with a married colleague whom has 2 kids and also other women from pubs and massage....' [/quote]

Counting the least possibility, that adds up to three separate women. Registering marriage this June? Do you think that a marriage will change your man?

You should never marry someone thinking that they will change; they won't.

***

Your Lover

A is an example of possible benefic relationship (not necessary karmic). His appearance in your life is very straightforward:

I) He questioned the identity of your relationship and definition of your Love. Namely, would you be marrying for Love or Security.

II) He presents an alternative, in which your mind is beginning to see that it is possible to have a relationship with a man, vastly different from your current boyfriend (that your man is not exclusive and not-the-only-one)

III) CloUdiSm states ‘…we attract the qualities we exude…’ - therefore when your esteem is bounded by his control, which signifies certain degree of inferiority, you will see yourself accepting, regardless, the mindless temper your boyfriend flares into. A presented a side which you thought it was loving and devoid of aggression.

You mentioned that all the pain your SO has inflicted upon you has greatly decimated your love for him and that you will close one eye no matter what happen in the future, which I presume it will include emotional abuses, which has spread regularly over the period of five years (CloUdiSm speaks about Boundary Regression - which is a long theory, but I won't have enough time and space for it)

The truth is that you are unwilling to make decision for yourself and rather circumstance make those difficult decisions.

NOBODY has the right to abuse you, even if he is your boyfriend/husband. And the emotional abuses are so brutal that it has caused you to abnegate your prerogative of Love.... your 'basis entitlement' of being loved and cared for, in exchange of a delusion perception of Love, saying that you must shoulder and accept everything negative about him, regardless.

This is crap.

You are in a 'Love business' and all that comes with the 'love business' must come, not just the negative side of Love.

***

Your Difficulty

Your stultifying effort to make any decision to due to a phenomenon known to CloUdiSm as the Marpessa Complex.

In the Greek mythology, Marpessa was the more fortunate maiden beloved by Apollo, although she would have lived happily ever after with Idas, one of the heroes of the Calydonian Hunt and also one of the Argonauts, whom carried her off from her father with her consent.

Idas refuse to give up and dared to fight Apollo. In the end, Zeus parted them and told Marpessa to choose.

She chose the mortal, fearing, that the God would not be faithful to her.

You are like her; rather the evil you know than the evil you don't, for you rather chose a known wrecked relationship over an unknown utopia.

You are so rooted to the shores of your relationship, even though it has lost much meaning and you adjure the idea of leaving the island even you have the means to do so.

You are buying the ideology of 'security' and despite that you have invested so much, you are still unwilling to abandon your bad investment.

***

Your Voice

You cannot step into a marriage when you have someone else occupying space within your heart, mind and soul.

And you cannot step into a marriage with the power of commitment minus Love.

Because this spells vehement karmic suffering.

Consider this:

I) Avoid accepting commitment/s that you are unsure of - namely marriage. It must be put to later date.

II) CloUdiSm second Law of Love (Law of Relationship Existence) states that '...No one can make us stay in a bad relationship except ourselves...' Learn that you are empowered to make decisions for your love life and quit letting circumstances make for you. If you must leave him, then do so and not subjected to emotional weakness.

III) IF you MUST communicate with him, then by all means do so. If you want to give a chance to this relationship, he must at least know what is happening before he could propose a viable solution to work things out between the both of you or see new reason/s why you should NOT remain in this relationship.

Cheers